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76
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Review of Dear Diary  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Dear Diary'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

A powerful tale told from the perspective of a Mum looking back on a missed opportunity.

Favourite Elements:{c:/}

The last line really kind of stuck in my throat. It was a sad statement filled with regret. If it stood alone it would be awful, but by this point in the tale we already know that the Mum dearly loves her child.

When you make the point about Sarah's Dad still getting to live his dream you helped me feel even more empathy for your MC.

There are a lot of 'life lessons in the piece but no preaching what so ever. I think you hit the tone spot on.

I wish there was someway this could be shared with girls in their teens because it can be so hard to 'reach' them emotionally on a level that would make them really understand the potential consequences of their decisions.

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

None.

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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77
Review of Waiting  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Waiting'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

A short story which cleverly makes the reader think something sinister is going on and then surprises us with an unexpected twist at the end.

Favourite Elements:{c:/}

The suspense you created in such a short amount of words was exceptionally well done. I think in particular, the way you shared tiny bits of detailed information about 'her' day really made me think something sinister was about to happen. Nicely done.

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

I wasn't sure whether an 'and' might make the sentence a little smoother "for a few minute and all that can be heard" maybe try it for yourself and se what you think.

The knife worked really well to create tension but I questioned whether it worked once we knew about the party. I'm not sure someone waits in the dark with a knife at a surprise party - sounds like an accident waiting to happen *Wink*. No prizes for spotting the overly cautious Mum!

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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Review of Damned to sin  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Damned to sin". I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

A structured poem with a reoccuring theme running throughout. Somone is in love with the wrong person and will pay a hefty price for those feelings.

Favourite Elements:

There is a lot of passion and anger in this poem. The repeated lines add weight to these feelings.

Areas for further consideration:

For me there is just a little too much ambiguity and I struggled to understand exactly what was happening in here. I do find poetry a challenge so it may just be that I'm missing something.


Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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79
79
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Gift of Independence'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A short story about a mysterious, insignificant looking gift which turns out to be the most generous gift ever.

Favourite Elements:

The contrast between the insignificant wrapping of the key and the elaborate ruse and delivery of the main present was really nicely written. I was intrigued by the gift and wanted to understand what it was for.

I was really touched by the topic for this story and the kindness demonstrated by friends and family. It made me think about some of the images I saw at the time of the New Orleans flooding and the strength of the American spirit in facing such ordeals.

Areas to Consider:

"I suppose it was nice in a way" was quickly followed by "made me feel really special". These two phrases seemed at odds with each other, the first sounding slightly ungrateful and the second sounding more humble.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

Kxx

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Review of The Sleeping Aid  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Sleeping Aid'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A nursery rhyme which has been reinterpreted and reimagined to create an entirely different story though the main protagonist remains the same.

Favourite Elements:

I loved that I didn't once have to stop and think about the 'song' that goes behind this rhyme (in it's original format) as I read your words. Your own version fitted seamlessly with the existing rhythm which I think is a challenge in itself. To then create a fun story which rhymes and retains it's logic throughout is a talent indeed.

This was fun, light-hearted and thoroughly entertaining to read. My favourite lines are the last three which just finish the poem off perfectly.

Areas to Consider:

My only comment, and the only point which prevented me giving this a 5 is that if it is still intended to be a childrens rhyme (which I imagine to be the case) then some of the words are perhaps a little complex for a child to understand. 'Twixt' and 'causation' in particular.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing. I thoroughly enjoyed.

Kxx

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81
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Hello there!

I noticed your posting on the Reviewing Reviewers Forum and that you'd not received many visits. Consider this my first *Smile*.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Chapter One...Manuscript'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

The title tells us that this is the first chapter in a story so that helps the reader to understand that there may be questions, conflicts and characters that still require some significant resolution. This is excerpt gives us a look at the life of two people who live among a group of villagers. From the information given I interpreted their work to be missionary work. We meet Sandy (do not know if this is Male or Female) who hails from America and we meet Bekah who has spent ten years living among the villagers.

Favourite Elements:

There was on particular line which I thought was very effective in it's simplicity. "He is the author of Bekah...." to me it was a very original and pleasing way of saying that the big guy upstairs created us all.

In the 5th paragraph from the edge you explain just how much Bekah loves the villagers, then you tell us of the risks if she doesn't address her demons. I think these were well timed and well positioned within the text.

I like that I'm still curious about just what is causing Bekah such difficulties. A good sign if you've written a whole book. Always leave your readers curious!

Areas to Consider:

"My head fell onto my hands that gently cupped the patient’s hand." This sentence sounds a little clumsy, you might want to finish at the first instance of 'hands'.

“Oh Lord, why can’t she get past all this pain that keeps her from being the best she can be? " At first I thought you were talking about the patients pain. This ehas a mix of tenses which I think throws the reader a bit. Try to be consistent, for example:
"If Bekah would only face her inner pain? She could make such a difference here"



Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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82
82
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

You recently and very kindly paid my portfolio a visit and so I thought I'd pay a reciprocal visit!

Thank you so much for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Elephant Who Ate Too Much'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A cute and amusing poem about a hungry elephant that just can't resist his favourite food - bananas!

Favourite Elements:

I particularly like the story behind this poem. You've worked hard to keep this in rhyming verse and the challenge of course is to keep the poem making sense all the way. You've succeeded in this and the story flows logically from a hungry elephant, to a greedy elephant, to an elephant with tummy ache and finally an elephant that has learnt the important lesson 'all good things in moderation'. A great story and a great lesson for children - all communicated in a light hearted way.

Areas to Consider:

Every one has their own personal preferences for poetry. For me, I like traditional poetry and I also like to see a poem with a good, easy to find rhythm. Your rhyming in this is great like I said above, but in many of the verses I couldn't establish a comfortable rhythm as I read the words both internally and out loud. This isn't necessarily something you will personally want to change as it may not be your style or to your liking.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing. I really enjoyed this rhyming tale.

Kxx

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83
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there and thank you for sharing your writing on WDC.

As a Brit I'm intrigued by your words though I'm sorry to say I wasn't entirely able to appreciate them fully. However, I still wanted to share a couple of thoughts that occured to me as I read this.

Firstly, you tell the reader that this is a satire and there is certainly an element of tongue in cheek that even I could interpret in your words. I wish I knew what TV series you were talking about as it might put a few more of your words into context.

My suggestion therefore is restricted to presentation. A dense block of text like this can be a bit difficult to read - I'd suggest increasing your line spacing and perhaps break it into a couple of paragraphs.

I wish you a warm welcome to WDC and hope to see more of your postings!

Kxx

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84
84
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work entitled. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

The writer tells us that this is the first chapter of a story that has been written in free verse. It's the first of it's kind for me so I was very interested to see where this story would take me. The introduction tells us that this is about many extremes. Love and hate, life and death.

Favourite Elements:{c:/}

Although the first half is all very negative and has a deeply bitter tone to it - it was strangely compelling to read. Perhaps because something in the words triggers memories of similar individuals from my own school days, though I'm not sure I was quite so scathing of them. There is an incredible amount of emotion conveyed in this first half - well done.

I also like the formating of the first half too.

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

I like the break in style which separates the change in tone and the change in approach, however it almost felt like we'd moved into a separate chapter. I was a little distracted and it took me a couple of re-reads to get back in the flow.

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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85
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'A Strange Encounter'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

A short piece of writing which details the arrival of a young boy at his Uncles house after a painfully long journey. The reader is teased by the title and the summary provided by the author which is a good start - I was interested before I even started reading.

Favourite Elements:{c:/}

I like the contrast between the dull journey and the description of the 'wacko' Uncle they were about to meet. It helped to build a sense of anticipation.

The disappearing Uncle was a surprise and could certainly be classed as a strange encounter!

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

Change the second occurence of 'Anthony' to 'he' as the repetition slows the reader down a little. A couple of early instance of the word 'Uncle' were missing the capital 'U'.

I think I'd go for a more startled reaction other than 'Great'. Maybe a 'What the...'

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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86
86
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Seizing the Moment'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

The title tells us that this was inspired by a meeting with a much admired woman. What a tribute to capture that moment in words!

Favourite Elements:

"I'm moonstruck, you're spellbound, admit it" I loved it. I smiled as I read the words. I also loved the following "Falling and reeling I'm lost in your eyes" whether there was romance or simple awe behind these words doesn't matter they are really quite captivating. They appealed to the romantic in me.

Areas for further consideration:

I don't think you need the '...' to tie that line with the next. You could put a stop after 'Now passes' and continue with "I'm lost..." as a fresh sentence.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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87
87
Review of The Chosen One  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Chosen One'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

An impressively quirky piece of short fiction which tells a story from the perspective of the 'abandoned offspring'. I don't want to say too much more for fear of spoiling this for new readers.

Favourite Elements:{c:/}

I was incredibly impressed with how you set the scene and led me to think one thing. You then gave a little bit more information and I realised my assumption had been completely wrong. Then, lo and behold - you managed it again. That you did this is 291 words is quite amazing.

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

I would finish the first sentence at "lost track of time" the rest doesn't really add any value and almost (but not quite) contradict the previous statement.
That 11 faces turned to their older siblings I understand, but I didn't think it worked in hindsight after you make your big reveal at the end. I would alter this to say that he 'felt their panic' or 'heard their plea's'.


Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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Review of Stargazer  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Stargazer'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

An interesting and undoubtedly thought provoking piece about what is seen by someone gazing out into the cosmos and the realisation that everything is connected - and for a very good reason.

Favourite Elements:

There is a real elegance to your writing. Both in tone and your choice of langauge. I don't 'get' a lot of poetry or sonnets but I still felt quite captivated by this. In particular I loved the last three lines which were just perfect. They were intelligent without being 'too clever by 'alf' as my Gran would have said.

Areas for further consideration:

Nothing that I can think of. Thank you.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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89
Review of The Painting  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Painting'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A short story written for the Writers Cramp competition. This tale follows a specific prompt and the writer takes us into a French art gallery where the MC sees a painting which reminds her of a past life and a love lost.

Favourite Elements:

The middle four paragraphs are very moving to read. The description of the 'parasol' (which provided protection from more than the sun) leaves plenty for the reader to imagine and picture whilst still communicating that she is trying to hide a raw pain. In the first paragraph, there is no doubt in the readers mind which painting the writer is referring to. The 'billowing' dress and her efforts to 'smooth' it and keep hold of her parasol implied a sense of anxiety, I understood that she was trying to remain composed in spite of what had just happened. This fit nicely with your latter line about 'pride'.

Areas to Consider:

It's interesting to have re-read this several times because I was trying to work out what it was the didn't quite work for me. I loved the tale, the story, the idea and the emotion that is communicated as she remembers watching him ride away from her. Therefore I was confused as to why I was left with a little niggle!

On reflection I think it felt like there were two almost unconnected halves to this story. The first three paragraphs I just didn't click with. Even though you told me, I didn't quite feel the despondency of your MC as she entered the gallery and I wasn't hooked in by any emotion when your MC felt when she saw the painting for the first time. She tells us about these 'overwhelming emotions' but I didn't feel them. Does that make ANY sense at all? My connection really kicked in as she remembered - that's when the story came alive for me. Hope that helps.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

Kxx

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90
90
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Solving the Rubik's Cube'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A short and gently told story written as a competition entry. This tale had to meet the requirements of the prompt which asked that 4 particular phrases be included and also had a 1000 word count limit. This story takes us on a short walk with the MC who is trying to make a major life decision regarding marriage. Along the way she meets a stranger who helps her find the answer she is looking for. The Rubiks Cube is used as a metaphor for the puzzling predicament she finds herself in.

Favourite Elements:

In thoroughly enjoyed the way you described her attraction to John. Your references to rain sparkle and crystal were enchanting, they really implied an irresistible connection. Who wouldn't want to get to know 'rain sparkle' a little more?

Incorporating 'cat speak' to meet one of the prompt requirements was a stroke of genius and brought a welcome element of humour into an otherwise intense interaction.

I thought you aptly addressed the natural concern of any female in accepting an invitation to walk with a complete stranger. You explained the presence of others and the initial distance between them which stopped me from thinking 'she just wouldn't/shouldn't go off with a complete stranger'. Nicely done.

I also liked how you revisited the Rubik's cube at the end, it tied the story up nicely.

Areas to Consider:

When your MC shares her fear of divorce I felt like we were missing a reason for this. Earlier in the piece she was thinking she wasn't ready to marry him, and in the moment the underlying reason is shared - however I feel like it created a gap in the story. Something felt unfinished.

The chemistry between them was really exciting. I liked the descriptions and I really felt her interest in John and her discomfort at the way she was feeling. I was a little disappointed that it either didn't come to anything or it wasn't resolved in a slightly more convincing manner. I think I'd have understood the shift in chemistry a little more had we experience more of their shared conversation and felt her reactions to his story a bit more clearly. Not sure if that makes sense - just a thought and no doubt influenced by the limited word count.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

Kxx

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Review of Ruby Kisses  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work entitled. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

A short poem which reminds us of the days when we longed for that first perfect kiss, and we had a pretty good idea who we wanted to deliver it!

Favourite Elements:

This made me smile, in a nostalgic kind of way. It made me remember my first real crush and the moments between meeting 'him' and finally getting to 'kiss' him. The anticipation, the imagination and the confusion are shared quite openly and there is a real sense of youth and vitality behind the words. I'm glad you didn't tell us whether the kiss happened or not - I like that you leave it to the reader to imagine what might happen next.

Areas for further consideration:

I don't mind free-form poetry at all, but I do find that when a poem starts off rhyming and then changes part way through it trips me up and I lose my connection with what I've just read. Only an opinion but I'd be tempted to keep this either as a rhyming verse as you've started in V1 and V2 or make it completely free format.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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Review of Smoulder  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Smolder'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

The title 'Smolder' is absolutely perfect for this dark and intense poem written from the perspective of a twisted, amoral individual who is deeply and perversely infatuated with the object of his desire. which This is a free-form poem flows with ease.


Favourite Elements:

I love the name of the piece, the writing positively smolders away, the love is described like a festering evil - permanent and dark. I felt utterly pulled in by it and equally repelled. Your choice of language for this piece is impeccable, you craft this observers feelings, longings and twisted desires quite beautifully.

Areas for further consideration:

None that I can think of.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work entitled. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.


General Impression:

A thought provoking poem in which we observe the caged interactions and wonderings of two people at breakfast. As a reader I was given enough to understand some huge barrier in communication that existed between them, however the rest was left to my imagination.

Favourite Elements:

There are many, many things I like about this poem. So I picked a few...

"Long Legs across the kitchen floor" give us the idea that there is some appreciation on 'his' part for the female he is observing. I like that this is achieved in so subtle a manner. I also loved the reference to "elbows slowly wrinkling the newspaper" which kept my feet firmly rooted in reality. Again - really nice and subtle.

Lastly I loved the last verse. Simple, eloquent and thought provoking. I would imagine we all know that feeling of needing to say something and time and time again avoiding the issue. The sense of disappointment we feel in ourselves when we miss our opportunity or when we 'welch' out for the umpteenth time.

Very, very thought provoking!

Areas for further consideration:

None. You may get some more experienced poets who can advise you about format, balance and so on - but I really enjoyed it.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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Review of Final moments  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Final Moments'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

An interesting poem which gives the reader an insight into the last moments of a man on his death bed. His fears, his pain and his ultimate release.

Favourite Elements:

This is a really well written, poignant poem. I didn't so much feel the mans fear or his pain, but I did feel like an observer of his final moments. In particular I think the last stanza is quite lovely, possibly because we all hope that in the end, we feel a peaceful release.

Areas for further consideration:

Verse six for feels a little heavy (in terms of balance) compared to the rest of the poem. A few of the lines are a bit longer than most of the others in the poem and it slowed the natural rhythm as I read.

Otherwise, this was a really good, nicely paced poem.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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95
95
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Washed Up Poet'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

Here the writer expresses his frustration at experiencing 'Writer's Block' by writing his frustrations down. What do you know - the end result is a poem!

Favourite Elements:

I love the following lines " it’s merely architecture of English; Bending words around a foundation of metaphors" it showed an effective use of language without getting 'too clever' for the reader to follow. I like poetry that makes me think - but I dislike poetry that gets so 'smart' it loses itself and its reader!

I also liked that 2/3 of the way through you remind the reader that you're still under that tree and it made me think that it might be nice to see those opening two lines reappear through out your poem, perhaps breaking it up into two or three bite size chunks. Just a thought - not a criticism.


Areas for further consideration:

I'd really like to know what 'Gym shoe beats' is or means. Is that an American expression?

With this line - "blows away from the prettiest of breezes" I wasn't sure whether 'from' should be 'with'? I'm not sure, thought I'd mention it.


Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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Review of Graham  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Graham'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A short story in which we are privy to the sad reminiscing of Graham, an old man regretting the things he cannot change.

Favourite Elements:

I like how you tied his memory of how he perceived the elderly when he was a child (and the references to chalk dust)with how he feels now that he is odl himself. The full circle was nicely illustrated.

Areas to Consider:

I'm not sure whether it should be 'looking like old men' or 'looked like old men'.

When you tell us the wind brought tears to his eyes, the sentence felt a bit disconnected from the previous one. You could try setting the reader up a bit by telling them the narrative has switched back to present day by beginning a new paragraph and perhaps starting "He blinked back unexpected tears, the wind..." something like that. Just a thought!

Hope this is in someway helpful.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

Kxx

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97
97
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Making It To The Ball'.

General Impression:

The wonderful story of Cinderella translated into rhyming verse.


Favourite Elements:

This is a brilliantly well written poem. To take a well known story and translate it into verse takes some considerable talent. You kept to the original story, each of your rhyming lines made sense and remained within context which made it a thoroughly enjoyable read.

Areas for further consideration:

Rhyming verse doesn't always require a constant syllabic pattern to work but I feel that this poem falls just short of a perfect rating because some of the lines are slightly out of balance rhythmically. You may already be aware of this and have decided to go for a more free flow format but just in case I thought I'd pass on a piece of advice someone gave to me on exactly the same subject.

Try counting the number of syllables in each line and look for where the pattern works best. For example, line one and two contain 10 syllables and if you speak the lines out loud they have the same sounding rhythm. Lines 3 and 4 have 7 and 10 syllables and when you read them out loud they don't flow half as smoothly as the former two.

If you do decide to make some changes I'd love to see the revised version!

I hope this is of some use. this is truely a smashing poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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98
98
Review of True Nature  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and thank you for the opportunity to read and review 'True Nature' a short monologue on the sad legacy the human race will leave behind if things don't change.

The opening statement is strong, compelling even. If this were read out loud it would certainly make me stop and listen.

I'm not sure if the word 'that' makes sense in the second-to-last line. I may be misreading something - apologies if so.

Thanks for sharing and wecome to WDC!

Kx
99
99
Review of "Prologue"  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Prologue'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

I have to say I almost keeled over as I read, re-read and then read again your writing here. I suspect there are some very bright minds on WDC who will be able to offer a far better, more comprehensive and worthy review than myself - but I'll give it a go.

If you were brave enough to write and share this mind-blowing piece, I'll be brave enough to try and follow it, and perhaps even understand parts of it!

Favourite Elements:{c:/}

I think there are several epic paragraphs in which you do a startlingly good job of giving the various complexities of time and space some sort of visual references for your reader. I hope you don't underestimate this achievement! However, my favourite part of this follows on from these paragraphs. You have just opened our eyes, broadened our perspectives, given us an image of the vastness of what is out beyond the black and then you say "I stand on the surface of a small blue planet circling a rather insignificant star." and I felt and heard everything get sucked back into the smallest form; the perspective of one man gazing out into it all.

I found it quite mind-blowing - as I think I've already said!

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

In the opening paragraph you provide a sense of identity by calling something 'it'. In order to distinguish this 'it' from other 'its' you may want to use italics or put '' around it otherwise it take a couple of reads to work out what you are trying to say.

I'm afraid the 'maths' reference was lost on me - a lack of knowledge on my part no doubt!

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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100
100
Review of Strength Within  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Strength Within'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review therefore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

A poem which communicates a heart felt plea to any woman trapped in a brutal relationship to find a way of breaking free.

Favourite Elements:

I think I like the opening line the most. It is simple and yet incredibly thought provoking. "Has your love crushed and weakened your soul?" At this point the poem could be about any broken relationship; it could also be the opening line to a short story.

The poem continues and we learn that this one is about an abusive relationship. In each verse there is a strong call-to-action, the author tells us "find your strength within", she communicates her understanding of the difficulties and in each verse provides a positive suggestion for how to break free.

Areas for further consideration:

The poem seems to have been written with a rhyming pattern in mind. Verse one and three work well with a 1,1,2,2 pattern though this breaks down a little in the second and fourth verse. It's just a suggestion, but to help prevent the reader from tripping up and noticing this (rather than your words) I'd be tempted to either make it a 'free form' poem or I'd try to make the rhyme work consistently all the way through. Just a suggestion.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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