*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jayepmarshall/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
7,061 Public Reviews Given
7,951 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review of From East to West  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece where you have done a good job of choosing to show both the "like" and the "unlike" and considered them both. I liked that.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

27
27
Review of As the River Goes  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very nice tribute to all of those long-term friendships that seem to be unchanging throughout the years. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

28
28
Review of Paper Cuts  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting concept that presents opportunities for some really emotional impact in the relationship between the writer of the note and the recipient. Is there some way that the writer feels the recipient is responsibile for the feelings? Might be something you want to consider.

Grammar & Punctuation: Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and he left a note behind that he sent to me in which he wrote this: '
Suggest: and he left a me a note in which he wrote:

In this phrase, ‘ it makes me feel even less alive then before '
Suggest: it makes me feel even less alive than before

In this phrase, ‘ they no longer exist, there gone, '
Suggest: they no longer exist, they're gone,

In this phrase, ‘ continue to exist in this zombie like state any longer. '
Suggest: continue to exist in this zombie-like state any longer.

In this phrase, ‘ I've thought of dying trying to save someones life '
Suggest: I've thought of dying trying to save someone's life


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

29
29
Review of playgroup  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece although it seems a bit ambigious, perhaps due the lack of a specified, or even hiinted at, age group.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ you always catch me when i fall. '
Suggest: you always catch me when I fall.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

30
30
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a neat little poem that makes a very valid statement. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Inner most thoughts were doubts that gnawed '
Suggest: Innermost thoughts were doubts that gnawed

In this phrase, ‘ Nor looking back '
Suggest: Ne'er looking back


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

31
31
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that aptly addresses the old adage of "the eye of the beholder", or perhaps the lover. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

32
32
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This seems to me to be a very informative article that provides a lot of access links to resources available to the reader desiring more information. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

33
33
Review of GUN-CONTROL  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a well-written essay where you've done an excellent job of making your points and arguing them through. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Australia were forced by law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms '
Suggest: Australians were forced by law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms

In this sentence, ‘ Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both. Benjamin Franklin. '
Suggest: 'Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both. ' Benjamin Franklin.

In this phrase, ‘ and all our hard won liberties. '
Suggest: and all our hard-won liberties.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

34
34
Review of Today's Holocaust  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that presents some horrific "facts". However, I do have a problem with the citing of Wikipedia as a reliable source of research.

Format: Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ An embryo or fetus is smaller is smaller than a newborn or adult. '
Suggest: An embryo or fetus is smaller than a newborn or adult.

In this sentence, ‘ It usually takes over and hour for them to die. '
Suggest: It usually takes over an hour for them to die.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

35
35
Review of Email Song  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very moving song and I'm very glad that it is being performed. Congratulations. Think it deserved wider recognition. Good luck.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ I want to tell him he’s a great grand dad, '
Suggest: I want to tell him he’s a great granddad,

In this line, ‘ Oh dad, remember when? '
Suggest: Oh Dad, remember when?


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

36
36
Review of I Miss My Dad  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very sad story that seems to be appearing in all too many households these days. You have done a good job of conveying the emotions and challenges facing these families. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ We were only about two hours into our eight hour trip '
Suggest: We were only about two hours into our eight-hour trip

In this phrase, ‘ Parkinson's waiting on him really became her full time job. '
Suggest: Parkinson's, waiting on him really became her full time job.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

37
37
Review of The Fish Tale  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a cute piece that seemed to evoke the typical youngster response. Neatly done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

38
38
Review of Jake and Bagheera  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a really cute tale of two unlikely friends and collaborators. It does, however, seem to have some punctuation problems.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ "Here's the list." she placed it in a carrier '
Suggest: "Here's the list." She placed it in a carrier

In this phrase, ‘ house with the weeks groceries but Sheila hated to impose. '
Suggest: house with the week's groceries, but Sheila hated to impose.

In this phrase, ‘ "Hello Sheila, my name is Mark '
Suggest: "Hello, Sheila, my name is Mark

In this phrase, ‘ you brought a friend." Mark said. '
Suggest: you brought a friend," Mark said.

In this phrase, ‘ It went off without a hitch became part '
Suggest: It went off without a hitch and became part


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **


39
39
Review of Cycles  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting little piece that seems to me to conceal more than it reveals. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

40
40
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This piece is packed full of feeling. I did have a bit of a problem that the levels of those emotions seemed to flucuate in intensity between verses, rather up and down.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

41
41
Review of The Perfume River  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: You have done a great job of creating a magnificant word-picture here that sweeps the reader along on a very visual and aromatic journey. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ I notice the still distant perfume of lavender. '
Suggest: I notice the still-distant perfume of lavender.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

42
42
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting concept although I found the lack of specific details as to what the situation actually was a bit disconcerting. Believe it would be improved by defining what happened.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

43
43
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is another good piece of this puzzle where we get to meet another player in this ongoing saga and, as they say, "the plot thickens". Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ Then Ward and the younger detective stepped outside, heading for the car. '
Suggest: Bringing this sentence in agreement with last sentence previous paragraph.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

44
44
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a compelling first chapter that continues to move this story along nicely, building suspense as it goes. Well done.

Characters: Here you have done a good job of portraying Jericho through his thoughts and actions and allowing the reader to really relate to him.

Dialog: Dialog is very realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and the muted tick of the clock by his font door. '
Suggest: and the muted tick of the clock by his front door.

In this phrase, ‘ although his ill fitting brown suit and blue nylon tie showed '
Suggest: although his ill-fitting brown suit and blue nylon tie showed

In this phrase, ‘ The grey haired man, nearer the door, '
Suggest: The grey-haired man, nearer the door,

In thess sentences, ‘ ”Really, Morris?” And what piece of detective genius did you use to leap amazingly to that conclusion?’ '
Suggest: ”Really, Morris? And what piece of detective genius did you use to leap amazingly to that conclusion?"

In this sentence, ‘ ”Mr Ward?” he asked. '
Suggest: ”Mr. Ward?” he asked.

In this sentence, ‘ ”Would you like to come inside officers? '
Suggest: ”Would you like to come inside, officers?

In this phrase, ‘ “The professor is convinced that he’s on to something '
Suggest: “The professor is convinced that he’s onto something

In this sentence, ‘ ”But Dr. Vyse isn’t in the country is she?” '
Suggest: ”But Dr. Vyse isn’t in the country, is she?”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

45
45
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent beginning that grabs the reader by the throat and pulls him/her directly into this exciting adventure. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ away from the window and in to the middle of the room. '
Suggest: away from the window and into the middle of the room.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

46
46
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I was referred to this piece by another WDC Member.

General Impressions: This is a truly mesmerizing story that grabbed my interest right away and held it throughout. Well done.

Characters: You have done an excellent job of portraying Brandon and showing his most unusuasl connection with his daughter through his thoughts and his physical reactions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Here you go kiddo…” he started, '
Suggest: “Here you go, kiddo…” he started,

In this phrase, ‘ missile sped toward the bottom of the hill - and his five year old daughter. '
Suggest: missile sped toward the bottom of the hill - and his five-year-old daughter.

In this phrase, ‘ “It’s alright sweetheart, '
Suggest: “It’s alright, sweetheart,

In this phrase, ‘ He and his wife Karen were in the habit of reading '
Suggest: He and his wife. Karen. were in the habit of reading

In this phrase, ‘ if this was a work related incident,” he said; '
Suggest: if this was a work-related incident,” he said;

In this phrase, ‘ residents cranked-up the air conditioner swith hopes of impunity. '
Suggest: residents cranked-up the air conditioners with impunity.

In this phrase, ‘ the smell of the lake promising that a respite was within reach. '
Suggest: the smell of the water promising that a respite was within reach. (The later tide action indicates an ocean.)

In this phrase, ‘ blonde locks away from her daughters eyes with a still-trembling hand. '
Suggest: blonde locks away from her daughter's eyes with a still-trembling hand.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

47
47
Review of The pain within  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: You've done a good job here of getting across to the reader feelings of entrapment and helplessness in dealing a life situation. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

48
48
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a delightful little poem that I simply loved. Couldn't help but smile all the way through. Great job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

49
49
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: These are very good lyrics and I can just hear them sung as a ballad. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Blood stained pictures left hanging on the walls '
Suggest: Blood-stained pictures left hanging on the walls


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

50
50
Review of Broken Bird  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good story where you've done a great job of showing the unwilling weaknesses of your narrator through her thoughts. I think this piece offers the opportunity for expansion into a longer story. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ when it was a bloody ball in by grasp, '
Suggest: when it was a bloody ball in my grasp,

In this phrase, ‘ ragged cloths, bloodied knees. '
Suggest: ragged clothes, bloodied knees.

In this phrase, ‘ an insult even children knew better then to use. '
Suggest: an insult even children knew better than to use.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

2,723 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 109 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jayepmarshall/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2