And why
deny
the skies
surprise
And then.
begin
to sin
whithin.
Why not
give thought
and stop
the shot.
You know
how slow
below
you throw.
Believe
you see
your knee
to me.
So shout
it out
without
a doubt.
I feel
unreal
next meal
I'll steal.
Then gloat
and vote
the bloat
remote.
Don't make
me take
to rake
this lake,
again.
The description promised that this would be an an iteresting piece. I find it cryptic and confusing. What does the title mean? The first vere makes sense but the second is written differently. It states conclusions without explanations.
Great poem. I read your bio before I read your poem. You really expressed the difference that maturity makes in life. I point out it really improves poetry.You described the change in perspective, like you went from victim to whole person.
I hope you right bunches more - peach
Hey, i liked this. That was a good idea to use this as the subject. This poem explores how music offers sanctuary and safety when immersed in it. It is hard to keep up such a passion forever. I lkie the part where music carries your mistakes and protects you from the wotld. Good Job - peach
A haiku. 17 syllables and nature and a reference to season. Very good. Would be better if the actual season names weren't used. Too many seasons including the word season. Much better to show than to say.
Sort of a sad poem about a mothers withheld love bt the child still yearning to be loved. Spelling was good as was the english usage. This is such personal material. I hope it helps writing it all out.
Now, be a dear and review something of mine pretty please - peach
Well I see this is your first poem here so congratulations are in order. Well I see this is poem about seperation and longing. Good topics to explore. You know, the first thing I noticed before I even started reading was that the capitalization was inconsistent and I saw the words Want and Smile were in the middle of lines. Some parts have the first word in a line caped and others have no caps. You know, a poem with no misspellings or awkward wording, automatically shows the reader that the writer is literate, artistic, and has high standards that they hold themselves to.
I really think you've got something to say. Keep writing -
Hey I'm rating this a 4 star just because the title is so awesome. The poem itself tells the tale well enough I suppose. Doesn't break any new ground. The images and rhymes have been so overused they are sort of weightless. This poem could have been written by a dozen other writers on WDC. Hey, I am throwing down the gauntlet, man and challenging you to tell the reader something they don't know, something they haven't heard before. That's what was powerfule about the title.
One more reason it sucks to be a teen. Poem was good at capturing the conflict and the outcome. How come sometimes you feel lonelier when you're with friends ?
RIP. This workmanlike poem bows to formalism and succeeds in following the letter of the law. I just realized that you and I are both sponsored as static items and I had never taken the time to read any of your work.
A very pleasant, friendly poem situated on and around a porch swing. Written in a conversational comfortable style. Beginning with three lines of free verse adds to the just visiting quality. You might want to read this out loud, listening for words out of place, for example Ithink you want to say,"or give you sound advice" instead of "or gives you sound advice" Very relaxing, thanks
This seems tongue in cheek and has me laughing although I don't know if that was the wrier's intent.The first 3/4 of the poem illustrated the rediculous absurdity of the trite overuse of the terms that you specified and then nullified by detailing their opposite. By the line, "The youth of my world" the poem stops feeling sarcastic and slips into the possibly personal relationship, "That must mean something."
I really enjoyed the word gymnastics of the first portion. Very cutting observations poetically told,
A likeable work. A little confusing and hard to understand when you talk about the smile cracked like a flaw in a mirror and also the part about the sun bringing up the rear. Also since the title is Outward and the subject is moving on and creating new lives, this idea would be more successful using a more modern form of poetry such as free verse instead of the formalism of rhyming and the use of arcane diction.
I like the fact it is free verse, which allows for a more authentic voice. This reads as an authentic personal poem of longing for someone no longer there. Perhaps it could be stronger by breaking your poem into more shorter lines, each with ,maybe five or six words long.
This poem explains feelings and how they change over time. It ends with a simile comparing fog with love and empty promises. Nice poem. Written is a comfortable conversational tone of free verse poetry. No surprises here, just comfort.
Pretty powerful therapeutic poetry. It clearly hurts not to be a loved member of one's own family. This is an example of a person needing to say a thing and then saying it. Poured out as a series of thoughtful points. Poignant twist at the end. Hard to evaluate as poetry. It is more like overhearing a conversation or a therapy session. This is core stuff. It id comfoting to know that writing is a great way to say what needs to be said.
keep writing - peach
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