I enjoyed this piece so much. It's such a heartwarming story. Your descriptions and dialogue brought the characters to life.
Some suggestions you can use if you wish.
The trickle of the water tumbling over the rocks in the creek were the only sounds I heard. this sounds a bit awkward, I was thinking maybe it should be: The trickling of the water over the rocks in the creek was the only sound I heard.
I loved this story. There were so many twists that kept me reading on to find out more. You've done a great job with imagery. I could see the characters and setting as I read. The scary thing is something like this is very possible in the real world.
Some suggestions that you can use if you wish.
I didn't notice any errors or typos, but I was really into the story.
This was as sweet story that at first made me think it would end tragically, but I'm happy with nice ending.
Some suggestions you can use if you wish.
As she sat by the livingroom window: living room two words
she had been 10. to me it would sound better if it were: she was ten. spell out ten.
The storm was getting worse and the lights flickered.
Adding to Gwen's worried state of mind. this is not a complete thought maybe it add it to the sentence before it. : The storm was getting words and the lights flickered adding to Gwen's worried state of mind.
Was there an accident? Had he been in the accident? maybe just use one of these as they ask the same question just in a different way.
She hated waiting, not knowing that he was safe. Maybe: not knowing if he was safe instead of that he was
Feeling a little better with the soft glow.this sounds awkward to me.
She hoped that they had not had to suffer: maybe: She hoped that they had not suffered.??
thru through that storm.
She heard a noice at a noise at..just a typo
met Dan at the doos: meet Dan at the door.
the roads are a mess out there". = it should be period inside the quotes.
It existed through the centuries, but then something changed a small-scattered incident that had a lasting impact.
The swine’s smiling; as if he’d the last laugh on me by getting shot like.” That.” He gave Hursts’ body a final glance.” At least we got to the girl in time, one less body, one less mother to have to break the news to, that’s the only good to come out of this whole mess. Who the hell told that sniper to shoot any way?” If you go back over this paragraph it seems to have some quotation marks out of place, making it a little confusing to read.
That is too funny. I laughed out loud! Kids pick up anything they're not supposed to and then parents sometimes don't realize the bad example they're setting.
Some suggestions you can use if you wish.
Only one suggestion, I thought you might need a comma: seriously,"But I'm driving!"
I loved the imagery, but one little thing and it may just be me, but the long description of the little boy seemed to distract me from the story.
There were some missing commas her and there like below:
Jennifer had been pleasantly surprised with a simple, “thank you, it will be about thirty minutes{b,” and no scolding words of condemnation.
Her closeness, and the kisses, roused Jeremiah from his drowsiness long enough to shift his body more toward his mother. maybe too many commas in this sentence?
I loved the story. I think your idea of magic being life is very creative.
Some suggestions you can use if you wish.
What scared her even more was that she could no longer feel her feet,
her self =herself
Some places Tayna was speaking, but there were no italics, so I'm guessing maybe it's her thoughts. Wait…my recital was on twenty-seventh, wasn’t it? I’ve been out for three days?
You could italicize it if it's thoughts, or put quotes around it if she talking out loud to herself.
Oh so sad, I can't begin to imagine the guilt a parent would feel if such a tragic accident were to happen. I think you did very well with description and getting the emotion across.
What a cute poem. I think just about everyone goofs off while supposedly working on something more important. I think sometimes a distraction helps you think as long as you get back to your task fairly soon.
Some suggestions you can use if you wish.
I don't have any suggestions. I thought you did a great job!
Now how you are supposed to answer this question I don’t think I will ever know.maybe break this into two sentences, changing the wording just a tad. Now how was I supposed to answer that question? I don't think I will ever know.
Now call me cynical(,) but I really don’t think anyone could honestly say they would be pleased that lots of people were at their funeral.
We pulled up outside the crematorium and everyone was stood waiting for us to get out of the car. just an extra word.
I know when I think of internet dating, I think of perverts and criminals, but I know that's not always the reality. This is the first time I've a story of a happy outcome instead of some tragedy, so it's great that you can tell your happy ending. I wish you all the best!
What a great story! You almost made me cry with this one. The ending touched my heart, his mother's traditions stay, but now Dan has to worry about his own son.
This is very well written. I was able to picture it all as I read.
Some suggestions you can use if you wish.
The former president; Kenneth Campbell was shot dead in his home on that morning of April 12th, this brutal act of immorality and tragedy would be followed by the kidnapping and ongoing torture of the vice president Brent Howards ultimately ending with the public suicide; flinging himself from a bridge.to me it seems there should be a new sentence starting with Ultimately and ending at Howards.
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