%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Empty or full, shiny or a little in need of washing and sometimes just cracked! |
|
I heard about these blogs and wondered why people would want to air their dirty laundry online. But I feel safe on this site so maybe it's worth a try. We'll see. This blog is complete. Please find my new blog from the link below...
|
| Yesterday morning I went on the train to meet my sister in Nottingham. As my train arrived several minutes before hers, I thought I'd just nip to the loo before going to her platform. After 55 years you'd think I'd realise ladies never 'nip' to the loo in public places. It doesn't matter what day or time it is, whether you're in a shop, station, cinema, pub or restaurant, there is ALWAYS a long snaking queue for the ladies toilets. You men just don't realise how lucky you are. I'm thinking of doing a survey and investigation on the topic, as there are aspects of lady's loo behaviour I do not understand. I stand in queues, crossing my legs and jiggling about for ages, because some women seem to be in their cubicle forever. It gets to my turn and I'm in and out in a flash. Relieved, wiped and flushed I emerge to find the same person at the front of the queue as when I went in and all the other cubicles still occupied by those who were in there before me. Does this mean I have a very small bladder or should be in The Guiness Book of Records for the world record peeing speed? I cannot imagine why it takes some women so long to pass a bit of water or why they'd want to stay any length of time in a public toilet. The sinks, mirrors and driers are all outside the toilets so they aren't preening themselves and as I can only hear trickling noises, I know they aren't involved in the other necessity. Maybe they practice their mid-stream flow in there, or have very slow release bladders? Maybe they've stored up gallons over a few days and it takes a long time to empty? Maybe it takes them a long time to get started or they aren't sure when they've actually finished? I just don't know - it's always been a mystery to me as I take my ten second pee and leave. Anyway, sis did arrive and we had a fun lunch and did a bit of shopping, then came back on the train and deposited her at my parent's house. She'll be staying here tonight so I predict the diet will go to the wind and the alcohol will increase significantly, but it's only one night eh? Tell you what though; it doesn't take either of us long to pass that increased intake of fluid. Maybe we can time each other? We've done some crazy things together but not sure we've ever had a peeing contest before. So, better go and get ready. Got the bog to clean first of course seeing as it's Friday. That takes me less time than it takes some women to pee though. Maybe that's the answer. Women who have a bog-cleaning obsession and carry a secret brush in their bag, so they are always equipped to clean one if the urge overtakes them? My mind really is on a very high intellectual plain this morning isn't it?  Okay ...better p*** off. |
| I was really tired the other night. Too brain-dead to comment or review, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and revisit my own blog from this time last year. It was interesting, evoked memories and reminded me of funny, happy, sad and frustrating events I'd probably have forgotten about had I not recorded them here. But something struck me and rather disturbed me if I'm honest. I detect since I've gathered a few readers I've become restrained and maybe superficial in my entries. I've not been that grumpy old woman who whined and complained about everything and everybody. Am I developing the proverbial British stiff upper lip? Am I bottling up pent up emotion and not being honest with myself? Is that good for my health? So, I dedicate this entry to the good old art of moaning. Now can I find five things to have a serious moan about? I think I might just cope.  1. The English person's favourite gripe - the weather. This year has seen some of the coldest, greyest, wettest spells I can ever remember. This spring I think I could count the sunny days on one hand. It's May next week and most of our trees are still bare and the flowers and shrubs way behind in blossoming. Would someone mind sending a little warmth and sunshine to our chilly little island? 2. Dieting. Despite sticking to a diet, cutting back severely on alcohol and upping the physical exercise, my weight has remained stationary for three weeks. We've had our assessment at the gym tonight. Yes, the weight and body fat have gone down, but the blood pressure and heart rate are up. (I spent the afternoon with mother) Is it true the flab is turning to muscle and muscle weighs more? I started this regime aiming to be slimmer and more feminine, not to end up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger. 3. Inefficient people. One thing I generally am is organised. Why do others find this so difficult? I seem to spend a hell of a lot of time chasing up people. I sent forms to two friends for our college reunion - they lost them. I've phoned people to remind them they need to pay up for our trip to Ascot - they forget. I send e-mails regarding school reunions - they are ignored until it's too late. I realise people are busy and have their own lives, but why is it my responsibility to organise everyone else? 4. Messy men. How come men can fall out of bed in the morning and never wonder how it gets made again? What do they think happens to the clothes they drop on the floor and then find clean and ironed back in their drawers? Why is it my job to wipe shaving hairs from the sink, crumbs from the kitchen surfaces, remove socks from the floor and empty all their rubbish from waste bins? Why don't they see the manpiles cluttering every surface? Why don't they care? Why do I get accused of nagging if I mention these things? I'm not a domestic goddess but I do like order in my home and life. 5. Verrucas. Whilst reading my blog I noticed I mentioned the verruca on my foot during last April. Despite trying many treatments it persists. I researched verrucas on the internet and apparently they can last for over ten years.  I believe my verruca is going to outlive me. Does this mean it will inherit all my money and go out partying in all my clothes? I bet it won't do all my organising or clear up after my men though. So, that's it - a damn good moan. Do I feel better for that? Possibly, but I can tell I'm seriously out of practice and must work hard to restore my grumpy old woman status. I guess it's like riding a bike though; you never really forget how to do it. |
| Nothing much to report, no profound thoughts or words of wisdom, oh blah de, oh blah da, life goes on blah, but that's something to be grateful for in itself. Went to the gym with hubby this morning and had a swim afterwards while he baked in the sauna. He's not a water baby like me. I thought I might choke to death from laughing though when the aqua-aerobics class started gyrating to Y.M.C.A. Yesterday morning I went to the gym alone while hubby played golf. I'm amazed at the fact I now have the confidence to do that. One of my main reservations for not joining a gym before now was the thought of all the young, lithe females strutting their stuff in skin tight lycra outfits. How wrong can you be? The majority of women at the gym are overweight and out of proportion. They go about their business quietly and appear to have no interest in showing off or observing other members. Oh no, it isn't the female of the species who pose and strut...it's the MEN. I expected the place to be fairly quiet yesterday; early in the morning on a workday, but male posers were everywhere. I contemplate how they manage that: Are they all retired? No, too young for that. Are they students with free lecture time? No, too old for that. Are they unemployed? No, they couldn't afford the fees surely? Are they shift workers? Possibly but if they are there's a hell of a lot of them. Are they aliens? That seems a distinct possibility. They enter the gym and spend half an hour comparing attire. Where did you get those trousers? How much was that shirt? Did you get those trainers from the U.S.A? They then stroll around with their fancy water bottles and blood pressure monitors on their arms and hop on and off the scales. Periodically they stop and lift their expensive tops to compare torsos in the mirrored walls. Very occasionally you may see one on a piece of equipment, generally the arm curling thing, where they compete with each other as to who can lift the heaviest weight, whilst making noises the likes of which I haven't heard since my honeymoon. It's the same in the pool. While the ladies take part in classes or swim their lengths, the men sit chatting on the steps flexing their biceps, or gather in the jacuzzi like bachelors on a stag night. So how do they manage to look so toned and fit when they don't appear to actually DO much at all? I can only conclude they work out at another gym before socialising at this one, or they are members of rent-a-body. Peacocks, Pheasants, Baboons, Cockerels, Lizards and many other males of the species spend a lot of time exhibiting their wares - it strikes me the human male isn't so different. While we poor females are left exhausted after attempting to fight age and gravity. But as someone recently observed - LIFE JUST AIN'T FAIR. |
| Despite the rain and early hour Scarlett jumped out of bed, knowing there was much to be done. She picked up the phone, aware she'd probably be in trouble when the huge bill arrived, but risks have to be taken in times of urgency. She dialled a long number. 'Hi Cassie, is that you? Is Mike around?' 'Erm'he's in his study right now.' 'Could you get him for me?' 'Well, actually he's locked himself in and doesn't want to be disturbed. He says he's been having terrible nightmares and needs to get back to writing ordinary, family stories. 'Oh, that's fine then. No worries there. Bye now.' Scarlett dialled another long number. 'Hello, Mrs Partydude? Is your hubby about?' 'No, I'm afraid not. He's in trouble for getting drunk as a skunk the other night and I've made him stay in the bedroom until he sleeps it off and promises to have nothing more to do with that Tor and Mike. 'Oh, that's okay then. No problem. Bye.' Scarlett dialled a third long number. 'Hello Mel sweety. Where's that hubby of yours right now?' 'Well Scarlett, I'm a little worried because he's hiding under his pank bedclothes, trembling and muttering things like 'It was NOT a dream, for Gawd's sake. ' I tell you, he's not right in the head' 'Well, we all knew that already Mel but'' 'I was going to say since little his buddy Dirk went missing but I guess you're right. Anyway, gotta go, he's shouting for his comforter and security blanket'Bye.' Scarlett smiled and dialled yet another long number. 'Hi CC, my hero, defender of the light and ducky dudes.' 'Scarlett! Did ya SEE wot dat evil skanky thing put in his glob? He said I told him I nefer wanted da war and dat I was gonna pound you wimmins and and and'' 'Don't fret CC. we all know you'd never say that and what a liar he can be. We WUB you, you know that and will never let you down. Now I just got one more call to make, then I'll meet you in the bar on MS Amsterdam. Okay.' Scarlett called Nada on the ship and with the parting words 'GET THAT PARTY STARTED,' replaced the receiver and collected her belongings. She'd change into one of Nada's gowns when she reached the ship. (Her diet has worked well ' okay, so this is fiction after all.) Later' In the disco aboard the ship the good gang are gathered, sipping chocolate Martinis and relaying jokes. 'Okay,' says Toolwoman. 'Let's get down to business. The cruise ends soon and we must decide on the fate of Dirk. Any suggestions?' 'Well, I think SHE might help us out again.' Scarlett points to her little companion Dainty, sipping an egg nog on a stool with her beloved Sonny. 'She may be in WUB and planning nests and stuffage but she'd still be prepared to use her special skills.' 'What, you mean, turn Dirk back into an ordinary duck?' CC asks. 'Well, I have here a catalogue of conversions she could quite easily make should you require that course of action. Take a look at some of the models in here.' The whole gang gather around the booklet to view the pictures. 'We could turn him into wood like 'Draughty'. That would leave him quite harmless and empty ' headed.'   'You mean like his owner?' Miss Smartpants asked. 'Or, we could go one step further and turn him into stone, like 'Drab'. Although that is a rather drastic conversion.'  'Or we could be imaginative and make him a garden shrub like 'Deciduous.' That's not so bad until pruning time.  'Then, of course, we could just make him a simple, harmless tiny tub floater like Diddy. Tor might take a bath if he has a cute ducky to play with.'  'With recent events and knowing about his preference for pretty bed covers, this PANK conversion might be an idea too. Delilah's her name ' she may look cissy but remember what she did to Samson and you'll know what she's capable of should the dark lord cross her.  SO, what do you think folks? It's just an idea. Do we send Dirk back as he is, risking further warfare, turn him into a GOOD duck like our own, dispose of him altogether or something else? I leave it with you' Will his own words 'GAWD I'm dying here,' turn out to be da dark lord's famous last ones? |
| It's odd how some days when we feel a little down and think only humdrum activities lie ahead, how small things we hadn't vouched for can turn it around. I was woken too early twice this morning by postal deliveries. Hubby took them in and I dozed for a while longer. My mind whirled with cares and worries. I'm reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom and much as it's interesting and philosophical, I think the subject matter is a little too close to my heart. Maybe that's why I felt a bit low and agitated. Or maybe, it's just how I am and always will be. I'm not the most positive thinker or optimistic person in the world, but knowing that makes me look hard for the good moments each day. Today I didn't need to look far. The first package was a dress I'd ordered from my catalogue and forgotten all about. Well, I have to say it's a beautiful dress and a size smaller then last year and it fits easily. That lifted my spirits - vain person that I am. All I need now is a cruise or somewhere special to go to wear it. The second package had a Greek postmark and I'm absolutely delighted with the 'Evil Eyes' I ordered from zwisis They'll make wonderful, original gifts for birthdays and that other time of year I'm not mentioning in April.  She kindly gifted one for me too and it's gorgeous.  Incidentally, the cupboard I've attached it to contains all my writing files and work, so hopefully they'll be protected and successful one day. Thank you so much Forever, you're a sweety. There was also a card from my sister, which she must have written shortly after I'd left her on Friday. It's full of WUB and I think how lucky I am to have such a wonderful relationship with my only sibling. Then I checked out WDC and chuckled at the blog comments left by the followers of the Dirk saga. Isn't it wonderful to know while you're asleep and dreaming ( and boy, did I have some weird ones.  ) your words are making people laugh and inspired to continue this great adventure? Talking of adventures, I made a decision this morning too, maybe prompted by all the unexpected and lovely surprises. As I've mentioned before, my son goes off travelling in September and it's hanging over me like a dark cloud. Next February, he plans on landing in Australia and staying for a year or so. He's constantly saying he'd love his dad and I to go out and visit him while he's there. Until today I've thought too many problems lay in the path of such an adventure. 1. Hubby and I have three elderly parents here, who need help and care on an almost daily basis. 2. The distance and flight time involved I find very hard to anticipate coping with. 3. Much as I love the sun, I think the heat there may be a bit too much, even for me. 4. The cost of such a trip would be quite phenomenal. 5. Would we really get along with and be able to stay with friends I'd like to meet there? But you know, life's too short to waste opportunities and give in to doubts. This morning I decided there are ways round all these problems - where there's a will there's a way and looking forward to seeing my son will be something positive to hang on to. Anything could happen between now and then, but I think we should grab the bull by the horns and God willing say YES to this trip. Should son make his way over to the States at a later date, I'd certainly contemplate a trip there too. A Lottery win would come in very handy. So, all in all, it's been a much better day than anticipated and a lot of that is down to you wonderful people. Thanks also to jessiegirl for the lovely Easter greeting card and to kireimusume for the great new sig.  |
| Okay…so here goes… ‘We must sail to the MS Amsterdam right away CC. Toolwoman and Miss Smartypants could be in danger if the hula dancing dark Lord has a compass hidden in one of his coconut shells.’ ‘GAWD knows wot he’s capable of tonight …look Scarlett, it’s a full moon and and and dat cud make his brainsection do even weirder things than usual. I’ll get the super-fast speedboat thingy ready and meet you down by the docks. ‘But what about Stealthman?’ ‘He’ll be no trubble, he’s still slippin in and out of consciousness in the bottom of da boat. I thought it best ta keep him tied up and gagged, to stop him yellin for his mommy. And he’ll think twice about goin back to da dark side after wot da evil dark skanky Lord of darkness has put him through. Ten minutes later, CC and Scarlett, accompanied by their faithful ducky dudes Sonny and Dainty, set sail out into the ocean, munchin cheese sammiches and makin plans. Meanwhile… Da dark Lord pauses from his hula dancin, adjusts his muu muu and gazes out at the black waters of the ocean, thinkin of home and da luvverly Mel and all her animals. ‘What am I to do?’ he sniffles, wiping his nose on his grass skirt. ‘Damn that ducknappin Californian Queen of brats. Double damn that Stealthman in his sissy suit; can’t even be trusted to find the right ship. Triple damn that CC for rescuing him…he’s out there somewhere, I can feel it in my water.’ The Lord of darkness lifts his telescope to his good eye and gazes to the North. His mouth drops as he sees a ship with eight guys dancing, waving and blowing kisses. The night is still and he raises a hand to his ear - ‘It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A…’ ‘OMG…They’re heading this way. I gotta get outa here.’ He turns to the South and looks through his telescope again. A large cruise ship appears to be sailing towards him. The night air carries the sound of many quacks and manic giggling. ‘Hell, I can’t take on Toolwoman, Miss Smartypants, Nottingham Bear, the Duckaneers, Duck James Duck secret agent 006 and a half, Officer Norman, Delphine, Deanna and that young Hawaiian hunk they’ve picked up all by myself. They'd eat me alive’ He quickly turns to the East and looks through his telescope at the horizon. A sleek, super fast speed boat is drawing ever closer and he recognises the form of the highly trained captain of the seas CC at the helm. A fine crew of wimmins and super-powered ducks can be heard yelling and quacking fierce threats. The ribbon of light from the glowing knees of the captured Stealthman makes him shudder with fear, as he’s reminded of the fine mess he got his fellow duck-hater into. ‘I WANT TO GO HOME,’ he yells at the sky, yet he knows returning without Dirk isn’t an option. Finally, he points his telescope to the West, hoping for a way of escape from the three vessels closing in on him. ‘What the blazes…?’ Sailing towards him is the Head Menehune, Kele, tribal Elder and fiercest warrior of the nearby Cannibal Islands. He wears a fierce expression and is holding a machete to the evil Dirk’s throat. ‘Daddy, daddy, help me…’ The dark Lord gulps. It seems yet again, he doesn’t know which way to turn and it could be more than his words get eaten... |
| I wonder why the time we spend enjoying something out of the ordinary seems to just fly by and returning to normality seems a much slower process? I had a wonderful couple of days with my sister in Staffordshire where she lives, but already it seems ages ago and quite surreal. Today, she and her hubby are travelling by boat to Prague and I'm left looking at the photographs of my visit and feeling rather sad it's all over. But as someone once said - 'We need to come back so we can look forward to going again.' On Thursday we enjoyed a swim, shopping and eating out, then spent the evening attempting (and failing) to iron out some of the problems she's having with her new computer. There were many giggles and refilling of glasses and two rather delicate heads the next morning. On Friday we visited a local park called Trentham Gardens and had a thoroughly enjoyable day in long overdue spring sunshine. We perused the shopping outlets and garden centre, then ate lunch outside, before a long walk around the lake. Too soon it was time for my train to come home.  Back to normality and humdrum this weekend and nothing to report I thought. But it seems I've been doing some astral travelling and am now helping CC in preventing da hula hula dark lord from recovering his evil Dirk duck. So, I better get my brain cell in gear and think what can be done… Here's a few photos of my visit.    |
| I've done something I thought I'd never do today. I met up with a member of WDC! Well, actually she wasn't a member until today but I'm pleased to have helped crackedbizkit join the site and I hope it will bring her as much pleasure as it has myself. We've had a great day and it didn't rain once. My friend June and I travelled on the train to Newark, a very attractive and historical town in Nottinghamshire. There we met Jane and helped her set up her account here. We've been for a pub lunch - low calorie of course and they had a bottle of wine while I stuck to fruit juice. And if you believe that you'll believe anything. lol We've perused the shops and had a good natter and all in all, it's been the sort of day I love. We must do it more often. So, welcome crackedbizkit and get that portfolio filled up! lol Tomorrow I'm off on another train to my sister's house and will be staying overnight before returning on Friday. I think I may get a little behind (in my dreams} with blogs, but I'll do my best to catch up once I've recovered from the hangover I anticipate I'll bring back with me.  Here are a couple of photos of Newark.   |
| Have you ever thought how much time modern living saves us? I mean, take a simple task like cooking a can of beans. When I was a kid, my mum sent me to the shop with some coins and I'd ask the man behind the counter for beans then run home and mum would pop them in a pan. Nowadays with the advent of supermarkets, things are quite different. You spend half an hour in traffic jams to get there, then another half an hour to find a parking space. Then you search the aisles to find where they've moved the beans to this week You take the tin of beans from the shelf and put it in your trolley. After waiting another half an hour in the checkout queue, you take the beans out of your trolley and place it on the conveyor belt. After you've paid fifty times as much as when I was a kid, you put the tin back in your trolley. Then you wheel it to the car. You take your beans out of the trolley and put them in the boot of your car, then wait half an hour in another traffic jam. When you get home you take your tin out of the boot and into the house. THEN you can eat your beans. Do you realise you will have lifted said tin of beans at least FIVE times before you get to eat them? I guess this is called progress and part of the reason the governments claim we have so much more leisure time these days. If you haven't already guessed I'm very low on news and intellectual stimulation. I hope I'm not low on beans though - I don't want to go through all that again. |
| Not a lot to report but just a few thanks and comments on the subject of WDC. Huge thanks to jessiegirl for the merit badge. This young lady never fails to amaze me with her mature attitude and instinctive kindness to others. If you haven't read her blog or visited her port, you should! Huge thanks to Mavis Moog   for featuring one of my stories in her Short Story Newsletter. I know if Mavis thinks it's worthy, it's a compliment of the highest degree. It's brought me a few reviews too; something I've not had in a long time. Most are complimentary and where there are suggestions for improvement, they are sound and I'll take them on board. One review I received from jeff made my day. What better compliment than to read these sort of words...' Consistent characters, both loathsome. I think the best piece of work yet I've read on Writing.Com.' Admittedly Jeff hasn't been a member of WDC that long but has reviewed 49 items during his stay and written some fine stuff himself. This morning I received this review from mrosier who joined WDC in February and has yet to post any writing. The spelling errors are not mine. lol 'It needs a little work in some areas but I think you could come up with a better set of characters and plot in the future. Good sense of humore though. Unforetunetely I would read it a second time. DMR.' PARDON? Do we allow aliens on the site? It's a good job I have a sense of humore. However, unforetunetely, I do not feel able to respond to this review. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
