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151
151
Review of Angel  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that aptly expresses one guy's feelings. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this description, ‘ Its in a Guys point of view, '
Suggest: It's in a guy's point of view,

In this line, ‘ her eyes big blue and beautiful '
Suggest: her eyes big, blue and beautiful

In this line, ‘ be her protector that's what I am here for '
Suggest: be her protector, that's what I am here for


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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152
152
Review of Winter Moments  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very warming poem that leaves one with a feeling of warmth and being toasty warm in spite of the weather. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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153
153
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good chapter though it does need considerable additional editorial work.

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying Stella through her words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the hardest decision any of the has ever had to make. '
Suggest: the hardest decision any of them has ever had to make.

In this phrase, ‘ at the tender age of twenty five. '
Suggest: at the tender age of twenty-five.

In this phrase, ‘ her love for Jesse prevailed all and she reluctantly made the move '
Suggest: her love for Jesse prevailed and she reluctantly made the move

In this phrase, ‘ things were well worth her wile. '
Suggest: things were well worth her while.
or
Suggest: things were well worth her sacrifices.

In this phrase, ‘ In the new houses tiny kitchen, '
Suggest: In the new house's tiny kitchen,

In this sentence, ‘ “What ‘cha looking at Stell?” '
Suggest: “What ‘cha looking at, Stell?”

In this phrase, ‘ She said while play smacking his muscular chest. '
Suggest: She said, playfully smacking his muscular chest.

In this phrase, ‘ elaborate house for one of the C.E.O’s of their own company. '
Suggest: elaborate house for the CEO of their own company.

In this phrase, ‘ “Wish me luck.” He said as he pulled '
Suggest: “Wish me luck,” he said as he pulled

In this phrase, ‘ she was speeding up the quite little street towards her quite little job. '
Suggest: she was speeding up the quiet little street towards her quiet little job.

In this phrase, ‘ from that point on was rather un eventful. '
Suggest: from that point on was rather uneventful.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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154
154
Review of Shattered Tears  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good little story where you've done a good job of showing the hope behind the sadness.

Format: Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ She slowly descended her chin into her red, wool coat '
Suggest: She slowly lowered her chin into her red, wool coat

In this phrase, ‘ only louder this time in a distinct male's voice. '
Suggest: only louder this time in a distinct male voice.

In this phrase, ‘ Even though the car accident seperated our lives, '
Suggest: Even though the car accident separated our lives,

In this phrase, ‘ as her mittens wrapped the letter across her chest. '
Suggest: as her mittens clasped the letter to her chest.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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155
155
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a really different piece that seems to describe a day in the life of many a teenager.

Format: This is one paragraph. Suggest breaking it into shorter ones.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ so I wont dwell on the subject '
Suggest: so I won't dwell on the subject

In this phrase, ‘ I feed the chickens '
Suggest: I fed the chickens

In this phrase, ‘ and proceeded to pant his toenails with my nail polish (now don't deny it Peter!) '
Suggest: and proceeded to paint his toenails with my nail polish (now don't deny it, Peter!)


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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156
156
Review of Least Favorite  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that should have helped ease some of the negative feelings.

Grammar & Punctuation: The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.

Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ wishing my parent could see the real me. '
Suggest: Wishing my parents could see the real me.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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157
157
Review of Me and My shadow  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem with a very sad underlying message. However, the missing apostrophes bugged me a bit.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Its raining in her eyes '
Suggest: It's raining in her eyes

In this line, ‘ Shes a lonely lonely girl '
Suggest: She's a lonely lonely girl

In this line, ‘ When theres no place to call home...
Suggest: When there's no place to call home...

In this line, ‘ She wont quit'
Suggest: She won't quit

In this line,, ‘ Ha. you can rely on knowone '
Suggest: Ha. you can rely on no one


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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158
158
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good chapter where you've shown all of your characters nicely so that the reader is able to visualize them and the "comfort zone" that exists between them and the protagonist. Good job.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ “Jennifer’s brother Toby.” '
Suggest: “Jennifer’s brother, Toby.”

In this phrase, ‘ “In breaking,” the news reporter said, '
Suggest: “In breaking news,” the reporter said,

In this phrase, ‘ look at the cream colored living room. '
Suggest: look at the cream-olored living room.

In this phrase, ‘ woman about five feet six. '
Suggest: woman about five-feet-six.

In this sentence, ‘ “Hi Aunt Callie.” '
Suggest: “Hi, Aunt Callie.”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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159
159
Review of You rang  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning to what seems to be a much longer story. It is very good in that it certainly grabs reader attention and gets him/her interested in reading further. Well done.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the candles I had set up all over the house in lue of the blackout. '
Suggest: the candles I had set up all over the house due to the blackout.

In this phrase, ‘ your hairs wet from a shower perhaps, '
Suggest: your hair's wet from a shower perhaps,

In this phrase, ‘ she went on “Your hair, its black, '
Suggest: she went on, “Your hair, it's black,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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160
160
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Horror/Scary Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a chilling tale of an anti-Santa that is nicely told and keeps the reader's attention throughout.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentnece, ‘ The year was nineteen eighty-three. '
Suggest: The year was nineteen-eighty-three.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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161
161
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really interesting tale of a true happening that could qualify as one of those "most embarrassing mements" when the story was published in the local newspaper.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ talking of the nights earlier events. '
Suggest: talking of the night's earlier events.

In this phrase, ‘ The four foot piece of galvanized fence post felt cold in the October air, '
Suggest: The four-foot piece of galvanized fence post felt cold in the October air,

In this phrase, ‘ and fifty six in my face.'
Suggest: and fifty-six in my face.

In this phrase, ‘ and most feared guys in town. '
Suggest: and most-feared guys in town.

In this phrase, ‘ About a year later we'd start a friendship that would span for many years '
Suggest: About a year later we'd start a friendship that would span many years


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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162
162
Review of Deal with it?  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting piece where it seems as if an imagined and dramatic happening erases the exising problem - at least in a psychological manner. Nicely done,.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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163
163
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting article of one culture's tradition. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ to build and maintain the communities problems '
Suggest: to build and maintain the community's problems - Is this ehat you really meant to say?

In this phrase, ‘ community richer and more beneficial than what was inherited to them '
Suggest: community richer and more beneficial than what was inherited by them.

In this phrase, ‘ thier hopes of family '
Suggest: their hopes of family


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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164
164
Review of Soul Mates  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated December 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful story which I thoroughly enjoyed. You have done a great job of showing the connection between these two people.

Characters: You did a great job of portraying Patrick as a grief-stricken victim and his resulting obsession through his thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ They flew past him in an ever widening circle '
Suggest: They flew past him in an ever-widening circle

In this phrase, ‘ You’ve done it my love. '
Suggest: You’ve done it, my love.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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165
165
Review of A Lost Muse  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a good piece with which I'm sure most, if not all, writers can heartedly agree.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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166
166
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that offers hope in the bleakest times of one's life. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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167
167
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated December 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a fascinating tale of theory as to how the human race made its advancement. It is all entirely feasible. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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168
168
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated December 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good tale where you've brought Miss Skinner to life for the reader. Well done.

Characters: You've done a good job of portraying Ms Skinner through her words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ "The first thing heard was a loud bam '
Suggest: "The first thing I heard was a loud bam


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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169
169
Review of The Phone Call  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 2 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece. I well remember the emotional struggle you were going through at that time. What a relief that call had to be. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this ntencese, ‘ He said "I have more faith in the Lord now Mom." '
Suggest: He said, "I have more faith in the Lord now, Mom."

In this phrase, ‘ "No, Pat no-one is standing behind your bed." '
Suggest: "No, Pat, no one is standing behind your bed."


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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170
170
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 2 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute tale that children should enjoy. In the process they just might learn a lesson. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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171
171
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 2 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a cute little tale that reproves the point that kids will be kids and let their curiosity get the best of them. Nicely done.

b}Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

172
172
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 2 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story although I would have liked to have had it continue to some good result. Nicely done.

Characters: You have done a good job of showing Annin and were true to his infirmities throughout. Well done.

Dialog: Dialog seems natural.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ he set out on the three day trip with his cane tapping the road. '
Suggest: he set out on the three-day trip with his cane tapping the road.

In this phrase, ‘ A breeze carried the aroma of charcoal broiled fish; '
Suggest: A breeze carried the aroma of charcoal-broiled fish;

In this phrase, ‘ or we’ll soon round out of fish to eat.” '
Suggest: or we’ll soon run out of fish to eat.”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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173
173
Review of The Dirty Sock  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated December 2 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story where you've created a series of small events leading up to a major confrontation. Good job.

Characters: Both of your main characters come to life through their words, thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I think of Mary Beth Cruz, nineteen year old girl, '
Suggest: I think of Mary Beth Cruz, nineteen-year-old girl,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

174
174
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated December 2 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story that grabs reader attention and carries him/her through the emotional rollercoaster of the rest of the piece.

Characters: You did a beautiful job of portraying both Jake and Mary through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ We only received your loved-one an hour ago '
Suggest: We only received your loved one an hour ago

In this phrase, ‘ Elizabeth pushing the buggy carrying her seven month-old Tony. '
Suggest: Elizabeth pushing the buggy carrying her seven-month-old Tony.

In this sentence, ‘ Bye Ma.” '
Suggest: Bye, Ma.”

In these sentences, ‘ “Where is the baby, Jake. Where is our grandchild! '
Suggest: “Where is the baby, Jake? Where is our grandchild?


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

175
175
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful poem with such an uplifting message. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Only one suggestion:

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘Any star was to far '
Suggest: Any star was too far


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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