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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"OCEAN LIFE"is an Acrostic Form Poem contained by the two stanzas spelling out OCEAN LIFE. There are no errors in the form. There is good chance that if you were not told that this is an acrostic that would not notice it. The flow is great and line transition is seamless. The poem uses very good poetic words and images to paint the surface and the deep. Error free- Great Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Author Appreciation Activity: "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" You have a fan and have been gifted the "SYLVIA PLATH POETRY PACKAGE".
This package has been gifted by: A Secret Fan!
What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Bureaucracy" is a free verse contained by its five quatrains and single couplet. The nice tight lines give the write very good flow. Unlike the subject, the poem keeps the truth above board for all to see in a nicely told scolding. There is truth in the epiphany. There are no errors- Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Author Appreciation Activity: "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" You have a fan and have been gifted the "SYLVIA PLATH POETRY PACKAGE".
This package has been gifted by: A Secret Fan!
What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Distraction" is a free verse contained by its six quatrains and a single line stanza. The poem is about, "Creativity begging for your attention while working a 9-5. Which is the real distraction?" The piece open is a work setting. A toddler is used in a simile for distractions and again in simile with a pup "Wagging and begging" creating a lot of good action images. The poem flows nicely through trying to get some work done until the clever turn of 5th quatrain which nicely set the stage for the very good and true epiphany. I do not see any errors - Great Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Love is in the Air" is a free verse list poem contained by its two quatrains. The poem flow well through the list and we find its reason and epiphany in the last couple of lines. The poem has good imagery and aromas. There is no punctuation except for a poem ending period but the line stops work as punctuation so the read is an easy one. Suggestion: The last quatrain breaks form by lines 2 and 4 beginning in lowercase- I would change that to be uppercase. Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"A Child's Eyes", is a one stanza free verse about, "When you're a kid you see all the good in the world; as you grow up, you see the bad." The poem has good flow and some nice image for being so short. This is a single though, single image poem and for me, it works. There is no punctuation but it is not needed- the end stops do a goodof separating the lines. I see no errors in the poem. In the description your should be you're not part of the poem not part of my rate- Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Ignite is a single stanza poem of four couples in aa rhyme. The poem is about the search for one's self and uses a metaphor to tell the story well. The flow is good and the rhyme works without feeling reached for. I don't see any errors- good job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Never be consumed" is a free verse poem contained by nine stanzas the longest of which is six lines; is a depression poem. The flows wells and is an easy read despite the lack of punctuation. The depression takes the form of rain, night and mud that give good images. The fifth stanza turns the poem nicely and puts it on the path to the epiphany. I do not see any errors and my only suggestions is to give the images more life- develop them. Good job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello LiveAndLove18, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
For what I Long is a one stanza free-verse- it is a love poem. The read is smooth and the end-stops good- the poem sits the page well. The message is one of longing and given with some nice poetic words and just enough imagery for so short a piece. There is no punctuation- I like it- a metaphor- waiting with all lines open- nice touch. I don't see any errors - nice job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello A. Upton, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Lie is a one stanza free-verse with an irony- Lie is about the truth of liars. The poem has good flow and nicely chosen end-stops, lie, mask, created, monster- all good words to add impact. There is little punctuation- some but not much- the lack helps the poem flow like the lies. The poem does not take place in a location or setting- Why? because lie are everywhere- the world in the setting. Imagery is sparse- some- not much- WHY? In my experience lies are not very creative- they are most easy to see through- another good device that works here. This free-verse uses its form and presentation as a metephor for the lie. The poem is a nice flowing simple truth about the lie. Very refreshing- and that's the truth- Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Jaxon Plays With Toys is a short one stanza free verse that fits the titleperfectly. The poem is quick and silky smooth. There are great images and colors moving all through this work of motherly cuteness. The poem nails a great epiphany. No errors- Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
My destination is a poem contained by its 13 quatrains and ending 10-line stanza. The quatrains are in abcb rhyme and the last stanza is composed of 5 couplets in aa. Once again, a long write so I take you on it with me. First quatrain sets location- nice tight lines for good flow and the rhyme works well. The next two stanzas are sonnet like in that they present the issues- all good as in the 1st stanza. The next three stanza lodge a complaint- once again good flow and rhyme. A space has slipped in between stanzas 6 and 7 and 7 and 8. The train metaphor carries nicely though the rest of the quatrains that tell the story of results of the first two quatrains. The flow and rhyme are great throughout. Furthermore, like a sonnet the last stanza delivers the solution and epiphany- it also has good flow and rhyme. I do not see any errors aside form the easy fix double spacing mentioned earlier.Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
The man and the Crowd is a poem contained by its five octaves or octets and a closing couplet. The piece has the following rhyne scheme - 1st octave abaacdcb, the remander- ababcdcd and the couplet is in aa. The poem is about "A vision of how one man can move the masses". Long poem so I am going to take you on my read- the first octave is nice and smooth- the rhyme works- no errors. Same of the second octave- one small error- He speaks of “New world order, two choices delete the quote or close it. If you close, it becomes a title that many are familiar with and I would start each word with a cap- if you delete make "new" lowercase. It would also work to use uppercase and no quotes. Third stanza is great and has nice poetic images. WOW!! Fabulous 4th stanza. There is an interesting late turn in the 5th, and because I know this story well it has added great richness to the write for me- this happens in the last five lines of the 5th octave. The epiphany is delivered in the couplet. This is a well thoughout and executed write that can have TWO different main charathers because of the way it is handled- Hitler and the antiChrist. Great job!! Please fix the quote- I cannot give 4.5 because of that - this is too good.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Silent Violin is ten stanza of free-verse about a violin that wants to be played. The poem has good flow and great end-stops. There are some nice images as well. Mid way through the violin is teased but not taken into hand and made to sing. The poem could easily be an allegory but the violin story is unique and well told and stands on its own. I see something that poets debate over until blue in the face: A bow. The period will cause more trouble than its worth - relent and make it a dash, and you have the best of both words. Very well done!!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Elizabeth Kidd, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
At My Grandmother's Headstone is contained by its four free-verse quatrains. The piece has nice tight lines and along with the quatrains this free-verse has form- each third quatrain line is five feet and the longest in the poem. The flow is great- well controlled and the tone in my head is soft to match the quiet of the setting- a graveyard. This is a poem of contrast from the start. The green (life) leaves are still (death) is the first contrast- a great line: "the wind is the reaper." The setting is cold the reaper is bringing death to the green that is still in the wind- waiting the impending. A contrast: The child, a son, is warm, happy, and he feels the sun- he is alive and reaching - not still. The poem has a turn with a contrast- the warm child, the rose in the graveyard, will someday know cold. Then the epiphany- a shadow leans- is it cast by the sun or the feeling aroused by the setting?- it is explained that it is the setting- mom carries its shadow. The next contrast- to the child the shadow is the sun- warmth- his life- they are one and mom see herself in her child and the contrast- in this place of death, they are alive in each other. WOW!!! What a great and meaningful write- this is a brilliant piece and an absolute must read. There are no errors that I see. Wait I see a comment about confusion over the title. Sorry- I am lost to explain that- a title is part of a poem- a very important part and this title does the job of setting location and tone. I would not change the title if it were me- it all seems clear with the slightest of thought. This is a gem- a masterpiece-Fantastic job!!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello invisiblemarie, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Just Watch" is a double spaced one stanza free-verse Absent Love Poem. The poem has good flow and ends with a nice epiphany. I do see an error. I have some suggestions:
The title should be in caps.
The end stops are good although two many of them in with the word "you".
I find the double spacing a distraction- it is not needed as it does not add to the poem- if anything it slows down a walking piece.
Good Effort!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Yolli, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Slender Darkness is a poem contained by its four quatrains- the first two of abcb rhyme the third aaaa and the last abab with a repeating with a in the third quatrain. The lines are nice and tight and the meter is good- the piece flows nicely. I cannot see any errors. It is hard to tell if the poem is meant as an allegory for depression or perhaps something else or is just what it is- a scary story of being stalked and caught on the path. I learn toward the allegory- that is the only way the author lives to tell the story. I have some suggestion:
I do not have issues about breaking a rhyme pattern- the device is very useful at times. I don't understand the break here however. If the second stanza were the aaaa stanza I would get that- it speeds up the action stanza- a metaphor in rhyme. Instead the slow stanza- the slipping away is the part that gets the speed up. Since the poem is short I would consider introducing a new rhyme in each stanza rather than repeating.
The poem is good- flow and meter very nice- the telling is interesting with a touch of mystery so that readers can find themselves in it- Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello LolaWrite, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Goodbye is a free-verse Absent Love poem contained by four various size stanzas. The poem flow nicely through the mixed emotions of absent love that I am sure many readers will relate. The piece is a feelings poem- no imagery or setting other than mixed feeling and pain. Although not a sonnet it presents much like a sonnet in that- an issue is presented, the scars- pain, that lead to - nothing can be done- that lead to a turn to a somewhat surprising resolution. The poem is well organized. Suggestion:Setting and imagery would boost the write- Good job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Diamon'd♥, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Decisions is a poem contained by its one quatrain of free-verse and a single line. The poem is complacenncy in decision making. When I read the poem as is- flow suffers a little but when I strech the poem out of quatain from creating differtent end stops flow improves for me and give the piece more freedom and feeling. All of the words are there and don't need to be changed but I would reconsider the end stops. Here is who I read the poem:
Many don't stop
to ponder
their decisions,
they just waver and trip, while
(uncertainity) chokes them. = (uncertainty)
Dawn to dusk
and back again,
the cycle never ends
and still
complacent people
are content with pretending.
Will this cycle ever end?
The poem is real good and I would bet it plays in your head much like I broke it down. This is one thing about poetry- readers do have options as to how they break down the read in their head. Just one error in spelling- Good Poem- Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello bluemooner, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Hollowness is a poem contained by its ten quatrains of abcb rhyme. The piece is about, "about what I (bluemooner) feel about the world we live in.” The poem has nice flow and the rhyme is good as the author delivers feelings toward the word situation. The setting is the hallow world, and we snake our way through the poems lines of displeasure to a good epiphany. Although the poem has tight meter, which makes to flow so smooth, and rhyme that does not reach, the poem has a free-verse quality that I really like- an unusual trait for abcb poem. I do not see any errors- Great Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Kali, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Sing Me My Song, Love, is a Complaint Love Poem contained by its four quatrains of aabb rhyme. The lines are nice and tight and help to give the write good flow. The rhyme flows nice and natural and works well in this love poem. The first stanza creates an image and setting of sitting and the epiphany takes the form of a request. I have some suggestion:
The second quatrain gained a space between couplets that should be closed.
There is a typo in this line:
Love please do tell me, (whats) going on = (what's).
I do see any other errors and my only other suggestion would be to add some imagery, hooks on which, to hang the feeling.
Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello LRbluemoon, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Hollowness is a poem contained by its seven double spaced quatrains of abcb rhyme. The piece is about, "about what I (bluemooner) feel about the world we live in." The poem has nice flow and the rhyme is good as the author delivers feelings toward the word situation. The setting is the hallow world, and we snake our way through the poems lines of displeasure to a good epiphany. I have some suggestions:
In the title description i should be changed to I.
I wonder how you would feel about:
I find the double spacing makes the read more difficult on a computer screen and since it does not add imagery to the poem- single spacing would be nice for your readers.
In the following line:
Is full of misery that content.
I beleive, unless I'm missing something, that you mean- Is full of misery that(is)content. or Is full of misery that{'s) content.
My only other suggestion would be that some nice poetic imagery in a piece of this length would boost the write. Perhaps development of the mask and snake metaphors would be the ticket.
Good poem and a nice effort and a warm welcome to WDC.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Author Appreciation Activity: "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" You have a fan and have been gifted the "EDGAR ALLAN POE DARK PACKAGE".
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Proud to Have Served my Country is a Non-Fiction "Recalling my (Judy's) three years in the Army". The piece deals more with pride of service and the meaning of serving than experiences although Germany is a found memory. The importance of the military to the country and its citizens is a point of importance. There are no errors- Nice patriotic telling!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Author Appreciation Activity: "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" You have a fan and have been gifted the "EDGAR ALLAN POE DARK PACKAGE".
Which includes:
5 Public Reviews from each FAN - ATIC Gifter for a total of 15 reviews!
A personalized cNote
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A "dark" genre Merit Badge from both Leaders
2 Free Entries to the "Ink to Green Poetry Contest"
A 25k charitable donation made in your name to any organization/group you chose!
What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Why I Love Autumn is an essay about Judy's "thoughts on autumn for a Terrace assignment.” The essay opens with lots of autumn colors and a chill in the air. Here is a point that I like and never thought of this way- autumn is a beautiful and nice relief from summer heat but a reminder of the winter about to come. The essay covers lots of fun thing that we do in autumn like Halloween and corn roast making me wish it was always autumn. There are no errors that I see- Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Author Appreciation Activity: "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" You have a fan and have been gifted the "EDGAR ALLAN POE DARK PACKAGE".
Which includes:
5 Public Reviews from each FAN - ATIC Gifter for a total of 15 reviews!
A personalized cNote
A black 25k awardicon from one of the Leaders
A "dark" genre Merit Badge from both Leaders
2 Free Entries to the "Ink to Green Poetry Contest"
A 25k charitable donation made in your name to any organization/group you chose!
What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Things Leukemia Has Taught Me is a Non-Fiction about the "Valuable life lessons I've (Judy) learned from Leukemia". The piece begins with symptoms and testing to determine diagnosis to the explosion of feeling at the revealing to the desire to share what the experience has taught- a list of what was learned follows. It is amazing to me that the entire list is a positive. It takes a special person to get to this place in life. There are no errors- Great Sharing!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Author Appreciation Activity: "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" You have a fan and have been gifted the "EDGAR ALLAN POE DARK PACKAGE".
Which includes:
5 Public Reviews from each FAN - ATIC Gifter for a total of 15 reviews!
A personalized cNote
A black 25k awardicon from one of the Leaders
A "dark" genre Merit Badge from both Leaders
2 Free Entries to the "Ink to Green Poetry Contest"
A 25k charitable donation made in your name to any organization/group you chose!
What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
These Wrinkled Hands (Great Title!), is a poem reflecting on the past. The poem opens with two couplet and eight tercets follow. The poem is a free-verse. The couplets introduce the poem to the smooth flowing tercets below where we find the thing these hands have done. The poem has a great ending that will send you away with a smile. There are no errors - I loved the poem Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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