This is cute. It could describe thousands of families. In very few words you were able to put together a huge story.
It reminds me of a family reunion I organized almost 30 years ago, and I wasn't able to attend. It was for my mother and her family, but she was on her death bed and couldn't go. But the reunion went on in her name. Just like "Grandma" in your piece.
This certainly is a tribute to Paul Harvey. I know all of his stories were true. But with yours, I can't tell if it's true or fiction. It reads like it's real and I don't know enough about the background to dispute it.
Regardless, it is your usual excellent effort - slipping in the prompt smoothly.
This is a well researched and well written article. It speaks well of your education.
Congratulations on winning the contest. Well deserved.
I really like history and enjoy reading fiction that has an educational component to it, especially well researched history fiction. Have you ever done any of that kind of writing?
I can relate to this. The pool at the club where we belong is much quieter than yours, but I still can't get through any more than 10 pages of reading a a sitting. There is always too much action - too much to see, too much to hear. Not to mention acquaintances stopping by for a visit.
Great description of your experiences. Keep it coming.
Very few words, but lots of thoughts. These events last a life time.
I organized one in 1980. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend because my father had just died and my mother was on her death bed. And they were the reason for the reunion. It was held anyway and was a huge success. Now almost 30 years later, everyone, including me, still talk about the event.
Well written - good descriptions. The story stands on its own quite well. However, it looks like it could be part of a larger piece. If not, you might want to put a bigger story around it.
softly dangerously Slowly, deliberately, - I try to avoid adverbs and look for stronger verbs. These modifiers, don't really hurt the flow of your story though.
Good luck in your contest. Keep writing.
Brian
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This is a great way of pulling together an altenative history with folklore. Well done. I like these creative ideas. One of may favourites is "Fatherland" and another movie shows Napoleon surviving and trying to launch a comeback. I'm not sure if the last sentence is the best way to end it. It leaves me a bit flat. But I don't have any better suggestions.
I live in a Middle Eastern country. Multiple wives is getting less common than it once was. What surprises me is that very few of the young Muslims that I speak to, know the origin of multiple wives.
It actually had some practical application at the start. Many men were killed in war, so those who survived were encouraged to take on as wives, the widows of their brothers and friends, so they would not be left destitude with the loss of the "man of the household".
Today, however, those who do take on additional wives, do so for personal gratification, rather than out of an obligation to provide.
Your account brings out some potential abuses of the "system". It would be more powerful if you could provide direct evidence or research.
Not that it matters for this account, but it would probably be a good idea to edit a bit more. eg. Te condition of women is much verse than slaves of yesteryears "The" "worse" "yesteryear"
I answered "Yes" to your question, but I am much more cautious in providing feedback when reviewing moderators. Being a new writer, I start from the premise that they know more than me, so I pose questions, rather than "corrections".
I must say, I get good responses from the moderators who often appreciate my humble observations.
As I mentioned in my previous message, I think this is a wonderful essay. If you don't mind, I would like to book mark this and reference it in some of my reviews that I give to people.
I do the same with ""Laura"" , a story written by Ken. I use it when I notice too many adverbs in a story.
You are right about telling a great tale in very few words. You have certainly done it here. I just read your "tips on flash fiction essay". You followed all your tips great in this one. I think I will bookmark it and pass it on to others.
Impressive - congratulations on a well deserved win. I never get tired of your stories.
"Wasn’t that what power was for; to put one in a position to take whatever he wanted?" I'm always looking for tips - I see effective use of a semi colon here. One of the many things I need to work on.
Even in Canada, Woolwort'hs became an institution, especially in small towns. Eventually Woolworths became Woolco, with larger shopping stores, but still great discounts.
I have nothing against Wal-Mart, but it felt like a sad day when Wal-Mart bought out all the Woolco stores.
Times change - we can only remember the "Olden Days".
This article is a great idea. I would be interested in hearing some of the "experienced" member views. I often receive gift points for reviews I give. I accept them as a token, but I don't value them as much as a reciprocal review, as you say.
I noticed a couple possible typos: "It the reviewer..." - "If the ....." "A great was to honor" - "A great way "
Thanks for taking the time to post this.
Brian
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Good entry - I like your take on the prompts - not the standard interpretations.
"Quickly Instantly Eventually cautiously cleverly patiently increasingly " I have developed quite an aversion to adverbs. I see you using them a lot. Your thoughts?
I certainly like this twist on the classic tale. I love the ending.
"Yesterday a proclamation had been issued, and had been read aloud in the town square" - It probably doesn't matter for this story, but passive voice tends to weaken your writing. Active voice is stronger.
This is definitely a complex piece. My writing is very simple, (sometimes too simple) so I guess that is why I notice complexity.
The following are observations as opposed to criticisms. So I'm not suggesting you change anything.
I see several adverbs, which I try to avoid. "Slowly" appears twice in the first two paragraphs.
All the while, as the venture proceeded, no matter was perceived, rather, each element of this, depressed, obsessed, human’s considerations was abstract, a doubt of the I, a query in to the why and a certification of the how... where the brain interiorized distressing thoughts, and no concrete was there existent.
This is one long sentence. For me, by the time I get to the end, if forget how it started.
Good effort.
Good luck in the contest - good use of the prompts.
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