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126
126
Review of Take Off  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale. I've known several people who were afraid of flying, but never to this extent. This piece does need additional editorial work.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I watched as the secretary checked every single passenger's boarding pass, '
Suggest: Finding another word as I don't believe "secretary" is the correct term for this position.

In this phrase, ‘ looked so stupid right now. '
Suggest: looked so stupid right then.

In this phrase, ‘ "I can't do it! I can't do it!" the flight attendant was now '
Suggest: "I can't do it! I can't do it!" (New paragraph.) The flight attendant was now

In this phrase, ‘ the eye and said "how long exactly?" '
Suggest: the eye and said, "How long exactly?"

In this phrase, ‘ "Good afternoon everyone, '
Suggest: "Good afternoon, everyone,

In this phrase, ‘ almost miserable sounding voice that was not at all comforting. '
Suggest: almost miserable-sounding voice that was not at all comforting.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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127
127
Review of The Great Game  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale that I found a little confusing as to what and where it was occurring. In the first couple of paragraphs I thought there was some serious gaming going on - like a chess tournament or some such.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Blue shoe, blue shoe, who's it yes... '
Suggest: Clarifying.

In this phrase, ‘ His finger landed on Tony's bright red and black shoe '
Suggest: His finger landed on Tony's bright red-and-black shoe

In this phrase, ‘ Jonah was off somewhere obvious to look for where I wouldn't be. '
Suggest: Jonah was off somewhere, obviously to look for where I wouldn't be.

In this phrase, ‘ as I planned to make my sudden emerge. '
Suggest: as I planned to make my sudden emergence/entrance.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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128
128
Review of The Voice  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good essay that gets your message across very clearly. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The over grown bush of my imagination served as a barrier, '
Suggest: The overgrown bush of my imagination served as a barrier,

In this phrase, ‘ she granted me the freedom of self expression, '
Suggest: she granted me the freedom of self-expression,

In this phrase, ‘ I wrote the more self aware I became '
Suggest: I wrote the more self-aware I became

In this phrase, ‘ releasing a familiar aroma of self doubt and fear.
Suggest: releasing a familiar aroma of self-doubt and fear.

In this phrase, ‘ returning the now critiqued essays.'
Suggest: returning the now-critiqued essays.

In this phrase, ‘ there was a note scribbled in the top right hand corner: '
Suggest: there was a note scribbled in the top right-hand corner:


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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129
129
Review of Black Coffee  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story that painfully shows many people's thinking. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ he'd learned to drink it when he was twenty one, '
Suggest: he'd learned to drink it when he was twenty-one,

In this phrase, ‘ the dark haired girl gestured with her hand for emphasis. '
Suggest: the dark-haired girl gestured with her hand for emphasis.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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130
130
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated January 6 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that does a good job of showing this short period of time. It does, however, need some additional editorial work.

Characters: You've done good job of portraying Jones through his thoughts.

Dialog: Dialog feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ dragging him behind a sand colored wall by his body armor,
Suggest: dragging him behind a sand-colored wall by his body armor,

In this phrase, ‘ “You’re going to be alright sir!” he said '
Suggest: “You’re going to be alright, sir!” he said

In this phrase, ‘ he was going to die in this God forsaken country. '
Suggest: he was going to die in this God-forsaken country.

In this phrase, ‘ the thought of himself dying had never cross Jone’s mind. '
Suggest: the thought of himself dying had never cross Jones's mind.

In this phrase, ‘ and it’s mystery made deeply unsettled him. '
Suggest: and its mystery deeply unsettled him.

In this sentence, ‘ He watched his vision began to blur, '
Suggest: He watched his vision begin to blur,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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131
131
Review of Equilibrium  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very good poem that states what to me is a very real truth is a most delightful way. Very nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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132
132
Review of Out on the Water  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated December 31 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interestng piece though I was a bit confused. I think that the problem James is dealing with should be made more clear. That would eliminate much of the confusion.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ exhaustion while drifting down stream was mysteriously pleasing to him. '
Suggest: exhaustion while drifting downstream was mysteriously pleasing to him.

In this phrase, ‘ This was his newfound ecstasy. '
Suggest: This was his new-found ecstasy.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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133
133
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 31 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very moving story which raises many questions as to why and how the bird found his way to that particular place. Surely there must have been some "outside influence". Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Common nouns should not be capitalized.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ who retired to Florida over 10 years ago. '
Suggest: who retired to Florida over ten years ago.

In this phrase, ‘ She bathes the bird as best as she could '
Suggest: She bathed the bird as best as she could

In this phrase, ‘ when her father’s second wife took a heart attack, '
Suggest: when her father’s second wife had a heart attack,

In this phrase, ‘ and buys it from a feed place in Pt. Richey about three Towns away from her. '
Suggest: and buys it from a feed place in Portt Richey about three towns away from her.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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134
134
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 31 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute little piece where you've made the relationship clear in only a few words. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ chocolate chip excitement, “Okay Daddy!” '
Suggest: chocolate-chip excitement, “Okay, Daddy!”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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135
135
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This little piece, though interesting, would be greatly improved by showing - them playing, their conversation, etc. - rather than telling the reader what happened.

Format: This is one long paragraph. You may want to break i down into shorter ones.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ his thirteen year old daughter, '
Suggest: his thirteen-year-old daughter,

In this phrase, ‘ throwing at each other till they were tired.'
Suggest: throwing at each other 'til/until they were tired.

In this phrase, ‘ some left over pot roast, bread and cheese. '
Suggest: some left-over pot roast, bread and cheese.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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136
136
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting poem where you've made some forceful statements about the state of mankind. Nicely stated.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ leaving nowt but dust in their hasty wake '
Suggest: leaving naught but dust in their hasty wake


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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137
137
Review of I'm So Proud  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very nice tribute to your friend on her Special Day in which you have laid out the specific reasons for your pride in her. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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138
138
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good little story that demonstrates one way of dealing with one's grief. Nicely done.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I have flaming red hair that I wore in braids '
Suggest: I have flaming-red hair that I wore in braids

In this phrase, ‘ I burst into tear and went running '
Suggest: I burst into tears and went running


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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139
139
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story with the sense of adventure that kids should love. Well done.

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying Alain's character primarily through his actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic for the time period and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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140
140
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good essay that I feel makes some very valid points about the effects of attitudes. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ did I mention elusive purple spotted cows with sparkly horns? '
Suggest: did I mention elusive purple-spotted cows with sparkly horns?

In this phrase, ‘ head was off road terrain for a toy car or truck. '
Suggest: head was off-road terrain for a toy car or truck.

In this phrase, ‘ I can’t remember when driving to visit relatives when if he spotted one, '
Suggest: Rewording to clarify and removing one of the "when"s.

In this phrase, ‘ To allow myself to harbor in doubts laced with fear '
Suggest: To allow myself to harbor doubts laced with fear


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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141
141
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated December 31 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good article that makes a lot of great points about changing our lives and how important attitude really is. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ You'll forgive your fellow man for letting you down, '
Suggest: You'll forgive your fellowman for letting you down,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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142
142
Review of THE LAST SWALLOW  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated December 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story that aptly demonstrates the awesome power of Nature. Very nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ a mass of angry weather driven by a storm wind that that foretold of ill-tidings to come. '
Suggest: a mass of angry weather driven by a storm wind that foretold of ill-tidings to come.

In this phrase, ‘ slowly causing the green lawn to change to a snow white ice blanket. '
Suggest: slowly causing the green lawn to change to a snow-white ice blanket.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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143
143
Review of Fireside Story  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated December 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific story tthat seems as if it should be carried forward. I, personally, would like to know more about Tom - his history and his thought patterns. This is well done.

Characters: You have done a good job of showing Tom through his thoughts and actions.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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144
144
Review of The Clock Maker  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Horror/Scary Newsletter dated December 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good, and chilling, story where you've done a good job of setting the "normal" beginning to your protagonist's life.

Format: The quotes of the various townspeople would be better, I believe, if each has its own paragraph.

Grammar & Punctuation: Only one suggestion . . .

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I took the death cold hand of the seemingly familiar stranger '
Suggest: I took the death-cold hand of the seemingly familiar stranger


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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145
145
Review of Trapped  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated December 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story where I absolutely love the twist you sneaked in there. Well done.

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying your main character through his thoughts and memories.

Dialog: Dialog seems realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Have a good night President Kennedy.” '
Suggest: Have a good night, President Kennedy.”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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146
146
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece to which I, as a forest-roaming individual, can relate. I've heard the Tree Songs run the gambit from lulling to downright frightening. Congratulations on your win.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

147
147
Review of Bus love  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good little piece that covers the whole story in very few words. Nicely done. It would be a good setup to develop into a much longer story though.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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148
148
Review of The 8th of June  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated December 16 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story of the ultimate destruction that offers a lot of opportunities for expansion as in the final scene.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Eddie Dorchester had lay awake in his bed '
Suggest: Eddie Dorchester had lain awake in his bed

In this phrase, ‘ they had saw the newspapers scattered along the floor headlined: '
Suggest: they had seen the newspapers scattered along the floor headlined:

In this phrase, ‘ A hand-full of people in a hand-full of nations '
Suggest: A handful of people in a handful of nations


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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149
149
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Sebastion. Jaye here. I'm reviewing this story this morning at your request.

General Impressions: This is a very good, well-plotted story where you've done a great job of setting up the mystery and following it through with the clues. It does need a good deal of additional editorial work.

Characters: You did a very good job of portraying Agent Weatherby through her thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and believable.

Format: Suggest you increase the size of the print on the story itself for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Suggest watching for confusion between “there” – a place/location – and “their” – showing plural ownership.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The Monarchy are more dominate in the day to day polities of the empire,
Suggest: The Monarchy are more dominate in the day-to-day polities of the empire,

In this phrase, ‘ although if the rumours throughout history are to be believed. Gods walk among the lamb. '
Suggest: although if the rumours throughout history are to be believed, gods walk among the lamb. (Do you really mean "lamb"?)

In this phrase, ‘ Cassandra Weatherby knew their had been something different '
Suggest: Cassandra Weatherby knew there had been something different

In this phrase, ‘ The local bobbies assisted in the follow up investigation '
Suggest: The local bobbies assisted in the follow-up investigation

In this phrase ‘ a man who apart from a birth certificate '
Suggest: a man who, apart from a birth certificate

In this phrase, ‘ Cassandra and her team returned to there headquarters at Whitechapel. '
Suggest: Cassandra and her team returned to their headquarters at Whitechapel.

In this phrase, ‘ She sat down at her desk and opened the draw to her left to put her firearm away, '
Suggest: She sat down at her desk and opened the drawer to her left to put her firearm away, (Is "draw" British usage?)

In this sentence, ‘ As you no doubt aware of, I am Andrew Wilder, and if you are reading this then its likely I’m dead by now. '
Suggest: As you are no doubt aware, I am Andrew Wilder and, if you are reading this, then it's likely I’m dead by now.

In this phrase, ‘ keep sober, she couldn’t even do that. '
Suggest: keep sober, but she couldn’t even do that.

In this phrase, ‘ I found her one night in a right emotion state from the booze, '
Suggest: I found her one night in a right emotional state from the booze.

In this phrase, ‘ due to years of alcoholic abuse. '
Suggest: due to years of alcohol abuse.

In this phrase, ‘ when the first bank heist had be reported to the National Criminal Prevention Agency. '
Suggest: when the first bank heist had been reported to the National Criminal Prevention Agency.

In this sentence, ‘ Jail would have been a fair punishment than the one I’m now living in.” '
Suggest: Jail would have been a fair punishment compared to the one I’m now living in.”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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150
150
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very sad piece that seems to have feelings of 'What happened?' just beneath the surface. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ They say it's better to have loved and lost then never '
Suggest: They say it's better to have loved and lost than never


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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