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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello Sunshine, Nothing beats a night out with fresh air and a bunch of boys. Of course the boys didn't play baseball! The Tigers delayed the game long enough for us to get bored so we left. It was fun while it did last but 8 buck beers and no game is not the best way to party. Now I have another group of boys around me. Only these guys don't want to watch football with me! What's up with that? I think I need to find some guys that like FOOTBALL! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my little love bugs, I am in the mood to talk about love. I am in the mood to exam who I am. I am ready to express myself. I am a lover. I am a giver of positive thoughts. I work hard at loving myself and others. I read an article yesterday that love helps people cope with pain. That the more love you feel in your life the more capable you are of handling hard and painful issues. Love gives you strength. I wish I would have read that 7 years ago. I would have loved to know that my active search for love was my way of coping with pain. I kind of figured that out the hard way. Still, it really got me thinking about living with depression and why I always need to be seeking out love. Why I am a romantic at heart and poet. Why I am always looking for the right and amazing lover in my life.That I live in the fantasy far more then the reality of my life. I have always been a dreamer. I have always been passionate and expressive. I am learning that I am an agent of love. I am a giver and people drift into my life for the love I can share with them. It might last a minute or a lifetime but I give from my heart and soul. Only I am not really in charge of it. I am not totally in control here. I feel that something far bigger and more powerful is at work here. It must be God. I hope it is. I feel like I have finally come to terms with my true meaning. I played around this year after the divorce. Chasing anything that would make me feel loved. It wasn't love I was looking for. It was avoidance. It was a way to ignore the pain of the divorce. I understand now the danger of lust and passion. I understand that my heart is not always my best friend. I also figured out that pain can never be avoided no matter how much love I have in my life. Pain is a reminder to breathe. I want to be honest and live with what is in front of me. I am not out seeking, looking, or begging for love to come into my life. I am the love I want. I am finding my own love. I will love you. I will love you with all my heart and soul. I will let you come into my life and feel that. I will be here with positive thoughts. I will be here with a laugh and a hug. I will be here. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever slept next to someone when they have a fever? It's the strangest sensation and you feel like you are catching their heat wave. A high fever can really mess with the mind and body. I know there is something about feed a fever or starve a cold, I might have that backwards. I am not sure. Still makes me wonder what is the best solutions to feeling like crap. You just have to ride the wave. I feel like I am going to get sicker from this little ride. I am feeling better today and my own fever has broke. I feel like I am turning over a new direction. Will this one last? I wonder. It's Thursday and I am painting tonight. I am really proud of the paintings I have done so far and I love that I have found a creative outlet. Lord knows it beats dating! I have to run and get busy I am not going to sit around and think about the negative vibe that keeps coming my way. Let it GO! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I asked a simple question so why is it so hard to get a simple answer? I don't understand. I don't understand why I feel so tested. The more this feels complicated the less I like it. I want a simple life. I want yes and no I want black and white I want color I want order I want organized crazy I want to wake up every day content I want to feel loved I want to give my love I want it all! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny friends, I love my dream world but there are times when I ask my dreams to reveal to me what I need to know. I learned a long time ago that you can get answers in your dreams if you are willing to ask. All that stands out last night is the quote I love..."I was never meant for work" I am not sure what I was meant for. I have a job that doesn't feel like work. I have to get motivated today but with a head cold I would be happy to stay in bed. I think I need to clear my head in so many ways!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello sunshine, I am in a nasal fog today. I slept a little but got up in the middle of the night because of the congestion. I don't have time for a silly cold. I am going to suck on vitamin c's and drink lots of water. After work I am going to bed!! Have a beautiful day being you! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you know a natural remedy for a sore throat? I went to bed with a small one last night but today it feels much worse. I haven't been sick in over 2 years. I don't have medical insurance so a trip to the doctors for a Z pack is out of the question. I have to come up with a natural way to feel better. I know the traditional drinking tea and hot water. I will gargle with salt water too. I just wondered if anyone had any new ideas. I would be willing to try. I will take my vitamins and hang low today. I do have to go out tonight for a little dinner party. I love my life and really have no time for a small inconvenience like a sore throat! I am lucky the kids are not here this week. Maybe they will avoid getting it. It is allergy season and back to school germ time. Oh boy! Or I might of picked this up from the Hospital. Savanna by the way is perfectly healthy. Her little heart murmur is nothing to worry about. I knew it. I am so happy! Life moves on with or without my little bumps in the road. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have always enjoyed my own company but lately I am craving the company of others. I am not sure why. Maybe September is that month that I remember as a time for friends. I always loved going back to school and starting up my social life again. I feel like my social life needs a boost. I am branching out mentally and emotionally. I am in need of company to expand my thoughts and to feel connected to the big world I live in. Things are starting to open up. Dennis said I could paint tonight in class and I am really excited about that. Plus I am sure we will go out after class and have some drinks downtown and maybe I can meet some more great people. I love that part of being with a group of artist. It is opening up so many new doors for me. Last night both kids had sleepovers and I was left with this panic feeling like "what about me" but I did something for myself and it worked out. I went to the art studio and for a minute I realized that I am in charge of my own destiny and happiness. I am happy with the ways things are working out. I am here. I am living in the minute and open to all that life wants to share with me. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am up early this morning for my girl. I have to take her to the doctors office in Ann Arbor. They want a second opinion on her heart murmur. I am a little worried but I don't think I have to be. I know that God only gives me what I can handle. I know that she is a healthy and sweet young girl. I know her heart is filled with gold so I am not surprised it has a little murmur. She is constantly thinking about other people. I am in awe at the amazing personality of my girl. She is funny, outgoing, and at times shy. She is reserved emotionally. She is a little like me and a lot like her dad. I personally think that God blessed me on the day she was conceived and I have been living with that miracle for almost 15 years now. I am the luckiest women on the planet and I know it! Thank you Savanna! I love you! Mom |
| Hello Sunshine, I am always impressed with my son's ability to wow me! He knows I can't do his homework. He knows I can't say no too many times in a row and he knows that my heart is just as tender as his. Yesterday he told his doctor that he needs to try harder and that medication was not going to help him because he knows he has to step up and control his own anxiety. I can't even describe the feeling of hearing him own his emotions. Finally, I see my hard work and years of communicating with him paying off. Maturity is a beautiful thing. I know that he is well aware of his limitations. He will milk any situation to get what he needs. I am working over time to be one step ahead of him and I am still behind!! Only now we both know it. I can see the gleam in his eyes when he thinks he is going to con me. He can see my eyes roll and he knows he lost the battle. Oh how fun it is to see which one of us is the biggest loser. I am proud of my relationship with my kids! I am proud because every day they make me want to be a better person! I am doing this right! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Wow! Nothing like painting a light house with my gal pal Brenda to bring out the sassy in me! I swear I am blessed with the greatest people in my life. From my clients to my friends. I have surrounded myself with amazing people. I feel lucky to have so many unique experiences. I feel lucky that I can walk downtown and go out for a fun night. I even feel lucky that I seen a group of bike riders last night and I thought of Brian. He texted me this morning and said he seen me walking and he was part of that group. I love that he is having new experiences. I love that he is comfortable doing something for himself. You know everyone thinks people are more selfish now but I don't. I think people are starting to realize that if you don't take care of yourself...who is going to? On that big ol list of things to do, don't forget to write in something for yourself. I do every single day. I might be the biggest selfish person you know but I am dang happy! Have a great day being you! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet and sunny pals, Do you ever have someone say something about you that is so wrong it's funny? Yesterday someone said I was "intolerant" of love. I often wonder why people think they can say whatever they want to me. I know I am suppose to be able to take it like a big girl and move on. This one felt like a real stinker. I am a liberal. I am open minded and I am accepting. I have standards and I have expectations. I have rules and guidelines I keep for myself. I am above all honest with myself and what I want in life. I might have moved on from a great man but I don't expect less from the next one. If anything I expect MORE! I get what I want. I get my dreams to come true. I get my happiness in small bites. I get my wishes when I least expect them. I am in awe and wonder all the time. I love with a great big open heart. I am not intolerant. Not now and not ever! I can endure. I have strength. I have the wisdom of the years to know what is good for me. I get closer to that every day. I am Michelle. I am a work of art. I am funny and smart and above all if you know me you will love me. I will love you. It's who I am and I am not going to change. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not sure what time the sun rises but I am pretty sure we beat it! Wow high school does start early! That or my teenager needs lots of time in the morning to get ready. I realize now why I should have found a 3 bedroom house to rent. My kids need their privacy and space. I need it too. I love having them so close to me and when we all snuggle in for the night that is my favorite time...Still, I know they kind of hate it. Oh well! I was thinking back to my childhood when all 4 of my sisters shared a bedroom. I remember carving out my small space. My parents stayed married but they sure were not happy all the time. I was just thinking that only two of my sisters have remained married and the rest of us are all divorced. 5 girls. Maybe I never had a real chance at staying married. I feel conflicted about it. I feel like I gave up but then I take a hard look back and realize that I tried for 5 years. I just never could get it back. Once trust is lost and love is missing you can't keep chasing. You can't keep pretending everything is fine when it's not. I can honestly say I didn't know what divorce was going to look like. I just knew that the way I was living wasn't good. I am calling this time in my life just temporary insanity. Because I know I can't stay in this limbo place. I have to move on to reality. I have to plan ahead and think of my future. All my life I have believed in the fairy tales. I have believed in the happy ending. Now I know that I am the happy ending. Not some man that is going to come rescue me from my own insanity. I have to make my life the one I want. I do! Every day I wake up and I know were I am at. Every day I wake up and thank God for my many blessings. I have a great life. I am smart and funny and even if my kids are under my rule and thumb they are healthy. They will survive. They will be better because they know that life is not some fairytale cartoon. Life is what you make it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I wonder how long I can keep my true feelings hidden. I wonder how long I can go living on this limited budget. I have to make some serious changes. Speaking of changes my kids are here this week and I am always amazed at how much abuse moms can take. Savanna is always saying I am annoying and touchy-feeling. Jackson is just mad that I am here and actually telling him NO! Being consistent with two households is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have so much guilt about the divorce now. Esp sense Jackson is so mad at me. I have pain now that I see I am not giving my kids what they are used too. However, I am not going to beat myself up. I am not going to allow the changes to influence how I am. I do parent with my feelings. I do love my kids. I do love myself. I am taking it one day at a time. That is the best I have to offer! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It has been seven years that my sweet town has hosted the Smokin Jazz festival. I can't believe how time can go so fast. I love how this festival has grown! I took the kids last night but it started to rain so we went home but we could still hear the music. I love how sound travels. It's going on all day so after we get our chores done we are going to spend the day uptown. Both kids are still in bed. I think this back to school stuff is kickin in. They need to sleep. High school is so darn early and Jax likes to get up early so he can spend time on his computer before school. I love it. All is well in my world. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Okay so I am not really an artist but someday I might be one! Maybe if I would have spent more time painting and not just thinking about painting I would have more to show for myself. I love to paint but never spent much time at it. I think a true artist is someone who really works on their craft every day. I would say I am a writer. I write every day. I would love to get back to being a poet but I have to let my emotions direct me. I will always be under the influence of my moods to write good poetry. I tried several times to ignore this fact but it just doesn't work. I have to be inspired. I love my life! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I went out late last night and spent some time under the stars. I am always amazed at the art in the sky. Stars have always interested me and I think I even seen one fall. I wish I knew more about the constellations but I have my favorites and know a few. It seems as those never change. How funny that the stars are placed exactly were they are suppose to be. I think I am finally figuring out were I am suppose to be as well. I get to play star tonight and I am very excited about my new opportunity to shine. I am my own star! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunshine! I have decided to let go of my expectations. I have decided to just go with the flow of my passion and let it bring me what I need. I can't always question the motives of others. Sometimes I have to just trust the process of life. Ever changing and evolving. I learn something new every day and I am learning what it is like to live single. On most days I love it. On other days I just want to get through the hours. I find true balance in being open to all my emotions. When I don't panic or worry I am open to new experiences and can find the pleasure in my simple life. Today will be a long day and I will fill it with simple joys and painting. I am finding my true heart in painting. I know I will improve and get better the more I practice. I do need to pick up some art books. I might go out this afternoon and see what I can find at some resale shops. I am so happy today! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you have kiddies getting on the big yellow bus today? I do and I am not even there to hold their hand and watch them go. They have finally out-grown momma. They are little independents and I am so proud of them! I love summer but know that the school year is good for my kids. They need the structure and their friends. I need the peace during the day to concentrate on my career. I am a very lucky women because things always work out for me. I might have to struggle and I might have to cry and be sad but over-all things always find a way to get better. I made it through my hardest month. I survived. It wasn't easy and it sure ended poorly but now I can move on. I am getting closer to what I need and want. Every day brings me so much more hope and wonder. It's a great day! Love, Michelle |
| Hello sunshine, I guess it is true, what goes around comes around. I am feeling the effects of my wayward heart. I knew the timing was wrong. I knew something wasn't settled but my heart loved anyway. My heart did not plan ahead. My heart did not plan ahead for the day when we would need to take a break and step away. I don't know if it is over but it feels like it. It might as well be with how I feel. I don't know if I can take a break. If I can continue to date other guys and not think of him. How can I pretend? How can I be fake? I am one hell of an actress. I will find something to keep me focused so my heart continues to beat. It's such a sad day when we are scared to love. It's such a sad day when we don't give in to our basic needs. I hope he finds the time he needs to figure it out. I can't do it for him. I will be here loving him. I will be here living my life to the best of my ability. I will be here missing him. Love, Michelle |
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