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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... 
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| Hello my sunny pals, I have finally found my courage. I am now at that place that everything is coming together and it is making sense. I am not caught up in some fantasy romance. Wow, it sure is nice to be back among the living. I use fantasy to grow. I use it to escape pain and rejection. Of course, it does usually create more problems for me in the long run. I just don't look at it that way honestly. When I come through on the other side that is when I get it. I get that I needed the break and I am stronger for having taken the long way around. I am going to be okay with my transitions. It's not like I am in a huge hurry. I finally arrived. I am going to take it one day at a time. It's been one long and lovely year. I love it here. I love what I am creating in my life. I am proud of the road I have traveled. I am still half way to my full goal of being me. I will get to my destination. I have not gone too far off that path that I can't find my way home. I am walking! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Okay I have to admit I forgot how bad Internet dating sites can be. I totally forgot that a pretty women like me has to be CAREFUL. Not only do I have to be smart, witty, and attractive. I also have to read past the bs and not offend anyone. I am not so graceful with that one yet. I am all about good karma. I feel bad to reject someone based on looks. It's just that I am not going to lie to myself. Honey I am not that shallow but honest. If I don't like the way you look, how am I going to sit across the table and seem interested? You know we are basic creatures and looks as shallow as it sounds are important. SO once I determine that I can handle the way they look, the conversations start. Only it turns out that I have to know within 2 words if I want to date that person. Whatever happened to getting to know someone before you agree to meet? Umm....Okay maybe the fact that your freaking out about dating me is not a good sign? I have much to learn and I like it. I am not doing anything more important at the moment. Okay that is a total lie and I should and need to be studying for my exam. I will. I am not going to get caught up in the crazy...Well, maybe just a little. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Did your momma ever tell you to be careful for what you wish for? That your thoughts are powerful and can bring about your reality? I know for a fact that I create my reality. I also know that pretending is not healthy for me. I can't make someone be ready when they are not. So I am out looking again. I think it started out as an April's fool joke on myself. I just need the reassurance that I am a good catch. I know I am beautiful, smart, and funny. But am I worth someones time? I like to think I am, now I just have to find someone who is worth mine! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Mother Nature is up to her old tricks. A little snow flurries after yesterday's amazing warmth. You have to love her as the number one tease in the world! I must get some of my playfulness from her! I want to be fooled into believing in love. I have this really strange feeling of being caged in. I am in serious need of some work or real play. This in between stuff is killing my soul. I need adventure and to get my son off the couch! I want to go do something but he keeps telling me NO! I need a day off with lots of laughs. Maybe I can get one today!! Fool Me! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunny pals, What are the odds that my sister and her family would be in the same Florida city as my daughter and her friends family? And almost sharing the same spot on the beach? Yep, I am a little jealous to say the least. I guess my day in the sun will come. All in good timing. Jackson and I are going out to brunch and will find our own destiny beach today. It's all in how you look at it! Happy Easter!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever colored a picture the wrong color? Is there even a wrong color? I am about to find out. I am meeting Annie today at the art studio and she wants to paint a yellow bunny. Not a pink bunny or a brown one. I am not sure why yellow but I can't wait to find out. I feel yellow and sunny myself. I am happy today and at peace with life. I have a long way to go to get my courage back and really roar my needs but I am on the right path. At least now I recognize my weakness. I see what needs to change and I am praying that those changes occur. It's one day at a time. I am loving this sudden spring weather and the sweetness of Easter. Maybe I should paint my bunny yellow too! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's almost beginning to look like Spring. It's been a long time coming. The ground is still frozen and we have a couple months yet to go until the real buds arrive. I love this season of renewal. It's so good for the soul to rebound and rejoice. I believe Easter and hope come right when I need it most. I have always loved the tradition of the Easter season. It never changes how it makes me feel. I am grateful for that. I feel content this year. Sure that all that comes my way is part of my renewal and plan. It's all good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am happy today! I am relaxed. I am confident. I am going to send my girl off on vacation. I am so happy for her! I am sitting here with my son and we both have the biggest smiles on our face. For no reason. I like that. I am seeing my emotional journey make sense. I am content with my choices and were I am at. It's been a long time coming. When I write out my bills, I always freak out. I look at the pattern of my spending and realize I am better without money. If I have any kind of extra I spend it. I am still not on the kind of budget I need to live off. I have one more year and I can get there. I have to start studying for my exam. I know June is going to be here before I am ready. Seems as if life is moving on and change is happening. One sweet moment at a time. I love it. Happy Day! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not always on top of my game. In fact, I am not good at instant replays and foul moods. Yesterday, the old Jackson showed up for a few minutes and it set me off on a rampage of anger. How fast we fall. I am not proud of my own behavior. I never will be when I can't keep it together. I know I am human and I make mistakes. I also know that I am trying to learn from them. I will keep trying. I won't give up on Jackson or myself. I have to push for what is right and loving. I am struggling with the truth and when Jackson tells me that everything is my fault. I believe him. I can't do that. That is total crap and I know it. I am not the fault of his behavior. He has to own that. I am only sensitive to his negativity but I can't let it own me. I keep learning that lesson. One day at a time and one moment after another. I will get back to wonderful. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I love a short trip to the store. Early morning shopping is the best! I like that I am nearing my first year anniversary of my apartment. I love it here and this has truly become my home. Now that I have been here I know what I want. I need to bring some life into the place. I am going to go out shopping later for some plants. I want a small tree and some herbs for my patio. I won't be able to get anything big but I am thinking something small would brighten up my place and my mood. It looks like winter still so I am I am trying to bring Spring to life inside. I need my own motivational light. I am proud of myself and I need to keep myself on track. It's all good and I like it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, My boy is down with another cold. He is fast asleep on my couch. I can't figure this year out. It must be his year to be sick. It's the end of another marking period and he is missing school. He has missed more days this year then any other year I can remember. In fact, he has never had this many colds or issues that have kept him away from school. All I keep hearing is his principal's comment that kids learn even when they are sitting and doing nothing in a full classroom. He is missing out just by being absent. I know this. I just have to get him well enough to attend school. This is a short week but I do hope I can get him back to school tomorrow. Only three days this week and Spring break starts. I don't have anything planned and I really wish I did. Savanna is heading off to Florida with her girlfriend. My sister's are off on family vacations and that leaves Jackson and I alone. I asked him if I could take him someplace but his comment was that "I would just ruin it". Oh the joys of parenting! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I know when you don't want to go to church that something is wrong. When you want to cover your head back up under your blankets and ignore the world. You are giving up! I do this once and awhile. I ignore the world. I live inside my head. I don't venture outside and I don't spread my joy to the world. I sit alone and think. It's part of my recovery. It's part of my personal journey to healing. Sure, I could go outside and pretend that I want to be a part of my community. I could motivate myself but for what purpose? Who am I trying to impress? I have to impress myself. I need God! I have to run now because I am going to be late and I need to push the covers off of me and run! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I know I asked this before about playing games. I keep doing it and I am tired of being on the losing end. I have to put some serious thought into what the heck I am doing and what I am allowing. Why am I strong inside my brain but not inside my heart? I have to face reality and I am not good at it. I am scared out of my mind but hey I can do it again. I am stronger then I realize. I am the wizard of my own fantasy land. I can have what I want. I have to be brave enough to expect it and accept it. It's a good day for thinking clearly. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I just found out about a friends death. I guess in one way Facebook does have some value. In the fact that the past is never that far away. It's kind of a strange feeling when you hear about an old friend dying. You realize your own life is so short. It's not like I was close to Paul. Heck the last time I seen him I was in my 20s. It's just that I remember how much fun we did have in school. He was older than me but that didn't stop him from trying to ask me out. I can laugh about it now. I will always remember him with a smile. I am sad that he had to suffer from cancer and I pray that his family can find some peace. Life is so short. Live it wisely and with LOVE! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Figures I would get audited by the State of Michigan for taxes. I mean sure why not? I have no money. I didn't make any money and I am filling single for the first time in 24 years. They probably wonder where I have been all these years... Peacefully living my life. Unaware of so much. I lived with my head in the sand. I took so much for granted. I am going to be forever grateful to Brian for all the years he sheltered me from reality. For all the years he took the brunt of all our financial worries. I had no idea and I am glad. I don't think I would have believed him. I wasn't ready for the truth. I believe every person has to "grow" up on their own terms. You can't make a person get it. They have to find the value in a lesson all on their own. I am still learning and will for a long time. I don't know if I will ever get used to being single but I will get less stressed by it. I like what I am learning and even the State of Michigan can't scare me! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have to keep reading words of wisdom. I have to keep my chin up and expect the best. I can't let a few bumps in the road keep me detoured from my life. I know that I am on the right path. I have to keep moving forward and to start believing in myself. I can live on less. I have too. I have to make more or spend less. It's so simple and yet hard for me to follow. I know why I love him because I can escape reality when I am with him. He is pure fantasy and I love living there. I like that reality hasn't bitten me in the ass yet. So far I have been able to keep my worlds from colliding. He is the Tin man and I am the Cowardly lion and we off to see the wizard. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I can't believe my luck. I can't believe that I am changing like the wind. I also can't believe what happened to me today. If you know someone your whole life but haven't talked to them in say 30 years. Do you think that is a person you would ask to borrow some money from? I am not even talking about a small amount either. I got a call today and this guy wanted me to bail him out of jail for the tune of $1500. I wouldn't even give my twin brother that kind of money. Let alone some stranger! WHY ME? Why ask me? I can't even get my mind wrapped around this. I feel like I am in a cartoon sketch. This is the most bizarre thing that has happened to me in a really long time. Don't get me wrong I would help a friend if I could. I am not a bad person and I do my best to send out good karma and love. However, do I have stupid printed on my forehead? Did I miss something? Should have I been looking for a clue that this person was going to use me for money? I remember thinking on Sunday afternoon it would be so nice if I could have someone spoil me for a change. Just to have someone pay for dinner and a movie. Nothing big but something kind. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I was thinking that Tim was just a friend I could hang out with and be friends with. Nothing more and nothing less. You know a friend. Not someone that is going to be a criminal. Not someone that is in trouble with the law. AND not someone that would be bold enough to expect me to pay their debt. To pay his bail for jail. WHO Does that? Wow! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you have a favorite movie? I have many but not many can compete with my true love of The Wizard of Oz. I love everything to do with this movie and book series. I was so excited by Wicked the play. I am over the moon for the Oz movie now. I seen it yesterday and am going back to see it today at am Imax theater. If you haven't seen it you need too. It's so colorful and fun. It reminds me of everything from the original only updated and way more fun! I love it and it will become my new classic and favorite film. I love OZ and someday I am going to live in the Emerald city. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, How do you measure a life in 18 years? I can't believe my nephew is turning 18 today and I feel like I haven't even had a chance to get to know him. It's funny how you always think you have so much time, but you don't! It is not something you can control. You have to make an effort to take control of what you want to do. I like having goals and today is a good day to work on some! Love, Michelle ps. Happy Birthday Dom! |
| Hello my sunny pals, Well I finally signed up for my state exam. I am not sure I am ready to put myself back in school mood to study but I knew I had to get it done. Now for the next few months I can push myself into being a student again. I need to refresh myself and the best part is I wanted to take the exam while the kids were still in school and they would help me. Nothing motivates me more then knowing my kids have faith in me. I will do my best to make them proud! Love, Michelle |
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