You've wrapped some very profound questions inside your poem that I'm sure most of us have asked.
You articulate so eloquently and bring to the forefront the burning desires deep in our hearts.
Bravo!
Your sentiments about the things you truly cherish are so heartfelt by this reader.
Life is about the moments, and hopefully, all of us will come to realize the importance of your words.
You are a true poet, and I just love the way you ffavored your poem with the perfect rhyming scheme.
I loved it!
Lola
I found your story to be highly intriguing and exhilirating. The flow was natural and easy, making it a great read.
You have a very fecund imagination, and you are able to tell a story from start to finish with great detail, which draws the reader in immediately.
You need to re-read and check your punctuation.
You are a great talent!
Lola
You've penned an excellent poem filled with great questions.
Somehow, your message made me think of Bernie Madoff, who obviously sat in the front with his basket filled to the brim and felt no guilt.
You've made your readers pause and think--that's a good thing.
Lola
Your story is very intriguing, and you have quite a fecund imagination. The descriptions you use are fabulous!
Does her step-father have a name? I'm wondering why their relationship is one of abuse for her.
When you start the the sentence with run, maybe you can expound the circumstances and why it is pivotal.
Your capitalization of Mom needs to be looked at in particular sentences.
I personally think you have a winner here!
downstairs (one word)
reflection
she lost the appetitie for what?
they've
NOTE: Please remember that the following comments and observatons are only one peson's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to this wonderful site.!
OVERALL SENSE: The POV was out of sequence, and I think if you re-read the poem, you will be able to mend it very quickly.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I see nothing at all wrong. Well done!
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: "I looked at him in bewilderment" Somehow that doesn't seem to appropriate. Perhaps, feeling bewildered, I saw him ...
Your expressions and descriptions are quite good and well-suited for the moments shrouded in mystery.,
You are indeed a very talented and prolific writer; someone who emotes palpable feelings. You draw from your innermost imagination a very profound poem.
It was nice to meet you, Myterious Wolf, and a pleasure to read your work. I hope to read lots more.
Lola
Your voice gives hope to those who are suffering under the thumb of haters; bullies if you will.
I applaud your efforts and strength to overcome, but I'm wondering if you did it all by yourself or if there were others who offered you a lending hand along the way.
Your punctuation needs a bit a work, but other than that, you are one talented writer.
Your poem is so heartbreaking.
You possess a remarkable talent for emoting feelings, and I know that you are going to touch the lives of many, many people who suffer in silence just as you do.
I don't believe your form of relief is a sin, and I pray your future will be bright and filled with happiness.
God bless!
You have penned a very poignant piece of work that tugged at my heart from beginning to end.
Jewels is the strength of the family; a leader among many, who will definitely leave her imprint on may hearts.
The father, no matter how dire his life may have been, should have broken the mold, and made his family number one, but I found him to be a coward. The mother should have considered her child's needs a priority, but she, too, is a coward.
You are a very talented writer; one who can emote feelings brilliantly,
Perhaps if you re-read your story, you will be able to correct your punctuation and always spell out our words; i.e., birthdays.
Loved it!
Your story is heartbreaking. It reads as though your marriage, which you described as being one of default, lacked respect and love.
It's obvious that your husband had deep-rooted emotional problems, which he tried to numb with medication and alcohol.
You're right, it was his choice to live that way and not yours, but I do hear guilt within your tone.
You are a very talented writer, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading about a phase of your life, which I hope never occurs again.
I did notice a few things, and my suggestions are for your consideraion:
and if (it's) combined
orange (juice)
change sentence 'He didn't look for another doctor who would until next time?
he didn't want to depend on anyone (only 1 period needed)
One day, I had cramps in my belly. Change
Recurring, not reoccuring
I have a healthy fear of being addicted to anything (leave off anyway)
No, you are not!
what are glittery eyes?
This was one of the staws that broke the camel's back. What was?
self-centered
it was all about him and his wants, and he didn't care who he destroyed.
he was (supposed) to be
marriage is (supposed) to be
Maybe I wasn't such a good wife or a good person for that matter
em dash before friends and family and after
the conseqences are also theirs
It was a pleasure to read your poem.
Your passion allowed you to describe perfectly in innermost feelings as you captured the moments so brilliantly.
Keep on writing, please!
Your poem is so hauntingly sad, and unfortunately this type of abuse happens way too much.
Thank you for shedding light on an issue that needs proper care, especially for the children.
Bravo!
Your poem is absolutely beautiful!
In today's society, there are so many questions and doubts, but you have allayed our fears with your message of hope and love.
Thank you so much.
Lola
Your poem is flavored with so much passion, and I think most of us can attest to being in the same place as you describe so very well.
It's hard, if not impossible to forget, but an attempt to move past a place of heartache can bring good results.
Keep up the writing!
You've wrapped some excellent advice inside your poem.
When we first encounter that emotional tugging at our heart, we don't always act in the most appropriate manner as you've described.
You convey your inner most emotions very well, and it was a pleasure to read your poem.
{balance)
Your viewpoint of Mary Magdalene was a wonderful read, and I garnered a new appreciation of her role in history.
No matter how dirty people appear to be be, they can always be cleaned in the power of Christ.
Thank you very much for sharing this with us as it has given this reader a new reflection for today.
You've wrapped a very inspiring message inside your beautiful poem, and that is to always keep your head up no matter the circumstances. Luna shines brightly for a reason.
Wonderful!
Your poem contains such beautiful sentiments about the one you love.
You expressions are so inspiring, and it was a joy to read your innermost feelings.
Keep up the good work!
Oh, you write about the mysteries of love so honestly, allowing your readers to connect in their own personal way. I like the way you arranged the questionning.
First stanza, last sentence: did you mean to write is it love?
Keep up the good work!
You certainly have the talent to connote the feelings of someone who is under the spell of another. I think most of us have been there.
Perhaps if you reconstructed the poem, it would render a more dramatic reading.
Keep up the writing!
Wow! This story is excellent!
After reading this, I feel energized and inspired.
You certainly have a rare and unique talent; one that allows you to pull in your readers and leave them with feelings of victory.
Bravo!
Your poem depicts the sadness that a lot of people experience because they are afraid to face reality and ask for what they want.
You've done a splendid job of showing us both sides and what a loss life can be when no one speaks out about their feelings.
Keep on writing!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lola999/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 8:45pm on May 02, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
