Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is a good poem that brings across a message of many. if not most, in our modern-day world. Nicely done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In the description , ‘ Describes the effect of materialism and ignorance in young middle class teens ' Suggest: Describes the effect of materialism and ignorance in young middle-class teens
In this line, ‘ Yet it's all so so sad ' Suggest: Yet it's all so, so sad
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is a good beginning to this story that really grabs the reader interest, but it seems as if there should be more included.
Format: This is all one long paragraph. You may want to break it into shorter ones.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Looking around quickly as to make sure that no one was watching, ' Suggest: Looking around quickly to make sure that no one was watching,
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is an interesting poem although I found your intended message to be a bit obtuse. I think, primarily from your description, that you are making a play on the word "someone", as in "someone special" - but this is only a guess.
Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated November 25 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is a good story although the fourth from the last paragraph might be improved by some cutting. It seems a bit overly dramatic. Overall good job.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘with competent looking cashier and bagger and four people in the line itself, ' Suggest: with competent-looking cashier and bagger and four people in the line itself,
In this phrase, ‘ What had been a two way exchange of transactional pleasantry became a three way exchange ' Suggest: What had been a two-way exchange of transactional pleasantry became a three-way exchange
In this phrase, ‘ he handed her a ten dollar bill ' Suggest: he handed her a ten-dollar bill
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated November 25 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is a great little story. I especially liked the conflict between the thoughts and the actual words. Well done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘They stood there in each others arms for a long time, ' Suggest: They stood there in each other's arms for a long time,
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated November 25 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is an interesting introduction to a tale that has real possibilities. It does, however, need a bit of additional editing work.
Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.
When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘always in your own world aren’t you?” ' Suggest: always in your own world, aren’t you?”
In this phrase, ‘maybe i’m talking crap ' Suggest: maybe I’m talking crap
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated November 25 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is an interesting piece although it needs additional editing. Would suggest that in order for it to be funnier you would have to retell the stories or show Sarah's unrealistic reactions to the audience's responses.
Format: When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ "Hey Sarah," He said. ' Suggest: "Hey Sarah," he said.
In this phrase, ‘ remember at the talent show last year when you did the stand up comedy?" ' Suggest: remember at the talent show last year when you did the stand-up comedy?"
In this sentence, ‘ He's having an open mic night." Suggest: He's having an open-mic night."
In this phrase, ‘ Sarah took her hands out of her face. ' Suggest: Sarah took her hands off her face.
In this phrase, ‘ and noticed Ben was their. ' Suggest: and noticed Ben was there.
In this phrase, ‘Atleast the whole audience ' Suggest: At least the whole audience
In this phrase, ‘ "Now do you believe your funny?" Suggest: "Now do you believe you're funny?"
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
General Impressions: This is a very good introduction to this problem and this child. Nicely done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this sentences, ‘ Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up. She'll just be gone. ' Suggest: Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and she'll just be gone.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 25 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is an interesting piece, but I found it to be a bit confusing with all of what seemed to be viewpoint changes. Would suggest that you stick to one scenario in each chapter.
Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ ‘Morning Mark,’ ' Suggest: ‘Morning, Mark,’
In this phrase, ‘ ‘Glad you could join us Mark, ' Suggest: ‘Glad you could join us, Mark,
In this sentence, ‘ ‘No it isn’t.’ ' Suggest: ‘No, it isn’t.’
In this phrase, ‘ He bought a triple-decker, all day breakfast, sandwich ' Suggest: He bought a triple-decker, all-day breakfast sandwich
In this sentence, ‘ He left the office that evening bang on 5. ' Suggest: He left the office that evening bang on five.
In this phrase, ‘ a light brown overcoat with a fur collar, ' Suggest: a light-brown overcoat with a fur collar,
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is an interesting piece that seems to be more of an essay than it is a short story. Suggest some additional editorial work.
Format: This is all one long paragraph. Suggest you break it into shorter ones.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ much more violent place then what it used to be. ' Suggest: much more violent place than what it used to be.
In this phrase, ‘ “Its all for the good of man”, ' Suggest: “It's all for the good of man”,
In this phrase, ‘ we pick and choose the most favored custom. ' Suggest: we pick and choose the most-favored custom.
In this phrase, ‘ differently then what they say is law, ' Suggest: differently than what they say is law,
In this phrase, ‘ Tax payers money help fund our wars, ' Suggest: Taxpayer's money help fund our wars,
In this phrase, ‘ peoples pockets become filled ' Suggest: people's pockets become filled
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is a good piece where it seems as if you've followed the prompt nicely.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase of the description, ‘ find a locked door u dont remember from tour, ' Suggest: find a locked door you don't remember from tour,
In this line, ‘ Todays the big day, we expect ninety people to show. ' Suggest: Today's the big day, we expect ninety people to show.
In this line, ‘ I say, "I dont remember this room from the tour, ' Suggest: I say, "I don't remember this room from the tour,
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is a delightful ode to those gentle autmn breezes. Terrific word pictures you are painting here.
Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is a very beautiful tribute that your wife should absolutely love. Well done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Nothin would make me happier, ' Suggest: Nothin' would make me happier,
In this line, ‘ "you can't expect any rainbows without a lil rain," or so they claim. ' Suggest: "You can't expect any rainbows without a li'l rain," or so they claim.
In this line, ‘ You'd need more then a few puddles to get my hopes and dreams to sinking. ' Suggest: You'd need more than a few puddles to get my hopes and dreams to sinking.
In this line, ‘ But I'm 'a sneak in a little, "I love you Nicole! I knew it from that first feeling, ' Suggest: But I'm 'a sneak in a little, "I love you, Nicole! I knew it from that first feeling,
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.
General Impressions: This is an interesting little piece that sounds like a real nightmare, at first anyway. It does however, need some editing.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ something in the forrest. ' Suggest: something in the forest.
In this sentence, ‘ My freinds is hidden in the trees pleeding for my help. ' Suggest: My friends are hidden in the trees pleading for my help.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is a good story of a life-long search that finally paid off. Nicely done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ library after school to read up on the one horned wonder. ' Suggest: library after school to read up on the one-horned wonder.
In this phrase, ‘ Oh, if she weren’t aloud to use the library, ' Suggest: Oh, if she weren’t allowed to use the library,
In this phrase, ‘ James emerged form the shelves ' Suggest: James emerged from the shelves
In this phrase, ‘ He reviled a book in his hand, ' Suggest: He revealed a book in his hand,
In this sentence, ‘ She called after him as headed out the door. ' Suggest: She called after him as he headed out the door.
In this sentence, ‘ She you tomorrow morning.” ' Suggest: See you tomorrow morning.”
In this phrase, ‘ puffs of white steam billowing out of its greats great nostrils. ' Suggest: puffs of white steam billowing out of its great nostrils.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is a beautiful story of not being able to see what is before one's very eyes, in fable form. Very well done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Only one suggestion.
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the villagers avoided her, dirty, shabby old thing. ' Suggest: the villagers avoided her - dirty, shabby old thing.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is a cute story, especially for a thirteen year old. It does, however, need some additional editorial work.
Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Fourteen years old Sarah, ' Suggest: Fourteen years old, Sarah,
or Suggest: Fourteen-year-old Sarah,
In this phrase, ‘ and not for a moment, she had felt comfortable in here. ' Suggest: and not for a moment, had she felt comfortable in here.
In this phrase, ‘ She had not told about this to her parents ' Suggest: She had not told her parents about this
In this phrase, ‘ was about to give the hope that she would find anything, ' Suggest: was about to give up hope that she would find anything,
In this phrase, ‘ very scared as to what it is but when she recognized what it was, ' Suggest: very scared as to what it was but when she recognized it,
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is an interesting piece although I was hopinig for more interaction between the cast of characters. I do realize, however, that you may have been limited by contest word limits. You might want to expand it after the fact to make it more complete.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Overweight, middle age and haggard, Eleanor Quasar, ' Suggest: Overweight, middle-aged and haggard, Eleanor Quasar,
In this phrase, ‘ she hated more then discipline, ' Suggest: she hated more than discipline,
In this sentence, ‘ There were twenty bullets in the riffle. ' Suggest: There were twenty bullets in the rifle.
In this phrase, ‘ just looked like a three year old girl with blonde pigtails. ' Suggest: just looked like a three-year-old girl with blonde pigtails.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, Bill. Jaye here again. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is another very good story where you've done an excellent job of painting the surroundings so that the reader feels as if he/she were there.
Characters: You have done a good job of portraying Norman through his thoughts and actions.
Dialog: Dialog is realistic and seems natural for the circumstances.
Grammar & Punctuation: Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ miserable little life now that your a washed-out cop. ' Suggest: miserable little life now that you're a washed-out cop.
In this sentence, ‘ Are you, okay? ' Suggest: Are you okay?
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, Bill. Jaye here. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.
General Impressions: This is a very good story that really had me going, bringing the reader right into this strange world. Your imagination totally amazes me. Well done.
Grammar & Punctuation: Only one suggestion:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ staring at panoramas that had never, until now, been seen before. ' Suggest: staring at panoramas that had never, until now, been seen.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.
General Impressions: This is a beautiful poetic tribute that I found very moving. Well done.
Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.
These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.68 seconds at 4:58pm on May 03, 2024 via server web2.