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by Chip
Rated: 18+ · Book · Religious · #1224562
John has to deal with loss in his life and find the answers only he can answer.
#490927 added February 27, 2007 at 9:07am
Restrictions: None
Ab Irato Chapter 2
                        Ab Irato
                          2

When I finally got to the office after the two

accidents, the chief of police called me into his

office, yet again I was very glad for the euphoria to

have already set in, hopefully it would help me just

smile through the whole “session”… lets hope anyway.

After I got my desk all set up I began heading towards

his office and it was all I could do to not to smile

there was nobody in the whole precinct who could go in

her office five times in a week and still come out with

a job, all the old crew knew what had really happened

with me and why I would go in their, but all the new

guys had no clue, and that’s the way I liked it. I

stood in his office waiting for him to say something to

me, but he just kept typing away on his computer and

looking at a file I couldn’t see the file but all I

could guess was that maybe it was finally my time, I

guess karma has a weird sense of humor like that, think

your safe for even an instant and there yah go your

done ka-poot finished, but I still just waited, even

with the panic hitting me that if I lost this I would

loose everything the two funerals had me in the

negative numbers and I had to mortgage my house, if I

lost this job I would never be able to keep up with the

payments. Again all I could do was except the reality

of it all and just cope with it, so I stood their

waiting… a few long deep breaths later Wess turned to

me, he looked pale as a ghost, the look like he had to

let down an old friend and he couldn’t help it.


“Wess don’t worry about it what ever it is I can take

it… what ever it is I will find a way to make ends

meet.”


“What do you mean John? What did you think I was going

to fire you? Even through all of this your still one of

my best workers, I mean yah you’re not in the field

anymore but I didn’t want you out there with all of

this so recent…  It’s about your family….”


“What about them! Did you find the murderer or get some

new clues! I mean I know I am not really supposed to be

privy to that information, but come on its my wife and

my daughter! Please don’t leave me out on this one

please”


I hadn’t meant to sound like I was begging but I just

couldn’t help it, all the euphoria was gone now my head

was crystal clear and the only thoughts I could get

through were that of my dead wife and daughter and the

murder, all I could think of was revenging them and

settling old scores.

“ok John you know I am not supposed to tell you this

stuff but its been almost a year and we still had

nothing up till today that is… sometime in the night

your wife and daughters bodies were dug up and stolen,

and the caretaker for the cemetery was murdered before

I show you this file you have to promise me that you

wont go crazy if I show you this file, if you do I will

say I just forgot it on the desk and you saw it while I

was talking to you…”

Well at least it nice to know human nature will always

prevail and no matter how good of a friend you may

think someone is they will always be looking after

their own asses first.


“Ok Wess. I will stay calm and besides your helping me

find this guy this thing, how much good do you think it

will do if I go crazy on you, nothing it will just get

me locked up in a padded room… so can I please see the

files.”


“Here John, but I am warning you the caretakers death

was gruesome, nothing you could ever imagine…”

It was weird I never saw Wess look so pale as he did

right now he was always a stone impervious to the cases

we had here, one time he had to go threw the files for

a guy who had burn to death, and he never even

flinched. It made me a little uneasy that he was so

squeamish, maybe it was just because its pertained to

my family, maybe not.

“John I was thinking if you want to take the files home

and look at them, instead of in the office that would

be fine, I made these copies for you anyway?”


Wess was always suggesting things verses saying what he

really wanted you to do for instance “John I was

thinking if you want to take the files home and look at

them, instead of in the office that would be fine, I

made these copies for you anyway?” really meant just

bring the files home so if you freak out at least their

wont be any people who see it.


“Yah maybe your right Wess maybe I should just take

them home incase, right. I will leave the files in here

for now and pick em up at the end of the day ok?”


“No problem John… if you need anyone to..”


“Wess stop worrying so damn much it will be ok I

promise.”


It was probably a lie but hey its what he wanted to

hear, I mean its common sense that no one wants to hear

your sob stories, its just polite to offer your

assistance, no one really likes it when you take them

up on their offer, usually in the back of their heads

they are cursing them selves out for it. Oh well it

nice of him to follow our countries social standard for

being polite.


         The rest of the day actually wasn’t so bad I

mean I had the file floating on all my thoughts and all

I wanted to do was go and read it but I knew I probably

would break down or go “crazy” like Wess had said but

odds are I would collapse into my self and just be in a

whole other world, but I wasn’t going to test it, just

because Wess is looking out for himself he is taking a

big chance on me, and I can’t even begin to imagine

what it must be like to try to juggle friendship and

handling a case like this. The whole day I was trying

to keep the fact that my families bodies were stolen

out of my head, and drowning myself with all the paper

work I had seemed to be working but I knew that the

second I got home and opened up the file I was going to

be drowning in a lot more then just paper. Sitting at

my desk with all this paperwork it occurred to me that

all I do now is highlight files and only mediocre ones

like traffic violations all I do is go through them,

organize and put them into the system. For that moment

I was a little depressed, I went from a street cop

slash detective to a nobody behind a desk. Nothing like

a reality check to boost the ol self-esteem. Every time

I go down a path like this all I can think of is how

much I miss and just want to be with my wife and

daughter. I think what makes the whole thing worse for

me is the fact that I am not a religious person, so to

me when you die that’s it your done your gone, now

that’s really depressing isn’t it. Sometimes its nice

to shroud your life with faith verse what you can feel,

touch and what’s just real. Course that would be to

easy to accept. I mean come on blind faith, I have

nothing against it but I don’t like to have false hope

no matter what the dogma, anyway maybe this is just

another one of those stages that my quack told me

about. About 10 cups of coffee later my shift was over,

I packed everything up and went to see Wess for the

file, just before I knocked on the door, I started to

wonder if I really should do this, and would it help

me, or should…


“John is that you? Come in already would you, I don’t

like it when people hover around my door you know

that.”


We talked for a little while and then he gave me the

file and I tucked it into my bag and that was it. He

told me again that he was there for me if I needed

anyone to talk to, and again I said that I would be

fine. The whole ride home I was resisting the urge to

stop and look at the files, it was like this unbearable

addiction, I have only been addicted to hat gave

everything that surreal affect cigarettes but even then

I think I would rather have to quite smoking all over

again then have to read this file or even have the

opportunity to read it. The truth is that I do want to

read it but I am afraid of what I might do and the

thought hit me that I really might be dreaming all of

this, by all odds it was just the euphoria that gave

everything that surreal affect, I knew I wasn’t

dreaming but I pinched myself anyway…  When I got home

it was around 9 pm and I decided to have a cup of

coffee, before I looked at the files.
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