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829 Public Reviews Given
1,370 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by peach
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Jess, I've read it twice, thoughtfully. You captured a slice of humanity with this poem. You write here of humanity's need to understand, to fit in, to be understood, to make a difference.

Soul sickness seems to attract evil.

Where does a sweet loveable boy go who is not loved? This poem shows how one unloved one ends up.

I like the title, it gives a personal perspective to the piece. The footnotes were helpful and well written.

The lines, "Tormented by your beliefs,
Confusion by Jesus, Muhammad and Darwin..."
point at a nexus of incompatible ideologies.

Good Job - peach
27
27
Review of Where Do We Go?  
Review by peach
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Wow, your changes really made for much more powerful lyrics. I can just feel the musicality dripping off of each line.

The arrangement is clearly defined with verse, chorus, and endings. The first verse set the rhythm, rhyme, and time schemes very clearly.

I am a super big fan of longer lines at the top and bottom of a verse with shorter, skipping lines in the middle. That's what you did here.

The looser meter and rhyme make for more singable phrases that let the singer really play with the melody.

The verses clearly relate to each other poetically as well as lyrically. The 'Where Do We Go?' question is asked in each verse with the hint of an answer that is completed by each chorus.

Your ending lyrics have just the right amount of wiggle room for instrumentation and vocal to play with the musical dynamics of soft/hard. quiet/loud. one instrument/all instruments, low frequency/high frequency/full frequency, and emotional changes.

Emotionally the song could end with a feeling of closure, question answered. It could also end with a feeling of sadness that modern living makes us unable to connect to the sacred.

The ending could also be played so as to give the emotional message that only some are able to connect with the sacred, creating a soul gap too great for the lost ones to cross.

My personal preference would be for the most uplifting outcome to be emphasized.

This is a very very good set of lyrics. Simple ( I don't mean easy to write), economical, direct.

These lyrics would be a great example for anyone, beginners and experts alike.

Good job.

peach
28
28
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
I couldn't agree more. I choose to review only those I believe will understand my suggestions. I also review writers that blow me away with their talent. For writers like that I specify exactly what I like about their piece.

I keep track of the statistics for each Daily Haiku. Because they are available for similar lengths of time I get a sense of what people find appealing or unappealing. The demographics tell me age, education, gender, and income of readers.

The first time I got a negative review and a one rating it really pissed me off. Very thin skinned emotional reaction. Got defensive. reacted like a child with hurt feelings. Don't they know who I am? I have to laugh now at my earlier response.

From time to time I have to just filter people out that give low ratings and silly reviews.

I choose not to review someone whose piece is illiterate or adolescent and that I would honestly have to give very low ratings. There are other, however, that actually ask for suggestions, rather than rate a poor poem I email and give feedback/suggestions/opinions.

Just yesterday I got a review that said, "This is not haiku." and a two rating. Before emailing a reply I checked out the writer's port to give me a sense of who they were.

They had no poetry posted just a series of essays or short stories or other where they gave their judgement about things like peace, war, love... I don't really remember what all.

I gave my standard response to a negative review, "Perhaps you're right."

I applaud your willingness to tell the truth in a review, and your intent to offer helpful suggestions.

One of the most enjoyables aspects of living is watching someone else learn, mature, and grow into a creative person with their own unique voice.

I also liked your including the email you received and using it as a jumping off point to present your ideas and intentions.

peach
29
29
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Home run. What a great idea for poetry. My first appreciation is for the rules you set for yourself and then followed.

Next I enjoyed the actual words/phrases/images you presented. This is not just a crossword puzzle, an acrostic, or Rubik's cube, where each box is filled in with whatever fits physically. No, the feeling of the phrases, the organic connection, the poetic leaps, all illustrate a creative strangeness that enlivens good poetry.

peach
30
30
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Like the title so I had to go find out that sakura is cherry blossom. Perhaps this might be described as a poem where life goes on, some things change, bu the past doesn't. Relationships change, people grow into each other and outgrow each other. The past special moments shared remain a place that can be counted on.

My favorite lines"

"To make my smile
As beautiful as a garden"

peach
31
31
Review by peach
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Fantastic! You said some things here that I have often tried to say myself.

Title - great

The first stanza looks like what you are describing, concrete poetry. The bare, no caps, slight assymetry here at the beginning is a powerful bottom line to have at the top.

I appreciated your avoiding trite, adolescent, utopian cliches of broken hearted dark dirged self-involved meism.

Instead of despair you write of an authentic personal experience.

Like phrase 'vibrant essence' and the setting on the ground at your feet.

Rather than dilute your poem with two dimensional analysis, I will finish feeling, just as you did, "I was surprised with sighing smiles."

peach
32
32
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh, but to have a drama free life. You are very clear here. Sounds like you encountered a woundologist. This feels like clear friendly verse to me.

A few years ago I threw a big party and put signs up. The word CRISIS in a circle with a line crossed through it. Sort of a universal don't do that symbol.

When asked about the sign I told them that my party was a Crisis Free Zone.

peach
33
33
Review of Haiku  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.0)
I just read and reviewed your "pictures of cars..." poems where I touched on this poem as well.

I hope you do not find my rating and review too harsh.

This poem is more of an affirmation or mantra than haiku, and it is elegant and simple.

When I read this, a haiku moment of superconsiousness is missing.

I took a shot at it. Not for correction purposes, rather to see for myself where I am on my path.

here is my own path
not really a rebel, just
walking on my own

My opinions should not be considered expertise.

peach
34
34
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed these very much. I actually was getting ready to review your Haiku but thought I would look around to get a sense of you.

These three are superior to your haiku poem. They have more haikuness. These through all reflect a moment in time, you even use the word moment.

All three allow the reader to fill out the scene themselves, perhaps to share your mundane moment to draw parallels in their life, society, discipline, and world.

I was reading my trusty Poetry Handbook by Higginson and it suggested another way to enjoy reading and writing haiku was to break the poem into two pieces.

Piece one - lines one and two

Piece two - lines two and three

All three of these have this quality but it is most comfortably evident in the first one.

Very good title.


peach

I like the minimal capitalization in the poems.
35
35
Review by peach
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Who gains? This poll is an illustration of class envy. Instead of taking responsibility for themselves, victims always blame someone else.

I think who loses is the fist question that should be asked and answered. And should we be afraid for our country as the result of mass migration to the US

I now reside in Arlington in a very expensive apartment. At $3,400 a month for rent you would think the owners could afford to hire citizens, They don't.

Housekeepers - illegals, I try to talk to everyone and none of them understand English.

Maintenance - the lowest guy on the totem pole is illegal, the rest citizens.

Plumbing, illegals.

Carpenters, illegals.

Brickwork, illegals

Every time an occupant leaves the company pays a contract to clean, all illegals, often never the same people twice.

When an apartment needs to be repainted, illegals.

Recent new carpet installed, illegals.

Last summer all of the buildings had their outsides repainted, dozens and dozens and dozens of illegals. I swear there were always new faces.

I'm just talking about one set of apartment buildings in Arlington, Virginia, thousands of miles away from Mexico.

Now, let's ask the question, who loses?

Can't be the illegals, after all they're working and making a good living compared to what they could earn in Mexico.

Think again. Their whole path into El Norte is one long trail of exploitation.

They have to pay human trafficers, drug gangs, corrupt police, soldiers, and politicians just to get across the border. This money is added to the billions of illicit profits, corrupting and destroying Mexico, rotting it from the inside.

Some agree to work off their smuggling fee. The exploitation continues, women and children are raped, sold into slavery where they disappear. Those fortunate enough to not be killed by this terrible smuggling machine live 30 to an apartment, sleeping in shifts and forced to work for little or no wages doing just the kind of jobs I have listed above.

Treated like animals, they scuttle through the streets hunched over, unwilling, or unable to look an American in the eyes.

Who can blame them for wanting to stay once they get here.

Hiring slave labor taints everything it touches. Including the slave, the employer, and you, and me.

Who did these jobs before the migration?

Your friends and neighbors, relatives, all made a good wage and had steady work. There is no job an American won't do. An American doesn't even bother to look for work as a plumber, electrician, pipefitter, mason, bricklayer, carpenter, roofer. The person they apply to doesn't speak English.

Let's talk about the upper class, that top 1% of earners who pay 70% of the taxes.
How could illegal immigration hurt them? Well, plenty of them lost their jobs on Wall St. Banks collapsed. Businesses have closed. The government owns GMAC.

The banking crisis was the result of federal laws enacted that forced banks to make loans to people who could not qualify for loans. Many of these loans had adjustable rates and when the rate change kicked in homeowners packed their suitcases and just walked away.

The bank were encouraged to make loans to minorities, INCLUDING ILLEGALS, whether they qualified or not.

All those business owners who lost their companies saw no positive to illegal immigration.

Finally I want to talk about the elephant in the living room. There is a surge of immigration from the Middle East, Northern Africa, Indonesia, Malaysia. A surge that brings with a culture unable to coexist with anyone who does not agree with it. A culture that gives the world in general, and the US in particular, three choices. Three.
1. convert
2. pay a tax and have few rights as a second class citizen
3. die. preferably at the point of a sword.

Unlike all other immigrants to this country, muslims seek to throw out our constitution and replace it with sharia, Islamic law.

The upper class will be destroyed by the same force that is bent on subjugating this once great country, the place that all freedom loving people could look to with hope.

There won't be a capitalist class system stratified by wealth and power.

There will just be Islam.

I know I started with the obvious illegal immigrants and the suffering they and us have to endure.

I end, however, identifying legal immigrants, the enemy within as the real game changers. It is almost impossible to imagine this happening to us.

Look at France where muslim youth burned thousands of cars over a short few days last summer. Did you even read about this or see it on TV?

Look at Canada where saying a phrase as simple as, "An honor killing by a devout muslim family should be prosecuted as murder," is labeled a hate crime by law and a prosecutable offense.

Look at the Netherlands where Geert Wilders, an elected legislator stands accused of hate crimes for calling Islam bad for the Netherlands, as well as other rediculous claims. His trial has started. He had lined up 18 people to testify in his defense, including the killer of Theo vanGoh. The court ruled last week he would only be allowed three witnesses.

Christians are persecuted throughout the Muslim world. Just look at Bethlehem. Before the Palestinian Authority was given governance of the town, christians made up a large percentage of inhabitants. Now, most have left after being harassed, their women raped and children beaten by fanatic cowardly thugs.

I could continue around the world with the sheer unending number of atrocities committed by muslims against the rest of the human race.

Islam, who does it hurt? Who doesn't it.

Well if you are reading this you are screwed.

Just a few thoughts about your topic.

cheers - peach
36
36
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi spidey, I don't know why, but I was expecting to find a poorly written, cliche filled collection of misspelled words.

This is the first piece of yours I have read. I like the symmetry in your story. The story starts with an anonymous someone starting a walk to a destination and ends the same way. I wonder if the symmetry will continue, if there will be another satori moment, when he reaches home.

Full of beautiful sentences, their length a journey worth making.

Only suggestion is to shorten the long paragraphs, make them one or two breaths long. I think that would present the story in bite-size pieces and let a reader savor your surprise sentences and your cold-cleared-air winter style.

peach
37
37
Review of Invisible Friend  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a stark repudiation of Islam. A savage political movement wrapped in religion. That records and celebrates Mohammeds pedophilia and rape. That teaches schoolchildren in every Muslim country that the jew is evil, a drinker of muslim blood, a monkey. That like a snake in the grass has slipped into the mainstream of our country with the daily mantra from the president on down that Islam is a religion of peace.

In centuries past christianity was the persecuter. Inquisition, Martin Luther, Holy Roman Empire, The power politics of religion.

I assume people have been persecuted for their beliefs since long before recorded history.

I imagine you have probably been marginalised for your belief in Goddess.

I say, let's don't bother detailing the filthy water that has already passed under the bridge. Look upstream to the Killing Fields where people are being persecuted for their beliefs today.

Persecution is not a slight, an insult, a disagreement, a supposed logical dismissal by some superior.

Persecution is the wanton slaughter of peoples because of their beliefs, or their ancestry, the color of their skin.

Last year in Pakistan a muslim mob of 3,000 burned down the christian village of Korian while the villagers ran for their lives One could not run, 86 years old, left on his bed outside his home. A mob of 30 surrounded him and beat him with pistols, kalashnikovs, sticks and kicked him. They then picked him up and threw him into a thorn bush, came back and beat him again and again. Somehow he lived.

I will not take the time here to detail the faces of the persecuted today.

heavy subject, liked your piece.

peace - peach
38
38
Review of by a tear  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful gem of a poem. This feels timeless, as if unearthed with shadowed archeology. When translated it is a sweet show of love that if any who have ever loved should read this, they would wonder if this were written to them personally to describe every day that the sun rose and illumined their secret one true love.

very nice
39
39
Review of Stillwater Avenue  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very enjoyable read. I wanted to read it to find out what happened. I like the use of nicknames, simile, and metaphors to flesh out the characters. I got a feel for the time and place of the scenes.

Nice ironic ending.

This piece could benefit by prudent editing of paragraphs and dialogue.

Paragraphs are much too long. Only one long paragraph was used to tell the story of the grudge match. Smaller paragraphs will make for a more dynamic, powerful emotional range.

When using quotes every change of character reaquires a new paragraph.

You might want to try these suggestions on a new piece and then compare that with this.

peace - peach
40
40
Review of Sherri's Web page  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri,

You recently reviewed a poem of mine and I'd like to reciprocate.
I found your web page in your port. Very nice.

You are the person I have to thank. Your group, Simply Positve, has posted a couple of my poems to review. It is nice to get feedback and I feel that I am introduced to people that have not read anything of mine before.

I can tell you have put your heart and soul into being creative and supporting others' creativity.

peach
41
41
Review by peach
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the way this poem starts, "Love has become a cliche."

I read the phrase, "love... corrupts the mind...," and that really got me thinking and I have to agree with you. Although one definition of corrupt refers to changing from good to bad, I think the definition 'to alter from the original version' applie when I think about love.

I will always have love-shaped parts missing from my broken/mended heart. I never know love was such a transcendental powerful experience until it happened to me.

I try hard not to develop calluses in the place loved rubbed raw.

You poem has diverted me to a place I didn't expect to go today.

peace - peach
42
42
Review of Road to Nowhere  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cool lyrics. The loose rhyming scheme works. Interesting song idea.

You know what would be helful for the reader/reviewer is a note detailing the style and tempo you envision for this.

Also labeling verse, chorus, and/or bridge. A bold label left justified on the line above the item.

Another thought, It would also be helpful to know if you have a sense of structure, arrangement, like

Intro
Verse 1
Verse 2
Chorus
Interlude
Verse 3
Chorus - reat and fade

Just my opinion.

keep writing - peach
43
43
Review by peach
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Sweet, this poem is written with six breaths. The comfortable use of alliteration and the use of soft smooth words calms me as I read. There is a familiar dreamy quality here.

Favorite parts

anchor sleep memories
ink flowing glimpses
green soul
unspoken whispers

I will sleep more peacefully tonight having read this today.

peach
44
44
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well I always say thank you when someone gives me a gift. I guess the shortest reply I gave for gps was
"thx."

I have gotten a few rediculously large gps. My reply will then start like this,
"WOW!"

Writng Daily Haiku, I hear from a number of people every day. I always tell them that we are friends and use their gps to help someone else.

I have come to believe that there are a few best ways to use gps.

1. to encourage a new writer, to let them know that someone out there values their creative voice.

2. to donate large lumps of gps to different groups that then use them for rewards or to upgade members.

3. when a reviewer submits their review of my work publically. Reviewers should be encouraged to continue writing reviews. This exposes them to different styles and helps them to develop their own voice more clearly. The vast majority of members and visitors do not review at all. Zero, zilch, nada. In most cases this produces stagnant, poorly written pieces.

I will use the American Idol qualifier episodes. So many people embarras themselves at the audition. Can't sing, can't remember lyrics, move in spastic jerky ways, dress inappropriately, make distracting odd grimaces while singing, can't carry a tune, stay in pitch, etc. I could go on. You get the idea.

Invariably when asked by a judge if they think they have the talent to be the next American Idol they squeel, "yes!"

When asked who told them they had talent they will mention mom, dad, best friend, music teaher. and others too wishy washy to say they suck, maybe if they took advice from other artists they would improve.

Particularly how a parent could lie to their child about their congenital lack of musicality, surely there are laws to punish these criminal encouragers.

Just like these singers are decieveing themselves with their inability to listen and learn from anyone but themselves, members who never read and review other's material shut themselves off from the creative mainstream and delude themselves believing that they are absolutely the most gifted, creative, modern, accomplished, and innovative star in the creative firmament.

Oh I do carry on - peach
45
45
Review of Freedom's Key  
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very clear message here, clearly written.

I ask you the question, where are the great leaders?

The Washingtons, the Adams, the Jeffersons?

The people who treasure honor, fidelity, and liberty will not grow in a country that encourages welfare, sloth, avarice, hedonism, fleeting celebrity, and the bottom line.

The State is not a religion.

Privilege is not a right.

Truth is not a hate crime.

I will end here with a quote from George Washington. "Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."

liberty - peach
46
46
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Dependent like a flower". An interesting metaphor. This reads like song lyrics. You labeled the choruses and noted the ending. Perhaps you are a song writer I like the clean simplicity of this poem. I get a soft hint of melancholy here. Maybe it is the thought of someone being dependent on another to live to fruition. Not a negative for the poem.

you might want to edit this line for clarity's sake, "to bloom n and tall."

peace - peach
47
47
Review by peach
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Nankin, you reviewed something of mine so I thought I would return the favor.

This is a very powerfully well written poem. The title is a strong phrase, "Auction Block of Faith."

A poem like this isn't meant to be enjoyed. Respected, saluted maybe, appreciated, hmm, best I can come up with is honored.

I see you have only posted a few things here.

You are a good writer, have a strong.

What can I say that would get you start writing regularly?

peace - peach
48
48
Review by peach
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very powerful and moving. Strong image of "Eleven Million Teardrops." If only this stark beauty of a poem could counter religious hate and prejudice.

Read an article yesterday about religious hate crimes in US. Approximate percentages:
7% muslim
8% christian
84% jew

Worse for jews in France and Germany, two of the EU shing stars.

Of course in the most religious islamic countries, christians and jews are persecuted virtually equally.

What kind of God would ever treat women like slaves and slaves like animals?

I liked your poem. The world is a little brighter today for your having written it.

peace - peach
49
49
Review of Clones  
Review by peach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Sort of makes you wonder who did the oroginal cloning job on homo saps. This is an offbeat look at how each of us is born of the same stuff. This explains Obama being awarded the Nobel Prize. He didn't actually earn it,, someone else did. He just got to go accept it.

Oops, gotta run. Have to go accept the olympic gold medal I just won in the 100meters at Vancouver next year.

peace - peach
50
50
Review by peach
Rated: E | (5.0)
Written from the place scraped clear on your heart.. Still reeling from the sucker punch of the sudden death of someone who was supposed to be there so you could live forever.
Nothing makes sense, you forgot how to walk, voices sound funny, autumn has no colors, that is not your face in the mirror, trouble breathing, where did that wind come from, I will never wash his/this tshirt, now I know why they are called mourning doves.

He is still who you are. That can never be taken away.

peace - peach
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