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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... 
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| Hello my sunny pals, I went to painting class last night and I am not crazy about my work of art. I thought this was going to be an easy class and that every painting I would improve. It didn't happen. In fact last nights class was my hardest and the subject couldn't have been easier. It was a group of birch trees with a water back ground. It looked simple enough but wow! Everyone in class painted a completely different picture. It was bizarre. I was sitting next to this guy named David and he was an art major from Michigan. I was pissed! His painting was a masterpiece! I couldn't believe it. I never knew you could have art envy! Even our instructor was kind of blown away by David's picture. I love this class and have painted 5 pictures now. I am not sure I have any classes in October that I want to attend. You have a choice of what picture you want to paint so I don't waste my money on something I am not interested in. Which is awesome considering the next painting is a butterfly. Nope. Not for me. I am going to have to come up with some kind of entertainment for the next month to keep me on track. I have been commissioned by my girl friend to make earrings. I guess I will be working on that for the next month. I haven't played with my beads in a very long time. I just lost interest. I think my creative needs to be mixed up. I can't always do the same thing all the time or I get bored. And life is anything but boring!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet and sunny pals, So I took the kids to the therapist last night. It is our normal routine once a month just to check in and keep Jackson on track. I always feel so much better afterwards. It makes me feel like a good parent. I encourage my kids to be honest. I encourage them to express their emotions. Even the unpopular ones. I want them to know that no matter what I will love and support them. So we had an exercise yesterday that left me in tears. On a piece of paper was the word WHY... Each one of us was handed a piece of paper and we had to draw an image or write something that went along with the word why...No instructions were given. Savanna drew a picture of her parents in separate houses and the description why my life is different now... Jackson drew a picture of himself screaming "I hate bipolar" and the words Why do I have to have bipolar? I drew a picture of a girl walking in the rain holding an umbrella with the description Why do I always have to carry the burden of pain alone? Each one of our pictures was personal and yet related. It was awesome to see Jackson's pain. I feel it. To hear Savanna say that she is worried her parents are not happy. It made me cry. It explains why I always feel so alone. Like I am the only one that hears my kids or feel what they feel. I know that I do carry them in my heart. I am not punishing myself for the burden I carry. It's just that I do get tired of doing this alone. You know what makes me sad is that Brian's life has gone on the same. Nothing has really changed for him. I on the other hand have had so many changes. I moved. I got a new career. I live in a two bedroom apartment. I date. I still parent full time. I am still active and with my kids every week. I do things with them and for them. I take the brunt of their unhappiness. I get the good and the bad. I get to share myself with them. I get to love them unconditionally. I have the greatest relationship with them and I always will. I will always carry their worries and pain. I might have to do it alone but I will do it with pride. I am the luckiest mom on the planet. I have two of the most loving kids with great hearts and they teach me every day to love more. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you remember your high school days? Do you remember homecoming week and spirit days? It's that time of year when our school district is celebrating fall! Jackson is wearing a superman outfit and Savanna went to school with a shirt she painted to look like the galaxy. I love that they can have a little fun with fashion and still go to school. If only I could enjoy how much homework they have to do every night. Wow I would have serious flunked school if I had to do all that homework. I think I did! I am worn out this week with all this "school" stuff. I took Savanna shopping for a homecoming outfit. She didn't get asked but I am glad she is still going with her girl friends. I don't want her to miss a minute of the fun! Life rocks!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, How do you handle stress? Is it even something you can control? I am normally on top of it but it seems as if when one area in my life is out of balance the rest of my game it off. I want to be balanced. I want to have a handle on my emotions and feelings. I want to be kind and good to myself all the time. I guess reality is hard to live with because I am not always in control. Learning to let go of the things I am not in charge of has become a big ordeal. I am always conflicted about what is the right thing to do and am I being a major push over? When it comes to Jax I know I let him walk all over me. Why do I do that? I am not doing either one of of us any favors. I am struggling. I have got to find my strength with him! Any suggestions on how to get a 10 year old to take a shower? Ugg!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Do you ever think about the people in your life that drift in and out? The friends that don't keep in constant contact but you know they are always going to be there for you? Maybe not even be there for you but someone that you can still call a friend even years later? I am lucky I have several people that would fall under this category but this morning I received two emails from my buddies. I am thinking what are the odds? John and Bill are two guys I met here at Writing.com. I became instant friends with them and over the past six years we have kept in contact. They no longer write here. I wish they did. I thought that both of them were great writers. It's funny how many friends I have made at Writing.com and how many have completely drifted away and then some linger on... It's like me. I can't leave. I have to stay here. I barely keep myself active. I am not using the site like I used too. I was always involved and meeting new people and now I don't give myself the time to do that anymore. I still can't leave. I know a good thing when I have it. I love Writing.com and grateful for every member I have ever had the opportunity to meet. It's my happy place! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet pals, I am one of those easy moms. If my kids are sick I let them stay home from school. It is going to be a long day cuz both kids are home and that is highly unusual for both of them to be sick at the same time. I should have figured this was going to happen. I was down all last week and now it is their turn. I just put a big pot together of chicken soup and will load them up on lot's of love. Yeah, that will get them back to school in no time! I hope!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sweet Sunshine, My boys upset me yesterday. I don't like to see my team not make it to the end zone! I always have mixed emotions when they play Norte Dame! It was my Dad's favorite team and I know he would have LOVED how they played!! He would have been very happy that the Fighting Irish kicked Michigan's butt!! It's so strange how the influence of those we love can have a lasting impact on us. I can't really watch a game without hearing his voice in my head. I know his thoughts. I remember his reactions. He was always verbal during a game and I find I am just like that. I am funny when I watch sports. If I get into it I am expressive. I am hoping to make it back to the Tigers game tonight. It got rained out on Friday night and tonight is the make-up game. I am not really looking forward to freezing my butt off but I want to go!! I love SPORTS!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Nothing beats a night out with fresh air and a bunch of boys. Of course the boys didn't play baseball! The Tigers delayed the game long enough for us to get bored so we left. It was fun while it did last but 8 buck beers and no game is not the best way to party. Now I have another group of boys around me. Only these guys don't want to watch football with me! What's up with that? I think I need to find some guys that like FOOTBALL! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my little love bugs, I am in the mood to talk about love. I am in the mood to exam who I am. I am ready to express myself. I am a lover. I am a giver of positive thoughts. I work hard at loving myself and others. I read an article yesterday that love helps people cope with pain. That the more love you feel in your life the more capable you are of handling hard and painful issues. Love gives you strength. I wish I would have read that 7 years ago. I would have loved to know that my active search for love was my way of coping with pain. I kind of figured that out the hard way. Still, it really got me thinking about living with depression and why I always need to be seeking out love. Why I am a romantic at heart and poet. Why I am always looking for the right and amazing lover in my life.That I live in the fantasy far more then the reality of my life. I have always been a dreamer. I have always been passionate and expressive. I am learning that I am an agent of love. I am a giver and people drift into my life for the love I can share with them. It might last a minute or a lifetime but I give from my heart and soul. Only I am not really in charge of it. I am not totally in control here. I feel that something far bigger and more powerful is at work here. It must be God. I hope it is. I feel like I have finally come to terms with my true meaning. I played around this year after the divorce. Chasing anything that would make me feel loved. It wasn't love I was looking for. It was avoidance. It was a way to ignore the pain of the divorce. I understand now the danger of lust and passion. I understand that my heart is not always my best friend. I also figured out that pain can never be avoided no matter how much love I have in my life. Pain is a reminder to breathe. I want to be honest and live with what is in front of me. I am not out seeking, looking, or begging for love to come into my life. I am the love I want. I am finding my own love. I will love you. I will love you with all my heart and soul. I will let you come into my life and feel that. I will be here with positive thoughts. I will be here with a laugh and a hug. I will be here. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever slept next to someone when they have a fever? It's the strangest sensation and you feel like you are catching their heat wave. A high fever can really mess with the mind and body. I know there is something about feed a fever or starve a cold, I might have that backwards. I am not sure. Still makes me wonder what is the best solutions to feeling like crap. You just have to ride the wave. I feel like I am going to get sicker from this little ride. I am feeling better today and my own fever has broke. I feel like I am turning over a new direction. Will this one last? I wonder. It's Thursday and I am painting tonight. I am really proud of the paintings I have done so far and I love that I have found a creative outlet. Lord knows it beats dating! I have to run and get busy I am not going to sit around and think about the negative vibe that keeps coming my way. Let it GO! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I asked a simple question so why is it so hard to get a simple answer? I don't understand. I don't understand why I feel so tested. The more this feels complicated the less I like it. I want a simple life. I want yes and no I want black and white I want color I want order I want organized crazy I want to wake up every day content I want to feel loved I want to give my love I want it all! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny friends, I love my dream world but there are times when I ask my dreams to reveal to me what I need to know. I learned a long time ago that you can get answers in your dreams if you are willing to ask. All that stands out last night is the quote I love..."I was never meant for work" I am not sure what I was meant for. I have a job that doesn't feel like work. I have to get motivated today but with a head cold I would be happy to stay in bed. I think I need to clear my head in so many ways!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello sunshine, I am in a nasal fog today. I slept a little but got up in the middle of the night because of the congestion. I don't have time for a silly cold. I am going to suck on vitamin c's and drink lots of water. After work I am going to bed!! Have a beautiful day being you! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you know a natural remedy for a sore throat? I went to bed with a small one last night but today it feels much worse. I haven't been sick in over 2 years. I don't have medical insurance so a trip to the doctors for a Z pack is out of the question. I have to come up with a natural way to feel better. I know the traditional drinking tea and hot water. I will gargle with salt water too. I just wondered if anyone had any new ideas. I would be willing to try. I will take my vitamins and hang low today. I do have to go out tonight for a little dinner party. I love my life and really have no time for a small inconvenience like a sore throat! I am lucky the kids are not here this week. Maybe they will avoid getting it. It is allergy season and back to school germ time. Oh boy! Or I might of picked this up from the Hospital. Savanna by the way is perfectly healthy. Her little heart murmur is nothing to worry about. I knew it. I am so happy! Life moves on with or without my little bumps in the road. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have always enjoyed my own company but lately I am craving the company of others. I am not sure why. Maybe September is that month that I remember as a time for friends. I always loved going back to school and starting up my social life again. I feel like my social life needs a boost. I am branching out mentally and emotionally. I am in need of company to expand my thoughts and to feel connected to the big world I live in. Things are starting to open up. Dennis said I could paint tonight in class and I am really excited about that. Plus I am sure we will go out after class and have some drinks downtown and maybe I can meet some more great people. I love that part of being with a group of artist. It is opening up so many new doors for me. Last night both kids had sleepovers and I was left with this panic feeling like "what about me" but I did something for myself and it worked out. I went to the art studio and for a minute I realized that I am in charge of my own destiny and happiness. I am happy with the ways things are working out. I am here. I am living in the minute and open to all that life wants to share with me. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am up early this morning for my girl. I have to take her to the doctors office in Ann Arbor. They want a second opinion on her heart murmur. I am a little worried but I don't think I have to be. I know that God only gives me what I can handle. I know that she is a healthy and sweet young girl. I know her heart is filled with gold so I am not surprised it has a little murmur. She is constantly thinking about other people. I am in awe at the amazing personality of my girl. She is funny, outgoing, and at times shy. She is reserved emotionally. She is a little like me and a lot like her dad. I personally think that God blessed me on the day she was conceived and I have been living with that miracle for almost 15 years now. I am the luckiest women on the planet and I know it! Thank you Savanna! I love you! Mom |
| Hello Sunshine, I am always impressed with my son's ability to wow me! He knows I can't do his homework. He knows I can't say no too many times in a row and he knows that my heart is just as tender as his. Yesterday he told his doctor that he needs to try harder and that medication was not going to help him because he knows he has to step up and control his own anxiety. I can't even describe the feeling of hearing him own his emotions. Finally, I see my hard work and years of communicating with him paying off. Maturity is a beautiful thing. I know that he is well aware of his limitations. He will milk any situation to get what he needs. I am working over time to be one step ahead of him and I am still behind!! Only now we both know it. I can see the gleam in his eyes when he thinks he is going to con me. He can see my eyes roll and he knows he lost the battle. Oh how fun it is to see which one of us is the biggest loser. I am proud of my relationship with my kids! I am proud because every day they make me want to be a better person! I am doing this right! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Wow! Nothing like painting a light house with my gal pal Brenda to bring out the sassy in me! I swear I am blessed with the greatest people in my life. From my clients to my friends. I have surrounded myself with amazing people. I feel lucky to have so many unique experiences. I feel lucky that I can walk downtown and go out for a fun night. I even feel lucky that I seen a group of bike riders last night and I thought of Brian. He texted me this morning and said he seen me walking and he was part of that group. I love that he is having new experiences. I love that he is comfortable doing something for himself. You know everyone thinks people are more selfish now but I don't. I think people are starting to realize that if you don't take care of yourself...who is going to? On that big ol list of things to do, don't forget to write in something for yourself. I do every single day. I might be the biggest selfish person you know but I am dang happy! Have a great day being you! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet and sunny pals, Do you ever have someone say something about you that is so wrong it's funny? Yesterday someone said I was "intolerant" of love. I often wonder why people think they can say whatever they want to me. I know I am suppose to be able to take it like a big girl and move on. This one felt like a real stinker. I am a liberal. I am open minded and I am accepting. I have standards and I have expectations. I have rules and guidelines I keep for myself. I am above all honest with myself and what I want in life. I might have moved on from a great man but I don't expect less from the next one. If anything I expect MORE! I get what I want. I get my dreams to come true. I get my happiness in small bites. I get my wishes when I least expect them. I am in awe and wonder all the time. I love with a great big open heart. I am not intolerant. Not now and not ever! I can endure. I have strength. I have the wisdom of the years to know what is good for me. I get closer to that every day. I am Michelle. I am a work of art. I am funny and smart and above all if you know me you will love me. I will love you. It's who I am and I am not going to change. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not sure what time the sun rises but I am pretty sure we beat it! Wow high school does start early! That or my teenager needs lots of time in the morning to get ready. I realize now why I should have found a 3 bedroom house to rent. My kids need their privacy and space. I need it too. I love having them so close to me and when we all snuggle in for the night that is my favorite time...Still, I know they kind of hate it. Oh well! I was thinking back to my childhood when all 4 of my sisters shared a bedroom. I remember carving out my small space. My parents stayed married but they sure were not happy all the time. I was just thinking that only two of my sisters have remained married and the rest of us are all divorced. 5 girls. Maybe I never had a real chance at staying married. I feel conflicted about it. I feel like I gave up but then I take a hard look back and realize that I tried for 5 years. I just never could get it back. Once trust is lost and love is missing you can't keep chasing. You can't keep pretending everything is fine when it's not. I can honestly say I didn't know what divorce was going to look like. I just knew that the way I was living wasn't good. I am calling this time in my life just temporary insanity. Because I know I can't stay in this limbo place. I have to move on to reality. I have to plan ahead and think of my future. All my life I have believed in the fairy tales. I have believed in the happy ending. Now I know that I am the happy ending. Not some man that is going to come rescue me from my own insanity. I have to make my life the one I want. I do! Every day I wake up and I know were I am at. Every day I wake up and thank God for my many blessings. I have a great life. I am smart and funny and even if my kids are under my rule and thumb they are healthy. They will survive. They will be better because they know that life is not some fairytale cartoon. Life is what you make it! Love, Michelle |
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