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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| The final IEP meeting with LES has been scheduled for April 25th. This is what they call her transition meeting, going into middle school. I can't believe this is actually happening, we're actually getting ready to move her. While I'm super thrilled that she's moving up (there was a moment there when I feared they would hold her back, only because of her math grade currently, which has more to do with her bombing a test than anything else), it will be bittersweet to leave the halls of LES behind us. They were my children's first educational home. They are growing and flying now, and I will miss that school and their staff so very much, most especially Chrissy. Oh my god, I'm going to miss her so much. She's been my ears, eyes and heart with my sweet girl this whole time. I am hoping that Journey is going to be at the meeting with us. I would like her to talk about what she needs and what she thinks will help her. I'm already putting in word that she needs to NOT have Ms. Samuel. That would be a train wreck waiting to happen, and Journey doesn't need that pressure. I want to make middle school work for her, but I'm not exactly sure how at this point. I'm hoping that Journey herself will have some better answers for us all. Some days, I find it hard to believe that Journey is going to middle school. So much of her presents like a smaller, younger girl. Sometimes I get confused, and think she's 9, when in actuality, she's already almost over half way to 11. I remember when she was a baby, and I was just dying for her to hit her milestones, and grow. I wanted her to be old enough to crawl, walk, sit, play with her brother, talk...I think when she was 3, it hit me harder than it ever did before, and I kept saying "something's wrong, something's not right, something's going on...what's happening?" In a way, her autism diagnosis has helped so much. It helped get her the services and help that she needs, and it gave us some answers and insight to what's going on with her. She's such an amazing girl. Sometimes it feels like she's still so little, and has so much farther to go, and sometimes she surprises the hell out of me, and shows me just how far she's come. This weekend we had a cookie booth, it was the last one of the season, and she would call out loud and proud that they had Girl Scout cookies, and it was the last day to buy. She is like me in many ways, but she is also not like me. Next year, I'm going to walk her to and from the bus stop every day, just like I do now, but it will be much earlier and a bit farther. She won't get the luxury of the bus coming to her, she'll have to walk to get to it. I don't mind either way. We'll see what she has to say about it. I worry about her though, because she's so tiny, even for a 10 year old, and she doesn't yet know how to protect herself. I'm seriously considering a workshop for my girls when they're Cadettes to learn self protection. Ryan's a big kid, I trust he can take care of himself, and I don't think he'll be messed with nearly as much as Journey will. I worry about her all the time. Not that I don't think she's capable, not at all. I just am scared that she's going to get taken advantage of, and something horrible could happen to her. I don't know if this is because she's a girl, or because she's tiny, or because she has autism, or because she's so sweet and agreeable, or a combination of all of the above, but I feel it's my duty as her mom to go and protect her as she goes off to middle school, as best as I possibly can. If that means walking her to and from the bus stop every day, I will do it. I was telling Don the other day about how I might be more willing to allow Ryan to move away from us, across the country or whatnot, but that I really wanted to be where Journey is. That doesn't mean I want to keep her living in the house with us forever, it just means that I worry about leaving her behind here in Maryland if we decide to go back to Colorado after the kids have graduated. I don't want to leave her. I want to stay close to her, to take care of her and keep her safe. So, April 25th will give us some ideas and answers about what we're going into when middle school comes. I'm hoping this transition is easy on all of us. |
| The other night on Facebook, I posted a picture of a pencil that we received at a rising freshman orientation that we visited at a local high school. The caption I wrote for the photo was that we attended the orientation, and that things were going swimmingly, entering the walls of the high school with Ryan. However, once they handed me the pencil with the words "Class of 2021" printed on it, I began to cry. It made it so much more real. There's an end date to this; it's not just "in the near future". It's no longer an uncertain date. No matter which high school Ryan attends, he will be known as the graduating class of 2021. That will be his class moniker for the entire 4 years they attend there. In an interesting turn of events, each local high school has something called an "Academy", which focuses on certain aspects of curriculum. Ryan received a special letter in the mail from one of the high schools, courting him and asking him to apply for their National Academy of Finance. It's a very highly touted program, and he's been pre-selected because of the amazing grades he's had in middle school. He was then also asked to apply for the Academy of Visual and Performing Arts, as his clarinetist skills are amazing. Both of these academies are housed in a school that's out of our district; however, they do have a bus hub system that picks up and drops off at the local elementary school that the kids attended (well, technically, Journey is still attending until June of 2017), so he would easily be able to get to that school. He did send in applications to both, and is looking towards getting his audition information for the AVPA soon. We will also be attending a private reception for the NAoF on the 13th, that starts at 5 pm. I have never seen a high school court a middle schooler, a la colleges courting high schoolers, before in my life. I started to get ideas of what his junior year could start to show, with colleges sending letters, asking him to apply to their school. Truth be told, Ryan is in a far greater position to attend college than Don and I ever were. I am cautiously optimistic for his future. I know that anything can happen, but I'm excited for him to see what unfolds. Right now, he's mulling over his options. He also put in another application to the SMYOC, which is a youth orchestra in the local area. He tried out for them his 7th grade summer, and was told that without private lessons, they did not foresee him in their ranks. He was greatly disappointed, as was I, and then he turned around and made Tri-County Honor Band as the only 7th grader in his middle school. His perseverance astounds me. To me, Ryan has always been one of the most amazing kids I have ever known, and I don't just say that because he's my son. Ryan has always been advanced for his age, physically, mentally, emotionally. He surprises me all the time, and I am bursting proud to be his mom. He's one of the most amazing humans I've ever had the pleasure of knowing personally. I love him with my entire heart. Watching him accomplish all he's accomplished so far just fills me with so much pride and appreciation. It's real now. This is really happening. I hear the next four years are going to be a roller coaster and fly by quickly...I hope we have time to savor a few things and enjoy the ride. |
| I was always under the impression that my kids were different-they didn't pine to be part of the in crowd, or have what other kids have. They always struck me as the kinds of kids that were grateful for what they had, and were happy with the friends and people that loved them, and didn't need anymore attention or affection than that. While part of this is true, it wasn't until last night that it actually hit me that they long to belong as well. Not in a brand specific, look specific kind of way, but in similar ways. Journey longs to grow up, and wear grown up things that her friends wear. I just recently purchased her an article of clothing that immediately boosted her confidence, and although at this time she doesn't need the clothing, it made her feel like she's actually the age she is. She feels grown, like she's ready to take on middle school now. She longed to have what her friends have, and need. Although she doesn't need it just yet, it was that longing to have it that set her there. Last night, Ryan was playing on Steam with some chums on Rocket League. He admitted frustratedly to them that he can't use a game controller to play, because we can't afford one right now. The dejection in his voice as he admitted this had me almost heartbroken. He longs to keep up with his friends, and be able to play as well as they play. Unfortunately, our budget doesn't allow for that, so he has to get along as he is right now. It would be so much easier for him if we could just get him the game controller, but again, that's not how the budget works. But my question still remains...why do they feel they have to compete or impress these other kids? What is it that makes them feel they need something in order to belong, to be considered normal? I remember when I was in middle school, a friend of mine had an Adidas jacket that I longed for. I never got it, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it. In fact, I don't even think my parents knew, other than the couple of times I mentioned the jacket. Perhaps I notice it more from our kids because I'm very in tune with them? I hate that they have to go through this adversity, but at the same time, it's good for them to realize, you can't just get what you want because your friends have it. Sometimes, it's just not in the budget. Sometimes, it's not a good idea, or it's not something you're ready for yet. I don't want them to start comparing themselves to those that have different life experiences than them. No one has it easy, even if they do get things handed to them all the time. I know it's hard for them, but I hope they understand and appreciate as they get older. Journey already recognizes and understands the value of a dollar. Ryan, to some extent, does too. He's much more vocal though about the things he wishes he could get, whereas Journey realizes just how much things cost these days. I know right now they're pretty grateful kids who don't ask for much, and I feel that I can't get them what they'd like, but, money dictates at the moment, and outfitting them with clothes that fit and shoes that fit are much more important than game controllers and Nintendo Switches. |
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