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51
51
Review of Save Me A Seat  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very nice tribute to good friend where you've done a good job of getting across just how much this person meant to you in your life.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ You sang the song of a blue jay on an early mornings dawn '
Suggest: You sang the song of a blue jay on an early morning's dawn

In this line, ‘ Your love was like a seedling, never wilting or afraid '
Suggest: Your love was like a seedling, never wilting nor afraid

In this line, ‘ You were my shining butterfli, like a colorful flower bed '
Suggest: You were my shining butterfly, like a colorful flower bed

In this line, ‘ You always threw the life line in when i began to groan '
Suggest: You always threw the lifeline in when I began to groan

In this line, ‘ So when it is my turn to go, keep an eye out for me please '
Suggest: So when it is my turn to go, keep an eye out for me, please


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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52
52
Review of Wolf Dreams  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated January 28 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a interesting story with a nice, subtle twist at the end that you've worked in quite well.

Format: Some separating lines between paragraphs seem to be missing.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ He grabbed oftlinethe pen '
Suggest: Correcting this word/phrase: "oftlinethe pen".

In this phrase, ‘ He saw his beloved wife Rosy disappear before his eyes; '
Suggest: He saw his beloved wife, Rosy, disappear before his eyes;

In this phrase, ‘ he could smell the coppery, blood tainted breath '
Suggest: he could smell the coppery, blood-tainted breath

In this phrase, ‘ your in Winston County Hospital. '
Suggest: you're in Winston County Hospital.

In this sentence, ‘ “Would you like for me to order you some special?” '
Suggest: “Would you like for me to order you something special?”

In this phrase, ‘ need anything!” she then told him and turned and walked out the door. '
Suggest: need anything!” She turned and walked out the door.

In this phrase, ‘ “Okay Doctor.” Emma responded '
Suggest: “Okay, Doctor,” Emma responded


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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53
53
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated January 28 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very informative article that appears to be well-researched. Nice job.

Format: You might want to check out the Public View and consider using the line-wrap formatting.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Health care workers have either failed to accurately assess pain '
Suggest: Healthcare workers have either failed to accurately assess pain

In this phrase, ‘ Your doctor may also increase the dose of your short acting opioids '
Suggest: Your doctor may also increase the dose of your short-acting opioids

In this phrase, ‘ medications for their psychological effects – not their pain relieving effects. '
Suggest: medications for their psychological effects – not their pain-relieving effects.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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54
54
Review of The Painting  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated January 28 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really haunting story that brings to life one of those momentary "flashes" that sometimes occur - fiction or not. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ He was not the first, or the last, life to be sacrificed '
Suggest: His was not the first, or the last, life to be sacrificed

In this phrase, ‘ I was haunted by regret for the loss and regret that I did not swallow my pride '
Suggest: I was haunted by the loss and regret that I did not swallow my pride


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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55
55
Review of The Snow Globe  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated January 28 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific story with just enough of a touch of the supernatural to greatly enhance it - for me anyway. It does seem a bit unlikely that a man would speak to his superior in the way that Harry addressed Jacob prior to the trip. Overall, very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ one back to Houston a half hour later. '
Suggest: one back to Houston a half-hour later.

In this phrase, ‘ 24 hours after catching an early morning, '
Suggest: Twenty-four hours after catching an early morning,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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56
56
Review of Love on a Seesaw  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated January 28 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful story that somehow has the "ring of truth". You have done a great job of showing the conflict between all of the parties involved. Well done.

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying the changes etc. of Polly/Caro through the combined thoughts and reactions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural in each situation.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

You may want to check the Public view to make sure that the paragraphing is where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the short acting drug would be out of her system. '
Suggest: the short-acting drug would be out of her system.

In this phrase, ‘ Polly had suggested they met at a bar. '
Suggest: Polly had suggested they meet at a bar.

In this phrase, ‘ screaming, "my parents liked her better too!" '
Suggest: screaming, "My parents liked her better too!"

In this sentence, ‘ He also told him this had it's roots in her childhood. '
Suggest: He also told her this had its roots in her childhood.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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57
57
Review of The Pirate's Love  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a neat piece where you've done a good job of painting the word picture to relate this little story.

Format: Suggest using a more verse-like format.

Grammar & Punctuation: In both the title and the description, it seems as if the "pirates" should be "pirate's".

Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ drawn by the oceans crashing waves; '
Suggest: drawn by the ocean's crashing waves;


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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58
58
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Kiya. Jaye here. I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a terrific tribute, Kiya. A real pleasure to read.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ We all love you Kiya, '
Suggest: We all love you, Kiya,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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59
59
Review of Reunion  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated January 28 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very sad story where you've done a very good job of showing the hope for some kind of closure to this troubled relationship and the lack of its fruition. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ walked down the drab corridor toward room 207. '
Suggest: walked down the drab corridor toward Room 207.

In this phrase, ‘ Adorning the salmon painted cinder-block walls '
Suggest: Adorning the salmon-painted cinder-block walls

In this sentence, ‘ “Yes he is.” '
Suggest: “Yes, he is.”

In this phrase, ‘ midnight black hair were more no than harmless grey patches '
Suggest: midnight black hair were no more than harmless grey patches


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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60
60
Review of The Last Serenade  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting story even though it starts out a little slowly. You might want to consider beginning, perhaps, with the dinner with Bruce and Vicki and working the background into the conversation or whatever in order to generate more reader interest earlier.

Format: You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ He never seemed to tire and knew he loved the country life '
Suggest: He never seemed to tire and she knew he loved the country life

In this phrase, ‘ how Vicki pretended to be so all so knowing '
Suggest: how Vicki pretended to be so all-knowing

In this phrase, ‘ didn’t he honey?” '
Suggest: didn’t he, honey?”

In this sentence, ‘ "Oh, Please! '
Suggest: "Oh, please!

In this phrase, ‘ "In all honesty guys, '
Suggest: "In all honesty, guys,

In this phrase, ‘ cause’ there ain’t no in between.” I have to agree with Vicki '
Suggest: cause’ there ain’t no in between. I have to agree with Vicki

In this phrase, ‘ whispered to her, "Lets have a good time tonight." '
Suggest: whispered to her, "Let's have a good time tonight."

In this phrase, ‘ she remembered vaguely over- hearing a conversation at the post office. '
Suggest: she vaguely remembered overhearing a conversation at the post office.

In this phrase, ‘ the new houses would block all everything. '
Suggest: the new houses would block everything.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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61
61
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story where small children can not only learn about friendship but also a bit about nature in general. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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62
62
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story where you have set up a good situation for a forbidden romance. You might want to spend more space on developing how the attraction developed, concentrating on the participants feelings, to draw the reader more into the tale.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ for she was more beautiful than there were stars in the skies. '
Suggest: for she was more beautiful than the stars in the skies.

In this phrase, ‘ but the days' trip would find us in the company of the empress' son, '
Suggest: but the day's trip would find us in the company of the empress' son,

In this phrase, ‘ as I worked my way to her lips in a final, tear salted kiss. '
Suggest: as I worked my way to her lips in a final, tear-salted kiss.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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63
63
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story where you've made a made a nice case for your premise by showing the mutual caring. Nicely done.

Format: You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ between the angels and the demons," She whispered into my ear '
Suggest: between the angels and the demons," she whispered into my ear

In this phrase, ‘ away from the prying eyes of our contrast societies, '
Suggest: away from the prying eyes of our contrasting societies,

In this phrase, ‘ its tip had been in poison for a few minutes later, my wounds had such intense pain '
Suggest: its tip had been poisoned; a few minutes later, my wounds had such intense pain

In this phrase, ‘ her honey colored face was pale '
Suggest: her honey-colored face was pale


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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64
64
Review of In the Dark  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story where you have done a great job of getting across poignant feelings of an unsatisfied burning desire. Very well done.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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65
65
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent first chapter where you've developed a deep interest in Ollie and reader support for his search for his soulmate. Well done.

Characters: You have done a great job of showing Ollie through his thoughts and, most of all, his actions.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ during the filming of his third consecutive best selling novel, '
Suggest: during the filming of his third consecutive best-selling novel,

In this phrase, ‘ where no one but his best friend Ben, knew his real identity. '
Suggest: where no one but his best friend, Ben, knew his real identity.

In this phrase, ‘ everyone knew pretty quickly that Ollie was a big hearted guy, '
Suggest: everyone knew pretty quickly that Ollie was a big-hearted guy,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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66
66
Review of When It Rains  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good story where you've done a great job of defining the relationships throughout. I especially liked how you came back to the beginning idea. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ my brother Avery died in a tractor accident, '
Suggest: Avery died in a tractor accident,

In this phrase, ‘ He puts on a brave face for most of the time, '
Suggest: He puts on a brave face most of the time,

In this phrase, ‘ but I forget to the excess off the pad. '
Suggest: but I forget to take the excess off the pad.

In this phrase, ‘ helplessly as it soars on a set collision course with the kitchen table. '
Suggest: helplessly as it soars on a collision course with the kitchen table.

In this phrase, ‘ the purple beads scattering a rolling off the table, '
Suggest: the purple beads scattering and rolling off the table,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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67
67
Review of A New Beginning  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece where you've painted a pretty bleak picture, however unfortunately truthful, and yet ended with a note of hope for the future and a lesson well learned. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Polluting the days gentle breeze; '
Suggest: Polluting the day's gentle breeze;


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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68
68
Review of HOME  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem where you've done a nice job of creating the visualized atmosphere that is conducive to bringing forth the desired inspiration. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ To gaze at the new fallen snow, '
Suggest: To gaze at the new-fallen snow,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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69
69
Review of Reticent Speech  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful piece that says so much in very few words and conveys its own special feeling. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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70
70
Review of Mother's Day  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good little piece. Congratulations on your publication. It is nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: When numbers begin a sentence, they should be spelled out.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ asked, “If he’s okay then why did the doctor '
Suggest: asked, “If he’s okay, then why did the doctor

In this phrase, ‘ 307 was a beautiful room with a large window '
Suggest: Three-oh-seven was a beautiful room with a large window

In this phrase, ‘ Good job Moriah. '
Suggest: Good job, Moriah.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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71
71
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good article where you've made some excellent points about overcoming what may be perceived as an initial handicap. Well done.

Format: Suggest reformatting in standard line-wrap format.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I've received comments like "You've barely started life"
Suggest: I've received comments like, "You've barely started life"

In this phrase, ‘ answer your queries on writing related stuff '
Suggest: answer your queries on writing-related stuff

In this phrase, ‘ Occasional contests are organized but loads of critiques '
Suggest: Occasional contests are organized, but loads of critiques

In this sentence, ‘ Marty Beckerman who started quite young, too. '
Suggest: Marty Beckerman started quite young, too.

In this phrase, ‘ twenty-something had written the same thing…" '
Suggest: twenty-something had written the same thing."


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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72
72
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a excellent little story with quite a twist at the end. Fascinating from beginning to end and so true to a young boy's curiosity. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ daydreamed of living a pirates life. '
Suggest: daydreamed of living a pirate's life.

In this phrase, ‘ "Oh, thats just the key '
Suggest: "Oh, that's just the key

In this phrase, ‘ The dirt encrusted windows didn't let in much light, '
Suggest: The dirt-encrusted windows didn't let in much light,

In this phrase, ‘ why was Uncle Art so upset?", Adam asked himself. '
Suggest: why was Uncle Art so upset?" Adam asked himself.

In this phrase, ‘ saw a room filled with cloth draped furniture. '
Suggest: saw a room filled with cloth-draped furniture.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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73
73
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated January 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale where you've done a good job of showing an unlikely guardian of an evil knowledge. In the beginning the main character comes across as a bit self-pitying. Is this what you intended?

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the autumn auburn leaves forming blankets '
Suggest: the auburn autumn leaves forming blankets

In this phrase, ‘ “So long Buster,” I reluctantly muttered '
Suggest: “So long, Buster,” I reluctantly muttered

In this phrase, ‘ preserve the freedoms of idiot red~necks like him. '
Suggest: preserve the freedoms of idiot rednecks like him.

In this phrase, ‘ He would spend days exploring the basement of ruined buildings '
Suggest: He would spend days exploring the basements of ruined buildings

In this phrase, ‘ in the shadows and corners of that God for~saken crypt~like cellar. '
Suggest: in the shadows and corners of that God-forsaken crypt~like cellar.

In this phrase, ‘ I would have been powerless to present it from occurring! '
Suggest: I would have been powerless to prevent it from occurring!


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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74
74
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really compelling story with all of the tension building from a premonition pending coming to life. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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75
75
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting vignette about a moment in time for three people. It is well plotted and written.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ "How long til we get home?" '
Suggest: "How long 'til we get home?"

In this sentence, ‘ "Soon Teia. '
Suggest: "Soon, Teia.

In this phrase, ‘ back at the castle by morning." answered Lady Andala. '
Suggest: back at the castle by morning," answered Lady Andala.

In this phrase, ‘ Princess Tanri, and auntie Elethia '
Suggest: Princess Tanri and Auntie Elethia

In this phrase, ‘ in retribution for some long past transgression. '
Suggest: in retribution for some long-past transgression.

In this sentence, ‘ "Cheer up Ron. '
Suggest: "Cheer up, Ron.

In this phrase, ‘ Take one." the man said '
Suggest: Take one," the man said


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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