A nice acrostic. I really like the first verse. It is very strong. You certainly delivered literally on the acrostic form. That second stanza doesn't seem as poetic as the first on. In fact, the first verse all by itself is an awesome poem.
A serene conversational description of a neighborhood as observed from a porch swing. Images well evoked. An almost meditational piece, calmly moving through each stanza. I see no misspellings or puctuation errors, but then I didn't expect that I would. After all, I see the writer turns 55 tomorrow. (my age too)
Well, that's pretty good storytelling. The pace was good. The science parts were descriptive of the technology. Suggestions. Have someone else go over it with an editors eye. Some of the syntax gets mixed up, words missing in sentences and maybe with an eye to puctuation and paragraph length. These are the kinds of things that everybody should do when they write at length. My first pass when writing prose is rough. I just want to get the story down and figure i'll go back later and clean it up. My wife is actually an awesome proofreader and is always willing to help. Maybe your wife should be introduced earlier in the story. A description of you, her, and the two of you could help flesh out those characters.
Pretty good and good advice. A couple of suggestions. the poem would be more powerful if you put in punctualtion, without it the reader is sort of left to flounder. Only other thing is capitalzation seems somewhat arbitrary
A poem with an explanation, not good. The piece is hard to follow and not sure the reader will get the point the writer intends. Saying it is about politics makes it even more confusing as I try to interpret with that in mind and can't find any parallels.
Ah lemonade, that cool freshing drink. A poem that tells of a serene spot and simple observations. The best part of this is how the title, lemonade, is not written anywhere in the body of the poem. The enjoyment of this poem is not complete unless the reader keeps the thought of lemonade alive while reading the poem. Good job.
Another good poem Pony. The layout of the lines, the line length really add to the success. You convey the pictures in a very, comfortable conversational way. You know horses so that helps.
Good to know you are out there praying for all of us. Heartfelt and sincere. Note - the word nerve is misspelled in the second stanza. Good job - peach
OK, I can see you took more time for this. I like that it is free verse. Some good leaping phrases, "collared me in rime, passion for loneliness, drought for clemency." Your loneliness and comfort description was successfully portrayed in the poem. I look forward to reading more - peach
You say in your description that there is not much to this poem. What more could you say? Other descriptions of his physical, mental, soulful, and emotional qualities. Trying to describe heartache is like working with a blunt instrument - It is hard to detail or finesse. Your line, "What plagues my heart," is the existential heart of the poem. Explore that question.
I feel like that all the time. Liked seeing it written as a poem. Hey there's a lot of aliens out here, so you don't have to be alone. Just keep writing you will attract others of like mind. Oh a little thing, there are some misspelled words in the last line. I think it should read cause no one cares if they're alive...
A turgid effort. Extreme descriptions and characterizations used throughout. Just a thought here that the use of extreme words, exagerations, and characterizations for the mundane world of working for a living weakens the image created. The use of such powerful imagery should be used for things like epidemics, slavery, nuclear annihilation, and presidential politics.
Just my opinion, here. I would be the first to say what you want to say the way you want to say it and everbody else stay the hell out of the way.
Serious outpouring from a wounded heart. Flows af it was poured staight into the keyboard. Don't forget that though someone can break your heart, they can't touch the soul of a poet - peach
Ha ha, pretty funny story including how you exaggerated the facts and it sounded like you were laughing at yourself. Those are two pretty long paragrahs, it seems like they should be broken up into more small paragraphs.
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