It's all about feeling!
There are a lot of poems that float through our consciousness and stoping them and fastening them to paper or computer screen is the hardest part. These type of emotional, fleeting poems defy our interference with their message. It is difficult to add even a comma or another word to the delicate balance of phrasing which spews forth from our deepest creativity.
Keep writing. Keep capturing the questions of your soul to offer up for the rest of us to see and hear and be.
Write on! Thanks for sharing!
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You did a great job on this analysis of the primary features of Google. It is neat that you even went to the trouble of starting with where the name came from.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
About the Froogle feature: I look for rare books a lot, even out-of-print or small press, so a feature that goes beyond http://www.Amazon.com is a plus!
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Typewriters Type writers instead
Write on!
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This is a super-king-sized bit of humor. I like it! You did cute things with the phrasing that made it sillier than ever.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
First, I realize it tells about the item, but you might want to put the subtitle info at the end of the piece, like a footnote. Secondly, you might want to read back over it. It has a few rough spots. Might be fun to see what you can do for it now that your writing has changed.
I love playfullness in writing. The scene with your sweetie is just precious!
Write on!
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This is well-done rendition of the battle-weary soldier. The valkyries were the battle-field angels and I have thought long and hard about this very scenario.
So often, the soldier has chosen to serve his company and thereby gives up his right to decide where he will go next.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
The only idea I had as I went along is that I believe the last four words might have more impact if they stood alone as a separate sentence.
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
The last three stanzas have quotes around little phrases, but not around the entire conversational phrase. It might be good to put italics on those parts and expand the quotes or just expand the area the quotes encompass. The wording stands out on its own.
Keep it up. There are a few ragged spots, but this is a expressive and inspirational poem!
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Wow! This is well-written. I was drawn in by your precise and thoughtful descriptions. I will be sticking around to see what else your portfolio includes! I appreciate the fact that this was carefully edited, without a word out of place or a typo uncorrected. It is clearly written by one who takes pride in their work!
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
I get a blunt, cut-off feeling at the end of this essay. It is almost as if you are telling the facts of the lie, but not going through to tell us the rest of the story. The emotion is carefully controlled all the way, until the reader is left with that last phrase. Please finish this story. Your brief description says "Have you ever been told a lie of such proportion that it explained your whole life?" I would like to know what you consider to be the lie and what you have done to process these feelings and get the child part of yourself out of the cycle of experiencing these feelings over and over.
Look into your own life and see what you have carried forward from your birth parents and from your adopted family. Your personality is trampled, I'm certain of it. ...Mine is, everyone's is, I suppose. Even if this is a speculative reality, the story needs not to end at the beginning of the lifechanging introspection.
Keep on writing! You are good at it!
Write on!
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I like it! I can almost picture your cool dog. Interesting breed, the Basenji. I am glad you find joy in your dog. It's always so cool to know and love a beastie who loves you.
They adore us like we hung the moon! Such a fun poem!
Write on!
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What a wonderful job you did on this composite for your blog. I love the softness the pink brings and the way the paper background looks like fine parchment. The woman is incredibly beautiful and of course the child brings her own joy to the scene. Very cool!
I know, something for everyone!
Write on! Thanks for sharing!
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It doesn't even matter that this is not the Christmas holiday season. Stories like this bring back the chill of winter, the fear of being alone and hurting without anyone to help and the joy of the intervention of the angelic world. It's a beautiful thing. I appreciate your sharing it with all of us. It gives me that warm, Christmasy feeling!
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Good Sameritain Samaritan
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Yep, you cracked me up! This is a great vampire story! It's also a great superhero story. There are occasional stories about a hero's flaws but this one is kind of a superflaw! Hahahahaha!
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
I'd like to see you change the title. I don't know what to, I just have this thing about extraneous That.
Funny how we get that way, isn't it?
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
I didn't find anything that needs correcting! Great job!
Write on!
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Thanks for coming by my port. I followed the link over to your place. I love that portfolio symbol, by the way. This bit of fiction appears to be the rewrite of another shorter piece. I like leaving the other one to show the differences, however, I usually read the latest one first when I visit.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
This is a very slow and tedious beginning, especially with the emphasis on the word It without anything . I did not feel interested or attached to anything after the first several paragraphs. It is always a good thing to hook your readers with interesting and nonrepetitive terms.
The logic doesn't really follow well here. Keep working! It will probably become a very cool beginnning when you develop a way to grab our interest and flow from a single lonely entity into an entity surrounded by creation. The leap to calling the new forms man from no forms at all is a little farfetched. I would love to read it when you have finished the rewrite!
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
and said the other others were combinations of the four.
It created a crude and blank world for It's Its parts to finish. It's is the contraction of the two words "It is". The possessive form of it is written as its. There are a bunch of simply bizarre rules in English, and that is one of the ones you just have to memorize. This is a single example, but several are scattered throughout the piece.
It would be wise to read through this piece again slowly, perhaps even aloud, to try to find a way to bring it to life. You have vibrant ideas of the creation story, with elements being given a personality and a form. You have a new creation as a writer, now breathe some life into it!
Write on!
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Story telling is an art! You've got the imagination and the skill will develop as you write more and more! This is a good story.
Characters: Just two, the horse and the rider. The length restrictions kept it short and you did well within the limitations.
Plot: An excerpt in what seems a lifetime of battles this pair have been through. Again, this is good.
Challenges:
jetted flames in to into a third.
the Carasans deteriated deteriorated
I clutched Garom around his powerful neck Usually, the rider digs their hands into the mane or leans down close to the horse's neck. It is awkward and usually unwise to put your arms around the horses neck, expecially at a run.
Summary: I like the ability you are developing to create so much drama and include so much information in a small number of words. Keep at it!
Hey! Thanks for the review at my port. I sailed in here after reading a review of this very item in the Public Reviews.
Storygaming sounds really neat. Much more striving for perfection, which is often a problem in rpgs, because of the mixed levels of interest and abilities within the community. I love the way you did this, putting together the entire essay with ideas and examples and leading the reader to read and possibly become involved in a storygame of your own group creation here on WDC.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
It's very well done and I enjoyed reading the article. I'll be by to read the storygame as well!
Write on!
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Again, a fun look at the world through youthful eyes. Thanks for reminding me how our belief in the invincibility of our parents belies the surrounding circumstantial evidence. They will be there, they will take care of that. We believe in them even when they have stopped believing in themselve.
My favorite line:Small, mean, selfish, little ice particles that like to invite the wind to come and play with them.
The only typo I could find:
}Before to too long BTW, I noticed this one in the folder to these stories as well.
This is wonderfully written. You really captured a child's (well, your!) reasoning and even the attitude of thought. We do that little slick thing where we justify a move by imagining that we are not expressly breaking a rule since the exact thing was not forbidden.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
Remember to get a rating on this one... no rating means we have no idea what is to come and some might not read it at all! It is adorable and should proudly wear an E rating for all!
When we write, the thing our words should do is lure the reader imagination first into the writing. We carry the others along with us on our way. Your words do just that. They are strong and bouyant and they even have a great lesson.
I know what you say is true, you will step on some toes. We are vehement at times, in defense of what we love, what we believe, what helps us live. Some people survive because of what they feel. Some of the questions you ask don't really matter to them. Sometimes it is the only real feeling of being loved they have felt.
It doesn't matter which religion, which spiritual path, which non-spiritual or non-religious path we are on. When we become enlightened, when we realize that compassion is the answer to finding love and giving it, regardless of the circumstances, we also learn that questioning is good. Questioning can lead us to the truth, perhaps in some ways, that path, though rock, leads to a more solid platform of knowledge of what life is about.
There is wisdom in growing. We must feed upon the truth in honesty to find our way through life. In questioning, please be sure you don't hurt any of the tender growth while stamping out the big fires.
Take care and keep on writing!
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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I love cats! This little poem is bouncy and sweet and then turns bittersweet at the end. You successfully reminded me that no matter how long they live, our pets will rarely live longer than we. I'm sure there are tragic stories everywhere about cats who live longer than their owners, more often they are cats who live past the end of the owner's life and live on. The point is that the brevity of the life of our closest pets comes abruptly into our reality, like the ending of this poem. Well done.
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Hi!
I promised to come by your port and then have just been goofing off! Well, doing other things! So, here I am. I'll get your port read soon.
This is an awesome poem that makes me glad I finally made it here.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
There are a couple of sticky spots that slowed me down as I read. The first was the second line of the third stanza; The other, the third line of the sixth stanza. Overall, it flows well and the meaning is superb.
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Nary a one was found by me. There are those who like to lay down the law about three dots in an ellipse, since two dots looks like a mistake.
Take care, I enjoyed this sample from your port!
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Author : Future Mrs. B
Reviewer : SilverValkyre loves YOU!
Type: Essay
Plot and Setting: Real life, even though this is a work of fiction.
So many of us are lost in the real world. We only know what we feel ourselves and are unable to relate to what we "should" feel or how we "should" act. I appreciate your writing this, it is a step into the mind of another person, into a situation that most of us can't relate to, even when it is us!
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
Well done, I don't have any specific ideas for change. There are a few areas that are weak, but I know you can fix them by reading it aloud or just reading through carefully.
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
we got a call from your councilor counselor today.
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
Type: Short Story
Plot and Setting: One man finds peace in a land of tragedy and battle
Wow, Josh!
I am so glad you came to visit us at Writing.com. And I hope you stick around for a long, long time! Great story. In the few words on this page, you have showed me that you are good at keeping your thoughts in order and describing things very well!
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
It will be necessary for you to change this to a 13+ rating soon, because of the death and destruction in it. The E rating is really for children and children's stories. You'll get the hang of it (I did).
There are lots of places for newbies to get involved. Here are a couple of cool places to start:
"Invalid Item"
and "Invalid Item"
Gobs of information to get you started.
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
up the blacksmiths blacksmith's art,
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
You will be able to improve this as your skills improve over time, but I like it now. Keep it up! Get more involved! Have a great time!
And if you want me to read anything else, let me know!
Author : Kåre Enga in Montana
Reviewer : SilverValkyre loves YOU!
Type: Poem
Plot and Setting: A poem from/to the Earth Mother at the birthing of a big change.
This poem brings life to the magical spiralling energy of nature, from the DNA's ladder of information to the towers of wind and water. The power of nature is undeniable.
Beautiful and frightening. Thanks for the expression.
The variations on spelling and punctuation of the possessive forms seem to be intentional and you are a master poet, so mum's the word from me!
Well, for me the give-away on the subject of this happened after almost exactly halfway through the first stanza. You know where. I really like the way you put this one together. It has a real nifty form.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
No ideas for making it better. I like it!
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
its it's started wars.
Write on!
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Type: Poetry
Plot and Setting: On a counter, in a room .
Hey, I like this poem! It is really funny. I know you may not think of yourself as a poet, but with this as your first (and currently only) poem, I must say you are off to a good start!
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS... Change the description to have to do with the cheese. Maybe Cheddar? Mozzarella? Brie, anyone?
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges: Noneand none.
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
I'll be sailing back through your port soon! Happy to have you here!
Chapter : # One
Plot and Setting: A girl grows up and discovers a different future than she had imagined.
This is an interesting and strange story. As I have the time, I'll be back to read more on it, I hope it becomes a successful book for you!
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
You have done a really good job of setting up this other world. My only suggestions have to do with rereading and making adjustments in the wording and text as you find ways to make the story come together better.
I usually find I have to come back and make adjustments to the text I have already written as a story develops. It's almost like I begin to understand the things behind the words and thoughts of the characters and can fill in the ragged spots.
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
bearing baring all of its teeth.
They stopped short when the they saw the tall man with the sunglasses
I didn't notice much to correct in the way of form, because I was enjoying the story.
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
Type:Fiction
Plot and Setting: Seeping into our world from other worlds, the vampuninspire attacks!
I like it. The premise if very imaginative and you have done a cute job of putting it together. Keep it up, write, write and rewrite and tell your Fred hello every day!
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
I'd just like to see you work this one over to tighten up the meaning and create a flow from one sentence and paragraph to the next!
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
that creature over there is a vampuninspire. You can tighten up this sentence without losing any of the meaning.
Indeed, the writer’s writers amongst you have probably Only use the apostrophe if it is possessive, such as the writer's pen.
Even a single hungry vampuninspire, can cause No comma is needed between the subject and the verb. This happens with several other sentences, as well.
They are the most improbable looking creatures in creation{c} The 'they' in this sentence is obscure, since the last they in the previous sentence pointed to a different noun.
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
This is a cute piece and short enough to read aloud and see where the sticky spots are. It could be much cuter and funnier, since the basic idea is hilarious. Keep at it!
Type: Short Story
Plot and Setting: Fantasy world sea travelers make landfall.
Cimmerian here. I am a Bane Sidhe, I occasionally walk through SilverValkyre's port. Yes, I devour the energy of chaos and death, but I'm actually just what I am. Denise is busy with life and asked me to do a few fantasy reviews. I was absolutely forced to choose the folder which mentioned Fae.
Good job!
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
There are a few couplets of words that would make a better presentation with a dash between them, i.e. ill-fitted
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
the water that had been replenished by rainfall was nearly empty
If you are not missing a word here, you should be the water _____ ...was nearly empty.
forming a ceiling overhead of intricate design.
Thea shook herhad head.
But he had been more than her mother, Thea knew. Another sentence fragment, but the point I brought this here for was to say that the word 'more' needs italics to make it a type of adapted noun or it needs a noun with it. You use 'more' a little later, so perhaps the italics are best. NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
This story is well-written and your imagination and perception of this magical world of Fae is very well done. Keep going! Let me know if you wish me to read more of any of your other works, young one (note from Denise: forgive Cimmerian, he's really been around a long time!). Your ability to see and hear more will hold you in good stead as a mortal.
Write on!
Thanks for sharing!
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It's all about feeling! 
I know, something for everyone! 
Hi! 
