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829 Public Reviews Given
1,370 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not one to give testimonials or suggestions, I feel compelled to testify In the three months I have been a member here I have become a part of a community where the members encourage and support each other's creativity.Not a social network, rather, more like living in an artistic exuberant neighborhood.

Other good things have happened since joining WDC. I no longer suffer from numerous infimities that used to hound me. Such as; hammer toe, weak whistler, spare tire, googly eye, the whips and jingles, vapors, distress in the lower track, miasma, hiccups, talking in my sleep, not talking in my sleep, giggling, jimmy leg, demagougery, plantar fasciitis, hives, scabies, rabies, maybes, weak bladder, my "special" friend, poor posture, mohawk, giblets, cream corn, Hepatitis A, B, C, and D, and other things too numerous to mention.

However, I have not been relieved of my imagination.

Apparently not. In the future please be brief.

Also, what are the vapors? Maybe I am having them.

peace - peach
77
77
Review of Lightning  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey O, pretty good. It is better than the first. I like the strange logic of something that is static that flashes. Using the word "light" in such a small poem should probably avoided. You might consider substituting "flash" or "spark"

I like the jagged delivery of the last line. Very much like lightning and thunder.

keep writing - peach
78
78
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very clever ending. I like the last word rhyming and narrative feeling of the last verse. In the movie "Road Warrior" The character played by Mel Gibson shares a can of "Dinky Di Dog Food" with his dog, sounds vile. Just a few weeks after I saw the movie, I resorted to eating canned dog food cause it was free, and I was a strung out crazy musician. I also tried some of those "Mik-Bone Dog Biscuits". They really sucked, instant dry mouth.

keep writing - peach
79
79
Review of When You Cried  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Real bittersweet moment captured here. Very nice piecture painted. One quibble - the phrase, "in guilt that I hurt you" , perhaps the word guilty would be better for the first two syllables.

good job - peach
80
80
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Haha. Very entertaining. Very effective when the drunken writing starts and continues to the end.

The first three beers had me couning characters, wondering if I had missed something, considered Snuggles, which was confirmed by the narrative.

A couple of things to think about.

Long paragraphs - gives it a blocky feel, think about breaking many of your paras into pieces.

By the way. I forgot to mention it - you might want to look at this and only use it once in such a short piece.

essay - Consider changing categories to short story

I really enjoyed this.

keep writing - peach
81
81
Review of How Sweet It Is  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tim, this had some really strong parts that I love and some things that jumped out at me.

I like the way it finishes with the last verse.

I liked your use of the word showbiz. It has such an informal, personal feeling here.

You use the phrase, "...time well spent," even though that first verse speaks clearly about the futility of counting of points or stars.

The word swell in the fourth verse feels like a rhyme choice not a word choice. I haven't heard anyone say swell since the '50s.

Like I said I like this poem and the message it professes. My suggestions are just that, suggestions. I am certainly no final arbiter of things literary.

keep writing - peach
82
82
Review by peach
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Fun poll that made me have to think but I won't hold that against you,

I would have liked a few more choices to choose from.

1. Invite them in to use the toilet and "freshern up"
2. Ask them what music they have on their iPhone
3. Ask them to feel the bump on the back of my head that I first noticed after trying to retrieve my keys under the desk and tell me if it is xomething I should be worried about.
4. Ask them if aliens suffer from depression where they come from.
5. Invite them in to help me hang a picture.
6. Ask them if that was a banana in their pocket or were they just glad to see me.
7. Ask them if they were relatives of mine just dropping by to say, "Hi"
8. Ask if they have insurance for that thing that just flattened my car.
9. Ask if they could watch my house while I ran around the corner to go pick up some beer.
10. Ask what took them so long.
11. Ask to look under the hood
12. Show them my middle finger while explaining this is the customary greeting on our planet.
13. Offer them gum to get rid of that stinking alien breath
14. Ask them to point that ray gun somewhere else
15. Yell out the window to knock off the racket so's I can getz some shuteye.
83
83
Review by peach
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Ha, I bet you're a lot of fun when you answer the phone to find someone taking a survey.

Hey, this piece speaks for itself.

This reminds me that I would rather be alliterate than illiterate.

Let me remind you that owning a cookbook does not make one a chef, a degree in english does not make one a writer.

You strike me as a writer.

Keep writing, I Iike the way your mind works - peach
84
84
Review of We Who Lay  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice. Written at a steady comfortable pace. The title is a little counterintuitive. I usnderstand it to say we who lay have not yet died. To lay to rest, eternal slumber, etc... poetry is full of descriptions of death as laying.

Very nice, I enjoyed it - peach
85
85
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
Tim, great use of words here. You write here with precision. Rather than stacatto flashes of phrase I see the use of poetic glissando and phrases that swing.The steady comparison of good diet and working out with mental gymnastics is well said.

keep writing - peach
86
86
Review of Scissors  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dr T, very sweet. If it were possible for scissors to be sweet, these are. With the title, "Scissors" it is clear from the start that this is written from the tool's perspective. The playfulness of description imparts personality to the character. The last line of the fourth verse is a little awkward. You end that line, "...make a hole through," and this poetic usage is unlike any of the other lines. Also, the very next line also ends in the word, "through."

This poem was worth searching for - peach
87
87
Review of Dolls  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice. In a poem entitled, "Dolls", Evangeline Violet looks through a dolls eyes and finds a kind of consciousness there. From first place on the shelf to last place is greater than the distance between these two spaces. This doll has regrets. And why not? The author describes the doll praying, "behind her platic prison cell."

keep writing - peach
88
88
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
A wonderful about about taking a pause from life for self assessment, identifying things to change, and moving forward consciously as a changed person. Each line is extremely comfortable with it's neighbors. With rhyming poetry this is a facility that takes time to master.

peace - peach
89
89
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good. I see one reason you might like rhyming couplets. The simple discipline acts as a tether like a seatbelt keeps head and arms inside the car. Some fantastic phrases and word sound combinations. The rhyming is the least of it. You might try free verse with small verses holding each clear thougt..

keep writing - peach
90
90
Review of Melancholy Blue  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
Larry, fine job. You are a sophisticated poet. Lovely images, The Trilonnet form that you chose adds a feeling of strangeness to the piece which makes it more enjoyable.

Thanks - peach
91
91
Review of World Peace  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
Kings, this is thought provoking and wishful. Wishful from your part, and frankly, mine as well. Man it would be great if everyone had their eye on Truth.

In your poem entitled, "Middle East Peace," you take seven stanzas and begin by asking large questions for the first half, literally, of the poem. In the second half of the piece you exhort (I love that word) the reader and humanity as a whole to get it together.

Now I mentioned thought provoking. What you had me thinking about was a recent experience.

A week ago last Monday I Metroed into DC, being as how I live right across the river in Arlington, VA. I had read an article online that there was to be a first time gathering of muslims from across the country. The article said to expect 50,000. The purpose of their trip was to assemble on the West Lawn of the Capitol and say some prayers, including praying for peace.

I got there a couple hours early just to people watch, something there is plenty of in DC. As an aside, I like to engage people randomly, find out where they are from and what they do there so that I can write it down in my back-pocket notebook after they walk away.

Well, there was quite a variety of clothing I noted as the participants congregated. From three piece suits and tasteful conservatively cut dresses to full on complete chadors on the women and men wearing various head covers and sort of a long nightshirt looking outer garment over layers of other clothing.

I talked to a few and everyone was kind and courteous.

By the way, as I stood on the sidewalk at the foot of the hill and visited with various police and undercover law enforcement a goup of five or six men and women showed up with big signs and a big wooden cross on wheels. They were evengelical christians who didn't approve of islam or the get together on Capitol hill.

Full bullhorn.

The police gently moved them across the pretty wide street. Well I thought this was America and was happy that two different groups could agree to disagree. Later another christian group showed up across the street with a bullhorn.

It was down right bullhornish!

It was quite a pleasant afternoon. I took a break at one point and I went and ate lunch at the Senate Dirksen building. Most of the cafeterias on Capitol Hill are open to the public. Good ravioli.

I know it's a tough world out there and plenty of people want to see me dead. Just because I was born here, blablablah...

All I can do is try my hardest to be kind.

That is how I read your poem. I see it as a kindness on your part to describe a positive life and urge others to do the same. Thanks.

peace - peach
92
92
Review of Change Incites  
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Joseph. I enjoyed the poem. As I read it again and again I understood your scenes from phrases. That's why I like short poems, I have a chance to reread and savor.

My favorite line is, "Bewitch me with curiously and fame." Change does incite, it provokes and moves me on.

keep writing - peach
93
93
Review of I'm sorry grandma  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
cazzbie, this is a beautiful description of unconditional love. I would have liked to have rated it higher but there errors in spelling and punctuation. Also, it would be much easier to read if you indent the paragraphs and insert an empty line between verses.

This is a lovely piece. I look forward to reading more from you - peach
94
94
Review of Peanut's Eulogy  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
A chihuahua eulogy. Touching. You certainly conveyed the love and affection you had for liile Peanut.

You drew a good picture of the central character, and I do mean character. I can just see peanut being chased around and around by other dogs.

This piece was hard to read because of the format. I suggest you indent the first sentence of each paragraph and insert a line between paragraphs.

good job - peach
95
95
Review of Break Me  
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey, Very direct piece. After I read this the first time I thought of those situations where later I think of the perfect thing to have said. That's what this read like.
I have a suggestion/comment.The first two lines are each 5 syllables and roll comfortably off the page. The second lines show up suddenly too wordy and break the rhythm the piece started with.

If I was your editor I would suggest that the last two lines be rewritten as:

You can take my mind,
you can take my heart,
Don't break what you find
'cause I'll fall apart.

Just a thought

keep writing - peach
96
96
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
WhoMe, I enjoyed this poem. I like the open-hearted personal flavor to the way your mind works. Some days being kind to others is a real challenge. One thing that always helps is to share something written with another person. It could be something I write or it could be something another writes. A sense of creative community is a great comfort.

I enjoyed browsing through your port. I have only seen the tip of the icicle.

peace - peach
97
97
Review of A Love to Share  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
This piece is a reaching out to a friend heart felt poem. Written in an easy, comfortable, conversational style. Just a thought, the one general thing that would improve this poem is the use of a thesaurus to find and use synonyms of some of the common words you used like, shimmer, doubt and fear. I just use those words for example. Write your poem, then look up a number of words from your poem in a thesaurus (awsome one online thesaurus.com) You might be surprised by how changing just a few words can make a poem more wonderful - peach
98
98
Review of Being Poor  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well written. No pep talk from me. It is good to have you here as a member. I saw your poem and it do anything for me so I went to your port and found this. Glad I made the effort. If you put this kind of honest directedness into writing poetry you would be speaking with an individual, authentic voice. The rules of poetry are not meant for you. Break them.

peace - peach
99
99
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.0)
What the hell is an Avacoto?
100
100
Review of Slashy Me  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.0)
very tongue in cheek description since there is nothing serene about the word slashy. the alliteration feels forced. There is nothing serene about capital letters. What I like about the poem is the sound of the words not the meaning. I like word sounds. Alliteration works with the sound but not with the meaning. I assume that you want the reader to get the meaning you intend.

keep writing - peach
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