Thank you for entering this months RSSB contest and for the beautiful entry.
Lovely story told with such color and flair. I was taken in by the time, with the truly beautiful elegance of the Ash Tree. I loved the rhyming the cadence was awesome and I felt like I was right there in the mist of all the wonderful action taking place. Great piece and penned perfectly.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece with our sisters and good luck in the contest.
Thank you for entering this months RSSB contest and for the beautiful entry.
This story tugs at the heart and what a great job you did in writing under 1000 words.
You gave your character plenty of room to express her feelings about her family and also her condition. The visual was quite clear and believable. It truly feels like a story that could fill the pages of a book, I do hope you plan to write more on this character.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece with our sisters and good luck in the contest.
What a beautiful poem you've written, I love each line and verse. I love the feelings you've expressed and given to someone in the way of helping them to heal, you are an Angel for sure.
These lines are my favorite and I could see the vision very clear.
"Free your soul from sadness
Feel the sun's cleansing rays
Its time to listen to your heart
Ignore the mean things they say."
Thank you so very much for sharing and congratulations on being a Rising Star.
Sincerely
Marlena
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I love this little cutie, I know at some point we all come to think of ourselves eating to push past loneliness, or unhappiness. But like you found - giving yourself a big hug or calling on friends could truly fill that void and fill you up spirtually; mind, body and soul. Thank you for sharing this piece with us.
Sincerely
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contest.
You made this happen and like you so many of us felt the same fears about doing a workshop in such a short time. But it worked and you can be so proud of yourself for doing it.
You also made this lovely poem about your workshop happen - I enjoyed reading it and I could feel the deep sense of pride that it brought to you and to your group.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Sincerely
Marlena
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What a beautiful prayer, and one that all should know and be aware of. You are so right my dear about not putting off until tomorrow things we need to say to love ones and friends today. For tomorrow is not promised us. Your poetry is a blessing and I look forward to coming back again and again, keep looking forward my dear friend, and keep right on writing.
How lovely is this painting you've painted with your words? I felt the stare - and pictured it just the way you've described it. I captured the wings of the birds as they flew above -with the blue background of the sky in my minds eye.
You seem to draw the reader into your space, and yet allow them to see and fill their own sense of time and space with their own emotions.
Another beauty Sunstar, thank you. I felt the emotion and its healing powers.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Your love for your son comes shining through from your heart and with each perfect line you take us through the years of always being there for him. I feel the emotion and deep love and yes a bit of regret for having to let go and let him fly. He will be strong even when he appears weak to his mom. You've done a wonderful job in bring him up and seeing him leave the nest only proves that he is ready to try his wings and he will be fine.
Thank you for sharing this lovely poem - and I look forward to reading all your work today. So, here is a great big welcome to Writing.Com Sunstar.
Love
Marlena
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I believe you have followed the criteria for the contest absolutely fantastically.
Opening & Closing Paragraphs:
Your opening and closing paragraphs are so very admirably written, your closing was outstanding. I love the way you used the prompt at the end of your piece and the incorporation of bring many arears of the continent was wonderful.{/b}
Characterizations:
Your characterization was truly credible and the most interesting part for me was how you brought dialogue into the piece using first person. Grand job in my opinion.
Plot/Spelling-Grammar/Dialogue:
The plot was well thought out in my opinion; very nice piece of writing, thank you for entering and good luck in the contest; Team Africa.
Welcome to Writing.Com, I hope you will have a wonderful and fruitful experience here in your new community. We are your peer’s and here to help each other grow and become the writer’s we want to become.
I found your little story interesting for many reasons, one because I've been a poet most of my life and really now in my very adult age find myself wanting to write more stories, on the human condition.
I find that character structure is one of the hardest things for a writer to do, which brings me to your piece. You had an exercise to do and the prompt was to write a story about a doll. This is where the confusion comes in....Are we assuming that Alice is the doll - or a child who was given a doll to replace the little puppy who passed away? Also why was it she found this safe place in her head and stayed there? You are telling us but not showing why she chose to stay there, (in her head). Where did her father go? You only mention him in passing. Did he pass away? Just a few little details would be a great help in following your story line.
This was just an observation and not one you must take – it is up to you intirely.
You're story is telling a lot more than it is showing and with a little fixing it would be a very good story and even short it has a lot of possibility. So, if you can think of these little help hints when you begin your story, it may surprise you to see how much you can improve on your writing. I've been dealing with the same thing in story writing, a lot of telling and not enough showing. We need to view our characters from the inside out or outside in. "Who, What, When, Where and Why." Good luck and keep writing forever.
This is priceless! I hope you plan to send a copy written one to the makers of Kleenex and tell them what you told me, how that commercial gave you the bright idea for this great piece of flash fiction. I love the first person narration and you set the perfect tone that all adults should be tuning into when it comes to their children and grand-children. I can truly relate to what that father is going through with his fourteen year old.
I have a thirteen year old grandson, who asked if he could come over to my house to do his homework. Seems his computer was down and he wanted to use my laptop, no problem I wasn’t using it right then. But later while looking for something on the web, I saw that a web search had been done looking for "girls in G-strings." It sure wasn't me looking for them, and since he and I were the only ones who used this laptop, it had to be him. Guess what he said to me! "IT WASN'T ME GRANDMA." He's not allowed to touch this computer let along look at it - but the day he tells me the truth I might let him use it again - for homework .
Keep grinding them out and I'll keep reading. Thanks for sharing this cutie Kiya, I love it.
Love
Marlena
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I love this 'Brief' on the particular poetry form. I love the way it captures the imagination yet it is simple divine. I've not done a Clarity Pyramid form but I am looking forward to writing one when I finish your review. Thank you so much sharing and congratulations on being in this week's Poetry Newsletter.
What a wonderful one stop shop of lovely and thoughtful cNotes. They are all I needed to find for my mission today - just the touch I needed to say thank you to all those who came to wish me well at your port over the last few days. My heart is filled and my spirit lifted so by your beautiful cards that fit every occassion. I am so grateful for the opportunity to find just the right card to say; "Thank you."
Thank you for all you do here on the site dear Sherri, and for all the love you and the 3 of Hearts spread about and within each and everyday.
This is such a cutie I think the same thing when I look up at night into all those beautiful twinkling lights. 'What can they tell me-if only I could listen to their conversation?' Wouldn't that be wonderful to know what all they have seen in all the time they have been there? Thank you so much for sharing and keep writing.
Sincerely
Marlena
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What a lovely letter to your grandpa, I know when he looks down on you he must smile with so much pride and joy for having had you in his life. I would love to think of my grandchildren writing me such a sweet letter when my time comes. When my husband passed away my children wrote him letters (contents unknown) and placed them in his hands on the day of his funeral. That made my heart smile at such an offering since he was their step-dad...but they loved him like he was their own. Thanks for sharing and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Glad I had this chance to stop by and visit your port today! This was a beautiful piece and the choice of words went smoothly with such a lovely flow. I love this poem and the age makes it even more mellow - while reading...but these are my favorite lines for sure:
"Cracks and crevices mar the wall
In premature triumph cries the wind
Game revealed I answer the call
Reaching into the seer pool
Without fear I let myself fall."
Thank you so much for sharing and I will be coming to visit again very soon.
Sincerely
Marlena
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What a sad poem and one that makes you wish you could just kiss all the pain away and Life would be beautiful. But of course life doesn't work like that.
Everyone has the right to live life to its fullest and those that don't think they can should just try wearing the other persons shoes for just one day! Thank you for sharing this piece and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
Marlena
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I would feel very much like you do if people called me all those awful names too! But the thing that you're not telling in your poem is why you think they call you all those names. What makes people see this as you? And what can you do to change the outlook they have about you? You kind of leave us clueless as how to help you overcome those negative people and thoughts....I would love to tell them off for you; but don't have a clue as to why they are doing it. But in the mean time; welcome to Writing.Com and I'd love to help you if I can.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Welcome to Writing.Com...I'm so happy I came upon this lovely Willow Tree. I love Willow trees and have written about them myself. It seem's there are many of us here who like to write about our dear friend Willow. I love these words very much:
"I told it my problems.
And it answered me by softly dropping tiny green leafs onto my face.
Through storms.
Through sunshine."
Very lovely, and thank you so very much for sharing. I'll be over to visit again very soon.
Sincerely
Marlena
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This is absolutely beautiful Jewelgirl, imagine the world free, imagine little children walking hand in hand across borders from country to country, imagine all the people loving life and living freely. I can surely image this world in peace but I don't see it in my life time as long as there is 'GREED'. You are such a caring and talented young woman and I hope that you will be able to see what John would have loved to see in his life time. Thank you for sharing, keep writing.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Wow! This is awesome for one so young it brought chills to my arms just remembering that very sad morning when I sat glued to the television like everyone across the world and what New York being mutilated. I can visualize a little girl singing this song and wondering how she could know so much at such a tender age. Thank you Jewel for sharing this lovely song and these are words I won't soon forget:
"Halfway round the country,
The plane takes a turn.
No one sees it coming,
But you know how it works."
Little Jewel, this is such a great Treasure Chest of wonderful songs....I wish I could still sing I'd sing out loud and write the music to sing them!!!! I'm going to start from the bottom up.
Keep up the great writing.
Your friend always
Marlena
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What beauty and joy I find in this lovely piece! I have been through your cabinets and what a lovely array of dishes I've found and this is just one of the loveliest to be sure. I am honoring your garden today and this is just the first of five delightful flowers I'll be reviewing. Oh! How I love these words you've penned so beautifully:
"Pray in the dusk to the rising Moon,
Smiling white in the ink of night.
Bask within Her chilly glow;
Wind sings on your skin the true insight."
Thank you for sharing and I'll be back very soon....
Sincerely
Marlena
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I hope you plan to send a copy written one to the makers of Kleenex and tell them what you told me, how that commercial gave you the bright idea for this great piece of flash fiction. I love the first person narration and you set the perfect tone that all adults should be tuning into when it comes to their children and grand-children. I can truly relate to what that father is going through with his fourteen year old.