%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
|
Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 2017 has finally arrived, and with it have come extremely clear realizations. I've finally gotten to the root of my depression, and things make clear sense again. I've also come to the realization that I do indeed need a new therapist. One that I can bare my soul with. I know this sounds awful, but I need someone to hear me when life has me down, and I can't make sense of anything. I need someone to let me vent and be selfish, to allow my problems to mean something and give me the satisfaction of being heard, validated, and finding reason and solution within that time. Everyone tells me to lean on them in times of trouble, but I have a hard time doing that when #1-it involves the people I'm having issues with (the reason for this is because, I need to work things out on what to say to make amends with these situations. Don and I had the hash out to end all hash outs a couple of nights ago, and that's when the painful realization came to me. He's the one that shaped that time, so I wanted to lay blame on him for what happened, but when I did, it hurt and upset him. He didn't want to be told he hurt me, and that hurt him in the process. If I could've hashed this out with a therapist first, I could've found a better way to present it to him, thus not causing a rift between the two of us.), and #2-everyone's got bigger fish to fry in their own lives. I don't like being a burden on my loved ones or friends, so I tend to bottle it up, and end up making things worse in the end. A therapist gets paid to listen to me try to work things out, and gets paid to be an ear and help me through things. They're doing their job when they listen to me and help me work through things. It's not Don's or anyone else's obligation to do that. Journaling only helps so much, and considering that my hand can't seem to handle a long handwriting session anymore, and I don't feel comfortable talking about my actual problems online anywhere, I'm at a loss. Finding a good therapist can help unload this burden that I carry with me all the time. My life is not always sunshine and rainbows, and frankly, that's all Pat wanted to hear from me. If I have to hide my dark side and who I am and what makes me tick just to appease my therapist, then that's not the right therapist for me. Sometimes I don't want to hear the myriad of solutions, or being told "Grow up","Stop throwing pity parties" or, "I told you so". Sometimes, I just want to vent, and someone to say "You know, it sounds like you're having a hard time in your life right now, and I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay to feel this way. If you want help finding solutions, I'm here for you." That's what a TRUE therapist would do. At least, I hope so. I'm going to look into finding someone that can help me more this coming year. Because I live by the school calendar right now, to me, this is the middle of the year, in the year that encompasses 2016-2017. A lot of great things were accomplished at the beginning of the school year for my kids and my girls, and I couldn't be more proud. I hope that the 2017 portion of the year holds just as many accomplishments and good things as the portion of 2016 did. Break has been interesting to say the least. I don't know what exact mood I'm in these days, but there were a couple of days where I just wanted my day to myself, with no one but me and the cat...who usually ignores me. I found it quite odd, as usually I'm game for having everyone home with me. I'm not entirely sure where these feelings are taking me, but hopefully I can find a happy medium solution that benefits all involved. We've arranged a winter camping trip for our troop in February, which my girls are very excited for. I know they loved it when we went in September, so I'm hoping this time around, they'll love it just as much. Speaking of camp, Journey has decided that she would like to attend sleep away Girl Scout camp again this summer. I think her reasoning for not wanting to go at the beginning is because of just how sweltering hot it was, and how it was the middle of summer and she missed us terribly. She's decided that she'd rather go mid-August, right before her birthday, and just a couple of weeks before school starts. I hope she enjoys it. We're hoping to maybe get a friend in scouts to go with her this year, but I think even if no one does (no one did last year), she'll be okay. Things around here are changing every day. At this point, I'm somewhat nihilistic, so I just go with what's going on. I've lost the will to fight whatever changes come, so although I don't embrace them, I let them come, and try to figure out what to do to make it through. That's really all any of us, can do, right? |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
