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351
351
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your first two lines. In all the decades I've relished the sound, I hadn't thought of a romantic interlude between crickets. lol

The truck getting bogged down sounded so familiar. I had an episode like that only it was a car, and I'm sure it was a lot easier to get out. lol

You stuck to form very well, and I did enjoy the poem. Thanks so much for sharing this walk down memory lane.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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352
352
Review of The Knight's Tale  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the first verse, lead in! The picture is so cool.

I was totally sucked in and enveloped in the poem. There were spots I had to read over but they had the right amount of syllables, so no complaint, it had to be me. lol

I loved the ending where he awakens refreshed. I take it that was someone of his descendants? This was really great. I don't often give 5's. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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353
353
Review of The Seatbelt  
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Rated: E | (3.0)
'as they gripped tighter' - could be eliminated since you already told us that. I bet your reader is smart enough to link the two together.

'wipers scrapped'- I think you mean scraped. If you read your work out loud and slowly, you will find these little errors. There are quite a lot of them and I don't have the time to point them all out.

'red dressed hugged'-red dress hugged

'as (she) turned to stare

'just great he thought.' Usually thought is in italics. I put mine starting with an apostrophe 'italics inside where the person is thinking.' then end with another apostrophe. Many do not use the apostrophe but I like it because it helps the reader know it's separated for a reason.

Like I suggested, you may want to go back and check for the little errors. I was confused at the end because you specified she leaned over and was out of her seatbelt. Other than that I think you got the anger and frustration shown very well. I was left wondering if the guy died.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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354
354
Review of Daphne  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Is 'are done differently' a change in tenses from the rest?

Maybe instead of 'telling' so much in paragraphs 2 and 3 you could give a short scene in the office where his behavior shows he's shy.

I like that 'soul refreshing whisper'.

the soft scent of her scent was a nice touch including another sense.

'I wasn't will(ing) to work for'--check for other typos by reading out loud.

He's a scientist? In the beginning you mention the numbers so I thought he was a mathematician. Maybe you could include the science in there at the beginning. Just a hint so we don't get confused and have to back track to check if we read it correctly. The 'young scholar' left me wondering if he was a math student.

I would suggest you start the last line with 'however' since you aren't connecting the two sentences.

This was a nice little story. I would have liked more showing less 'telling' in dialogue maybe.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http:linnannpike.blogspot.com

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355
355
Review of Taj Mahal  
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You really met the challenge on this poem and the Taj Mahal.

I'm not sure if this is a different form of poetry I'm not familiar with or what, so if my comments don't make any sense, I'm sorry. lol

Your rhythm, syllable count and cadence were fairly okay until the third verse. Then you started to drop one or two syllables in your first lines. Other lines also had this problem. It made it hard to find the cadence and threw me out of the poem, losing the food.

It is a lovely poem and has such tender emotions. Thank you for sharing this with us!
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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356
356
Review of Your Last Chance  
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Rated: E | (3.5)
This information would make a great story if put in that format. The format you have now makes it a bit distant and not as easy to 'feel'. I would take out the underlining, it detracts from what you are trying to say and the emotion I think would be wonderful if you let it out.

If you put this in story form, think how touching and wonderful it would be, to hear the dialogue, to have scenery described, sounds heard. The reader could get to know your wife and you as real people. If the argument were heard and felt and the first seizure not just told 'she had a seizure' but put your readers there at the scene, feeling the fear or panic.

If you ever decide to rewrite this as a story I'd love to read it.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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357
357
Review of Love Runs, Right?  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I hate to start off negative, but the words in pink are very hard to read for me. Maybe a darker pink might work better? Just a thought. I do realize the colored words are the song, I'm not sure why there are also bold black and red colors.

This poem is so sad and heart breaking. I love the way you think it all through in the poem, and at the end come to the right conclusion. You show the beginning naiveté of a young person and end up with wisdom and foresight Good going.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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358
358
Review of Back in Your Arms  
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Rated: E | (3.5)
You did a good job of telling this story in free verse style. You did well to put in in chronological order and I was able to follow it easily. I'm so grateful for no flashbacks. lol

I felt the last line was a bit passé. It's been used a lot. However...The second to last line would make a great ending, with a very romantic, hopeful mental picture.

You did a great job in describing the emotional pain of the separation. The comment about the trees growing helped to reinforce the 'long time' the person was gone. Good!

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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359
359
Review of On Cemetery Hill  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Although we differ on how to talk to our dearly departed loved ones, you gave a great image and feeling of tenderness. The picture above your poem makes me think of a national monument.

I just talk to my family that have passed on, where ever I am. Otherwise I'd have to go out on the ocean for my dad, and other states or countries. lol I like to think instead of just their bodies underground, that their spirits stick around me, keeping an eye on me.

You draw the reader in right away. You give good imagery and tenderness when you mention talking to your family, filling them in on news and all. You rhyming was spot on.

It was very tender. I think I just repeated myself, but it's true.
Thank you very much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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360
360
Review of Incredible you  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I loved that it started with a wide brimmed hat. very image inspiring.

And from that magic first moment--it seems it's awkward. I said it over and still off, so I counted the syllables and if you took off either 'magic' or 'first' it would fit better. first is implied and magic is more descriptive to your piece, I'd keep 'magic'.

I really liked the 'friends' if more marriages started out that way....
The ending was sweet and tender. I liked it.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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361
361
Review of Inception  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
My whole review just disappeared. I read the poem twice and wanted to really get it. Often the reader's impression is from the head and heart of the reader, and we have to work at getting in the head of the writer. I do not remember what a Sprite is. lol

I liked the -stardust sprinkled-, and 'flavored midnight'.

The ending is also a nice tie up.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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362
362
Review of Enjoyment  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I think your lines could be fixed up so they are more uniform.

If you didn't have the 'Mary Jane' packages there this wouldn't be as confusing. lol

It sounds like you are remembering a sweet and tender love of a PERSON, but then I kept seeing the packages there and wondering if you were writing about those instead. lol I have no idea if you are or aren't.

It was tenderly done, but those packages just kept me wondering.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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363
363
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
It's amazing how the same words (underlined) in your poem were used so differently than another poem I just read.

As far as I can tell there is no rhyming pattern but you do have a number pattern in your lines in the verses.

Even with the first line repeated in each verse, it's not tedious. It fits very well. It is a sad poem and very heart wrenching. Your 'range of visible light' repetition helps to open and close it with insight and tenderness.

Thanks for sharing this with us.
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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364
364
Review of Sounding Bells  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Your rhyming is spot on and consistent all the way through your poem.

I like the way you set up each verse with the mini titles that clue the reader in to the mood you will be addressing. You even made the words at the end of the titles rhyme and make sense. Good going.

Your first verse has God of grey, but the verse is so full of very painful images. I normally associate grey with the 'middle' or muted quality of a situation.

The second verse is hopeful and promising.

I didn't quite get the third verse. I thought I got it through until the last line. 'Heavenly fall' sounds bad, but the rest of it sounded like a happy ending. I'm still wondering what you meant by 'heavenly fall'.

I enjoyed this poem, thanks so much for sharing it with us.
love, LinnAnn
http:linnannpike.blogspot.com

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365
365
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This would make a good commercial for the company. lol I'm not sure where you got the face, unless you have special ordered them. Oh, maybe from the TV commercials? lol Yes they are fun. I have an M&M dispenser by my bed. lol

I'm not sure they are fine in the hand, the color always melted in mine. The commercial said, 'the chocolate melts in your mouth not in your hand' but the candy coating sure did. giggle

You did well and the 'that's me!' gave it a childlike innocence and glee.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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366
366
Review of ODE TO COFFEE  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I am not a coffee drinker but I sure did get a kick out of reading your poem. I have two sons that seem just like that!

'nectar of life' very nicely said. I may think that way of hot cocoa. lol
'awaken from my dreams' also nicely said

You have two lines that end with the 'time'. Have you thought of trying for another word?

The 'this one's all mine' cracked me up.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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367
367
Review of DONUT  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I laughed out loud while reading this, partly because I was just going to ask my son to make a run to the store and get some donuts. lol So this was just too coincidental. lol, I just showed my son your poem, after telling him I was jonesing for donuts, and sweet man is going to go get some. lol

I think the gullet is where the donut is headed, not the throat.

I love the 'sweet bliss lingers' part. I'm thinking it was a jelly one. lol
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I loved it. I don't give '5's very often and now this is two in a row.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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368
368
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I think this is one of the grossest poems I have ever read. It started out so sweet with the berries, and got disgusting very quickly. Since I think that is what you had in mind, you did very well at it and succeeded greatly. lol

I've heard of pickles made of all sorts of things, watermelon rinds and veggies but I've never heard of pickles made with leftover snails.

If your mother in law is like mine...I can see serving it to her, but mine would never compliment me so you scored big time. lol

love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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369
369
Review of The Old House  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
As I read this, it almost had a cadence through it. I kept wanting it to rhyme. lol

You gave good mental imagery with this old house. We had a place near us when I was a kid that this reminded me of, we called it the witches house, and it had a pond.

This sounds like the kind of house an artist like me would like to paint. Then at the end, I couldn't tell if you were an artist, or if you wanted to rehab it, or if you were a rabbit or deer and wanted to live in it with the rest of the wildlife.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us, delightful.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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370
370
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Well, that was intense. It took reading all the way through before I finally started to get it, at least I think I got it.

I like the way you have the single word at the beginning, middle and end. I especially like the last word, climb.

The poem is so full of heart ache and loss of hope. I didn't quite get the bath. At first it sounded like relaxing after a hard days work, then it sounded like suicide.

I have felt the first two verses in the second half. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Again, I do like the last word. Everyone should feel hope. If this is based on how things are now, I'm here for you turtle.

Love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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371
371
Review of Praise the Writer  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I have to be honest, this was funny and not funny at the same time. sigh, lol I'm still chuckling while feeling bad for the 'author'. lol

I think this is a great example of why I joined Simply Positive. I can give reviews without totally destroying the author and their dreams or soul.

You did a great job of showing the change from acceptance to 'hey wait a minute' in a very short poem.

still chuckling. sorry.
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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372
372
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Your very first sentence caught and held me.

Your second verse totally confused me, even though it was written to captivate my attention. I did not get what the omens was about. Was it the dark objects underwater that looked spooky?

The unsaid things...covered by snow, or frozen in the heart? I was left wondering. It was very picturesquely said.

Third verse is enchanting. And the fourth hinted at the sorrow of separation.

I may not have understood all of it, but it was written with exquisitely.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Lovely pic with it too.

love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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373
373
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I have to give it to you, you held the form and yet still told a story. I'm not sure exactly what the story is, except that you were open and bold, and that you drive a Dart. lol

Where they sell merchandise that is worn? Do you mean the try on booths? We haven't had a Kmart in our Podunk town in ages, so didn't think you meant used clothing, but wasn't sure.

Was he someone you were attracted to? Sounded like it but again wasn't sure.
Thanks for sharing this, if I got it wrong, sorry.
love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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374
374
Review of Baby's Born  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
What a sweet little poem for your daughter. I pray for you all the best.

In the second verse in the second line, you may want to consider a slight revision. It sounds like the baby 'brought' the angel, when I think you mean she is the angel. Maybe it would come through better as 'God brought'. It's just a thought you might consider.

In the third verse, last line...'who we love only God knows'. You might want to read that again and see if it sounds right. I would think everyone knows you love her, so I'm wondering if you meant something else. Maybe you meant how much God only knows?

A delightful poem ending in a threat, kind of pulled me out of it. All that love and then ending with a threat. I can totally understand, I had a daughter with an abusive husband. But it just seemed a prayer for her safety would sound better after all that love. Again, just a thought.

Thank you so much for sharing this poem with us.
love, LinnAnn

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375
375
Review of SPIRIT RUSH  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
What a powerful yet incredibly sad tribute through poetry. It's written in first person, so I am a little confused. Did you write it for her, or did she write it and you are posting it in her honor?

You have wonderful imagery, pulling in the senses of sight and sound. I like the way it starts with the awakening and in a sense, nightfall. It is full of peace and you conveyed that very well. I am so sorry for her passing. I talk to 'mom' and dad all the time. I'm a firm believer they can hear us. God bless you and grant you peace.
Love, LinnAnn
http://linnannpike.blogspot.com

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