Wow, this is a real tour de force. You write thickly, here. Delightful word play. Phrases filled with strange and hallucinatory images. A woven universe.
A poem of bittersweet reminiscence. Having the poem doublespaced makes the piece sort of lope along. Described as a poem about letting go, the writer takes us along on the personal journey with sparse phrases simply stated and clearly connected. Love is the harshest of seasons.
But Dan, all good men go to heaven. If not, there would be no basis for altruism. I enjoyed your poem entitled, "The Good Man." I could relate somewhat to your thesis, at least the good part of me, that is. Like the loosers, looters, holders place in the poem. That verse seems the strongest and wraps down into the last verse. This makes for a long sentence, but hey, that's how it goes, right? I really think linking being good with going to hell makes the poem suddenly shallow. I bring my pesonal beliefs with me to this review because I am only human.
Here is a somewhat enigmatic poem entitled, "Blues." There is a bit of the bayou and New Orleans jazz, two things that would represent home if a person had lived there. Great title, as each line of the poem acts as a call out to the blues. A soldier off to war says goodbye the best way he can.
Hi Carla, let me start by telling you that I enjoyed readiing your poem, "Withstanding the Storm." This is a free verse poem that uses a gathering storm as a metaphor for hardship that acts as catharsis for serenity and strength. Nothing external will affect the writer's spirit. You have some good descriptions here of being caught up in a storm.
Jack, your poem entitled "Kiss" is sublime. The efficiency with you write makes what you have to say that much more powerful. There is neither one word too many, nor too few. Reading this out loud sounds authentic, sincere, and spontaneous as if these words used in an actual intimate conversation. You have described reality without strangeness or tried-too-hard-to-be-poeticness.
Khalish, I believe this is my favorite of all your poems I have read. The title is clear and bold. Your description described the proper attitude a writer must have when asking for comments and opinions. I believe you are in India if I am not mistaken and i know there are some differences between how you and I speak English. That being said, I found from the very first verse that you were clear and descriptive and poetic. Much of this poem flows forward comfortably and in only a couple of minor places is there a bit of an awkwardness of line very common in rhyming poetry. You finished with a burst of creative clarity in your last verse.
I also enjoyed reading the 7 thoughts included at the bottom of your piece.
At first I thought your idea of reading 50 books in 2009 and keeping track of what you have read as you go along would be a little less interesting than reading a shopping list. So, I was wrong and I took a look at your list and thought some about what I feed my brain from books.
I read at least one book a day. A book like Killer Instinct goes down pretty quick. I realise not everyone has the time to read that I do. I also devour magazines like Business Week and Downbeat.
I noticed you have a balance of just plain entertainment reading with literary works, classics (Richard Russo) and some social commentary.
I have a tendency to read just one kind of writing at a time. Some books I savor, such as a Pablo Neruda book of poems, A small volume by TS Eliot about cats, and the 2008 volume of Modern American Poets. That last one is nice because there is a bit of an essay about the poet, or the poem, or what was going on in their life when they wrote the poem.
About a year ago I bought a Sony eReader electronic book and it allows me to download a book 24 hours a day. Don't have to go to a store. Allows me to read all of an interesting author's books.
Thank you for posting this. It got me thinking - peach
Vertical poem entitled Baby Blues describing different weeks of pregnancy. And then what I take to be a premature the baby doesn't survive. This line tugged at my heart, "Think about walking but I can't". What more can I say. You had something to say and you said it.
An interesting poem entitled Gilgamesh, free verse with some nice imagery strange and hallucinatory written by someone who knows at least a bit about the earliest text found. Question. Did Sumerians use sarcophagi?
A simple somewhat rhyming run of words entitled Wash Away. The cryptic title is a precursor to an unexplained collection of phenomenon. An extremely pesonal, tortuous emotional work. This too reminds me of my sister's suicide. That seems to happen a lot in the poems posted here.
A blast of poetry feels like a stream of consciousness piece with some good descriptions. The poem seemed too long for me, not focused enough for harmony. The poem seems to try too hard to be clever like a guitar solo that uses every note on the guitar. My comments are really lightly made. I very much enjoyed the piece.
keep writing - peach (how about reviewing something of mine?)
A 3 stanza rhyming poem describing somewhat of a death wish brought on by a broken heart and the unhealthy belief that love craved can render a person saved. Like the play on words that is the title. Like the description of using stitches to mend a broken heart. This poem is relatively direct and sticks to the point.
Very entertaining. I laughed at your description of following into the alley. In the 80s when I was acive in some bands in the SF Bay area, I will always remember fondly,
standing at a urinal while Joan Jett used the urinal next to me. Haha, very strange and fun times.
Rhyming poem about losing the soul and the lack of the soul would stop one's heart. The conundrum in the poem is that the watching part of the writer is still alive, at least enough to write this down. No spelling or punctuation errors. Stuck to rhyme scheme. The fact that the poem is composed of extremely common phrases keeps this poem from being particularly special or memorable. This is a good practice poem.
Everyone's heart is broken.
line 3 should read there are things
butterfly line should say you used to touch me
2nd to last line should say We're over though
last line shouldsay I used to love you.
An emotional inside outside emotional look into the writer's self professed damaged self concept. I don't understand the indented lines. Are they a second voice speaking. You misspelled the word descent in the title explanation - peach
Well, the word choice is extremely awkward. What is tierdess You refer to it in your first line. Awkward phrases like
A sleepy fellow from doing nothing
A music will play
wake me up during
You might want to read the poem out loud to hear what you are writing.
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