Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1553962-Keeping-my-Sanity/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/3
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My journey to completing my first novel |
Size: 37 Entries
Created: April 27th, 2009 at 4:12am
Modified: July 12th, 2016 at 8:01am
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I've wanted to write for as long as I can remember. Penning my first story complete story when I was 10, a point horror and fear street fan I wrote about 4 girls at a boarding school getting haunted, stalked and killed. Then I grew up, sporadically wrote ideas and short stories, always letting life get in the way and not having time.
Now, two kids later (now 4 & 2), I find I want and need something that is mine. I tried making jewellery, zentangle and even my cleaning and beauty stuff (the deodorant is something we don't talk about lol). I stopped writing because I thought I had no ideas, wasn't good enough (for what? who knows) and that everything has already been done (black panther shape shifter tick).
A few meltdowns later I started writing for me, then I started getting ideas and wanted to pen them down and suddenly I had a grip on my sanity and was feeling a little bit happier and a lot less crabby.
Now I have to work out what to do with my ideas, I start writing, procrastinate, worry and then move on without finishing anything.
I tried snowflake method, the whole method is not for me but I really found writing the one sentence about the deep theme helped me to focus on what the story was about and not dwindle off in directions that have no point to the story.
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I am all stretched and relaxed, 2 hours of pilates and body balance and I feel really good. Relaxing in front of the TV is nice, Resident Evil Apocalypse is on at nine and I am looking forward to chilling and watching that. I cut down my smoking today, as hard as that was I definitely feel better for it and I am pleased that I have not ate more than normal too, am dreading giving up as I am terrified of putting on weight, I have worked so hard the past year and half to lose it and feel good about myself. I am sure I will be fine, I will just need to really concentrate on what I am eating.
Today was beautiful, so hot and sunny, long time since we have had that and I enjoyed immensely. The forecast says that we are in for a brilliant weekend, just as hot and as sunny as today and I can't wait. I have a quiet weekend planned, just chilling in doors writing, reading and watching films. Looking forward to getting the lounger out and reading in the garden in the summer heat. When it gets like this people go crazy as we are just not used to it.
Ah, I like feeling this good, this happy.
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I don't know what kind of funk I was in yesterday, today everything is clear and my goals lay before me, nearly within my grasp. I am not very patient and the waiting game is not one I play well, I tend to sit and actually wait which drives me up the wall as I don't like to be still unless it is whilst reading a good book. I like to have things to do, I don't make plans, I like to busy. Surprisingly I find myself looking forward to the weekend, I will be spending it in my own company with good books, good films and writing to my hearts content. Only things I will be doing is washing my car, which is in desperate need and a couple of visits to the gym. I am also giving up smoking tomorrow, so far this is not bothering me, I have decided to avoid all shops incase I end up eating far too much!
I don't know why but my ideas seem to pop in to my head when I'm in bed about to fall asleep. Usually I think I'll remember that as I really don't want to get out of my nice comfy bed as I have to get up at 6am. Then the inevitable, by the morning, the idea is there but not all of it, I can't remember what it was that gripped me in the first place. So last night I made myself get up and pen it down and I'm glad I did. Come the morning the idea still felt fresh and it seemed as though whilst I slept the idea grew over night and was waiting for me in the morning. |
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| I feel like I am swimming through thick swamp water, I am seeing everything through a thick fog. This is one of those days where you want to go home, crawl into bed and sleep through the rest of the day. I am struggling to form a smile, that seems like too much hard work when today I don't feel like there is anything to smile about. I hate when you feel stagnant, not moving backwards but not moving forward either. I won't go to the gym tonight, home and curl up with a good book sounds like heaven, I can almost feel the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth at the thought of escaping the day to day reality. So tired today, everything is taking far too much effort, just want to close my eyes and drift away. |
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I'm back, it's so easy to get sidetracked, life slips around you and you just get so caught up in the mundane. Not wrote anything for days, all the ideas that were popping and flowing are struggling to surface now. I think there is something in the write every day, doesn't matter what it is, just write.
Been reading some peoples blogs on the new (to the UK) weight loss pill 'alli' that has just hit the shelves. Some people have a way with words, they were very funny and had tears in my eyes. They had a point though. Why on earth would anyone want to take this pill, and at £3 a pill and 3 pills a day. Even the 'alli' website states the 'treatment effects' (notice not side affects), which is basically shitting yourself at anytime of day, suggests you carry extra clothes as you will be gassy and may pass an oil like substance (like what you would see on a pizza - I will not be eating pizza for a while) when farting. Jesus, people actually want to take this pill, it's flying off the shelves. Why put yourself through the public humiliation when all you have to do is exercise and eat healthy. The world is truly nuts. |
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| I went to a beginners spin class last night, first time I've done anything like that. It was pure torture, I didn't realise how unfit I was even though I go to the gym for an hour 3 times a week. I nearly fell off the bike by the time 45 minutes was over, I thought it would never end. I spent the last half hour wondering why people put themselves through this, I also realised how unco-ordinated I was, although my balance was not too bad I could stand and ride the bike at the same time! Despite all that when the class was over I was determined that I could do this and would get it, so I signed up for next weeks class. It was torturous fun, is that possible? |
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| Plastic ice cube trays are the worst invention ever, it is virtually impossible to get the ice cubes out unless you hammer it a few hundred times against the work top, they fly half way across the room and get coated in fluff and are impossible to use. |
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| Sun shines through the windows and a heavy breeze rustles the trees and bushes. A beautiful day, I feel light and optimistic. I can just see myself lying on a sun soaked beach, I am the only person for miles. The sun glints off the sea and I watch the waves roll in feeling completely relaxed. I can smeel the salt air and hear the waves breaking on the shore, I can seagulls calling as they fly overhead, there is not a cloud in the sky. The sand is hot and gets stuck in between my toes as I lay down to soak up the rays. In the distance I can just make out the fishing ships on the horizon. A perfect day. |
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| Windy and cold outside, the trees look like they are about to fall over the wind is so strong. Mist hangs over the hills, waiting for the night to come before it descends over us. The house is cold too, goosebumps cover my arms. No matter how high I turn the heat up I just can't seem to warm. I feel like the only person in the world. |
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| I smoked my cigarette in silence, comtemplating my empty head. My head feels like a black hole, no thoughts or anything going round in it, maybe I am at peace, this is a first. No imaginary characters jostling around in my head yelling at me, a new experience. I am a complete blank. It is a little un-nerving, there always seems to be so much going on up there, the silence is distracting. On the plus side I am feeling very relaxed and not stressed at all, like I can handle anything the world throws at me. |
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| Today has been a good day. Woke up feeling sublimely happy which is very unusual as I get up at 6am, not being a morning person I tend to grunt at people till at least 10. I woke up with a short story idea and once I started writing it couldn't stop, found my balls and put it up on my portfolio. I have received one piece of feedback that was very encouraging and gave my confidence a good boost, it's a nice feeling. |
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1553962-Keeping-my-Sanity/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/3
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