I found this little gem in the Sinster Stories Contest. I enjoyed it very much. Your familar powers of description immediately jumped out at me: ". . . a nose that hung out of his face like a rotting pear, and . . . a blizzard of brittle leaves that swirled and crackled like broken old bones as they danced around him, and . . . escaping from a freshly covered grave like some grotesque moth climbing from a diseased cocoon". Great stuff!
You have a real knap at building a suspenseful scene. You never quite let the cat out of the bag. Even your ending requies the reader to use their imagination. Good luck in the contest.
When I first arrived at WDC I was a little hesitant to review moderators, but now that i've been here a while, I don't really notice the case colors. If something catches my eye I review it. I do love when moderators review me. They generally give more detailed reviews and often seem more opinionated, which I enjoy and usually find helpful, in one way or the other.
I can see why this story was awarded. Besides being well-written, your narration is even-handed, straightforward and imparts a sincere proclamation of resolved thought and satisfaction--an endearing offering your family will cherish down through the ages. I enjoyed it very much.
I thoroughly enjoyed Colorful Gesture--the title was spot on. You did an excellent job with this short piece (especially in the third-person) of revealing Stu's thoughts and complicated, emotional situation. Your clever ending tied it all together and left a sense of realism. A perfect example of how a story of this size should be written. Nice piece of work!
Wow! I didn't believe it would be the "name". Maybe food. The more I think about it, this is really a insightful question--makes you think. On a lighter note, what about those people giving up the water. That's a little scary. lol
This may be the oldest poll I've ever taken. Write on!
This is an interesting short piece of work. The word "escape" serves as a dividing line that works to great effect in unifying the message. The following lines function not only as a continuation but also as a response to that which came before. Nice writing!
I found this in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations! It's nice to make your acquaintance. Welcome to WDC.
Your piece is devised well. It contains both therapeutic banter and self-indulgent whining, with a healthy dose of humor. It offers others in similar circumstances much to ponder. I like that you repeat the title. Nice.
I found this in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations! Welcome to WDC. It's nice to make your acquaintance.
Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but to carry on. (Crosby, Stills & Nash)
This was a unique and interesting read. Although I didn't "quite" understand its underlining meaning (which all falls on me, not the author) , it captured me and refused to let me go in its compelling whirlwind. I thoughly enjoyed it! I especially liked: "praises fall from red brick skys".
The quote by Emerison was an effective "kicking-off" place. This well written piece hit all the high points, while maintaining your theme, and ended with a positive outlook by tying in your opening. Good information and advice!
I found this in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations. Welcome to WDC. It's nice to make your acquauntance.
I enjoyed this honest piece of prose. It conveys much truth in a short spell. The last two poignant lines of the third stanza spoke clearly to me. Reading it several times increases its effectiveness. Nice job!
I just ran across your contest today. I don't know how I've missed it, anyway, it looks great. The design is pleasing to the eye, and you have straight-forward insructions--very clear and concise. I like your link of past winners (some contests don't include that), and your prizes are exciting.
I have added your contest to my
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I hope it adds to your exposure. I wish you much success.
I enjoy your writing style. It's efficient, straight forward, and has a pleasant feel to it. You worked the garlic theme, perfectly, which gave the piece an authentic presence. Sometimes, I'm amazed at what some people acomplish in such a short spell, and this is one of those occassions. Nice piece of writing!
I see you have many of these short offerings in this folder. Now, I know where I can come for a quick afternoon delight.
Into the Great Unknowm delivered on its premise. Your opening provided the needed suspense, and the reason for the chronicled victims quickly became apparent and tied your drama together. Computer oriented themes are very interesting and prove effective. For a short piece, the surprise ending gives the needed punch and pulled it all together. Nice piece of work!
I read this several times. Each experience slowly revealed how a single moment in time is connected to everything that came before it. First the speaker's thoughts are lost, and then they join together with those who previously pondered there. I enjoyed the moment. Nice piece of writing!
I see you have recently arrived to our community. Welcome to WDC. It's nice to make your acquaintance. Write on.
I thought this fellow was in the Kentucky Derby. The narration from the lad's imagination worked to great effect. In a piece of this size, the surprise twist at the end is what makes it work. And yours is excellent! An enjoyable read, indeed.
I found this in the 1000 word contest--good luck, amigo.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS George,
IMPRESSION: The Blooper was a delightful and well-designed story from start to finish: wholesome and humorous.
CHARACTERS: Skipper Morgan was an open book that told his story very effectively. He was honest, able to laugh at himself, and obviously loved his job. Showing his vainity, and thoughts about the "big time", gave depth to his personality and provided a more complete character.
Julia's great-grand parents were a great addition and served to advance your plot. Mr. Thomas was a nice and sympatheic character and worked well as the boss.
PLOT/SETTING: From the title to the hints along the way, setting up the blooper, it was a seemless build-up. I really liked the red herring of the name pronuciation (and the fact that it was Julia's letter that prompted the flashback, which ted it all together). The reveal of the actual blooper was spot on. Super choice.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The pacing was right on and there wasn't anything that slowed down the drama or the readability of the story.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This read like a story out of Reader's Digest. Great entry! Good luck in the contest.
Funny. Very funny. Well, it's true--I never wondered what type of noise a giraffe made. But, since I'm a man, I've never complained about childbirth either. So there.
This was a creative piece of work. And really--most people should quit their whining. Have a great evening. And I hope this makes your giraffe feel appreciated. LOL
I was out on a review spree and this title caught my attention. Very creative! Wow! If you had to use all those words in some contest, you did a great job. This little number got straight to the point--what goes around comes around. See ya around. I hoping to build up some good karma. LOL
I like the focussed, and absurd, effort on Jeremy's part to fix his life. The world is filled with lots of Jeremy's today, and Licacs, too. I have the feeling that she definenly wasn't a Pearl. A enjoyable read of a contemporary tale. You also did an excellent job using the prompt words.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS Lobelia,
IMPRESSION: A very creative and funny childrens' story that acommplished its mission. An enjoyable read, indeed!
CHARACTERS: The narrator/protagonist--who I presume to be a woman, because of her gown and motherly qualities--presented herself as a believable entity. She talked her way into my heart with her highminded, persevering, and buggling ways. A completely endearing character.
I liked how you cleverly weaved in some back story and information along the way. Nice writing!
PLOT/SETTING: I would call this a journey, action/adventure plot. The Tooth Angel had a job to do, and inspite of all the obstacles, finished her mission. The letter was a effective device.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: This piece was planned and written extremely well. Grammatically sound.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Thanks for sharing your work. I could see your bungling angel in a series of stories. Good luck in the contest.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS leshwar,
IMPRESSION: Your opening sets the tone and masterfully pulls in the reader. By comparing Mother Nature to other helpless women, at once, the symbolic language trumpets a down-to-earth, emotional, literary story is to follow--one which will undoubtedly highlight important themes.
CHARACTERS: Amrita is presented as a sympathic character: one who feels the need to cleanse her soul. Caught between following what she's been taught her whole life, and the emptiness that torments her, our heroine strives to save her daughters from the same fate.
Evenhandedly, without overwriting, your show Harish for what he is, which effectively illustrates the realism of this sad situation and advances the story.
The characterization of Deepika is accomplished with great efficiency. Her realization that suicide is selfish and would only hurt her mother and sister reveals great courage.
I like the fact that it is a woman that provides the help this desperate family needs.
PLOT/SETTING: The setting of a third world country is an excellent choice to examine the depths of a such a terrible plight. The injustice of the arranged marriage, and the struggle to prevent it, furnishes an compelling plot to capture the reader. Because of the prejudicial customs, the simple task of mailing a letter took on great significance, advances the plot, and proves suspenseful.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: I thought you used a good mixture of narration and dialogue and found nothing to distract from the flow of the story. Your elegant use of language makes for delightful reading.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: Since the mailing of the letter was the pivotal point and action scene in the story, you might have taken advantage of your captive audience and inserted a few more obstacles to enhance the drama. I also thought the ending was a "bit" abrupt. This story was so good that I could have used(wanted)more reflection. Maybe more inner dialogue from both Amrita and Deepika.
This is a powerful story with important themes: social injustice, woman's rights, courage, responsiblity, and love. An impressive piece of work. Good luck in the contest.
This short piece packs a powerful punch; the heart-wrenching drama gripped me as soon as I realized what was going to happen. The suspense quickly pulled me along to the terrible, life-changing event. Excellent pacing!
The first-person worked extremely well and the present tense really bolstered its effectiveness. Your opening displayed your writing skills and set the scene; however, even though you italicized the flaskback, I would have also included a line indication break.
The story was very focussed and didn't waste the readers time with unnecessary information. Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
Congratulations on the Quotations Contest! I really enjoyed a Smidgen of Knowledge, while learning some interesting facts along the way. The story was planned well and your scenes were very realistic. You did a great job with Charlie's character. I was saddened by his demise. Nice job!
I like long, detailed reviews. I don't have to agree with the assessment, but I dig when people really get into my stories and offer suggestions. I like to hear about everything--I like it when reviewers aren't afraid to tell me what they feel. It can be very telling. Even though they may not communicate what they exactly mean, sometimes, I always find it helpful, one way or the other. The rating is less important to me. Some of my most beneficial reviews have included low ratings.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS Jules,
IMPRESSION: Bubble Of New Life has a unique concept and opening.
CHARACTERS: David , Scott, and Sandy made for a good mix of characters. Of course, Scott made for the most interesting. I even thought you developed Scott more thoroughly. Your attempts at showing his impatience and restless nature was good writing. "Frenzied mischief" was spot on. Great combination!
PLOT/SETTING: David discovering the article, about the King Charles going down, began the sequence of causal events that provded your plot in a natural way. Your descriptive of the dock area and the ship on the ocean floor was sufficiant for a story of this size. The dolphins supplied the touch of fantasy that unified your story.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The piece was interesting, easy to read, and didn't have any structural problems.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I think developing the piece further would have inhanced the readers enjoyment, and also given you the opportunity to allow one character to stand out, even more. This was an strong entry. I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest.
BEST REGARDS, COOLHAND
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