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76
76
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good introductory chapter where you've done a great job of setting up the family situation of your protagonist and hinting at the problems to come. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “What’s the matter Suse?” '
Suggest: “What’s the matter, Suse?”

In this phrase, ‘ I brushed my long blonde hair down my back '
Suggest: I had brushed my long blonde hair down my back


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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77
77
Review of Monotony in Rule  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This seems like a very good setup for a longer story. You might want to consider expanding on this idea and writing a full-length version.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ yet I could tell you nothing of them; bar that they were dirty, '
Suggest: yet I could tell you nothing of them except that they were dirty,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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78
78
Review of Sticks and Stones  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good little story that seems to reveal an accurate picture of a young child's reaction to a fissure in the family he/she's always known. Nicely done.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ He’d never answer me. '
Suggest: He’d never answered me.

In this sentence, ‘ ‘Yes I do.’ '
Suggest: ‘Yes, I do.’


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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79
79
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This story is really unusual but I found it very difficult to follow the storyline. Perhaps I was thrown off by the mention of the "live turkey", but it wasn't at all clear who was "peeking" through the bars until the second half nor what the relationship between the characters was until the ending.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ facing each other on the living room. '
Suggest: facing each other in the living room.

In this phrase, ‘ Across her, '
Suggest: Across from her,

In this sentence, ‘ His mouth opened and closed rapidly without a single paused of breathes. '
Suggest: Rewording for clarity.

In this phrase, ‘ around the orange carpet floor. '
Suggest: The carpet was previously "dark brown".

In this sentence, ‘ “It’s not yet cook, Lilth. '
Suggest: “It’s not yet cooked, Lilth.

In this sentence, ‘ “I hide it just as you said. '
Suggest: “I hid it just as you said.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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80
80
Review of On Reviewing  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that sets forth some good examples of things to avoid in giving helpful reviews. Nicely put.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ What author wants exclude an audience? '
Suggest: What author wants to exclude an audience?

In this phrase, ‘ getting the author think about his story '
Suggest: getting the author to think about his story


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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81
81
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very sad piece, one might even say heart-wrenching, in the implications of the ongoing waiting.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Your aroma smell is everywhere '
Suggest: Rewording, since "aroma" and "smell" are rather redundant.

In this line, ‘ And awakens my sprit, as it goes down '
Suggest: And awakens my spirit, as it goes down

In this line, ‘ Call me please and resume that love '
Suggest: Call me, please, and resume that love


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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82
82
Review of Scars of Heaven  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting piece although it left me somewhat confused as to the overall feelings. I guess my "best guess" would be that it speaks of a lonely existence eased somewhat by visions of the loving, everylasting relationship.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Memories of past and present become pale in comparison to a hearts decree. '
Suggest: Memories of past and present become pale in comparison to a heart's decree.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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83
83
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that puts forth a really different way of looking at life in general.

Format: You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ or anything that might later break us up later, '
Suggest: or anything that might later break us up,

In this phrase, ‘ probably have made for a more accurate descriptive. '
Suggest: probably have made for a more accurate description.

In this phrase, ‘ “I like girls too.” she said. '
Suggest: “I like girls too,” she said.

In this phrase, ‘ burst into my mind my heart lurched a little, '
Suggest: burst into my mind, my heart lurched a little,

In this phrase, ‘ I am going to sound like egomaniac, '
Suggest: I am going to sound like an egomaniac,

In this phrase, ‘ either one of the girls were sat on their own for thirty seconds or more, '
Suggest: either one of the girls sat on their own for thirty seconds or more,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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84
84
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good essay that I feel contains my very vital philosophical messages for living a happy and fulfilling life. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I've found that truth & honesty '
Suggest: I've found that truth and honesty

In this phrase, ‘ and love songs in three quarter time. '
Suggest: and love songs in three-quarter time.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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85
85
Review of Unwanted Visitor  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very description piece although it does seem to be a bit melodramatic. The ending is not clear nor is the timeframe between the before relationship and the current encounter.

Format: Suggest this be formatted in paragraph style with a line between for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ tears threaten to fall from her grey, tired orbs.'
Suggest: tears threaten to fall from her tired grey orbs.

In this phrase, ‘ frail body shakes violently on its own will, '
Suggest: frail body shakes violently of its own will,

In this phrase, ‘ A tall, well built body '
Suggest: A tall, well-built body

In this phrase, ‘ defined muscles form it's equally pale body, which is adorned by multiple scars, which were acquired '
Suggest: defined muscles form its equally pale body, which is adorned by multiple scars acquired

In this phrase, ‘ caries a dull, toneless heart '
Suggest: carries a dull, toneless heart

In this phrase, ‘ -"what do you want?"- she asks, '
Suggest: "What do you want?" she asks,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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86
86
Review of Assailant  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute tale where you've done a good job of setting up this scenario and following it through. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

You may want to check the Public View since some of the ML coding is incomplete or incorrect.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “I still have headache '
Suggest: “I still have a headache

In this phrase, ‘ so bare with me.” '
Suggest: so bear with me.”

In this phrase, ‘ a glimpse of his face from the light of watch. '
Suggest: a glimpse of his face from the light of my watch.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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87
87
Review of Life Isn't Fair  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story even though I feel that it might be better organized in moving from one event to another to better hold reader attention.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and even a couple of novel, '
Suggest: and even a couple of novels,

In this phrase, ‘ I creep past the babies room, '
Suggest: I creep past the baby's room,

In this phrase, ‘ I’m blabbing on to much. '
Suggest: I’m blabbing on too much.

In this phrase, ‘ I heard a noise a noise behind me, '
Suggest: I heard a noise behind me,

In this phrase, ‘ regretting me not so brilliant idea. '
Suggest: regretting my not so brilliant idea.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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88
88
Review of Affection  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story where you've done a great job of building the suspense right up until the final couple of paragraphs. Well done.

Characters: You've done a terrific job of portraying your narrator through his thoughts and actions.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and that Damrosche could not me a monster '
Suggest: and that Damrosche could not be a monster


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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89
89
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a really cute piece that seems to reinforce the old saying, 'If it's not to be . . .".

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ and says, "Fill Your Hands you Son Of a-" '
Suggest: Using only the capital letters of normal sentence structure.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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90
90
Review of White Fire  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a lovely poem that paints a beautiful visual of love and passion. Very nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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91
91
Review of Men in Black  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a terrific little tale where you've done a great job with the dialect. I loved it.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ “Please Mr. Crenshaw, we just want find out what happened here.” '
Suggest: “Please, Mr. Crenshaw, we just want to find out what happened here.”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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92
92
Review of The Free Fall  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really interesting piece which shows the value of taking your courage in hand and doing something that is more than a bit intimidating. The example to others is a real bonus. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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93
93
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting story and a chilling one. However, it does need a considerable amount of additional editorial work.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ down through the kitchen doorway to the Cat-a-Combs. '
Suggest: down through the kitchen doorway to the catacombs.

In this phrase, ‘ dark murky night hung thick there. There before me, '
Suggest: Eliminating one "there".

In this phrase, ‘ but felt a calling pushing me foreward. '
Suggest: but felt a calling pushing me forward.

In this phrase, ‘ though deep down I knew they they would be, '
Suggest: though deep down I knew they would be,

In this phrase, ‘ My spirit shudder and quaked '
Suggest: My spirit shuddered and quaked

In this phrase, ‘ and follwed down the eerie darkened tunnels slowly. '
Suggest: and followed down the eerie darkened tunnels slowly.

In this phrase, ‘ to remark that some one had just walked over his grave. '
Suggest: to remark that someone had just walked over his grave.

In this phrase, ‘ I could not taste over the musty humid taste of rotti flesh and organs. '
Suggest: 'I could not taste over the musty humid taste of rotting flesh and organs.' Also suggest eliminating one "taste".

In this phrase, ‘ I would see the worm like tail slithering out of sight, '
Suggest: I would see the worm-like tail slithering out of sight,

In this phrase, ‘ and I wounld hear the sounds of tiny clawed feet '
Suggest: and I would hear the sounds of tiny clawed feet


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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94
94
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a sad piece that I feel does a good job of addressing how loved ones of those having this dreaded disease feel - always looking for that glimmer of hope and, perhaps most of all, recognition and the return of the old self. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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95
95
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale but it seems more of a summary or an outline than it does what I assume to be a novel. There also seems to be some discrepancies between Chapters 2 and 3 as far as Bartz's history is concerned.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ scattered all over the battle field. '
Suggest: scattered all over the battlefield.

In this phrase, ‘ stabs another one in his abdomen. '
Suggest: stabs another one in the abdomen.

In this phrase, ‘ still over two-hundred plus soilders left from Kargoan. '
Suggest: still over two-hundred-plus soldiers left from Kargoan.

In this phrase, ‘ "I'll never give up you bastard," '
Suggest: "I'll never give up, you bastard,"

In this phrase, ‘ cold dungeon made of all stone. '
Suggest: cold dungeon made of stone.

In this phrase, ‘ There are dried '
Suggest: This seems out of place. Does it refer to the "colony of ants"?

In this sentence, ‘ A beam of sunlight shown through it. '
Suggest: A beam of sunlight shone through it.

In this sentence, ‘ The King was a fairly big man with red hair and was quite greedy also. '
Suggest: The King was a fairly big, and quite greedy, man with red hair.

In this phrase, ‘ Kargoan was on of the most poor countries '
Suggest: Kargoan was one of the most poor countries (This is a bit repetitious of earlier statements.)

In this phrase, ‘ decide to defy me,” “ I should have already killed you,” '
Suggest: decide to defy me. I should have already killed you,”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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96
96
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a really cute piece that truthfully addresses the attitudes of some small children and their perception of day-to-day happenings. You would increase reader interest in your main character if you would at least give her a name. An approximate age might also help.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The child was at that stage where she new happy, '
Suggest: The child was at that stage where she knew happy,

In this sentence, ‘ “Yes it is darling. '
Suggest: “Yes it is, darling.

In this phrase, ‘ Even tough a slight wind had picked up, '
Suggest: Even though a slight wind had picked up,

In this phrase, ‘ who will a lot of the time put up with a lot of things '
Suggest: who will, a lot of the time, put up with a lot of things

In this phrase, ‘ and discomforts and bad attitudes and such, in a childs eye, '
Suggest: and discomforts and bad attitudes and such, in a child's eye,

In this phrase, ‘ If something is not right or even if it doesn’t feel right a solution '
Suggest: If something is not right, or even if it doesn’t feel right, a solution

In this phrase, ‘ Look its going up and up and up '
Suggest: Look it's going up and up and up

In this sentence, ‘ “Yes flying. '
Suggest: “Yes, flying.

In this sentence, ‘ “Windy” the child said. '
Suggest: “Windy,” the child said.

In this phrase, ‘ you could see the clogs of her brain ticking. '
Suggest: you could see the cogs of her brain ticking.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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97
97
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that goes a long way toward encouraging not letting go of the dream.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Didnt know where to go '
Suggest: Didn't know where to go

In this line, ‘ My hope had faded, was lost was gone, '
Suggest: My hope had faded, was lost, was gone,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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98
98
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a terrific tribute to a person who was obviously a very large influence for good. She sounds like a great person to work with. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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99
99
Review of My Romeo  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale although it seems a bit melodramatic at times. It offers opportunity for an expansion of your characters by getting more into their personalities as well as their relationship.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I beleive the first, '
Suggest: I believe the first,

In this sentence, ‘ She was his freind's ex-girlfreind. '
Suggest: She was his friend's ex-girlfriend.

In this sentence, ‘ My fiance` had just commited murder. '
Suggest: My fiancé had just committed murder.

In this phrase, ‘ Now we're sitting in a beat up old stolen car, '
Suggest: Now we're sitting in a beat-up old stolen car,

In this phrase, ‘ sending shivers hown my spine as they glide down my back. '
Suggest: sending shivers down my spine as they glide down my back.

In this sentence, ‘ We only have eachother. '
Suggest: We only have each other.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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100
100
Review of The Singer  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated January 13 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: I found this piece to be very sad and almost depressing that one could go so low in mood. Good job.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying the singer, but somehow the psychology didn't quite ring true for me.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the less he seemed attached to the thoughts of every day life. '
Suggest: the less he seemed attached to the thoughts of everyday life.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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