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Hi blazephoenix,
Nice visual handle.
I just read your wee tale, The Magical Amulet.
 TITLE: Your title caught my attention and drew me in. It made me curious to discover what this tale was about.
FORMAT: This is easy to read and understand.
SETTING: You used a nice balance of imagery and well written words that made me feel as if I am there.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: My editing skills are not the best in the world, yet I try my best to let the author know if something looks out of place, misspelled or missing.
OH DRATS!
Line By Line Edit
The Magical Amulet
A long time ago in ancient Egypt, there was a chest which contain a magical amulet that can give a wish whoever wore it but our ancestor took it away and cannot be seen for generation by generation. There has a rumor that in one pyramid in Egypt has a secret passageway the leads to a series of test to determine who is the righteous one who can have a wish but if you doesn’t deserve it you will be killed by the ancient guards of the passageway.
I believe this opening paragraph would sound better like this: A long time ago in ancient Egypt, there was a chest which contain a magical amulet that could give a wish to whoever wore it, but our ancestor took it away and it wasn’t seen for generations. There has a rumor that one pyramid in Egypt has a secret passageway that leads to a series of test to determine who is the righteous one who can have a wish, but if you don’t deserve it, you will be killed by the ancient guards of the passageway.
One traveler named comma Edward, together with his apprentice Jacob went to Egypt when he hears heard the rumor. Jacob wanted to be immortal so that he can could live in on the planet earth for eternity comma but Edward don’t doesn’t want to be immortal period (He) he just wanted wantsto be with his father that remove that and replace with who, has had passed away because he can’t say “I love you” to him commaor even express his feeling to his father, Andand because of his desperation he come came to Egypt. When they were near the pyramid, Jacob hit Edward to onhis head and said;
“Thank you for bringing me here, you can rest now Edward. HAHAHA.”
When Edward gains his consciousness, regain consciousnesshe immediately enters the pyramid. When he enter the pyramid remove when he enter the pyramid, then capitalize hehe was shocked of bywhat he saw; Jacob was lying on the ground with full of blood in his body and he was DEAD!
Jacob was lying on the ground with full of blood in his body -- this doesn‘t make sense
Even though he is wasa traitor, Edward still prays for his spirit to be peaceful. A few minutes after the peaceful prayer, he continued his journey for the amulet. At first, he find finds it difficult to find the way to treasure room because the pyramid structure is like a labyrinth. After a few hours of searching, he pushes a brick which is the switch for the opening of a passageway that leads beneath the pyramid.
Before Edward enters the passageway, he gets a torch and goes down. When Edward goes down, he found that the door was closing but it was too late! He had no choice but to go down. When he reaches the end of the stairs he read some text written in hieroglyphics on the wall;
“This will test your might
And see the purity of your heart
An enemy will come to fight
To see whether you’re in the right.”
After he read it, he found a sword lying on the ground. Before he could grab it the enemy in the riddle came comma and he was at remove atshock because he found out it was his father and was trying to kill him!! Edward fought bravely and when he had a chance to defeat his father he drop his sword and said;
“There is no sense of killing you, caused I don’t want to kill somebody especially you.”
The enemy stood up and said;
“You have passed the test. You can now go to the next door.”
Then the enemy disappeared. As he enters the next room he saw the “valley of darkness of no end” and he sees saw a stone tablet that has had a riddle written in hieroglyphics;
“As you can see the darkness valley
You must enter the alley.
And a light must come
If you are the righteous one”
So he enters the valley. He was very frightened and his whole body was shaking. When he was far to the starting point, he relaxed, and then he figured the riddle out, he put the fire in the torch that serve servedas a light and the one who holds the light is the righteous one, he put the light in front of the stone and some word has remove has appeared which says that it was just a illusion, then he think it was just an illusion and when he opened his eyes the valley of darkness was gone.
Edward entered the last room which is was the treasure room. When he was just a step away to from the amulet he stopped and said;
“I never don’tneed the amulet! Because I realized that I must be happy for what I have now. I know my father was very proud of what I have and he is very happy, he just not doesn’t expresses it but I know his he’shappy for meperiod”
“GREAT!” Edward hear it from nowhere” the amulet was not true it is also a part of a test, if you’re intention for that wish is for good and not for selfishness. And for the prize of your braveness and purity of your heart I will send you back in time where your father still lives, use that opportunity wisely”. I think this paragraph reads better this way:
“GREAT!” Edward heard a voice that came from nowhere, “the amulet was not rea, but also a part of a test, if your intention was for that wish, is for good and not for selfishness. And for the prize of your braveness and purity of your heart I will send you back in time where your father still lives, use that opportunity wisely”.
And the next event moment he know knows is that he is back in time and saw his father working outside for woods used in cooking and Edward helps his father happily and without his father notice he said "I Love You".
OTHER THINGS OUT OF PLACE:
POINT OF VIEW: I know who's point of view the story is being told from.
FLOW: This story is told in a logical order. You didn’t overload this tale with a lot of foreign words and used a variety of sentence lengths.
 Great job.
   The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams -- Eleanor Roosevelt
My review is only my humble opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you, not discouraging. I don’t wish to offend or upset anyone. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though: Keep unleashing your imagination and let it fly where it wishes! -- Janet Novak
Ladybug
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The words stand out nicely against the background and do not block the image.