Quotes from a small (and not so small) Monkey
From a very young age, Monkey has amused us with the things that he comes up with. This blog was begun when he was quite small, and I have been adding to it (less so lately) for over seven years. |
He has always had a precocious way with words, and a genuinely brilliant sense of comic timing. One of his first nicknames was Monkey, and the name stuck because it is so true. He's impish, funny, silly, and occasionally swings from a tree or monkey bars.
The first byline of this blog was "my son will someday be a writer." As predicted, he has become quite a talented young writer.
I hope you enjoy his antics as much as I have!
|I haven't added to this in ages! Monkey's all grown up now (well... 18, so he thinks he's grown up, at least). But this popped up on my hubby's FB memories from 2011, and it's definitely worth sharing!
On the way home from work, with Monkey snacking in the car:
Dad: Oh rats, I forgot to make a call today.
Monkey: Do you want to use my banana?
|Monkey (calling from the other room): Mahhhm! Are dogs better people than cats?
Me (walks into room where Monkey sits): Nooooo. Everybody wants to be a cat. Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at.
Monkey: *double snaps, winks, and two thumbs up*
|Monkey's watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 2.
He's dancing around the family room going "where's the remote? I need to pee. Where's the remote? I need to pee."
He finally finds the thing . . . "don't die, Severus. I'm coming." And he runs out of the room, with Snape frozen on the tv screen.
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|So Monkey was chattering away in the shower . . . and chattering, and chattering. And perhaps not actually doing anything resembling cleaning. There was some odd conversation about whether it was better to be sane or insane.
Me: You know what would be even better?
Me: If you'd be quiet.
Monkey: Why would that be better?
Me: . . .
Monkey: You got nothin'!
D'oh! I've got plenty, but nothing that I want to share with you!
|Monkey was at the library with his friend this afternoon. This was our text conversation as they were heading back:
Monkey: We're coming home, we're coming home. We're coming home, coming home.
Me: Hee hee! We're here here here, we're here here here.
We did re re re re re re
Me: What happened to your banana?
Monkey: It turned purple.
Me: Oh dear. Like a minion?
Monkey. No they are pink
Me: No.. they're purple!
Monkey: No they are
Me: Dude. They're purple
Monkey: They are turquoise
Me: Turquoise is a greenish blue. And nothing like pink OR purple
Monkey. Fine it's purpink
And thus, a new color was born. We shall at it to the list of colors made up by members of our family. When I was little, I decided lavatory was a color.
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|Monkey's playing Minecraft.
Monkey: No no no! It keeps trying make me eat the porkchop! I don't want to eat the porkchop! I'm trying to dig with it.
Me: you're trying to dig with a porkchop? Do you not understand the concept of porkchop?
Monkey: But I don't have a shovel.
Me: Then by all means, use the porkchop.
|We were in the car, talking about language.
Monkey: Onomatopoeia sounds like 'anonymous pee-er.' "Mom, there's an onomatopoeia in the bathroom!"
Goldilocks: . . . Flush.
I almost crashed the car . . .
|So Monkey came in the house to tell me a story, and I completely derailed him.
Monkey: So, Mom . . . our only tennis ball left . . .
Me: It left?
Followed by 5 minutes of hysterics on my part. I can't breathe now.
|Bob: Why is there a little whale in here?
Monkey: Oh that? It's just a little whale?
Bob: How long has it been in here?
Monkey: A little whale.
|Monkey was attempting to help Bob prepare a box to ship. As the packing peanuts (the only sort of peanuts he's not allergic to) clung stubbornly to his arms, he determined:
Packing peanuts are foamnetic.
Quick, somebody call Merriam Webster!
|Today we bought a pretty wrought iron rack for a corner of the master bathroom. It has 4 tiers. As Bob carried it into the house, Monkey asked is that to put cookies on?
If you think I'm serving dessert in THERE you don't know me very well!
|*grumbling as he walks past me on his way toward the bathroom* Why is it that when I wash my hands I always have the sudden need to pee?
I dunno . . . magic perhaps?
|This morning, while getting ready for school: Do these socks look good on me?
They're stunning, little dude. Work the socks!
|What the . . . is that tree pooping out birds!?!
Oh golly, I sure hope not!
|Bob: What does it take to put you to bed and get you to stay there?
Monkey: Twenty dollars?
Which was really a better answer than mine (duct tape).
|After I prepared Monkey's pancake, this morning:
Man, you cut fast. I mean . . . woman, you cut fast!
|Just got this text from Bob:
Dad, Jake leaned over and whispered. I think I need a new girlfriend.
"Oh? Have someone in mind?"
Yes, her name is Frencesca.
Sure . . . I mean, after all, one simply CANNOT go into the first grade with the same old girlfriend.
|Dhoc-li Llama : Jake, what will it take to get you to be quiet?
Jake: A dollar or two?