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Review of The Falls  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing this piece for the Rising Stars Member-to-Member Group.

General Impressions: This would be an excellent setup for a much longer story. I hope you will consider expanding it. It is very well done.

Characters: You have done a good job in depicting Ashley through her words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo

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Review of Harbor Towns  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Colin. Jaye here. I'm reviewing this chapter at your request.

General Impressions: This is an interesting little piece. You might want to expand on it by finding out all you can about this early peoples and writing a short story in one of the most interesting one's viewpoiints. Good luck with all your writing efforts.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of OLD FRIENDS  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that certainly makes a statement although it is a bit misleading until the very end.

Format: Suggest, in dialog, when one person continues speaking, it be included in the same paragraph.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ Dressed in the similar manner he always is. '
Suggest: Dressed in a similar manner as he always is.

In this phrase, ‘ "Late today, arn't you?" '
Suggest: "Late today, aren't you?"

In this phrase, ‘ I need the exercise"he said, '
Suggest: I need the exercise," he said,

In this phrase, ‘ Its a joyous time '
Suggest: It's a joyous time

In this phrase, ‘ Would'nt that prepare the person, '
Suggest: Wouldn't that prepare the person,

In this phrase, ‘ "Its almost time, '
Suggest: "It's almost time,

In this phrase, ‘ "Yes buddy" I replied, '
Suggest: "Yes, buddy" I replied,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of My old dad  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautifully moving tribute that has such a sad under-message. Very well done,.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Miss you forever!  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very sad piece that is very moving. You may want to make sure that you have selected the right words to get across the meaning you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest adding in the missing end-sentence punctuation - periods and question marks where appropriate.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ yes I was, an am at fault, '
Suggest: yes I was, am at fault,

In this phrase, ‘ I have your, and my pain, I will carry in my heart '
Suggest: I have your, and my, pain that I will carry in my heart

In this phrase, ‘ but your gone not forgotten. '
Suggest: but you're gone not forgotten.

In this phrase, ‘ why I failed to share my whole and love to you. '
Suggest: why I failed to share my whole love with you.

In this phrase, ‘ stone that blocks it's entrance and exist. '
Suggest: stone that blocks its entrance and exist.

In this phrase, ‘ Goodbye my dear, '
Suggest: Goodbye, my dear,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece although it does need some additional editorial work.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ brining only some warm winter clothing and the assumption that she was going to be providing much needed help to her family. '
Suggest: bringing only some warm winter clothing and the assumption that she was going to be providing much-needed help to her family.

In this phrase, ‘ “Mom, lets not discuss these things that we will never agree on, '
Suggest: “Mom, let's not discuss these things that we will never agree on,

In this phrase, ‘ Rachel looked around the dinning room '
Suggest: Rachel looked around the dining room

In this phrase, ‘ you know, its hard in this economy.” '
Suggest: you know, it's hard in this economy.”

In this phrase, ‘ she would now have to have this conversation with Katrina. '
Suggest: she would now have to have this conversation with Katarina.

In this phrase, ‘ Rachel was now beginning to apply to any position '
Suggest: Rachel was now beginning to apply for any position

In this phrase, ‘ she transfixed her gaze an angry kite affected erratically '
Suggest: she transfixed her gaze on an angry kite affected erratically


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of A dream  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that does a nice job of relating the feelings of a nightmare such as this. As a great believer in dream guidance myself, I could relate.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ A way to escape this godforesaken scene '
Suggest: A way to escape this godforsaken scene


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a great read which I thoroughly enjoyed. The things you got into were only proof of your inquisitive mind. They always say that the best way to learn is through experience, right?

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ my oft repeated statement was, '
Suggest: my oft-repeated statement was,

In this phrase, ‘ we often traveled on little 2-lane highways '
Suggest: we often traveled on little two-lane highways


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story idea although it needs some additional editorial work.

Format: This is one long paragraph. Suggest you break it down into shorter ones.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and making them creak as the wind passed through. '
Suggest: 'and making them creak as it passed through.' The word "wind" is used previously in this sentence.

In this sentence, ‘ A loud sound that could over rule the banshiee. '
Suggest: A loud sound that could overrule the banshee.

In this phrase, ‘ and than they ran into the kitchen '
Suggest: and then they ran into the kitchen

In this phrase, ‘ whent they saw the kids and the water on the floor they knew what had happened and they were so happy '
Suggest: when they saw the kids and the water on the floor they knew. They were so happy (Phrase repeated from earlier in sentence.)


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of "Shiny Pearl"  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This piece puts forth some very thought-provoking advice and good ideas even though is appears a bit discouraging at times.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this description ‘ A poem I wrote when i was feeling down, needed something inspirational, so i made some '
Suggest: Capitalizing the pronoun "I" and try to cut it to include the complete thought.

In this line, ‘ Is because of this cruel cruel world. '
Suggest: Is because of this cruel, cruel world.

In this line, ‘ So underneath this sadness and grief,Ii would say there's a shiny pearl. '
Suggest: So underneath this sadness and grief, I would say there's a shiny pearl.

In this line, ‘ but always pay attention, any oppurtunity can be a shiny pearl. '
Suggest: but always pay attention, any opportunity can be a shiny pearl.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Scythe  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: You have done a most picturesque job here of picturing the harvesting of the wheat. A very peaceful and bountiful paintiing.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of I love you  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that seems to have a lot more story behind it than is revealed to the reader. It does do a good job of showiing the emotional response to the happenings by the writer.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ I can't believe what's happend. '
Suggest: I can't believe what's happened.

In this line, ‘ For all may be comming to an unfavored end. '
Suggest: For all may be coming to an unfavored end.

In this line, ‘ I love you alot '
Suggest: I love you a lot

In this line, ‘ If it is choosen I will simply not have it. '
Suggest: If it is chosen I will simply not have it.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good set of lyrics that I could almost hear being sung. It does a good job of describing at least the stereotype of this occupation.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Well they wont allow us to go to hell, '
Suggest: Well they won't allow us to go to hell,

In this line, ‘ We live on your highways and by ways, '
Suggest: We live on your highways and byways,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific piece where you make many very valid points. Many times we have only to go back over the years and read some of our own first writings to discover just how horrible we really were. It can certainly be a shocker. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Rising Stars Newsletter and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really funny little tale that does a good job of showing the people of the area.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying both of your characters through their words and their actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Format: You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ bag us a fine, ring neck pheasant for our Christmas meal. '
Suggest: bag us a fine, ring-neck pheasant for our Christmas meal.

In this phrase, ‘ This is a vocation Chester, '
Suggest: This is a vocation, Chester,

In this phrase, ‘ he had no more than a sixth grade education '
Suggest: he had no more than a sixth-grade education


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Rising Stars Newsletter and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is such a sad tale that it brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ who was the mother of his three year old son. '
Suggest: who was the mother of his three-year-old son.

In this phrase, ‘ He was ninety one, '
Suggest: He was ninety-one,

In this phrase, ‘ such a caring giving person. '
Suggest: such a caring-giving person.

In this phrase, ‘ A well loved and respected commercial fisherman '
Suggest: A well-loved and respected commercial fisherman

In this sentence, ‘ How could a turn of events be so cruel. '
Suggest: How could a turn of events be so cruel?

In this phrase, ‘ Our beautiful son Christopher, '
Suggest: Our beautiful son, Christopher,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent little article that I feel makes a very valid point and illustrates it very well. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ who was supposed to be a well known writer for magazines '
Suggest: who was supposed to be a well-known writer for magazines

In this phrase, ‘ The writers toolbox should be filled with various items, '
Suggest: The writer's toolbox should be filled with various items,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting story that puts forth some deep philosophical concepts. Well done.

Characters: You have done a good job of portrayiing George through his thoughts and his actions.

Dialog: The little dialog utilized seems realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Hovering at ten thousand feet '
Suggest: Hovering at ten-thousand feet

In this sentence, ‘ Darn it. '
Suggest: Darnn it.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of The Wager.  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful piece that is very moving. It is encouraging to me whenever I find a few bits of kindness and goodness in a world where we seem to constantly see more negativity. Thank you for a this beautiful story.

Characters: You did a great job of showing the very discouraged narrator.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ It was five thirty PM '
Suggest: It was five-thirty PM

In this phrase, ‘ clad in worn out shoes, '
Suggest: clad in worn-out shoes,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Traveling  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that leaves feelings of sadness and hope for the future. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ I remember as a child the cross country treks, '
Suggest: I remember as a child the cross-country treks,

In this line, ‘ The endless droning of semi truck engines the only company in those wee hours. '
Suggest: The endless droning of semi-truck engines the only company in those wee hours.

In this line, ‘ A man hustles in towing a tow headed boy. '
Suggest: A man hustles in towing a tow-headed boy.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of The Glory Of War  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a terrific, and moving, poem that I think does a great job of capturing the hopes and dreams compared to the reality of this situation. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece with a bit of a twist.

Characters: For some reason, I didn't really feel emotionally involved with Conrad. Perhaps if you were to show more of his growing panic and fear it might help gain reader sympathy.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I wasn't spook out easily but I was, '
Suggest: I don't spook out easily but I was,

In this sentence, ‘ "I am," I replied. '
Suggest: "I am he," I replied.

In this phrase, ‘ There is no cops '
Suggest: There are no cops

In this sentence,‘ My kicking did not do any harm on him. '
Suggest: My kicking did not do any harm to him.

In this phrase, ‘ the man had unlock the car doors '
Suggest: the man unlocked the car doors

In this phrase, ‘ The only respond was a tightened grip '
Suggest: The only response was a tightened grip


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of The cursor blinks  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that contains an example of what can occur when we are a bit patient - or perhaps hyponized by the constant blinking. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ when nothings there '
Suggest: when nothing's there



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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224
224
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting set of lyrics though I'm am a bit confused by the message you are trying to get across.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this title, ‘ Thats why it hurts so much '
Suggest: That's why it hurts so much

In this line, ‘ And that why it hurts so much '
Suggest: And that 's why it hurts so much

In this line, ‘ Can't it stop where it should do, how far can you pursue it '
Suggest: Can't it stop where it should, how far can you pursue it

In this line, ‘ Till it turns itself back on you '
Suggest: 'Til it turns itself back on you


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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225
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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: These are certainly highly unusual lyrics that tell the story in a really strange way.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest you employ capitalization where it is indicated and proofread for punctuation.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ peter was asked about him he daid "don't know that name" '
Suggest: Peter was asked about him; he said, "Don't know that name"


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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