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101
101
Review of Stranded  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story that paints a very frightening picture of a very, what seems to be, unfortunate encounter. Well done.

Characters: You did an great job of showing your characters through their reactions to the very unusual experiences that were coming their way. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Hi Friends!” Alan greeted the first boat '
Suggest: “Hi, Friends!” Alan greeted the first boat


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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102
Review of Little Ships  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story that grabs the reader interest right from the start and sweeps it through until the very last line. Terrtific job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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103
103
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting tale although the ending was a little confusing. There was no explanation of who or what the "others" were. I realize you may have been limited by the word count, but this dserves an explanation. Otherwise, a good tale.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Cynthia spilt coffee on her snowy gown for her small town’s evening’s performance of Giselle. '
Suggest: Cynthia spilt coffee on the snowy gown for her small town’s evening performance of Giselle.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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104
104
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a nice little fun-to-read, wholesome story that I enjoyed very much. Good job.

Characters: You did a good job of describing your main character through her thoughts and actions.

Dialog: The little dialog employed is believable and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ After a twelve hour work-day, '
Suggest: After a twelve-hour workday,

In this phrase, ‘ Plodding through my twelve-by-twelve foot living room, '
Suggest: Plodding through my twelve-by-twelve-foot living room,

In this phrase, ‘ and a bright yellow, spaghetti strapped top. '
Suggest: and a bright yellow, spaghetti-strapped top.

In this phrase, ‘ we melded into each others families. '
Suggest: we melded into each other's families.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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105
Review of Divorce Laywers  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story with a great twist at the end. It does, however, need some additional work, especially on the punctuation.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog, a comma should follow the quoted speech prior to the speaker tag.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “That’s out of the question” said one of the well-dressed men '
Suggest: “That’s out of the question,” said one of the well-dressed men

In this phrase, ‘ You American’s may not think much of it, '
Suggest: You Americans may not think much of it,

In this sentence, ‘ Welcome to America Nakito.” '
Suggest: Welcome to America, Nakito.”

In this phrase, ‘ Much to my mothers chagrin, '
Suggest: Much to my mother's chagrin,

In this phrase, ‘ Most people assumed that I was full blooded, '
Suggest: Most people assumed that I was full-blooded,

In this phrase, ‘ she married and American G.I. Joe herself. '
Suggest: she married an American G.I. Joe herself.

In this sentence, ‘ “Mrs. Masaaki.” He said in a slow, deliberate voice '
Suggest: “Mrs. Masaaki,” he said in a slow, deliberate voice.

In this phrase, ‘ If you persist things could get… '
Suggest: If you persist, things could get…


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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106
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very chilling story that had me going from beginning to end. Very well done.

Characters: You did a good job in portraying all of the main characters through their words, thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is highly believable and seems natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and a screened in back porch '
Suggest: and a screened-in back porch

In this phrase, ‘ even a built in microwave.” '
Suggest: even a built-in microwave.”

In this phrase, ‘ had good size windows allowing in plenty of light. '
Suggest: had good-size windows allowing in plenty of light.

In this phrase, ‘ I felled chilled all over. '
Suggest: I felt chilled all over.

In this phrase, ‘ “The reporter than goes on to say '
Suggest: “The reporter then goes on to say

In this phrase, ‘ this was the lead story in 1987? '
Suggest: this was the lead story in 1897?

In this phrase, ‘ “I hate to tell you this Debbie, '
Suggest: “I hate to tell you this, Debbie,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Spellbound  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story of supernatural intrigue although it does need some additional editorial work.

Characters: You did a good job of showing Ms Valdemar through her words and her actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ When I told my husband and he dismissed it as nothing '
Suggest: When I told my husband, he dismissed it as nothing

In this phrase, ‘ tampered with don't you agree Mr. Cauldwell?" '
Suggest: tampered with don't you agree, Mr. Cauldwell?"

In this phrase, ‘ taking every small detail in. '
Suggest: taking in every small detail.

In this phrase, ‘ "If you are indeed married then how is it you are the one cursed '
Suggest: "If you are indeed married, then how is it you are the one cursed

In this sentence, ‘ "Good sir my name is Saige Valdemar by birth. '
Suggest: "Good sir, my name is Saige Valdemar by birth.

In this phrase, ‘ many years younger then his wife. '
Suggest: many years younger than his wife.

In this phrase, ‘ was greeted by a distressed looking policeman. '
Suggest: was greeted by a distressed-looking policeman.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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108
Review of Itzpapalotl  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: Wow! What a powerful piece! It aptly demonstrates the power of some of these ancient deities over their subjects. Well done.

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying George through his desires and actions.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ lending and eerie, otherworldly beauty to this stone idol. '
Suggest: lending an eerie, otherworldly beauty to this stone idol.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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109
109
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute that is so moving it brought tears to my eyes. So sad, this horrible disease. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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110
110
Review of These Same Hands  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing your piece today on behalf of the Rising Stars Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: This is a delightful little piece that is filled with the emotions of a very special relationship. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ A few years later I discovered '
Suggest: A few years later, I discovered

In this phrase, ‘ but always waiting in the wings as my back up plan.
Suggest: but always waiting in the wings as my backup plan.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Which way?  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing your piece today on behalf of the Rising Stars Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: This is an interesting little piece that demonstrates a really different way of looking at things. After all, isn't that what creativity is all about?

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I think that its opinion or chance, '
Suggest: I think that it's opinion or chance,

In this phrase, ‘ your off by 2.3 digits. '
Suggest: you're off by 2.3 digits.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo

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112
112
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This piece offers a very intriguing scene that one really never thinks about until all the options are considered. Thanks for sharing. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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113
Review of Clones  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: It is certainly an interesting theory you propose in this piece, although I'm not sure I follow the logic of the conclusion.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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114
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece of which I do not get the intended moral. It does need some additional editorial work to be done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ But at night the people loose their joy, '
Suggest: But at night the people lose their joy,

In this phrase, ‘ that was sign of a pack of wolfs, '
Suggest: that was sign of a pack of wolves,

In this phrase, ‘ he found it was only one a single wolf alone and sad. '
Suggest: he found it was only one, a single wolf alone and sad.

In this sentence, ‘ "Why do you howl great wolf?" '
Suggest: "Why do you howl, great wolf?"

In this sentence, ‘ The wolf did not only looking down, '
Suggest: The wolf did not, only looking down.

In this phrase, ‘ and went back tot he the village. '
Suggest: and went back to the the village.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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115
Review of Three of a kind  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute to a lost friend. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Dead Rose  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that leaves one with a very devoted feeling of a lasting love. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Rest in peace my love '
Suggest: Rest in peace, my love

In this line, ‘ Till forever I’ll stay true '
Suggest: 'Til forever I’ll stay true


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Dragonfly  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that paints a colorful picture of a brief moment of attraction and two interacting before a sudden parting. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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118
Review of Basketball Dreams  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very unusual story with an ending even more so. It sort of left me with a feeling of total defeat and hopelessness of a future.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying Victoria through her thoughts, daydreams and emotions.

Dialog: Dialog was believable and seems natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ being caught day dreaming again. '
Suggest: being caught daydreaming again.

In this phrase, ‘ She was thought to be a loaner by her peers, '
Suggest: She was thought to be a loner by her peers,

In this phrase, ‘ from the sunny spring day they enjoyed on their lunch. '
Suggest: from the sunny spring day they enjoyed on their lunchbreak.

In this phrase, ‘ her six-foot, one hundred and twenty pound companion. '
Suggest: her six-foot, one-hundred-and-twenty-pound companion.

In this phrase, ‘ The dress she worse wasn’t the most flattering thing on her; '
Suggest: The dress she wore wasn’t the most flattering thing on her;

In this phrase, ‘ She looked over her should '
Suggest: She looked over her shoulder

In this phrase, ‘ he slipped into her ear. '
Suggest: he murmured into her ear.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Bad Taco  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that shows some real insight into the various lifestyles.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Was it her dream to roll king sized tortillas for seven bucks an hour? '
Suggest: Was it her dream to roll king-sized tortillas for seven bucks an hour?


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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120
Review of The Muse  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting poem that seems to take a very different viewpoint of one's muse - more of a curse than a blessing.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ And is seems to me, '
Suggest: And it seems to me,

In this line, ‘ Were on a stage to act. '
Suggest: We're on a stage to act.

In this line, ‘ We are all apart of the play '
Suggest: We are all a part of the play

In this line, ‘ That seams to haunt us. '
Suggest: That seems to haunt us.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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121
121
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that paints some moving pictures of this unfortunate man's plight.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Tis not now a time to retire, '
Suggest: 'Tis not now a time to retire,

In this phrase, ‘ the thunderous clouds, rolling ov'r me, '
Suggest: the thunderous clouds, rolling o'er me,

In this phrase, ‘ my spirit groans, in a crowed place, yea, even there I'm still alone '
Suggest: my spirit groans, in a crowded place, yea, even there I'm still alone

In this phrase, ‘ Teary eyed now dried, stiffed voice wont cry. '
Suggest: Teary eyes now dried, stiffed voice won't cry.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Whispering Wishes  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a good poem that speaks eloquently of the things of which we dream.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of The Invisible Man  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is an excellent, and very moving, story that I enjoyed very much.

Favorite Part: I absolutely loved the ending.

Characters: You have done a great job of portraying Daniel through his thoughts and his actions.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ she would go on ad nauseum in a self serving ramble '
Suggest: she would go on ad nauseum in a self-serving ramble

In this phrase, ‘ think of his mother as a black and white image in a colorful world. '
Suggest: think of his mother as a black-and-white image in a colorful world.

In this phrase, ‘ and in his down time between assignments, '
Suggest: and in his downtime between assignments,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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124
124
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting beginning where lightening seems to strike twice in the same area. It seems a little too coincidental.

Characters: I couldn't really relate to your narrator. Perhaps because her story seems to be told rather than shown.

Grammar & Punctuation: Only one punctuation mark, either a exclamation point or a question mark – should be used at the end of a sentence, not both.

Specific Suggestions:
In this Description, ‘ when my boyfriend told me she was going to die... '
Suggest: when my boyfriend told me he was going to die... - clarify according to story.

In this phrase, ‘ I couldn't get to grips with what he had just told me, '
Suggest: I couldn't come to grips with what he had just told me,

In this phrase, ‘ I had such a bad feeling at the pits of my stomach '
Suggest: I had such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach

In this phrase, ‘ increasing my difficulty to concentrate at College and at Work. '
Suggest: increasing my difficulty to concentrate at college and at work.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Desire's Goodbye  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that is sad but true in many budding relationships - or even longer ones. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ A trust a bond '
Suggest: A trust, a bond

In this line, ‘ Where woud it lead us '
Suggest: Where would it lead us

In this line, ‘ I love you my friend '
Suggest: I love you, my friend


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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