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151
151
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Alright, lets hope this one sticks. Third is the charm. Here is your gift.
152
152
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you so much for entering my contest, A Flicker of Madness. I so to see you back.

I found no errors in the way of formatting, spelling or grammar.

I can understand why this has been rated high by those who came before me, and they are right. It is well written.

So why not a win this time? Why not your story instead of that other one. I found that writing to be a bit more graceful and your plot reminded very much of Deloris Claborne by Steven King.

Still a nice story and writing makes it so much more than it would have in tons of other writers.

So I am sending you a gift, in hopes it encourages you to enter again and write more.


Alice
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153
153
Review of Camp Nightmare  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

It is great to see you back. Thank you for taking part in this round of A Flicker of Madness.

I am not nuts about the title.

Most of the writing is wonderful especially the opening paragraph.

No errors in the way of formatting, spelling or grammar.

The ending is a tad predictable but well done.


Alice
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154
154
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
The first step in reviewing for me is spelling, grammar and formatting. Then you can work on the other stuff.


"Come on Mr. Storyteller, just one more before we have to go in." Wined a little blond boy with green eyes whilst pulling on the sleeve of a elderly gentleman.

in," wined




"Mr. Storyteller, Mr. Storyteller there is a man in a suit who said he was looking for you." Yelled a little girl whom was running from the entrance of the small village where the gentleman was staying.

you," yelled

who ran



"Now, now you two calm down,David it's getting late.

down, David



As for you Jenipher, would you please point me in the direction of this man and then hurry home with your brother." His warm and rugged old voice calming the children if only for a minute.

brother," his

calmed


"Alright" replied the children, Jenipher pointed to the front of the village to a young man in a black suit holding a travel cloak in his right hand and bag slung over his left shoulder "thank you miss" said the Storyteller taking a deep bow "now run on home with your brother."

children.

held a travel

and a bag

shoulder. "Thank

miss,"

bow. "Now




"Mr. Storyteller, Mr. Storyteller there is a man in a suit who said he was looking for you." Yelled a little girl whom was running from the entrance of the small village where the gentleman was staying. "Now, now you two calm down,David it's getting late. Your mother is preparing supper you should be with her, there will be plenty of time for stories tomorrow. As for you Jenipher, would you please point me in the direction of this man and then hurry home with your brother." His warm and rugged old voice calming the children if only for a minute. "Alright" replied the children, Jenipher pointed to the front of the village to a young man in a black suit holding a travel cloak in his right hand and bag slung over his left shoulder "thank you miss" said the Storyteller taking a deep bow "now run on home with your brother."

This needs to be broken you.


"Mr. Storyteller, Mr. Storyteller there is a man in a suit who said he was looking for you." Yelled a little girl whom was running from the entrance of the small village where the gentleman was staying.

"Now, now you two calm down, David it's getting late. Your mother is preparing supper you should be with her, there will be plenty of time for stories tomorrow.

"As for you Jenipher, would you please point me in the direction of this man and then hurry home with your brother." His warm and rugged old voice calming the children if only for a minute.

"Alright," replied the children. Jenipher pointed to the front of the village to a young man in a black suit holding a travel cloak in his right hand and bag slung over his left shoulder.

"Thank you miss," said the Storyteller taking a deep bow. "Now run on home with your brother."



"So who is this weary traveler, who's come looking for me." Thought the Storyteller as he walked over to the man.

So who is this weary traveler, who's come looking for me? the Storyteller thought as he walked over to the man.


"Good evening sir" spoke the Storyteller as he greeted the young man.

sir,"

You do not the dialog fag and if you do cut it, then make the dialog end in a period.



"Hello my name is John Paul, I'm from the Central Roman College of History and I'd like to ask you a few questions....."

This is another paragraph.

questions..."



"About The Legend of X I presume." The storyteller interrupted. "

presume," the




How did you know what I wanted" Asked John still a little shocked?

wanted," asked

This is another paragraph.


"If people ask me questions it only applies to my stories and seeing as I only tell stories about X I made the logical jump about what you would ask." The Storyteller replied in a direct tone.

"When

stories, and

ask," the


".....Are you the Storyteller?" Asked John still a little shocked from the Storyteller's interruption and tone?

This is a new paragraph.

"Are

asked John,

tone.


"I've been called that along with many other names" replied the Storyteller

New paragraph.

names,"

Storyteller.


"what should I call you then?" Asked John.

"What

asked

New paragraph.


"I think the former will serve us well." Replied the Storyteller.

well," replied

All right, that makes no sense. Why would he object and then tell him to call him it anyway?




Sorry for the low rating, but there is hardly a line where there weren't any mistakes.

Alice
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155
155
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Hello again,

I did enjoy what you were going for, so I thought I would pop in and read some more.


“well according to Roman lore he’s an immortal soldier who’s supposedly taken part in every major war sense the American revolution, many have referred to him or her as a demon or a monster with ungodly powers.

"Well

lore,

Revolution



Soldiers claim that he was capable destroying military camps and bases single-handedly.

claimed


Generally in Rome he’s looked down upon, a myth we tell to our children to keep them in bed at night, however when I got here I found that people have mixed feelings, to some he’s regarded as a legend something for people to aspire to, while for others he a monster who has no place in history” stated John almost as if he were reading it verbatim from a text book.

night. However

here,

had mixed feelings. To

legend, something

to. While others, he was

had no place in history,"

John,


Please let me know if you want more notes on this chapter. I like where you are going.

Alice
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156
156
Review of The Oubliette  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
center} ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Congratulations!

Your tale has been awarded second place in the Fantastic Fantasy Five of June.

I hope you will find more inspiration in this round as well!

Your prize of 5000 gps has been included.

Alice
157
157
Review of The Oubliette  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good poem.

Interesting opening paragraph.


The table rose into the air; it hung there for just a moment--then dropped.

air; hung



A foul wind rushed through the air of the darkened great hall.

A foul wind rushed through the darkened great hall.


A chill echoing voice came from her throat, “A man in a white robe is standing over a great black pit.

chilled


A low gurgling issued from her throat, her eyes quickly rolling back into her head.

“Raaaaa-Het-heruuuuu-Iaaaaaooooo-Asaaaarrrrrrr!"

A low gurgling issued from her throat, her eyes quickly rolling back into her head. “Raaaaa-Het-heruuuuu-Iaaaaaooooo-Asaaaarrrrrrr!"



The wind roared in their ears. It circled the heavy oak table like a whirlpool, lifting small objects in its wake and dashing them against the walls.{/}

The wind roared and circled the heavy oak table like a whirlpool, lifting small objects in its wake and dashing them against the walls.


The ancient tapestries waving and twisting madly in the strange maelstrom.

waved and twisted


“Dear God man, bring her out of it at once!” Colonel Edmond yelled.

once,"



“Let me through!” Commanded Alberto Octarini.

through,"


She stood calmly as if listening for something in the little white cotton dress that was her only gown.

This line does not quite make sense.


She spun suddenly, eyes blazing visciously.

viciously.


"Come to dinner with us, Alberto, you hardly left this room in days.” Amanda pleaded.

days,"


Ones it had consumed over the ages.

it consumed


I love that, it makes it so much yummier when they fight me.

This sounds too modern.


The End

I think you should cut this.



Over all a good tale.


ALice
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158
158
Review of Paper Dragons  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
{b]{center} Congratulations!



Your tale has been awarded first place in the Fantastic Fantasy Five of May 09.

You have a choice of:

A ribbon (any color you like)

or

A fantasy merit badge

or

10,000 gift points.


AND

I will pay for a custom signature.




I await your selection.



Alice
159
159
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great and timely opening.

I fell on Christmas morning tearing the cartilage of my knee. Walking has never been the same.


How lucky it was that your spill came so close to your birthday and that someone had the good sense to come by.

That in a nutshell (pun intended) is when I achieved freedom to live my life on my terms, without interference from my family.

was when


Glad to know you are okay!


Alice
160
160
Review of This I Believe  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

What you do well in this kind of writing is that you bring this sense of geniuses to it. And you also bring the elements of warmth and with a touch of the unexpected.

I wish there was more of a connection between the first three paragraphs. It just seems like a bit of leap to go from your childhood and your stance on war, animals and people.

I love the ending.


Alice
161
161
Review of The Bug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
They treat her again; rebandaging her wounds and transferring blood into her body. A trying procedure especially since(cut) Jamie's skin was peeling before their eyes. The doctors worked on Jamie’s wounds.

An hours later, the doctor tell the nurses to call Jamie's parents.


Jamie's parents walked[/c}warily into the psyche ward, met the familiar Doctor Henricks, primary physician for Jamie. {c:red]His bloody scrubs answer the unspoken questions.(I doubt he would met them this way.)



"I am so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Pike. We've tried everything," Doctor Henricks told the pale-faced parents.


"H-how did this happen?" Mr. Pike asked, holding up his tentative wife.



Mrs. Pike stifled a scream and faints. Mr. Pike gently laid his wife on the nearest bench. "May I see her?"


"Just," Mr. Pike interrupted, "let me see her. Please."


Doctor Henricks took Mr. Pike into the surgery room. I do not think they would take them to that room. It would be the morgue. The sight of dead (cut) Jamie’s dead body churned his stomach. A glimpse of her revealed flesh(cut) was all it took for him to run out and find a trash can.

break.

Doctor Henricks patted the old man on the back supportingly (cut}. "Jamie always mentioned said about a bug being inside her, making her tear her skin off to get to it,(cut)"

Break.


The doctor acknowledges aloud. "Throughout the year, we've been trying to match Jamie's symptoms to diseases and always came up empty."


Mr. Pike wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, spitting out the rest of the vomit from his mouth. "You don't know what caused Jamie to act like this?"


Doctor Henricks grimaced. "Sadly, no. It could have been her imagination, Cut one or the other. making her hallucinate. On the other hand, it might have been something that we are not familiar with, a rare disease that we haven't heard of. We'll never know now." (cut)


The doctor led Jamie's dad back to the main office, where Mrs. Pike sat, looking pale and frantic. Her head whipped up toward the approaching men and she begun to cry. Mr. Pike hurried to comfort his wife, holding her up to lead her out back to the car.


"Mr. Pike, we'll prepare the body for the funeral," Doctor Henricks assures.NO they would NOT.


Mr. Pike gave a ghostly nod, exiting the building.

* * * * *


Once the room was quiet again, the bug made its escape. It chewed through Jamie's organs before ate a hole in her skin. It squealed (cut)its victory and scrambled out. The little critter (cut) crawled over Jamie's dead body. Its black shell, red, beady little eyes, and sharp teeth made up the dead girl's nightmare. Crawling over the bloody surgery bed, (cut) it hid.


The nurses came in to take the dead (cut) body away. The bug waited patiently as the nurses hauled Jamie's body into a body bag and carried it out.


Break.



Outside the body bag, the bug squealed with excitement at the sound of screaming and yelling. It bit its way out of the body bag, dropping onto the stone floor. It looked around at the closed doors in the long hallway. Scrambling around, it searched for its next victim...



I hope this helped. This is a better ending.

Alice
162
162
Review of The Bug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Here we go.

Sorry it took so long... I was passing out two signatures I had made for people as prizes for one of my contests. They turned out so nice.


That's when Mom and Dad sent her here, to this place - the psyche ward. "I'm not a psycho!" she remembers screaming at them at the top of her lungs.

This tells that the story needs to be in past tense and NOT in present tense.


She fingered her bandage on her left arm, wanting to rip it off and delve into the healing skin, tearing it apart again. Jamie huddled in the corner on her small bed. The doctors outside of her cell talked quietly amongst themselves about her condition. Her disorder. Whatever they wanted to call it. All she knew was that there was something wrong.

Break here

The bug! It's all the bug's fault! I made a cut here. It squirmed, bit, and wriggled inside of her! Wanting to eat through her organs before eating through her skin! It treats Jamie as if she's its playhouse! I think this paragraph is a place you should really go to town on and hemp on the details.


That's when (I would cut this. Mom and Dad sent her here, to this place - the psyche ward. "I'm not a psycho!" she remembered screaming at them at the top of her lungs. At the top of her lungs is clique. Try and find another of saying this. It will help you find your own voice. "There's a bug inside of me!" Then (cut0 Jamie screamed hysterically and stopped only after she fainted. That's when they had it with Jamie. (This line needs more.


Recalling that time, Jamie remembered how it felt to dig her nails into her skin and watch blood ooze out. You should go into the blood and skin more. Jamie begun to tear off the bandages. She didn’t care about the consequences. (cut this)Screw the consequences! There's a bug inside me I need to get out!

You need to tell us that has ripped off the bandagaes.

Jamie's damaged, but slowly healing, fleshy arm was finally visible to her bloodshot eyes. Her right hand pinched the wrinkling skin and she bit her lips to hold in her scream. If the doctors outside her room found out what she was up to, it was another trip to the electric shock room. Jaime did not want that. Not again.

Her fingers slowly tore off the skin the doctors had to replace. Dirty fingers plunged into the sensitive flesh. Jamie could no longer hold it in: scream echoed in the halls, drawing everyone attention.

"Got you, you little bloodsucker!" Jamie cried madness coated her words Try and avoid ly. It lesson the description and impact of your writing.

The doctors rushed in, flashing their IDs in the machine to unlock the steel door.

The doctors flashed their IDs to unlock the steel door and rushed in.

They pull Jamie's plunging hand away from her victimized arm.

Jamie's probing


Jamie thrashed around, screaming bloody murder. Her whole body hurts. Blood is splattered (try and find a fresh way of expressing these things} around, in her hair, clothes, skin...it's repulsing to the doctors.(I doubt that very much.)




Okay that is about half. My hands are aching so I am going to take a break. Let me know what you think.


Alice
163
163
Review of The Bug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

Welcome to Writing.com and Horror Luvrs.

Here is my review. I hope you fine my notes helpful.



I think the tile is weak.

I would change the opening to: Jamie fingers her bandage on her left arm, wanting to rip it off and delve into the healing skin, tearing it apart again.


The doctors outside of her cell talk quietly amongst themselves, talking about her condition.

The doctors outside of her cell talk quietly amongst themselves about her condition.



All she knows is that there is something wrong with herself.

All she knows is that there is something wrong.


The bandages around her arms, legs, shoulders, and torso tell everyone else anything but.

Are the bandages saying there is something right? No. I do not think this line works as is.



It's all the bug's fault! she thinks to herself.

It's all the bug's fault! she thinks.


Ever since the bug came into Jamie's life - into her skin, really - everything has been going down hill.

I would cut this.


They say Jamie is insane, but they don't feel it like she does. None of them do!

I would cut this.


That's when mom and dad sent her here, to this place - the Psych Ward.


Mom and Dad

psych ward.




You have the wrong tense. You need to go through and make it all past tense. At least the first takes places in the past.




I think the story holds promise. If you would like more notes, please let me know and I shall return.


Alice
164
164
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello thestraychild,


I think that is a record for the quickest enter I have ever had.

I would love to see a little more, but I am glutton for good dark tales and perhaps hint at: why the witch was shot and what happened to the charms. But you do not have to.

Over all, nicely done.

I hope you will join us again!



Alice
165
165
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I thought I had reviewed this, but perhaps it never got through. This happens to me from time to time.

I really like the title.

The opening paragraph is perfect.

My parents were not religious and I did not go to church. What I knew of Christianity I learned through the few sunday schools I attend and TV. I remember having this sense of something I was missing out of. Like not being able to join some sort of club. The older I got the more I explored the church.

Until now, "the kingdom of God" meant heaven, but I now see it in another way.

In theory turning the other check sounds wonderful. I wish the world could work in such away, the trouble is, this stops nothing from happening and that there would always be some, who would take joy in hurting others, even killing.

I agree, I think a certain amount of humans are true believers in one thing or another. However I feel it is our need to ask questions that humanities greatest asset and has proven so many times.

You sound to me very much like a Secular Humanist. Something I consider myself to be also, although for a long time, I had nothing to call it.

I hope you will consider stopping by and posting.


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#1573197 by Not Available.
166
166
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Thank you for posting this. I enjoyed my read. You made some great points.

I was hoping to see you join me on my new forum.
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This item number is not valid.
#1573197 by Not Available.


I feel sometimes like am the only one in the whole site who is not a Christian or a witch. I know others feel and think the way I do.



Alice
167
167
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again,



I was thinking of you today.

I put up the contest again. I hope you give it a look. Perhaps you will able to add to your collections again.

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This item number is not valid.
#1572828 by Not Available.




I hope to see you there.



May the muse be with you.


Alice in the land of gore and magic
168
168
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Glad to see you writing again. I wish I was.

I have not read the one that they selected as top choice.

I cannot help but wonder why his mom did not check on and why she let him go out again, when she already told him to not get dirty.

I felt you could have also have used the boys name a little more in place of some of the pronouns.

Also some sensory details would been a nice touch.

I liked the plot and the over all tone of the tale.


Alice
169
169
Review of Vegas Nightshade  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for entering my contest, "A Flicker of Madness". How wonderful it is to see it has inspired yet another new tale.

Here is my review, make of it what you will. Keep in mind I am from the USA.

LOVE the title.

Good formatting.

The opening line is great!



He sat there, in the dark bar, alone; and he liked it that way.

He sat there in the dark bar alone, and he liked it that way.



“Yes.” His voice was soft, velvety, and somehow chilling.

"Yes," his


I’m scared.” Her voice shook as she began to softly cry. He moved toward her, still fighting the urge to tear her young body apart.{/}

scared," her



“Over there.” she said pointing out the door.

there," she


He moved into the light and looked toward where she pointed; and felt a sharp pain in his side.

pointed and



I feel this is a good tale. I could easily follow it and see it as well.

I feel you should have given him a name. I also feel that if you were to rework some of the sentences that start with pronouns that it would remove the repetitiveness and increase the flow of the story.


I hope to see you again!


Alice
170
170
Review of The Crone  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for entering my contest, A Flicker of Madness. I am so glad you found inspiration.

Please know that you can make any changes you like and I will read everything again after the close of the contest.

Here are my notes, feel free to ignore them.


I like the title but not overly so.

The formatting looks good.


The car slewed, tossed gravel and detritus into the dark foliage that lined the dirt road.

slowed


She gasped and clutched at her swollen stomach and slid across the back seat like a sack of apples.

Great line.


“I don’t get it!” he shouted as he glanced backward. His quick glance sent the car slewing again across the other side of the hard packed road.

I feel this would read better if you changed one of the "glance" to "momentary look".

slowing (slew, is the past tense of slay)


A quick correction brought them barreling down the hill after pattering through shrubs and newly planted saplings that dotted this side of the quiet road.

I would change one of the "quick" to something else. Perhaps: rapid



Simon quietly muttered through gritted teeth as he jotted notes which became scribbles as the car caromed wildly.

notes, which



Though he no longer spoke, the driver continued mouth words as though to utter them aloud would bring them into reality.

continued to mouth

or: mouthing


Jimmy’s body, twisted as though castigated by a vortex from within, drifted into his mind’s eye.

I feel this line would read better if you to remove the commas.



It was difficult to tell the two men apart but other than that a good tale. Thanks for entering, and I hope to read you again.


I wish you well on your writing journey,

Alice
171
171
Review of Dark Sands  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

Thank you for your patients. I am rarely late with my reviews. Real life sometimes gets in the way of my life on WDC.

I sincerely hope to you in other rounds of A Flicker of Madness.


Here are my notes:

Good title.

The formatting looks good as too.



Blood trickled around my leg, sticky, messy.

sticky;


She screamed when I did it. It was so loud, so loud.

I do not think she would be able to scream with her throat being cut. More like a gurgle or a wet scream.



It was so sticky, so sticky.Her body slumped to the ground.

sticky. Her



Oh god!

God!

I tried to run. The voice followed me, lamenting and crying. It demanded answers. I screamed and sobbed. Running away, I couldn't see anymore. I fell to the ground and sobbed.


"I told you not to put an Asylum close to the ocean. Always told you the schizophrenic patients would drown themselves. I just never knew it was possible in the sand."

I think you need a marker between these two paragraphs. This would make it have a better transition.

Also, I think you should have used her name more.

I think the person should drown and they only appear to be sobbing at the end.


Alice
172
172
Review of Three Wishes  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for entering this round of the Fantastic Five. There is a new round up. I hope you find more inspiration.

I will be buying your "thank you" raffle tickets for entering today. Good luck.

Here are my thoughts. Make of them what you will.



I love the picture!

I would have liked if the old woman would have a name.



and, from this source, a voice did boom!{//b}

I think you could remove "and,".


"Now you might think that it's funny
but I've never had much money"

money."


to know her second wish was "youth"

"youth."



transform my cat into a man"

man,"




With a flash, he stood there in his pride,
well endowed, with nothing left to hide.

I loved these lines.


I thought you told a story. It was easy to follow and placed a smile on my face. I thought over all the rhyme and cadence of the poem worked well.


Alice
173
173
Review of The wall  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for taking part in this round of "A Flicker of Madness" . I hope to see in the new round. The prompts are: magian ( not a wizard or witch) and or a familiar. You can write about on one or use both.

Here are my notes. ( “I heard voices coming from this room earlier and a baby crying.” She said, not turning back to look at him.( Keep in mind I am in the USA):

The title is little a plain.

The wall

should be:

The Wall


Dust from the drywall hung thick in the air burning Justin’s eyes and throat, as the heavy sledge hammer rocked the wall of the small room.

sledgehammer


Julie stood in the door way watching with the collar of her shirt pulled up over her chin and nose.

doorway

and watched



“Look.” Julie said, as she pointed to a wall of bricks behind the broken drywall and splintered two by fours.

"Look," Julie said


“I heard voices coming from this room earlier and a baby crying.” She said, not turning back to look at him.

crying," she




“No way Julie, no one has lived in this house for years.” Justin said.

years,"



Good job with the prompt.

Alice
174
174
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am one the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1430481 by Not Available.




Thank you for entering and we hope to see you again. Here are my thoughts. Make of them what you will:

I like the title.

The formatting looks good.

I love Hammer films. I miss not seeing them any more.

I simply said “Bill, you idiot I was asleep! Get out of here.”

said,

There are lots of videos on YouTube of people trying stuff on me and you can check it out if you’d like, to see that I’m not all talk or anything.

No comma here: like to


Now I’m at Ceri’s place, this girl I went to College with.

college


I like the idea of finding Ceri.

Good ending. I love that prompt.


Alice
175
175
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am starting a new novel group. I hope you give us a try.

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This item number is not valid.
#1561140 by Not Available.


Here are my notes.

This has such a nice vintage feel to it. There are those zine that ask for just such a thing.

Boiling caldrons of molten lava located at either pole, is the only remaining evidence of Shum's once uninhabitable liquid surface.

are the only

They have yet to advance to space travel but has begun sending research probes and radio transmissions to other parts of their Galaxy.

but have begun

And Tom, you had better get up here, you will not believe what I am looking at.

here; you

A female voice roars through the ships halls and Tom jumps from his bed, then almost collapses as he stands on wobbly legs.

bed; then

When you are telling us about the planet, I feel this might more effective if you did in some other manner. It reads like you are plopping info in.

For more of a review, please stop.


ALice
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