hi,
brick. The story was unique. It created the feeling of fear without blood and gore. It was well written. I might take a look at the other piece. I agree on the ocassion we do not what is good. WE think it is all good. That is why we are hear to learn. I have heard that writers still have to reread and rework their work several times over, even the very best.
hi,
brick. The wife has a mental disorder. It is true for the sake of them, that the information is dooled out slowly. I know as I have one, he has to be tender as he tells her this. She still is the one he loves. It is well writen. You make the husband fell the sorrow that she tells him, what she believes to be true.
hi,
Sebastian. The opening is good. It causes the reader to think that there is nothig to worry about. Thinking the fire is set by the preists to celecrate the twin moons. Insteda of what had happened there. Entering the chi=urch and seeing what was done there. Makes him upset. They do not know who is responsible or why? There is a belief that a hooded lady had her hand in this matter. It works very well. Keep at her.
hi,
Greg. That was a surprize, I did not see that coming. That is where ther food comes from us, it was not a good feeling to think such a thought as that. It reminded me of the details of crash survivors. It sounds like an older tale that I read in the eighties or the sevenities were a crew of a space ship have crashed on a planet, and there were these animals and another= space ship crashed there, but there of that ship.
When one crew member ate one of the animals, he vanished in the morning. His uniform was empty,but he was no where to be found. The animals had cells of planets, and reptilean cells, and all forms of life in them.
The end was when the crew ate one too. There no one left there but the animals,
hi,
Eye.I take it, gluttery was the vice, you were writing about. Your story is true involving some people. They have grown to that size, their appetites would be that way for quite some time I myself have a garguantain appetite but do not gain weight. I have high metabloism, but if I do not enough, I feel sluggish.
They have made a deal with the devil, due to their eating habits and acquiring what they wore in his house.
hi,
J.L. It sounds like she would like him to be with her. The only draw back is that she is intimidated by what her family would think. She was a woman, who wished for him to be there to fullfil her dream of him being there. However class is all the important to some people. Money is not a bed of roses. She should have thought that if he likes her and she likes him. Let the merriment begin.
hi,
Henry, that was intixicating , It allowed the readerto feel as though he was right there with them both, seeing the reaction, she had on him. She had him eating out of her hand. Her emotional sense of well being, is true to the character you have created. She does not like being toyed with, she does not trust nor like people who do this.
hi,
Averren, That piece is not a good picture of the Star Trek crewmembers, would they not hav e tried to communicate with the ships first. The empire would no doubt try the same thing until they realize who is the foe here. The empire does not attack unless there is just cause, is this not so.
hi,
J.L. It is like that with every relation. On the ocassion we touch the pot not realizing how hot it is. We burn ourselves frm its heat. As you were suggesting this is an assignment from the company. You made it seem real enough for the reader to preceive these things as they happen.
hi,
I.M, The thought that gravediggers would do this in the future, I suspected they were working in the early forties. Not the future, the suggestion, that they were able to pay for their release, when in the early 1800's gravediggers wee hung for their activities,. They attacked the people who caught them there.
Were captured by the police. When they were released, what evidence they woudl provide would possibly harm their employers reputation. So, he choose to silence them.
hi.\
shypuppie. The piece allows us tio understand how the animals feel and survive in the fall. They are having to be carr=eful of what they may find there. There are other animals that pursue them too. It explains where they gather their water from, the clear running brooks that carry their water to them. It was wekk developed.
hi
drszioll.The piece is good. it allows the reader to see how things are done in China town. I suspect that FU Yuan has some connections that you do not know about. It would be very foolish if he was to simply do this. As eh was saying a pound of herion has to be cut appropraitely as he was saying. Where he got the pound from is important. He is possoibly a supplier of the drug. Trouble willbe a brewing/
hi,
Angus. Fantasic It was enjoy able. The piece drew us in like the andromedia strain. No one knew what was happening, and no one was talking about the matter. The humans were turning into reptiles. The story was good, it allowed us to see, how he or she felt with this happening.
hi,
Newday. There is only one suggestion I have. you left one paragraph untouched for your reader's pleasure. Aside from the read was good. Your introduction o fthe piece allows the reader to understand she is a college girl,who has job. With which to pay for her schooling. The girl is as we all are self absorbed not seeing where she is going. I can relate it happens quite a bit. Having to jump the guard rail to save herse;f from the car that is in pursuit of her.
hi,
Sister. The poetry identifies the leprechauns and what they have been sent to guard . Their job is to protect the gold from those who seek it. They are brilliant, their plight is to guard as if their very lives depend upon it being not found nor secured. That was very good.
hi,
Kei. What you see, may not be all you get. No one is perfect, we each have qualities that make us desirible to the other people. We also have faults, someone may be a giant, and still dates someone small. You might like a jock, but what if does not like you. You may like chocolate, but if you eat it every day, The desire ends.
One little suggestion break it into segments like the chapters one chapter to begin with is easier to read. The piece is long. There is alot of good details. That you have mentioned, is that your not sure about details.
Paragraphs should be when one person is talking.
Another for the second person.
You have some idea to indent as there are some people who don't. The prices might be correct?
offer points to the reader, thi scan be done as you are writing at the bottom of the article there is points listed, to gain points, reveiw you usually receive 250 for a reveiw, before anything is offered be low.
The first chapter is good, expressing the emotional boundary that has been established with the injured party and the others who are dealing with him. Is good.
hi,
drszioli. The situation looks confused, the computers is unable to create an plausible data.
The computer does not give its controller any data, he is last of the human race. He has to get to place where we can rebuild and recreate our planet to allow us to continue on, or carry on.
hi,
Kei, confusion and more confusion. The story revolves around a area where bodies lay strewn on the ground. The scene it fearful as you see your own mother among the bodies that are laying there. The fear that something killed them, your pretense of thought is that you are responsible for this.
hi
Averren, The piece has a feel of melancholy. To do this you have accomplished what you were trying to do. The plight of Ren and the kingdom, that she was to try and warn. Had been attacked by the undead, whom she was to face. Her intention is to protect them from their enemy. Her purpose is to try and save them. Lord Bennet may have his hands full with the plight by which he is facing.
hi,
Scar. Your borrowing from night at the nusuen, Looks good, mind you this is comedy. Agaff that is. Could you take a look at "Tis a bonnie wee lass. Tell me, what you think, you might enjoy, Comedy is good, id you are striving for a laugh. That sounds about as bad as alrk I did.
A nieghbor of my father asked me to go inside and open the door of his friend as a surprize birthday party. His friend was invited out with the boys at work to celebrate. He did not return home until 2 in the morning, his friends had been waiting from 6 til 2 for him to come in. They screamed, Surprize. He was.. I got a talking to the next morning for that.
hi,
'Mimi. That is the truth. The story is good, try and turn this over to the writer of horror and scary here. I am not sure who she is , but her info is on the main page. Look it over, and let her see your work, Keep the faith keep on writing. The story is good. However you does not evoke the same feeling as I. As you has a feeling for the reader not to be one experiencing it.
Sincerely
Richard Edwards
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