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101
101
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'I'm Always Tryin' To Get To You'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review therefore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

A confident, humor filled poem which is sends a very clear, unapologetic message to readers of this authors work. This writer both wants and intends to make an impact. To me this intent seems to be fueled by a sense of fun and mischief.

Favourite Elements:

I love the confidence behind the words. This writer uses words with conviction, with deliberate intent and makes no apologies for what you might find as you read on. So many writers undermine their own writing by placing caveats left, right and center that the impact is lost. You just don't get that with this piece.

Each line rhymes, and the rhyming generally works because almost every line makes sense within the context of the poem. I also like the repetition of the 'trying to get to you' which reminds the reader to keep in mind the writer is toying with words.

Lastly - I like the personality that comes through in this piece. There is a sparkle in the writing; a sense of fun. I read this and I feel like the author is letting us see some of his/her personality.

Areas for further consideration:

"I can also cause your brain to stink." This line didn't quite work so well for me, I know you acknowledge a 'forced' nature of rhyming but this one line didn't quite make sense where as all the others did. Maybe you could try something like "Embarrassed you cheeks could turn bright pink" or "In shock I'll surely drive you to drink!" Just a couple of daft, off the top of my head ideas!

One last comment - there are a lot of exclamation marks in your writing. They do sometimes help and I can definitely feel a heightened sense of energy when I read your poems (I've read your 'Put your Toys Away' too - which certainly made me *BigSmile**BigSmile**BigSmile* ) but after a while they become a little distracting. Your words are so full of life I don't think you need quite so many !!!! *Wink*


Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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102
102
Review of Homeless  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Homeless'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

A thought provoking piece about how feels to be homeless, to have lost hope and to have no belief in a better future.

Favourite Elements:

I think your use of shorter, almost statement like sentences at the start work very well. As I read them, I heard an emotionless voice saying the words yet they actually made me feel very, very sad. Nicely done!

Areas to Consider:

" The people that you have helped along the way suddenly forget once your paychecks have stopped coming in and you're the one who is in need." This sentence feels overly complicated. You could simplify it a little, for example "People you once helped conveniently forget your kindness once the roles are reversed" just a suggestion.

You have already told us that this person is alone, has nothing, and then you say "Your family and your so called friends, they too will abandon you leaving you all alone." I think this is possibly unnecessary and slows the pace a little.

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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103
103
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello WW,

Just a quick note so say thanks for the tip off, I've read this and thoroughly enjoyed the read. I have to say, this is exactly the type of poetry I love! There's nothing complicated in the dialogue, the style is fun and light hearted.

Your 'patchwork quilt' reference is great, though I didn't quite get the 'clover' reference!?

A deserving winner!

Kxx
104
104
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Fear of the Hunt Ed'.

I have to admit that I find reviewing poetry quite a challlenge, sometimes even daunting. I persist because I want to learn more and to broaden my horizons! I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to please take into account that what I offer is only my personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.
Someone is being chased by something and I can't quite determine whether that something is in fact a 'someone' or a more intangible monster!*Blush* I've certainly enjoyed reading and re-reading this as I try to puzzle it out!


Favourite Elements:
I like the drama of this piece, the language is strong, dynamic and theatrical. I can almost hear the words being performed and not just delivered. I love that my mind kept jumping about as it tried to work out what the subject matter really was. At one point, I imagined you were writing about a pair of beard trimmers - am I insane? Possibly! I've also considered that 'age' might be the villain of the piece.

Areas to Consider:
I wasn't sure if you meant 'Maize' or 'Maze' the edible variety or the lost in a puzzle variety. Perhaps this is one of those America/English spelling variations. Either way, thought I'd mention it!

I also hesitated over the choice of "It digs" in verse 3. In the former line you refer to 'those claws' so I expected the next line to read "they dig" referring to the claws. Perhaps you were referring to the owner of the claws - which of course I'm still busy deliberating!!

Please enlighten me!*Blush*

Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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105
Review of Sold  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work ''Sold'. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:{c:/}

A short and tragic story which gives the reader the briefest insight into the abhorrent journey experienced by a young African girl, captured and transported as a slave in the late 18th Century.

Favourite Elements:{c:/}


" We have no dignity left, no sense of being human beings, the stench and filth that oozes from each one of us is horrendous but no fault of our own." This particular sentence is extremely powerful and incredibly heart-breaking. You communicate the realities of that moment very convincingly.

"I am taken from the cage and transported to a place that seems hopeful. It is warmer and I feel lighter, like everything has been lifted from my shoulders" it was a relief to see that Akinyi experienced at least one or two pleasant thoughts before she passed away, though I was unclear who the man 'wearing different clothes' was and what was actually happening.

Areas to Consider:{c:/}

"I am African. The year is 1781 and I am onboard a ship." I'm not sure whether this might read more smoothly if you remove these statements; you describe her situation very well, more than enough for the reader to understand what is happening to your MC. By stating these facts I think the flow of your natural narrative is halted, which detracts from the feelings you have already invoked thus far. I think this comes under the 'show rather than tell' principle of writing - something I'm still working on myself!

My only other comment is that there are a lot of 'I' statements which over a period of time I personally find a little jarring to read. Just a thought, but a couple of alternatives suggestions I have are:

"There are voices above me but I do not understand them" you could try:
"but they are incomprehensible" or "the language is unfamiliar" or "but they speak in a strange language".

Another suggestion:
"I begin to wonder if my fate will be the same and then I think it wouldn’t be so bad to die." you could consider:
"the same, perhaps that is not such a bad thing?" or " "the same, perhaps it would be so..."



Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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106
106
Review of Bluetooth Blues  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Bluetooth Blues'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

An amusing reminder of the trials and tribulations experienced by those poor, misunderstood teenagers who face unrequited love on a daily basis and lack the confidence and self-belief to follow their heart and read the signs.


Favourite Elements:

The dialogue between Christopher, Roxanne and the third party romance-instigator had me chuckling. It was pacy, witty and considering it was a fairly complex set-up, it was easy to follow.

I think your choice of names works really well, they conjured images befitting of the characters you described. The nickname 'professor' is equally effective.

The 'Favourite things' song was simply brilliant.


Areas to Consider:

I loved this story from start to finish. The only sentence that I re-read was where Mum's "honey tones slithered" the words 'honey' and 'slithered' seemed to contradict each other, perhaps this was intended. Honey conjours up warm, welcoming images. For me, because the implication was that he was a grumpy teenager, exasperated at his Mothers well meant interference something other than 'honey' might work better. Maybe 'sugar-coated'? Just a thought.




Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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107
107
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Get me a Bucket or Blame it on Reno'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A delightful glimpse into the antics of a much loved family member who undergoes a temporary personality transplant when faced with the marvels of modern gambling.

Favourite Elements:

There are two features of this piece which really stood out for me. The first is the informal, friendly style of writing. I felt like I was being invited into the family home to enjoy a cup of tea across the kitchen table while I listened to a well told family tale. All of this I gleamed from the tone in which it was written.

Secondly one phrase that really caught my attention was "magical monsters begging to be fed coinage". Because of the reference to 'monsters' I misread 'coinage' to read 'carnage' first time through. I actually thought this was a really subtle way of alluding to the more sinister side of gambling without losing any of the sense of fun and frivolity that had already been created. Whether this was deliberate or not - I thought it worked very, very well!

I fibbed - there is one other part I loved! Your last line, the "Don't get me started..." it made me want to ask for a refill (of the tea I've been drinking across the kitchen table!)

Areas to Consider:

"glazy-eyed" it might be one of those American/English variations so please ignore if so, but over the pond here it's 'glassy-eyed'.

Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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108
108
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Grandma Hears a Joke'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A snapshot of a story which captures the comical repercussions of an elderly woman's laughing fit as she giggles her dentures into the punch bowl at a family wedding.

Favourite Elements:

I love reading flash fiction because personally, I find it utterly impossible to do. The following line "when her laughter erupted, so did her teeth" is why I enjoy a good piece a flash fiction. You have found a great way of telling me exactly what happened, in very few words and in addition to that, you delivered it with really strong comedic effect.

Areas to Consider:

I think I would have liked a reference to the 'taste' of the punch at the end, as she returns her dentures to their correct location. I imagined her licking her lips mischievously, perhaps slightly embarrassed and then Grandpa inviting her to dance with a "if there was one thing Grandma liked more than a good punch, it was a good dance". Just a thought.

Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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109
109
Review of the inside of me  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
How incredibly insightful of your little girl. She also demonstrates a fantastic grasp of the English Language.

I hope she keeps writing!

Kx
110
110
Review of the silver line  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'the silver line'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

An inspirational quote, perhaps even a personal mantra written by the Author to provide a beacon of light for those who are lost in dark times.

Favourite Elements:

It's lovely to see someone inspired to write something aimed at helping people - especially in the current economic climate when so many are struggling to see a way out of the dark. This indicates to me that the person writing has a kind and generous spirit.

I think your words "Grab it" are strong, call to action words which is possibly where inspiration may then strike your readers.

Areas to Consider:

I hope this is ok, but I wanted to help you tidy a few distracting typo's up so that this piece can be more easily appreciated. If I'm mistaken, then please ignore!

"thairs" should read "there's"
"allwase" should read "always"
"restor" should read "restore"
"thaught" should read "thought"
"nevver" should read "never"
"defete" should read "defeat"

I also wondered whether you might open with 'Somewhere in the dark' simply because while the light may well be there, many will struggle to see it at first.

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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111
111
Review of Gray House  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work entitled. I appreciate that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

The author asks you to consider the whole piece and explains it is a veritable feast of the bizarre, surreal and absurd. It is an accurate description! This is a challenging piece to read and follow - fact! It is also a mix of convincing 'in the moment' and 'out of the moment', imagined and experienced illusions of a struggling writer, desperate to break through a particularly tough bout of Writers Block. OR, is it a figment of someones imagination having a crisis and working out that they are in fact the 'imagined character' and their world is completely 'unreal'. Or maybe something else completely....

Favourite Elements:

1. Loving the crazy talk, the rhetoric questions and self-provided answers are nicely agitated.
2. The first time I read this I thought the descriptive journey to 'GrayHouse' seemed a little protracted and unnecessary but I think this is because I was too busy trying to 'work it all out', the second time I saw what I think you wanted me to see through the eyes of your MC. Getting your MC to experience the world again was done to subtly I almost missed it, but it worked, and it was well done!
3. The missing letters from the keyboard worked well, creating a more sinister feeling on top of your MC's growing angst.
4. The additional twist at the end, where Jorge is humming (possibly the Wizard of Oz) left me completely lost for words yet thinking and debating long after I'd finished.

Areas to Consider:

Use of the word "backside" in first line, infers bum/bottom to me - is that a Brit thing? "reverse" might work better if that bothers you.

I like that you have used italics to highlight his thoughts. In some places this is crystal clear but in others, because your MC is also sometimes the narrator I found myself getting distracted thinking some of his narration sounded like thoughts and should perhaps have been in italics too. E.G "Only a temporary ceasefire" & "This was the mother of all lunatic acts, and the number wasn’t even valid".

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC. I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more from you!

Kxx


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112
112
Review of Dont We All  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Don't We All'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work, you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

A very thought provoking piece of writing which I could really relate to. An average woman having an average day when an non-average stranger says something that completely changes her world.

Favourite Elements:

I love it when our assumptions and attitudes are challenged by seemingly simple and ordinary words or situations. You write about a very normal situation and yet you keep your reader interested. I think many of us can relate to your MC when she admits to having generous days and not so generous days and when your 'bum' delivers his powerful words they really hit home.

Areas to Consider:

The only thing I would try to develop more is a sense of 'where' your character is emotionally. We all have days where we're not 'in the mood' but you could show us her irritation through her actions. She could be drumming her fingers on the dashboard or clicking her tongue - both of which show her feelings and add to the tension you created with her dialogue and thoughts.

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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113
113
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Dark Forest Serenade'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A spine tingling tale which takes the reader on an mis-adventure into the forest with a small group of boys acting on a dare.

Favourite Elements:

There are some beautifully descriptive passages which create an impressive atmosphere of suspense. In particular I loved the opening "under the thick canopy of leaves the daylight only managed to brighten the forest to a permanent twilight" which cleverly depicts an oppressive, eerie environment.

There is a subtlety in this writing too, for example, when Nicoli adjusts his jacket I really felt his heightened unease and growing agitation.

Areas to Consider:

Not sure if this is a style/preference thing but when you say "his breath caught up in his throat" I'm not sure the 'up' is necessary.
"as her tongue ran over the wound as she drank" repetition of the word 'as' could be avoided, perhaps by using "while"?

Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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114
Review of Santa is real  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Santa is real'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

A heart warming tale of a family's financially and emotionally tough Christmas which through the generosity of good friends and neighbours became a most, special and always treasured Christmas.

Favourite Elements:

This tale brought tears to my eyes, it was written in such a 'down to earth' way that it made the events all that more special. The depth of appreciation felt by the family and the humility shown by them show exceptional strength and kindness of spirit. A beautiful tale.

Areas to Consider:

A few typo type things...

"we had made itthrough this far" Not sure if the word 'it' is missing?
"confident everything would work out. and he He added not to worry about" I think this might work as two separate sentences.
" needed to go by and pick them" I'm not sure whether the 'go by and' is perhaps superfluous. It might slow the sentence unnecessarily.

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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115
115
Review of Railroad Ties  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Railroad Ties'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:


A poem inspired by the sound of a nearby train. This poem makes you wonder at the marvels of the imagination, that one breaking sound can trigger so many thoughts and create such a lovely, personal piece of work.


Favourite Elements:


"Better a reminder.....Explore the findings of today"

I love these lines in particular; they are subtle yet clear and the language choice is really thought provoking - quite stunning really. A very, very mature way of encouraging the reader to let go of past hurts, not to let them twist and destort over time. This section is written with an experienced hand, very intelligently delivered.

Areas for further consideration:


Nothing that I can think of.

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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116
116
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Facebook Dilemma'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

A brief rollercoaster ride of emotions as the MC shares the experience of stumbling across a half-sister on the ever-popular Facebook application. An anxious dilemma of 'do they / don't they' make contact and what would it mean if they did?

Favourite Elements:

The bitter, painful memory of what happened in the past is well illustrated with the word 'Slut', but I particularly like that this is offset with the remembered innocence of the little toddler the MC remembers meeting.

"My father, my hero and, as I would repeatedly discover, my useless waste of tears" these very painful memories are remembered with very powerful words.

Areas to Consider:

" I knew they were not my mother’s but this is unnerving." For some reason I had to re-read this sentence to 'tie it' back to the previous one. Perhaps it could be made clearer, for example " I knew these features had not come from me mother.." However this might just be me!

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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117
117
Review of Broom Service  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Broom Service'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

A convincing journey into the memories of a highly disturbed mind.

Favourite Elements:

I had no idea where you were going with a title like 'broom service', I instantly loved the phrase. It felt real, warm and friendly. The fact that it wasn't the most sensible nor the easiest method of transport between abodes only added to the charm of it.

I was then staggered at how the tone of the piece then changed. What started as a familiar, friendly remembering (which made me feel a sense of sadness as I discovered there was far more to this character) then changed to shock as a sinister side to his character came through.

The writer in my opinion demonstrated great talent by quickly and convincingly changing my feelings towards the MC. Where I started feeling pity, I then moved to empathy, to maternal protectiveness and finally I was left in fear of him.

Areas to Consider:

Picky, picky but the repeated use of the word "still" in quick succession in paragraph 2 detracts from the natural flow, maybe try 'always' or 'continues'?

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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118
Review of Illusion  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Illusion'. I understand that placing your work on here for feedback takes courage and I hope in sharing my thoughts on your work you appreciate that what I offer is a personal opinion - not an expert critique.

General Impressions:

An interesting window into an adults memory of time spent as a child with a much loved grandparent. The writer shares the idea that sleep is a peaceful escape from the harsh, painful realities of the world. Through the eyes of the remembered child he recognises the look of freedom written on the face of his sleeping grandparent.

Favourite Elements:

"Thinking was once his best companion. And thinking is now his worst enemy." This was a clever way of describing the character and the mental situation of your MC. That something so intrinsic to his nature could have become so damaging gives the reader a good feeling for how this persons world has changed.

I love the way you helped the reader identify sleep as a means of escaping hardship and finding peace.

Areas to Consider:

Personally I find a solid block of text quite difficult to read. Try breaking this piece up into bite-size chunks, maybe 2 or 3 sections and then increase the line spacing. It helps your reader and it also makes it a lot easier for you to spot typos and such when you are proof reading.

"At that very moment his mind takes him 18 years before." This line led me to anticipate a reliving of the memory not a retelling of the memory. What I mean is, that I anticipated the MC saying "I was lying on a my bed..." rather than "He remember..."

Once again, thank you for sharing and I wish you a warm welcome to WDC.

Kxx


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119
Review of FILIGREE ANGELS  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Filigree Angels'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:

A gorgeous, magical poem about the simplicity of falling snow and the beauty of a childs innocence.

Favourite Elements:

I loved all of it, some of the imagery was just stunning. Your language is filled with warmth and love -it was a truly beautiful read.

Areas for further consideration:

You could 'perfect' this by looking at your rhyming and the number of syllables in each line but that is a little finicky of me!

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

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120
120
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Best Ghoul Ever'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A disturbing and emotional story which touches on the trauma felt every day by a couple who lost their son.

Favourite Elements:

It has to be the bit where Marnie saw her Son's eyes behind the mask. It made the hair on my arms stand on edge, even though I almost couldn't bring myself to believe it was true. I also liked the 'Bah Humbugs don't get candy' it made me smile. It felt very real and I could imagine those words being spoken.

"He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up" this is perhaps the most effective line for me, because you are really communicating his feelings without 'telling' us what he was thinking.

Areas to Consider:

This might be me getting confused but I thought I'd share my thoughts on your narration choices just incase they proved helpful. Have a think about who you want to be the main person telling the story. Is it a 3rd person narrator or is it Brad? For example:
"It was good to see her have fun" reads like Brad telling the tale. "Another year was coming round" this could be your 3rd person, then again it could be Brads thoughts. The opening paragraph sounds like a 3rd person.

Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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121
121
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Christmas at Maison du Renard Rouge'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A subtle, gentle tale which takes the reader on a short, heart-warming journey where one person helps another,who helps another, who reminds another about the magic of Christmas and desire to believe in something good.

Favourite Elements:

It was a pleasure to read something which illustrates the nicer, kinder side of humanity. This tale leaves the readedr with a warm heart, a knowing smile and a sense of optimism.

I loved the ending, a clever second of humour and a moment of glee as I realised Walker was right!

Areas to Consider:

I felt like I was missing nuggets of information that would have made the story 'hang together' more cohesively for me. Is there a 'before' and 'after' segment to this item or is it meant as a stand along piece? E.g the maison, the limousene, Sam and The Cavern are all presented like the reader already knows more about them. Apologies if I'm misreading this.

Other than that,

Once again, thank you for sharing.

P.S - Thank you very much for your auto-reward GPs but I have returned them as it is my good fortune to have been allowed to read your work, and your poor fortune to have to read my review *Wink*

Kxx

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Review of Winter Solstice  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'Winter Solstice'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique.

General Impressions.

A brief snapshot poem which tells of the moments when winter departs and spring begins to make an appearance.

Favourite Elements:

I liked all of it! It is short, clear, simple and subtle without being too clever. Any reader could follow and understand these words though I imagine it could be a good exercise in 'imaginative thinking' if it were read to older children; could they work out what was being written about? I'd like to think there was enough in here for them to come up with an answer.


Areas to Consider:

Nothing - hence the 5!

Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work 'The Road Finally Travelled'.

I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion as an enthusiastic reader and not an attempt at a professional critique. I love poetry but I find it very difficult to review so please take these comments as my general thoughts on how your poem made me feel.

General Impressions.

This piece does a wonderful job of communicating an overwhelming sense of sadness for the journey life has taken thus far; with the exception of much loved children arriving on the scene, much of this feels heavy with disappointment. The tone of the very last few lines change completely when the reader see a transformation as love blossoms and hope returns.

Favourite Elements:

There are many beautiful lines in this piece, but the one which stands out for me the most is "The barbed wire that surrounded my heart, corroded". An elegant choice of simple words which leave the reader in no doubt that things have forever changed for the better.

I also found the section where you talk of the hopes and fears you have for your children to be very moving.

Areas to Consider:

"Became comfortable in my inner misery" I'm not entirely sure why, but for me this line feels as though it might flow a little better if it read "with my inner misery" like it had become an unwitting partner.


Once again, thank you for sharing.

Kxx

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Review of Believe  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Closch,

Thank you for sharing your short story on here and congratulations on your Writer Cramp win.

I loved your story, it was exactly what I wanted to read before I finish for the day, a nice feel good story with a happy ending and a warm, friendly character I could instantly like.

You do a lovely job of capturing the excitement of a simple activity like collecting the mail - I feel the same way about post. I think it's the 'what'if' possibilities of unopened letters.

This is a nicely written, uncomplicated, feel good story - and I like it all the more because you kept the story simple and tight. Every line added something to the character or the plot.

My only suggestion (well it's an after thought really) would be to have a third party show the reader how generous Krista has been (early on in the story), maybe through an answer phone message where we hear how she got a gift 'just right' for someone. That way when Santa reiterates her kindnessand generosity later, we're not getting new information - we already know she deserves this good news so all we have to get our heads round is the fact that Santa is real!

Nicely done & Welcome to WDC.

KX
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Review of 10:45  
Review by MumstheWord
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** My apologies for any distracting English/American spelling variations**

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work '10:45'. I personally find poetry quite difficult to review there fore I tend to comment on how the piece made me feel and where it took me.

General Impression:
A poignant poem relating the feelings of friendship, love and loss through the telling of a daily activity now no longer needed.


Favourite Elements:
"She's always answer with a smile' I love that feeling when you call someone and you can 'hear' them smiling own the phone. This line was really touching and felt very 'real' to me.
I enjoyed the pace and the flow of this poem too, the rhyming of the second and fourth lines worked well, and is carried on consistently throughout the who poem.

Areas for further consideration:
The last two lines of stanza 3 felt slightly out of balance, perhaps too many syllables to tie in with the previous lines in the verse?

Thanks again, and I wish you a warm Welcome to WDC.

Kx

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