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829 Public Reviews Given
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51
51
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kant (1724-1804) died 205 years ago. Fortunately for us science, philosophy, and communication have evolved.

For example, I am typing on a computer keyboard while being connected almost instantaneously through the www to a server where this site is hosted. I am able to write directly to that host and at the same time see the words on the screen in front of me.

Kant's Age of Enlightenment has come and gone.

Today we live in a quantum world where the act of observation changes what we are looking at, as per Heisenberg.

Superconductivity, nanotechnology, the Hadron Collider, listen, man, it was recently discovered that most of the universe is made of something we have never seen, dark matter.

Think abou it, everything changes, including poetry. In this modern society, we are bombarded by unceasing stimuli which allows only little time for contemplation before the next interruption drives us to the next activity.

Let's consider for a moment this phenomenal difference between the 17th century and the 21st century.

17th
- literature available to elite few
- people corresponded by letters carried by ship and horseback
- the middle east and asia did not exist
- the end of city states
- european colonialism
- slavery
- women were second class citizens
- the beginning of democratic republics in France and US
- most people never traveled more than 20 miles from where they were born
I'm sure you could add a few more details to this list.

21st
-most of the historic literature is either available instantly online, or soon will be
- email, mms texting, blogs, social networks, virtual storefronts (Amazon), search engines, fiberoptics, digital photography, desktop publishing
- recognition by humanity that we share this one world together
- national boundaries disappearing (EU, UN, NATO, NAU, ASEAN, etc...)
- emancipation, female suffrage, although slavery, violence against women, political, and religous persecution still exist
= International travel (two years ago I went to Kitty Hawk one day and flew back to Sacramento the next day - Kitty Hawk 290 ft, Sacramento - 3,000 miles)

Why should poetry be static? What makes it so special that nothing new be attempted and appreciated?

music - changed
dance - changed
theatre - changed
journalism - changed
language - changed (email, blog, lol, bff, modem, computer, whath the meaning of is is
presidential politics - no change still corrupt weasels selling change we can believe in
travel - changed (man on moon)
dna - unravelled
gender - changed (or should I have said 'sex - changed')
science - changed

You get the idea.

I hope I have made the point that poetry had damn well better have changed since the 17th century.

This does not prevent people from dressing up as soldiers and reenacting the civil war, enjoying Shakespeare at the theatre, horseback riding, eschewing modern conveniences like indoor plumbing, instead choosing to crap in an outhouse.

I write this with no grand authority at all. The facts speak for themselves. My personal opinion has been unneccessary until now.

I ask myself first of all what to rate this.

I take another look at the title, "Thoughts On Poetry." Well, that is exactly what you detailed, six thoughts.

Was it well thought out. Not particularly.

I have to appreciate the honest, clearly stated bias against free verse.

I also appreciate that this piece moved me to consider this subject for myself, a useful excercise.

Ultimately I recognise that everyone is only able to see what they see how they see it. Solipism suggests we can never really know what another sees, thinks, or feels.

I have to give this a five, not because I agree with anything you said, but because you took the time to consider and say what YOU believe.

I guess you could call this rating a five with an explanation.

I will finish a thought of my own.

Poetry is not a description of an event, it is the event.

peace - peach
52
52
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is really sweet. I like how the first line of each verse runs into 'Poets'.

I like the unexpected in this intimate poem:

"There is no fire"
"There are no meadows"
"There are no tears"

You have latched each line to it's fellows in every verse.

You know, after reading this several times, I am changing my rating from 4 stars to 5 stars. I think this is the fifth poem I have rated 5 stars since I joined three or four months ago.

This poem is powerful because of the economy of words, the inner rhythms, and short, sharp brushstrokes.

beautiful - - peach
53
53
Review of Tulips  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love a good short poem. Saw the title and then flowers and then the poem and then a parade of tulips. You almost have a collective noun there, like sedge of bitterns, chain of bobolinks, wake of buzzards, a quiver of cobras, ...etc.

I can see this as films laid one upon the other. All the films together show the first line. Peel back the first film and the second line is revealed. Remove the second film revealing the third line. With the third film gone I am left with your fourth line and the poem is complete.

I like the subtlety and delicate use of the words of budding, blooms, a glow, and blossoms.

Now my day is complete.

peace - peach
54
54
Review of Human Mind  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your theme that no one can really understand where anyone elses thoughts run.

I like the physical shape of the poem where the first line is longer than the second which is longer than the third.

This is good because you painted with just a few brushstrokes and left room for me to imagine for myself mind, thinking, perceiving, surviving, following, and unknown paths.

peach
55
55
Review of Witty Wonders  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
ZB nice little collection. You know I like each of these seperately as well as together. Strong sense of irony. Just read your bio. Sounds like you're a bit of a smartass. I like your point of view.

A couple of thoughts:

All but the last verse reads as one sentence. The last verse as four. You might consider only capping the first word of each sentence and adding a period at the end of each sentence.

You might consider changing the title, which I feel sells these poems short.

Witty Wonders makes me think of trifles, shallow water, not to be taken seriously, whimsy, Readers Digest, an old lady in her stinkin' garden, spoonerisms, aphorisms, archaic diction, wooly caterpillars, antacids and such.

Lastly, you might consider posting each poem seperately and perhaps centering them on the page.

Good Job, looking forward to seeing more work from you.

peace - - peach
56
56
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dr D, I get a kick out of this. I'm a fan of short poetry because it just takes a few words to start a universe.

I like how the title works with the poem to add to the regal quality.

By italicising the poem I draw the conclusion that these four lines might act as an anthem, or a piece of a requiem. or perhaps a dirge.

The italics also convey the idea that these four lines are either being chanted or sung by a huge throng waking from the rein of the Nightmare King.

good job - peach
57
57
Review of Laughing  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice indeed. You wrote this with such a natural comfortable conversational voice, that each stanza flowed beautifully.

I like dabbling toes, tripped laughter, sun tickling, lush running, and corn dancing.

A couple of things. I could not find 'hand and hand' as common usage. I did find hand in hand as a common term found in dictionaries. You might want to think about editing that.

The last two lines of the third stanza each include the word 'little'. You might want to use a thesaurus to find a synonym for little that would work as a replacement in one of those lines.

Very enjoyable - peach
58
58
Review of Teething  
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Haha, when I saw rant I just had to read it. My God, man! What were you thinking?

I realise and respect your attempt at putting into words the sounds and thoughts that combine with such horrible hallucinatory effect that no language on earth is able to accurately describe.

I enjoyed it.

Just a thought.

As much as I enjoy the words tooth and teeth. if I might suggest the word substitutions of 'toof' and 'teef'

peach
59
59
Review of A Crack Of Light  
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
First of all I changed the rating. You are right I didn't read it. My note to you was so about me. I owe you an apology, BIGTIME.

Also sorry about the chickens*** anonymous. I should have taken the clue that choosing anonymity was cowrdly.

I guess I need to go back to Assoholics Anonymous.

I really appreciate your taking the time to explain your writing process to me. I get a sense that you really care about what you do. Your writing isn't just spit out onto the keyboard.

No excuses for my behavior.

Just been a member for a few months. Since most of what I write is poetry or essays there is an immediacy to writing and posting. I see now I have been paying too much attention to created dates.

Again, I was way out of line and will work on making sure I don't to anyone else again.

I changed the rating, not because I read your piece but because I read your reply and took it heart.

peach
60
60
Review of Grandpa  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
Enjoyable. Great opening line, Good mixture of the mundane world with the unreal. Fine descriptions of uncle, stairs, turret room, decrepit, dead,decay. Like the ending. For a story so surreal it was told in a naural, unaffected, conversational way.

keep writing, this was very good.

peach
61
61
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this. I was deeply clever, in other words, every tangent that struck out from the flow was cleanly and delightfully finished. No half thoughts here. I am curious how long it took you to do this. I can absolutely see this in a magazine, computer, writing, educational.

You polished the details up to and including 'The End'.

I won't quibble about punctuation or syntax.

I do feel the paragraphs are too long. Each one is crammed with many-worded movement. There is nothing wrong with the sentences, it just feels like there are too many in each paragraph.

My only suggestion is break each para up into smaller paras.

keep writing - peach
62
62
Review of The Unsaid  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
From this earlier poem I see the promise of the creativity to come.

"Letting it out is like letting you in," This line stands out. You did with this line what you did not do with any of the others, you surprised the reader.

You might want to ask yourself every time you finish a poem and look at it with a critical eye, "is there a surprise in here? Is it alone? which words or phrases can i change to create surprise? am i satisfied with this? what will someone else see? is that what i want them to see? have i told the reader anything they didn't already know?

keep writing - peach
63
63
Review of Dani and Mikael  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a clean, comfortable, and personal poem about three characters.

He is six and she is nine and this poem is told from Grandma's perspective.

You gave life and personality to all three characters especially the little girl.

I like the phrase, "''til he sobered up." it sounds like the boy was having a dry drunk. Very funny.

I like your description of the girl.

I notice that you used most of the first two stanzas to describe the young girl, and no physical description of the young boy.

I liked it, keep writing - peach
64
64
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
cazza, the fascinating title steered me to this poem. You clearly captured many of the elements of poetry.

I like your rhyming of sound better with pentameter. I also like your comparison of words with musical chords. I couldn't agree more.

I like that your conclusion was simple and honest. If I might sum it up, although there are a myriad of rules to poetry, the most important one is to find your own voice and hen speak iwth it.

keep writing - peach
65
65
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
I was reading reviews and this looked interesting so I thought I'd check it out.

"In the Blink of an Eye", I like the title and the concept for a poem. You certainly had me thinking about what I see when I blink. I guess it depends on my state of mind whether or not I even notice.

One time after drinking peyote tea my blink slowed down so much that my eyelids became projector screens and I was able to view most of "Spatacus" by the time my blink ended.

Back to the poem. You use a question and answer format. Three of your seven lines are questions.

Q & A feels clinical or like taking a test. You might consider not doing q&a and inserting something less literal such as

hummingbird eye kisses

or

I can't see without looking

window shudders when camera clicks.

One other thing is you might consider using a comma with such a large number

23,040

I look forward to reading more of your work - peac(e,h)
66
66
Review of Animal Cruelty  
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
KJ, a poweful startling poem. The title is stark and direct. On one hand how could anyone like what this poem says? On the other hand I like your third verse the best. The timing and rhythm of each line complements the others. Good job.

It is nice to read a poem about inequities instead of the sturm und drang of juvenile hormonal skin deep puppy love I can't stand it any longer to be me which hurts a lot and everybody hates me but they don't know me and if he/she doesn't know that I am alive I will never love again and who am I don't you know who I am I am special I am miraculous I am brilliant I am a ***king genius who is one with the darkness where there is hot blood dripping from broken bodies thrown from the castle where I will live someday and be the queen and people will bow down to me when they hear my name and everything I write or say should be written down because the world will be at a loss without what I am writing right now and even my s*** doesn't stink but rather exudes the fresh perfume of honeysuckles and I can always write a story that is lke everybody elses but it's different you know and I'm afraid that if I can't find my heart no one else ever will either but I can't stop being me long enough to listen to the rest of the universe which probably only exists because I was born i i i i i i i i am am am am am am scared scared scared scared scared and and and and and alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone ailo...

peace - peach
67
67
Review by peach
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Nice circular journey, advanced to primitive advanced to primitive.

I like the real science you injected into the story. I am reading Michio Kaku's Parralel Universes right now so I was fascinated by the Aki mode of travel and your descriptions of consciousness.

You presented the concept very quickly, for a longer write you might want to detail the Aki more slowly. Also, you mentioned at the beginning that the Aki were losing their individuality. I took this to mean they were still individuals.

That being the case, you might want to clearly deliniate individual Aki at the beginning, Leader, Second-in command. Schemer. Love interest. Relationships that have been maintained time and time again in this Great Cycle of Evolution.

You would then have a rich source of characters evolving over great lengths of time into more compassionate beings.

Just some thoughts.

keep writing - peach
68
68
Review of The Water  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the prose/poem combination. They are in the right order. This piece makes a very good point. This reminds me of an episode in first grade when I learned the lesson myself. I really had to pee but I didn't want to leave class.So when a fellow student asked to be excused to go to the bathroom I chirped up, "Could you please go for me too?" The class laughed and then I figured out that only i could pee for myself.

I like the metaphor of getting your feet wet.

good job - peach
69
69
Review of Life  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lupus, reading your fine poem made me think. Let me say this in your own words.

Destiny, they say, runs its own course.
Life is just a tapestry I've run through the woods.

But what is life all about?
Who can say where we are going?
To what ends are we searching?

Our purpose evades us all.
We hide all inside from those we love.
We say words, never meant to be said.

I've stood on the shore.
I wish I had a thousand wishes…
I wish it only rained when I wanted
then summer could last forever,

Dreams we have never shared,
loneliness we feel kept inside.

Or maybe a dream could come true,
none of those cold days
to keep us inside.

Our only enemy is ourselves.
70
70
Review of Success  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
aditiboo, very succinct. You make the point well that the only competition is with yourself, I liked your rhyming competition and compassion. Thick skin is a must when you put yourself out there for people to make comments or judge you.

keep writing - peach
71
71
Review of Cornucopia  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the title. it suggests a variety of inspirations and observations. I like the line, "I've never seen daybreak." The poem doesn't just stick to one tense which makes it a little confusing. Just a suggestion, maybe you could think about useing each indvidual line as the seed of new poems.

keep writing - peach
72
72
Review of TOGETHER  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very sweet and mature romantic missive. Now you are talking about a rather old fashioned idea, marriage vows honored. Reminds me of my marriage and how much more I love my wife than the day we were married. Twenty years, I'm a late bloomer.

I like the sweet details of your intimacy. Drifting off to sleep, waking up, praying, and yes friends do come and go.

Now get a move on and write some more for me to read - peach
73
73
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very delightful package here. Succint. Each verse could stand alone. Together they are stronger. interesting how the title applies to the poem. Really like the ending. I wonder did you start with the ending? I like that you said a slice of heaven is in your mind.

keep writing - peach
74
74
Review of DANNY VAGUS  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have a real knack for story telling. You use a familiar feeling but first time I heard it patois. This lends an individual personal quality to your story. I liked the use of unfamiliar terms as if the storyteller assumes the listener understands perfectly what is being said.

keep it up - peach
75
75
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
A very understated grief poem. And how death can change one's perceptions and personalities.

Comments - three misspelled words, worrying, you're invincible, worrying.

You might consider not overusing the first words of each line. Never is used 3 times in 4 lines. Then used twice. You used 3 times and the related word Your used as well.

Also this poem seems to shake out into three scenes
1. never thinking something bad could happen
2. something bad happens
3. how the thing that happens changes you

You might consider making this 3 paragraphs.

This is a strong poem that I could have rated much higher if it had been cleaned up. Editing is a big part of the writing process.

You have an interesting voice, keep writing - peach
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