I think you have an okay start to your poem. A poem is supposed to have layers that the reader can peel off. I feel as though I have only peeled off one layer. There is not much depth to this poem. I have made some observations, and I have some suggestions for you.
The first thing I noticed is that you start your poem off with a question. Questions are okay as long as the rest off the poem is strong. Your poem, unfortunately, is not strong enough. Questions, I have discovered, are most often used incorrectly. A writer must be careful asking a question, or asking many questions. Questions often distract the reader rather than aid the reader in understanding a poem or piece.
You started your poem with the question: "Why do I keep fighting?" Because this is the first line of your poem, you leave the reader with more questions than answers. The reader has no idea "why [you] keep fighting." What is the composer "fighting?" Why are they "fighting?" Why is the composer so "persistent?" The reader must answer all of these questions which makes the poem very confusing. (And this is just the first line.) The poem continues and there is no answering of this question. Everything is left wide open.
The third line of the second stanza doesn't make sense in connection to the first line of the last stanza. "Because without you, I have no reason to keep fighting / You are my purpose."
Each line following the first line until the last stanza is a fragment.
"You make me want to win the fight." What "fight?"
Proofread before you post. Your poem folds in on itself and is contradictory.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good start to your poem. I have made some observations while reading your poem. I have a few suggestions for you.
One of the things I observed while reading is that you have an irregular rhyme scheme. If you read your poem out loud, you will notice that there are some flow issues. Part of the reason for this is the irregular rhyme scheme, and another part is the fact that your stanzas consist of a different number of lines. Some stanzas are two lines, some are three, some are four, and one is even five.
I also noticed that in the fifth stanza you write the numeric numbers three and six. I would suggest spelling these numbers out.
You have a few misplaced and missing commas.
In the third and fourth stanzas, the "they" you are referring to gets a bit confusing. I am not sure whether the composer is referring to the "parents" or the "two little boys."
Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have an okay poem. I have made some observations and I believe there is much room for improvement. There are also some areas that need clarification.
My first observation is that I noticed you capitalize certain words that do not need to be capitalized. You also hyphenate words that do not need to be hyphenated.
Your imagery is good but your poem needs a lot of clarity. Your poem contradicts itself. The first stanza talks about the inside of a city. The second stanza talks about cities and the world.
The third and fourth stanza, talks about a child.
Also, in the first stanza you state "Inside the heart / of these great walls" and in the last stanza you state "Leveled to the ground." These lines contradict each other.
I would try to transition better between stanzas to stay linear.
In the last two stanzas, you ask a lot of questions. This can greatly distract the reader because it leaves the reader answering the questions rather than following the poem.
Overall, I found your poem to be a little confusing. There is a lot going on without much explanation. Everything happens so quick. I think there is some more explanation necessary to make this a much better poem.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
Unfortunately, this is the second poem I have come across today about a broken heart. This subject matter has been beaten to death. I will try to tread lightly while reviewing your poem. I have made some observations, and I have some suggestions for you.
My first observation is that you begin your poem by asking questions. Asking questions can be okay, but it must be done properly and must not be a common occurrence within a poem. With your poem, the first two lines are questions. Asking too many questions or asking questions early within a poem becomes a distraction to the reader. Too many questions and asking questions early in a poem brings the reader out of the context of the poem. The reader is forced to answer the questions and the reader becomes unable to focus on the rest of the poem.
There is no context for these two questions. "What am I holding onto?" and "What am I searching for?" To answer your questions, I have no idea. You tell me? Is the reader supposed to figure this out? The reader only knows what the composer tells him/her. By the end of the first two lines you have already confused the reader and maybe even lost him or her. A poem is not only about the composer, but also about the reader. Questions are very hard to relate to for the reader without context. Questions are also very subjective. Questions are personal to the composer, but not to the reader.
You also go on to ask more questions. "Will the waves of my heart calm?" Who knows? The reader surely doesn't know. And by this time the reader may not even care because the poem appears to be only about the composer and not the reader. There is no connection established between the poem and the reader.
Some of your imagery is off. "The rocks of my emotions are crashing." "Rocks are crashing?" In the previous line you refer to "waves." "Waves" crash upon "rocks." You have split your metaphor here.
You also make use of overused and overdone words. The list is as follows, "heart", "scars", "bleeding", "burn", and "feel." There are others, also. I can't forget about "lingering."
I would try to write something new. Something that no one has ever read before. It is difficult to find something new with this subject matter and even more difficult to write something new. As I stated earlier, this subject matter has been beaten to death.
You need a question mark after the word "for" in your description.
I have written poems like this and now I tend to stay away from this subject matter while writing my poems.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have an okay poem. I have some observations, and I have a few suggestions for you.
Poetry about "heartbreak" has been beaten to death. I have found it difficult to find something new with this subject matter. It is even more difficult to write something someone has never heard before. Unfortunately, many of the things within this poem have been said a thousand times before by many others.
There are many words that I find occur within these poems. "Heart" , "shattered", and "broke." This has all been said before in the same manner. These words are overused and overdone in poetry like this.
I have written poems like this too.
I would try to write something no one has ever read before. I think we all feel the same thing, but I think that our own creativity can eventually give us new words to use for describing this subject matter.
You have a lot of repetition in the first stanza. The repetition of "I gave you" becomes redundant. "Love me not" is also repeated within your poem.
In the third stanza, "You betrayed me when you talked to all them." I believe you mean "...all [of] them." I am also not sure who the "them" is you are referring to.
The fourth stanza is a fragment, "Because you loved me not" is a dependent clause.
In the fifth stanza, first line, your verb tenses do not agree with each other.
In the last line of this stanza, the word "them" is kind of vague. "Them" doesn't really tell the reader exactly who you are referring to.
In the seventh stanza, second line, "your" should be "yours."
In the second to last stanza, "Fo" should be "For."
You have some missing and misplaced punctuation throughout your poem.
Proofread before you post.
The last line of your poem is just a repetition of something you stated three times before. I think that you can come up with a much stronger ending to your poem.
Overall, I was looking for something new and original.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good start to your poem. I have made some observations, and I have a few suggestions for you.
I usually don't take to religious poems because I find them hard to relate to. They just aren't as universal as I would like. There is a bias innate in them. I shall push this bias aside.
My first observation with your poem occurs in the very first line. I am not sure what "Let me show Him" is referring to. It is out of context with the rest of your poem.
The first stanza contradicts itself. "Halo of thorns/Halo of gold" and "Crimson stained clothes/Silk white is the robe."
The first line of the second stanza should read, "Flaws worn like [a] leper's."
The third line of this stanza is a fragment. "A faithless [e]mpty quiver." What about this "empty quiver?" Also I am unsure why you capitalized the "E" in "Empty."
In the third stanza, third line, who is the "him" you are referring to? If it is Jesus or God you need to capitalize the "H."
In the fourth stanza, second line, the "l" in "lord" needs to be capitalized.
The last two lines of this stanza don't make sense, "Strength in our need is / To live in praise on your accord." I am not sure what "Strength in need means."
In the fifth stanza, "Mary's Joseph" is out of context and just sounds odd given the rest of your poem.
With the last stanza, first line, "Surrender to purpose." What "purpose?"
"He knows." Who "knows?" "Don't rehearse it." Rehearse "what?" I have no idea what these two things are that you are referring to. I am also not sure why you put a forward slash in this line.
"Give into Him." I don't like anything that puts a man/woman on his/her knees.
Overall, I noticed that your stanzas have a different number of lines. I would try to stick to a consistent number. The fifth stanza has five lines and the last stanza has three. The rest of the stanzas of your poem have four.
There is also an irregular rhyme scheme throughout your poem. If you read your poem out loud, you will see that there are some flow issues.
Proofread before you post.
Thank you for sharing.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a pretty good poem here. I like the imagery you use. I have made some observations and also have a few suggestions for you.
The first thing that kind of stuck out to me was the title of your poem, "Recovery." When I think of "recovery," what comes to my mind isn't a recovery from a break up/broken heart/divorce. I think of an illness or addiction.
Another observation I made is that the first line is kind of confusing. "There was a time when we broke up." You may have meant "The time we broke up" or "The time when we were brok[en] up." The noun and verb don't agree with each other. It isn't until the reader reads the second line when things kind of make sense together.
With the last line of this first stanza, "To you I did pretend," what did the composer pretend?
In the fourth stanza, I think that the pronoun "someone's" is incorrect. Previously in the stanza the composer is referring to the lover. I believe "your" would fit better here.
Some of the lines appear to have words added for filler. This is most likely the case because you are following a meter. Because the poem is written in meter, I will let it slide.
Other than these observations, I enjoyed reading your poem.
Thank you for sharing.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a really good start to your poem here. I have a few suggestions and observations.
The very first line doesn't make sense with the rest of your poem. "I fall with broken pieces of my shattered heart." I would completely change this line. First of all because it doesn't fit with the rest of your poem. And second, because the imagery is completely overdone. Poetry about a "broken heart" has been beaten to death with this type of imagery.
I would suggest reading your poem out loud. This will help you smooth out the rough edges. The flow is okay but it needs a little improvement.
"I want all of you..." and the following two lines should be in quotation marks. Someone is "whispering."
The last line of your poem is kind of childish. This has mainly to do with the word "seriously." I think you can come up with a different word that will fit better there without changing the meaning of the line too much.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good start to your poem. I have a few observations and suggestions for you.
The theme of heartbreak has practically been beaten to death. It is difficult to find something new with this theme and even more difficult to write something new. I feel as though you are just about to step over into something new. You are right on the line. However, there is room for improvement.
Some of the imagery you use is really good while some of the imagery is rather common. Here is some of the more common imagery you use: "Tears welling", "Eyes swelling", and "My heart dies." One line that I really like is "An enemy in the making." This line presents a nice twist at the end of your poem.
"Like midnight[,] the morning lasts" is good too. (I believe you need a comma in this line.)
I am half and half with this poem. The overdone imagery puts a rotten feeling in my stomach. A reader is always looking for something new or something he or she has never read before. This gives the reader something to hold onto when he or she is done reading. They then can carry that feeling or emotion with them.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good poem here. It must have been quite difficult to write with the constrictions and restrictions. I have a few suggestions for you.
The first thing I noticed is that the words "savor" and "brazier" are slant rhyme. Sometimes this can be a problem if the rest of the poem isn't strong or all together. With your poem, the imagery is good and the rest of the rhyme is fairly decent. (There is one more instance of slant rhyme.)
The last words of the two last lines don't rhyme. Again, this is slant rhyme, and I shall let it pass. I think the imagery and overall theme of your poem saved you.
Thanks for sharing.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a really good start to your poem. I believe you add some new light to something that has been said many times before. I think that if this poem did not rhyme, it would be an ordinary poem. The imagery you use is mediocre and has been used in poems before. Again, I think the rhyme saved you with this piece.
Each stanza seems to hold its weight giving both sides of the same coin.
I am not sure if the word "angriness" in the last line of the first stanza is the right word for this line. It also doesn't rhyme with "happiness."
The rhyming words in the last stanza are a slant rhyme so these two words could work.
My last suggestion to you would be to read your poem out loud. There are some flow issues and I think you have added some words for filler. This is especially the case with the word "do" throughout your poem.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I can see the lesson in what you have written. However, the incorrect spelling and punctuation makes this piece lose credibility. Also, this "lesson" has already been said by numerous other people throughout the world in different wording. Unfortunately, this is nothing new to me. I have some suggestions for you.
First line, "My grandmother once said, ["]The only things I regret are the things I did not do." You are quoting the "grandmother" so you need to start quotation marks here.
The second line of this piece is a fragment. "The things I wanted to say and I stayed silent." What about "the things I wanted to say?"
And then with the third line you use quotation marks. The quotation marks were supposed to start in the first line of the piece. Also, in this same line, the word "fell" should be "feel." Proofread before you post.
Lastly, I would try to put in some imagery or different words that mean the same thing as you wrote here. This has been said over and over again. Readers need something new; something they have never heard before. Tell this same lesson, but in different words. Words that really pull at the reader and give the reader something to hold onto when they are done reading.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a pretty good poem here. I like the imagery you use except in one little instance. I have a few suggestions for you.
In the very first two lines, the imagery you use is a bit odd. You write "I dreamt of fire / and it burned out a star." This sounds a bit off to me. The imagery doesn't exactly fall in suit with the rest of the imagery in your poem. A "fire burning out a star" doesn't really make sense.
Your punctuation and capitalization are off.
Some of your lines are run-on sentences. There is no subject and verb combo.
Since the imagery you use is quite vivid I have a suggestion for you. You divide up your long sentences into shorter lines. I would suggest making your lines longer. The reader will be able to digest your poem easier. I think that their are too many breaks in your poem and the reader loses focus. With the longer lines and a break at the end, I think the reader will be able to understand your poem better. Your poem reads quite choppy and it was difficult to follow with so many pauses. This kind of falls in line with hermeneutics.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem. I do like the imagery. Your piece just needs to flow better so the reader can better understand what is written.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a pretty good start to your poem. (Which may actually be prose.) I can see where you are trying to go with your poem. It is just a matter of getting there. I have a few suggestions for you.
The first thing I would do is research what constitutes a poem and what constitutes prose. I am not entirely sure myself, but this may actually be prose.
I also noticed that you have some missing and incorrect punctuation.
Another suggestion I have is for you to sit down and organize your thoughts with this piece. I can see where you are trying to go with this, but I don't think you have developed and finalized your ideas. I can tell this by the fact that your piece kind of folds in on itself. There is a lot of repetition; specifically the words "claws" and "teeth."
You progress through history which is good, but as the poem progresses the piece kind of gets a little soft.
The end of your piece isn't as strong as I would like. The last line falls along the same magnitude as the rest of your piece which makes it feel like there is no ending. The last stanza or line of a piece should sum up everything and conclude what has been written. You kind of leave the reader hanging or wanting more.
Your piece jaggedly builds up and then drops off.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this. I think with some major editing you will have a much better piece.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good poem. There are some things that need to be addressed. These are observations and you can do as you wish.
One of the things I noticed while reading your poem is that you have missing or misplaced punctuation throughout.
Many of your lines are incomplete sentences. This is okay, just as long as there aren't too many of them. A lack of verbs slows down the flow of a poem. However, too many verbs can lead to an increased flow in a poem. It is best to find the middle for an even flow. Lines 4 through 6 are a good example of this. These three lines are one long fragment. There is no verb or predicate. The seventh line is also a fragment.
Lines 8 through 12 are one incomplete sentence.
In the seventeenth line, the "b" in "because" needs to be capitalized. You are beginning a dialogue.
The fifth to last line should read "It irks [me] to see..."
Quotation marks always go outside of the comma or period.
The second to last line should read as follows "...of referring [to] "human nature" as..." There should be a semicolon at the end of this line instead of a comma.
I would be careful not to ask too many questions. This can often distract the reader because they will find themselves physically answering each individual question. A question requires a reflection rather than an answer. The reader will lose focus and thus lose the meaning of a poem.
Overall, I liked your poem. It just needs some correct punctuation.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think that you have a really good start to your poem. I do have a few suggestions for you. One of them is to COMPLETELY change the ending.
My first suggestion to you would be to read your poem out loud. When you do this, you will be able to catch the things you didn't notice while reading silently. That being said, there are some problems with the flow of your poem along with the wording.
The first three lines of your poem don't really make much sense together. There is a lack of transition between all three of them. I think this is mainly due to the wording of the second line.
The second stanza sounds pretty good to me. I would read it out loud to make sure it sounds and flows okay.
Your poem remains strong until the reader gets to the last two stanzas. Then, the poem starts to lose meaning and strength. Your poem kind of changes direction and loses its professionalism. The poem was really good and just needed a little tidying up until this point. With the last line of the seventh stanza, "A gorgeous 'lil' cutie...," the poem loses all seriousness. I'm sorry to say, beginning with this line, your poem is lost. This line is childish and juvenile. The last four lines of your poem are completely out of context in regard to the rest of your stanzas.
The last stanza of your poem continues in the same fashion.
You have some missing punctuation throughout your poem.
If you stick to a regular rhyme scheme throughout your poem, it will flow and read better.
Overall, you lured the reader in greatly with the first six stanzas. You then ruined the entire poem with the last four lines. The first six stanzas allowed the reader to peel off the layers of your poem. And then, all of a sudden, your poem turned rotten and lost all meaning.
It's a shame.
If you choose to completely change the ending to fit in with the rest of your poem and spruce up the first six stanzas, I would be happy to change my rating.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think that you have an okay poem. The only thing that makes your poem stand out a little bit is the ending. This subject matter has been said in the same words a thousand times before. Try to be new and original. This, at times, can be very difficult to do.
I have some suggestions for you.
With the second line of the second stanza, "Scared [,] I never find my way back" sounds a bit off. The verb tenses don't match up. "Scared/find."
There is no need for a period at the end of the second line of the second stanza. You are dividing up a dependent clause. That being said, these two lines together are a dependent clause. There is no subject or complete predicate to these lines.
With the third stanza, the second line is very unprofessional, unpoetic, cliche, and out of context. The words don't fit with the rest of your poem. These words don't fit with the style you are writing in.
In the fifth stanza of your poem, the rhyme seems forced. In the second line, "threw me a bone" is as out of context as the last line of the third stanza.
I am not sure why you capitalized the "f" in "fear" in the sixth stanza.
With the seventh stanza, I think that the overuse of the word "I" makes this much too personal and subjective. It becomes hard for the reader to relate to. The "Yes, I..." becomes redundant, also. I also think that this stanza is something someone would find on social media. Through my social media sites, I have found many posts to be very "emo" and angsty without holding much value because the reader can only relate to them on a childish or immature level. There are no layers because they are so personal.
The ending is the best part of your poem. There is kind of a twist at the end.
Overall, your poem could be much better and original. Write something that no one has read before. Throw in some imagery and figurative language that no one knows about yet. Dig deeper. I feel like you are just scratching the surface with how you really feel. When one just scratches the surface, one comes up with "emo" teen angsty poetry. I have written poems like this too. Dig deeper!
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
Your poem is quite short. I feel as though I had peeled off the first layer and it was over. There is nothing wrong with a short poem, I just think you would have a lot more to offer the reader if your poem was longer. The reader would be able to get a lot more from it.
These three lines would be a really good ending to a longer piece. I think there could be a nice build-up to these three lines.
You have used the wrong form of "too."
Also, this has been said a thousand times before in a thousand different ways.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a pretty good start to your poem. I have a few suggestions for you.
The second line of your poem is a bit confusing. You have used the incorrect form of "its." There can be two different meanings to this line. "It's [a] circle made complete." Or, "Its circle made complete."
The wording is off in the whole second stanza. These two lines need a bit of smoothing out.
The entire third stanza is a fragment. There is no verb or "doing."
There is no context or transition into the fourth stanza. The word "refined" is out of context and the rhyme seems a bit forced.
The transition into your fifth stanza is a bit rough. This rough transition also occurs going from the fifth stanza to the last stanza.
You have a few missing or misplaced commas throughout your poem.
Overall, I found your poem difficult to follow because of the poor transitions into each stanza and the poor punctuation. The wording in some of your stanzas needs a lot of smoothing out, also.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have an okay start to this poem, too. I have a few suggestions for you.
The word "venting" to describe "words" is kind of confusing. "Words" can't really "vent" themselves.
I would also shy away from asking too many questions. More often than not, when too many questions are asked, the reader ends up answering them and therefore loses focus on the real meaning of the poem.
There is also an irregular rhyme scheme. This messes up the flow a bit.
You also need to watch your capitalization throughout your poem. It is inconsistent.
The subject matter of this poem has been written about for thousands of years. It is difficult to find something new with this subject matter and even more difficult to write something new. This didn't pull at my emotional cords as well as I would have liked. Write something that no one has ever read before.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think that you have a pretty good start. I have some suggestions for you.
In the first line of your poem, I am not sure why you decided to capitalize the "m" in "Mine."
In the second line, you repeat the word "stopped."
In the third line, you write, "some thoughts flopped." What thoughts are you referring to? There is very little context for the word "flopped."
The word "chopped" in the fourth line is kind of confusing. Are you using it as an adjective or a verb?
And then in the last line, it appears that the composer "left it on the floor..." Was this the meaning you intended? Or did someone else leave it on the floor? This line needs a bit of clarity.
Overall, I think your poem is okay. It needs some more poetic devices. The poem did unravel as well as I would have liked. The rhyme is kind of heavy and irregular.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good poem here. I really only have two things that need to be addressed. There is quite a bit a repetition in your poem. The first line and the last line are the same for every stanza. I think that all of this repetition takes away from the meaning of your poem. There are only eight lines within your poem that are different. These eight lines are what contain the substance of your poem. The imagery you use can't hold its own with the repetition. If the imagery was outstanding, the eight lines may be able to hold their own. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I was only able to dig in so far with your poem. Your poem is not bad, but it is not great.
With the first stanza, you are connecting two descriptive actions. The lines kind of blend together into one long sentence. With the remaining stanzas, the first set of lines go and flow together and then the second set of lines go and flow together.
I just think that the repetition "watered" down your poem.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a pretty good poem here. I have a few suggestions for you.
The first thing I noticed while reading your poem occurs in the second line of the first stanza. You have misspelled the word "through." You have spelled it "Throgh."
The last line of this stanza reads, "Where I had lost my Ways." The word "Ways" sounds off. I think that you may be able to get away with using "Way." You will then be using slant rhyme. I would see what other reviewers have to say about this. I am also not sure why you capitalized the "w" in "ways."
In the second stanza, the third line, "Helps me keep my pace" is a fragment. There is no subject in this line.
The last stanza of your poem is a bit contradictory. In the third stanza you write, "Helps me keep my pace" and in the last stanza you write " I know I can restart." How can one "keep pace" and "restart" at the same time?
The last two lines are kind of confusing. "Go back to the base." What base? "I will play my part." What "part" will the composer "play?" The conclusion of your poem is also left open.
It seems as though the last stanza was added as an afterthought or added later.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a good poem. I really have only two suggestions for you.
My first suggestion would be to make your poem longer.
My second suggestion has to do with the last line of your poem. I like this last line, but I think there is a lack of connection to the line before it. "Hours worth of thoughts" kind of comes out of nowhere. The line before it reads "long are the days we spend alone." This line makes sense alone and the last line makes sense alone. However, with these two lines back to back, they don't make sense together. From the "long days" one gets "hours worth of thoughts?" It doesn't really make sense. The third line of your poem doesn't transition well into the fourth. In other words these two lines don't agree with each other. This should be fairly simple to fix.
Other than these two things, I enjoyed reading your poem.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
I think you have a really good start with this. You just need to polish up a few things. I like the internal rhyme along with the end rhyme. I have a few suggestions for you.
My first suggestion to you would be to read this out loud. If and when you do this, you will be able to catch things that you missed while reading silently. You will see that the flow is a bit off. This is not a huge problem and should be fairly easy to remedy.
I think that the first line should read as follows: "If the stars have burnt [to] a crisp, their last [is] [a] shining [of] a wisp on the echoes of [a] faraway breeze..." Or something along the lines of that.
In the second line, "alls" should be "all's." This is a contraction.
You need a comma after the word "end" in the third line.
In the fourth line, you do not need a space before the comma, only after.
The "set" and "reset" are very similar in sound. I would try to change the word "set" to something different. This may be redundant to some readers.
The last line of your poem is a bit soft as a conclusion. This is mainly due to the fact that it is a fragment. Throughout your poem, you say "If... If... If..." but then what? Where is the conclusion? You leave the reader hanging. What is the resolution to all of this?
You also have a few missing question marks.
Due to the lack of proofreading and the lack of a conclusion I am going to have to lower my rating.
Proofread before you post!!!! Every poem needs a conclusion that leaves the reader with something to hang onto or think about when they are done reading. If the conclusion is soft the rest of the poem must be really strong.
If you decide to edit this poem, I will be happy to reread and re-review your piece.
This poem has a lot of promise.
The rating is my overall opinion.
The gift points are for effort.
The review is for everything else in between.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.30 seconds at 5:02am on May 07, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "