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 |  Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket? |
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Fair Warning: I've upped the rating on this blog. It is now set at GC. |
I woke up this morning to a world encased in ice. Instead of snow during the night, we had freezing rain. The results were as beautiful as they were treacherous.   Invalid Photo #1018553 School was canceled, and my office was opening late. After much consideration I decided that my desire to take risks in the new year did not include venturing out in the ice. Been there, done that, have the titanium in my leg to prove it. I decided to stay home with my family. When I wandered out to the living room, I sat down on the sofa next to my husband's dirty breakfast dishes. GRRRRR! Tony and Zack were engrossed in the new Star Wars video game, but the dog came over to greet me with enthusiasm - and to lick the plate. "Hey Carter, why don't you take this plate into the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher?" Zack giggled, "He can't do that Mommy! He's just a dog!" "I know lot's of working dogs. I think he just needs to be trained." "But Mommy, he doesn't even have hands." "You're pretty smart," I said, "So tell me . . . What's Daddy's excuse?" "He needs to be trained!"  |
| I have this blog rated GC for graphic content, but lets face it, things are pretty tame around here. I mean every now and then I might throw around the f-word, but is that really "graphic content?" I think I need to up the ante. This blog needs more graphic content. Otherwise it's a hoax. A sham! Maybe even a tease. So with that in mind . . . I made this graph last night. The 'x' axis represents blog topics, and the 'y' axis represents the frequency of views and comments. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Note: No data was used in the making of this graph. Results may or may not be typical depending on how long the cat has been dead. Please consult a doctor if condition worsens or persists for more than 10 days. |
| Today I sat down to read the paper. My daughter was watching "How it's Made" on the Discovery Channel. Today they were showing us how they make fire extinguishers, doughnuts, shock absorbers and banjos. Something about the randomness appealed to me. It just SCREAMED writing prompt. Anyone want to try it? I'm thinking flash fiction, with scads of gps for your efforts. If we get a snow day on Wednesday as the forecast seems to be promising, I might even try it myself. In other news, while everyone was taking time off for the holidays, a weird little quirk was written into the computer application that we use for damn near everything at work. Basically, it took all of our clients and gave them a code indicating that they are not eligible for services even if they already had a code saying that they are. Apparently there was a breech in the Anti-logic containment field that had thus far surrounded the Department of Public Welfare. The combination of logic and anti-logic is . . .well . . . it's not good. It's like the inside of Schrödinger's box where all possible states exist simultaneously; where it is possible to be both eligible and ineligible; and where there may or may not be a dead cat. But as long as our time is still billable, we're solid. |
| A couple months ago, my mother had an InGrid security system installed by her cable company. It gives her a sense of security. It gives me a lot of headaches. I am the contact person in the event that something abnormal happens. If my mother's dogs whine to go out at 5 AM, and Mom takes them out without deactivating the alarm system, I get the call. Okay . . . my husband gets the call because I'm still sound asleep at 5 AM, and I don't have a phone in my bedroom, but then he wakes me up. Anyway, the monitoring company calls us after they try and fail to reach my mom. Inevitably, what they want to know is "Should we call the police?" Now, if anything ever does happen to Mom, I am going to experience a lot of guilt because I always say "no." Even aside from the phone calls and the potential for guilt, the think is just freakin' annoying. It has a rather loud voice male voice (Shouldn't Ingrid have a feminine voice?) that reports whenever a sensored door is opened. Since Mom keeps the beer, soft drinks and wine out in a refrigerator out in the garage, the thing went off frequently over Christmas when Mom had a house full. Every time the door opened the disembodied dude voice would say "The garage area door is open." followed by a loud BEEP, BEEP. After listening to it all day on Christmas, we came to the consensus that she should call the cable company and find out if there is an option to record a different voice. I think Mom's voice would be good since we all learned to tune it out years ago. I think it would be fun to change up the message too . . . just to make it interesting. Maybe it could say things like "Close that door! Were ya born in a barn!" or "I'm not paying to heat the outdoors ya know?" I think it'd also be great if it could tell how many times the door was opened in a 15 minute period of time. Then it could respond appropriately with a message like "Oh for Pete's Sake will you make up your mind. Either come in and stay in, or go out and stay out. But enough with the in and out!" Enough customization and it'd be like reliving my childhood.  |
| Maybe I've been drinking too much vodka. I've recently caught myself - on multiple occasions - moving my lips as I think. It's like I'm thinking out loud, only with the mute button on. Anyone else do this? I hope so. In the time I've been blogging, I've discovered that most of the quirky things I do aren't really all that uncommon and my family should just stop making fun of me. First it was the foot thing. I almost always sleep with one foot sticking out from under the covers. I think it helps regulate my body temperature. Either that, or my feet are claustrophobic. Whatever the case, it was strangely satisfying to find a community of one-foot-out sleepers right here in Blogville. Next up was the wandering-while-brushing thing. I simply can't stand in front of the sink and brush my teeth. I prefer to gaze out the window or wander down the hall. Often this will result in someone else locking me out of the bathroom. You would think I'd learn my lesson and stop my wandering, but it hasn't worked so far. Last up was my tendency to fiddle with things - often with damaging results. For whatever reason, I feel compelled to test how sturdy, flexible, well balanced, or bouncy the objects in my vicinity might be despite the overwhelming evidence that none of them will ever be sturdy, flexible, well balanced or bouncy enough to survive the trials. Maybe this time, it's just me. |
| My mother hates me. Me! Her only daughter! There is no other possible explanation for the gifts she has given my son over the years. The drum set. The Moonsand (sure it molds like dough, but it also crumbles up super fine just like real sand. You know, the stuff that takes six months to vacuum out of the car after your trip to the beach.), and now, the 799 piece Star Wars Lego AT-TE Walker. Turns out that no amount of experience assembling Ikea furniture can prepare you for the unspeakable frustration of trying to get an army of clone trooper mini-figures to grasp their wee little blasters.  Time to break out the vodka and cranberry juice again. |
| As I take down the old calender and hang the new one, I've gotta wonder. What now? I mean, I took some time to reflect on the old year. I pondered the usual questions: 1. What did I accomplish in 2008? 2. In what ways did I fail or fall short? 3. What, if anything, do I regret? 4. What was the biggest risk I took? 5. What will I do differently in 2009? I won't go into the the answers. It would probably take a full entry to cover each question, and to be honest, I'm tired of the introspection and reflection. I'm ready to look ahead. I will tell you though, that I played it safe in 2008. I clung to the status quo even when it stopped working for me, and I wished away more days than I care to admit. 2009 is still shiny and new, and I am feel myself responding to the Siren's song of possibilities. I have curbed my ambition to accommodate the needs of my family and to fit more neatly into the constraining reserves of my time and energy. I do not want to stay the course hoping that fate with intervene and hand me a winning lottery ticket in return for all my noble self-sacrifice. I need to make something different happen. Take some risks? I crave security. My tolerance of risk-taking is pretty low so I'm not going to take any big leaps like quitting my job so I can make a go of writing full time. I'm not thinking of anything on that scale. I want to learn how to design websites. I'm thinking of taking a class or classes in order to learn. Tony is all in favor of this because he sees the potential benefits for him and his website. His favorable outlook is important because I will need to carve out time to take a class, and Tony currently has the monopoly on extra-curricular activities. I want to learn so that I can launch my own website. I have a lot of ideas, but none of the know how, and I hate feeling stupid. How about you? What risks will you take this year? |
| About seven o'clock this evening, my son asked when the guests would be arriving. Much to his disappointment, there won't be any guest this year. The poor child looked so disappointed, but I'm kind of relieved to have a quiet night ahead of me. Except that I'm out of orange juice. What the hell am I supposed to pour my vodka into if I'm out of orange juice? Kind of sums up 2008 for me right there. It has had some good moments, but all in all I'm glad to see it coming to an end. Good riddance. Woohoo! Tony found cranberry juice. The future is looking brighter already. Cheers! *** Funny thing! Before the vodka renders me unable to type. We were watching Dick Clark's rockin' new years eve and they cut away to Dick Clark sitting in a studio somewhere. Zack looks up at the TV and says "Look! It's John McCain!" He may have been confused after watching Bill and Hillary drop the ball (like that was a first) and with Anderson Cooper strutting his stuff on the competing network. Politics, news, entertainment, old guys . . . who the hell can keep it all straight? |
| Well after the virtual group-hug that was yesterdays entry, I thought I would tie up some loose ends before the 2008 is over and done with . . . 1. Zack did not get anything even remotely like a squeaky cheese wheel for Christmas, and he had no complaints. He couldn't be happier about his back-scratcher, and it gets top billing whenever anyone asks what Santa brought him. This earns me some puzzled looks. Oh well, in the words of peachbug "Fuck it." 2. I uploaded a bunch of Christmas pictures into an album so that I could show partyof5  the igloo we made at my mother's house. Unfortunately, my picture doesn't really do it justice because I was shooting from inside the house where it was nice and warm. Invalid Photo #1018504 3. I completely forgot that I was running a contest! Note to self . . . Do NOT run contests in December. Now I guess I need to judge the entries. Had I remembered it sooner, I would have made some sort of plug reminding people about the deadline. Hell, I should probably just swear off running contest all together in '09. I feel a resolution coming on. 4. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something lewd . . . For confidentiality reasons, we try to control the flow of unauthorized folks wandering through our hallways at work. Apparently this has become an issue because I noticed new signs posted on all the doors: "Guests must be escorted at all times" Today I noticed a post-it note addendum on one of the signs that read: "Please ask about our escort services." 5. I wasn't sure I would be able to honor Scarlett   's rule of five, and I'm stretch a bit, but as it turned out, "erotica" seemed to be the theme for this Christmas. It started with the poem. Then I got a gift wrapped in the "Dirty Words" box. I don't remember that we ever had a Dirty Words game, but for the past ten years or so, the box to the Dirty Words game has been a Christmas staple. Every year someone gets a gift wrapped in that box, and part of the fun of Christmas is seeing who will get the Dirty Words box. This was my year! Also for Christmas, my sister gave me a book called XXX Porn for Women. It has picture of men in various exotic poses such as taking laundry out of the dryer with captions such as "Okay, darks in one pile, lights in another. And then I hand-wash your delicates, right?" "Mmmm. . . yeah . . . my delicates. Could you maybe turn this way a little more?" Now where was I? Oh yes, The book. The book is put together by the Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative, a group that is striving to make Choreplay a household word. Witness the online Urban Dictionary: Choreplay n. When a woman is turned on by the sight of her husband/boyfriend/partner doing regular household chores, that she would normally be doing. example: "Last night, it was all about choreplay. I was all 'OH YEAH, fold that laundry. Oh yes, just like that! In half and, then in half again. OHHH'" Tomorrow night at this hour, we'll be welcoming the new year, so I'll just end by saying . . . HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! |
| Today my friend Rebecca and I were reminiscing over lunch. We were talking about "The Dark Time" at work. The "Dark Time" started in the spring of 2006 when my department had a very poor showing during an external review. The review led to a lot of pain and misery as corrective actions were implemented and blame was meted out. It is hard to say when the Dark Time ended exactly, but it seemed to gradually abate after 14 or 15 months. As we were talking about the Dark Time today, I realized something I hadn't before. I joined WdC during the summer of 2006. It was my way of coping with the misery of work. The first item I posted in my port, "Civil Servitude"  , was about being stuck in a job I hated. A month later, after I was gifted an upgrade, I started a blog. The early entries resonate with unhappiness, and I'm amazed anyone read it. I continued to blog without ambition or expectations, and I found a place of laughter and friendship. My blog was born of Dark Time. It has carried me through the Dark Time and beyond, but it never would have lasted without the comments, and the caring of folks in Blogville. I guess what I am saying is thank you. "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." |
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