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126
126
Review of Gravity Strings  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello DiskartetHaraya

This is an Angel Review *Angel*  *Angel*

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

A nice piece of prose.

The title fits well with this piece, it lives up to my expectations of the poem. It has a catchy effect. The poem has a good flow to it. It also has good imagery.

A suggestion: to make this piece into a few paragraphs. That would make it easier to read and have a better flow to it.

I enjoyed reading Gravity Strings.
Thank you for sharing.
Keep on writing.


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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127
127
Review of Hourglass  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Gruesum1

I found you featured in the Poetry Newsletter.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


Awesome, the poem is in the shape of the title. There is a great rhythm to your poem and each line flows nicely into the next. I also noticed there is a rhyme scheme. This piece took time and creativity to write.

Hourglass is an amazing piece I feel it is well written. There is emotion. I have no suggestions to offer.

Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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128
128
Review of Emelie  
Review by The Dark Faery
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello iKiyasama


Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

I found you through the Read & Review.


What I like:

I liked the idea of the story line. It's been done before, but you pulled it off nicely. I also like the title, it seams to fit well for this story. However, I don't feel it hooks the reader into your story.

Overall Impression:

Good start to your story. The first paragraph pulled me in. I had to continue on. Good description of Emelie, her character comes alive. And you added negative traits to her as a teenager, Good Job.

I can see the bedroom and closet through your words. And I can see the story unfold as I read. You kept the ending real.

The plot moves at a good pace. It not slow, but it doesn't rush. It is easy to read and understand. Good job.


Suggestions:

Those piercing green eyes seemed to mock her through the pages and she shivered, closing the book to shut out the images of the big fight they had had that night.
I believe there needs to be a comma between had and had, because you are using the same word twice so there should be a pause. If I am wrong, please ignore.


Final Thoughts/Conclusion:

Emelie is well written and I enjoyed reading it.

Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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129
129
Review of Transformation  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Wake up and Live

This is an Angel Review *Angel*  *Angel*

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

Starting with the title, it's a little catchy. It gets the reader wondering what happen in August that we need to know about. I feel this short piece is well written and I have no suggestions.

There is good description of the setting and the transformation from human to fish. You established the setting. Good way to end the story. I could see the story taking place as I read.

The plot moves along at a good pace. It's not slow, however, it doesn't rush everything.


I enjoyed reading One Morning in August
Thank you for sharing.
Keep on writing.


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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130
130
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello WritingWalter

I found you featured in the Horror/Scary Newsletter.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

Title

The title of good, it did do it's job of enticing me to read your poem. I must say I didn't know what to expect from the title, but I found a dark forbidden place. For me the title offers mystery.


Rhythm & Flow:

The rhyme and rhythm guides the pace of your poem nicely. I found good word selection and arrangement. Each line flows nicely into the next line making it easy to understand. I noticed a lack of punctuation which can help guide the rhythm of the poem.


Imagery & Emotions:

Ghosts of Clockwork Gods telling a chilling story of ghosts. I can see robed priests chanting in a circle with smoke rising, outside in a meadow. An ancient being is summoned forthwith. Good job.


Conclusion:

I have no suggestions to offer other than add some punctuation.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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131
131
Review by The Dark Faery
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great story told through the eyes of the Statue of Liberty. I like the idea of the point of view. The story is well written and I have no suggestions. The title fits well with this piece. The pace of the story moves nicely. Good description.

Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading I Saw it All on September 11. Keep on writing.

Gypsy Ann.


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132
132
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Yesmrbill


Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest {/b}

I found you listed on the Angel Review Forum


Overall Impression:{/b}

I don't read or review a lot of essays, but this one caught my attention. I feel it is well written and it does bring up some interesting questions. In my opinion I think you have given some good answers.

I would have to agree with you here, Could it mean that the pure in heart shall understand God I believe to see God or any other Deity is to understand and to have love in your heart.


Suggestions:{/b}

I noticed you wrote the same line close together; "Now what does it mean to "inherit the Earth"? Maybe remove the second one so it doesn't seem like you are repeating yourself.

People sing "Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead!"
None of them have, or will have inherited the Earth. Here you lost me within your analysis. I don't understand what this has to do with inheriting the earth.


Thank you for sharing your article. Keep on writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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133
133
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Kattway92

I found you featured in the poetry newsletter

What an amazing poem. It carries a note of sadness because as losing someone close to us, but also hope and reassurance that we are not alone. We always have someone looking after us and holding our hand at times.

I feel the title fits with the poem. It has a natural flow to it. It is not rushed or forced. It gives emotions and imagery. The word selection is good and the rhythm has a nice even pace. I have no suggestions for this piece.


Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


I enjoyed reading A Message From Beyond. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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134
134
Review of "Old City Jail"  
Review by The Dark Faery
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello Nickmeraglio

I found you listed on the short story page.


Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest {/b}



What I like:{/b}

I like the title. It pulls the reader in to see what's up with an old city jail. I love reading about haunted places and enjoy visiting ghost towns so it hooked me in.

I like how you added in America's first women serial killer. Nice touch.


Overall Impression:{/b}

You have a good start to a great story and I feel with a little tweaking it can be that great story. The beginning is a little slow and continues to be slow because you are telling the story not showing it.

You have a great story line here. And found out we had visited the jail on the anniversary of her and her husbands death February 18,1820 she was hung to death with her husband. His last words were "You shouldn't have come"
This is a great part to add to the story. If helps bring the horror to the story.

Suggestions:{/b}

You need to break up the first couple of sentences in your beginning.
My friends and I went on a little vacation a little get away sort to speak. We wanted to escape our lives for just a few days it was a Thursday afternoon we had planned this trip awhile ago and today was the day we were finally going to "Charleston South Carolina."

. . . a little vacation, a get away . . .
. . . a few days. It was Thursday afternoon and we had . . .

Also if you can use active verbs it makes the story more interesting,
We needed to escape . . .

And we asked her since it was our first time in Charleston what there was to do? She told us the city is a magnificent place to be there is so much history to learn. And said we should consider taking a horse and buggy ride of the city.

Again you are telling not showing. Here use dialog to move your story along.
"Hey, Jenny. It's our first time in Charleston. What do you recommend?" Mark said as he eyes the busty blond waitress.

It is good to give character names and some hint of description as soon as possible. Also hint at what the setting looks like.



Final Thoughts/Conclusion:{/b}

I enjoyed reading "Old City Jail.
Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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135
135
Review of Rain  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello TheSwayer. Welcome to WDC.

I found you listed on the poetry page.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

Title

The title is enticing and reels the reader in to read your poem. I like rain so it sounds interesting to read. This poem lives up to my expectation created by its title.


Rhythm & Flow:

There is a good rhythm and it guides the pace naturally. Good word selection and arrangement. Each line flows nicely into the next line making is easy to read. It is written in free style form, which give more room for creativity.


Imagery & Emotions:

I can see the story unfold as I read your poem. Great job. I can see Mother Earth struggling but hanging in and not giving up hope.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading Rain. My favorite stanza is the last one,
Each droplet a seed,
A flower grows,
Out of every struggle,
A beautiful outcome blooms.
very beautiful

Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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136
136
Review of In the Wind  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello StephB

I found you featured in the Poetry newletter.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

Title

In the Wind, I like the title. It makes me wanting to go outside and enjoy a nice warm breeze. With the poem, the wind is not very friendly.


Rhythm & Flow:

The word selection and arrangement gives a good flow to the poem. The punctuation helps control the flow as well and adds to the rhythm. Each line flows nicely into the next. There is a great pace to your story.


Imagery & Emotions:

It can be a challenge to get imagery and emotions weaved into a poem, you have done a great job with this one.
I can see an embrace between lovers and then the man riding off to war. It offers a sad moment in time.

Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading your poem. Besides the title I like the last line. I can see the scarf fling in the wind.

Thank you for sharing. Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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137
137
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Prosperous Snow

I found you featured in the Spiritual Newsletter.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

Title

I found the title very enticing and was curious to read about the eclipse. I feel the poem lives up to my expectations of the vision created from the title.
Because of the recent eclipse, I was draw to read this poem first from the featured list.


Rhythm & Flow:

I enjoy reading Free Verse poetry, it is easier for me to understand at times. This piece has good rhythm which in turn gives easy control of the flow of the poem. Each line flows nicely into the next. And the punctuation also help with the flow.



Imagery & Emotions:

A great story told, I could see the Grandpa viewing the eclipse back in the day. I can understand the emotions of fear and protection. Also the feeling of Awe because a total eclipse doesn't come around every year.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading Total Solar Eclipse. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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138
138
Review of Constellations  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello KatVon

I found you listed on the poetry page.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


Title

The title is enticing, pulling the reader in to read your poem. The perspective of the title fits well here. I feel it helps add meaning to the poem as well.



Rhythm & Flow:

The word selection and arrangement guides the pace of the story. Each line flows nicely into the next line making it easy to read. The punctuation helps the rhythm to be smooth.

Imagery & Emotions:

I like how you compare the city lights as fallen stars from the sky. So no matter where you end up in this crazy world you can always look at the stars.

In my mind I'm trying to connect the city lights into constellations.


Conclusion:

I feel you did a good job at writing this poem.
I enjoyed reading Constellations. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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139
139
Review by The Dark Faery
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hello DeNine
I will be reviewing parts of your story at a time. I hope this will be of more help that way.


Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest {/b}



What I like:{/b}

I like the way the story starts out, action. You are giving the reader something to hold on too and wanting to turn the page.


Overall Impression:{/b}

For me the title don't pop. It doesn't pull me in. Remember this is your story and what I am writing is to help not hurt. I know sometimes the title will change many times before the story is finish. There is still time to work on it.

Next you are writing with passive verbs (was, are, is} which slows the story down. Using active verbs keeps the reading turning the page. And that is what you want. Remember to show not tell.

Give description, about the setting, about the characters. Give names.

So far you have a great pace going.


Suggestions:{/b}


"That will show them," I hammered the last nail into place. "That will show them," as I hammered the last nail into place. I stared at the wooden door. The icy wind howled and blew my brown hair into my eyes. The smell of decay entered into my nose causing my stomach to turn.

I noticed blood dripping from my hands, the life sustaining liquid stained the dirt floor. A shuttered torn through my spine. The moonless night hid everything. My mind reeling from the horrible events as the scenes replayed over and over again like an old movie.

I needed to keep running. I have to survive.


Final Thoughts/Conclusion:{/b}

I will try to review more of the chapter tomorrow. I hope I have helped.

Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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140
Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful idea. So many would like to have the extras that come with an upgraded account and can't afford to pay for it themselves. I need to check into this myself.

This page has a beautiful banner at the top. It offers much needed information on how to become part of a great group and how to ask for help for an upgraded account. This page is well written and is easy to follow and understand. It is short and sweet and to the point.

Great job.

Gypsy Ann
141
141
Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an important part of WDC. It breaks down your page and tabs to better understand them. There are links provided for addition information, which is great. This site can be overwhelming at first, but with pages like this one is a big help to new people. There is a lot of great information here.

I remember rereading pages like this when I was new. I still do at time because there is so much here.

The only thing I can suggestion would be a link for technical assistance.

Great job and keep writing.

Gypsy Ann
142
142
Review of The Old House  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello VB

I found you featured in the Poetry Newsletter.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

Rhythm & Flow:

The poem has good rhythm and each line flows nicely into the next making it easy to read and understand.


Imagery & Emotions:

WOW! such emotion and imagery. I can see this big old house falling apart, sad because the family who once made this house a home is now gone. The house is abandon to the elements and animals of the woods.

I feel like I need to run through the meadow to find this house and make it a home again.


Grammar & Punctuation:

I found no spelling errors. You did good with the punctuation. I have no suggestions for this piece.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading The Old House. The title drew me in to read and the picture you painted with your words kept me reading. I love the last two lines, because it sounds so much like me.

Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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143
143
Review of Forged in Winter  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello destinydances

I found you featured in the poetry newsletter.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


Rhythm & Flow:

Forged in Winter moves along at a stead pace. Each line flows into the next making it easy to read and understand. Great job, this sometimes can be difficult to do.


Imagery & Emotions:

I can see the bare branches covered in snow, waiting for the sun and warm of spring. I see trees on a white hill top waving in the wind. And I can hear the wind whistling adding to the cold as the trees hold on to mother earth.


Grammar & Punctuation:

I found no spelling errors and you didn't use punctuation. Sometimes I will add in a comma to continue the thought or a period at the end of the stanza. But it is your poem, you know how it should be.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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144
Review of Her Balance  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Wolfbane

I found you on the newsfeed.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


Rhythm & Flow:

Her Balance has great rhythm. It flows evenly from one to the next. You have amazed me again with the flow of the rhyming.


Imagery & Emotions:

I feel emotions of fear and of hope. I feel you have hit upon a true note here,
Their is one thing we can do, that is Hope,
The scales don't tip towards a slipping slope.
Hope is all we now.

The first line sets up for devastating possibilities and hope. I can see the story you have painted with your words of Mother Nature's wrath, the oceans raising up and the winds coming down. Great job.


Grammar & Punctuation:

I found no errors and no suggestions.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading your poem. Another great job. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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145
145
Review of Ghost  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Danial Francis

I found you in the Poetry Newsletter

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


Rhythm & Flow:

The rhythm of the poem is good it has a fast pace and each line flows nicely into the next line. I like the rhyming scheme.


Imagery & Emotions:

I can see the story unfolding as I read each stanza. I could see a ghost walking up and down the hallway. And a person laying in bed with the sheets pulled over his/her head. The emotion of fear rise up.


Grammar & Punctuation:

I found no errors. The only suggestion I can offer would be to expand on the poem, add another stanza.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading Ghost. The title is good and simple yet it pulled me into reading your poem. I like the lines Footfalls upon my floor . . .

Thank you for sharing. Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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146
146
Review of The Moon's Child  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Camran Bastien

I found you listed on the poetry page.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest


Rhythm & Flow:

I feel there is a good rhythm to your poem. Each line flows easily into the next making it easy to read. I like the free style form.


Imagery & Emotions:

I can see a child enjoying and loving nature and the wilderness. Someone who has found balance between light and dark. I feel a since of peace. Great job.


Grammar & Punctuation:

I found no errors. If I had to give a suggestion it would be to break the poem up into stanzas or to center it on the page without breaking it up.


Conclusion:

I love the title, The Moon's Child, it is what pulled me into reading your poem. I can't pick one or two lines as my favorite for there are several. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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147
147
Review of Broken House  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello QPdoll


Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest {/b}

I found you listed on the Angel Review Forum, Port Raid Authors.


What I like:{/b}

I like the story line. It moves at a great pace. It's the perfect setting for getting engaged, it's different and unusual.


Overall Impression:{/b}

Great story. It is well written. And it leaves the reader wanting more, did Vicky say yes? Is there a ghost in the house? Do they buy the house and fix it up?

There is good description of setting for a short story. However, not much about the characters - which is hard to do in flash fiction. The title is good. It sparks the imagination.


Suggestions:{/b}

I have no suggestions for this piece. I found no errors.


Final Thoughts/Conclusion:{/b}

I enjoyed reading "Broken House". Thank you for sharing your story.
Keep on writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*

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Review of Autumn Fall  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello Gordon Zany

I found you listed on the Angel Review Forum, Authors Spotlight.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

This piece has a great flow from line to line. It tells a story of a forgotten place in a forgotten time. I see the hallway, the doors, and the dust. You left me wondering about door number two, with the fact that the door will not open. Why? Great job.

I picked this piece to read because of the title. I like the Autumn. It's a pretty time in nature. I have no favorite line, it all speaks to me.

I have no suggestions for this piece.


I enjoyed reading Autumn Fall. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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149
149
Review of Nugatory  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Ethan Owens

I found you listed on the Angel Review Forum, authors spotlight.

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

s shadow flees the burning sun, I escape my heart's captor, carrying my core through a dark, gloomy cave; my sewer of a soul, searching for any glimmering optimism that may remain in such thickly overwhelming black mud.

This stanza says so much, it holds fear and hope. I really like these lines. Such colorful description. I feel this piece is well written. It is full of description and emotions. Great job.

The only suggestion I can offer is to maybe add a few more lines.

I enjoyed reading Nugatory. Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


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150
150
Review of In Between  
Review by The Dark Faery
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hello Tigris Firecatcher

I found you listed on the poetry page

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest {/b}


Rhythm & Flow:

This poem has a nice rhythm of words and it flows well line to line. I like the style of alternating between three lines and two lines.


Imagery & Emotions:

I see an image of a pale woman dancing around between the earth and sky. I get a feel of being lost, because she can't seem to find the way to move beyond. She is in a place with sweet smells but cold.



Grammar & Punctuation:

I found no spelling errors. One suggestion would be to find others words meaning red. I feel the repeating of red leaves and repeated lines slow the pace of the poem down.


Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading In Between. I like the title it's what drew me in to read your poem.

The dew has become feathers
Branching out in veins of frost
This is one of my favorite stanzas. Great job. I like how you describe the dew.


Thank you for sharing.
Keep on Writing!


Gypsy Ann *ButterflyV*


The WDC Army Angels


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