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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I am a planner. Ever since Don and I got together, I have been. Before anyone else was in my life, I flew by the seat of my pants, never caring really where I ended up or what I was doing. I was under the belief that something would always turn up. Ahhhh, the life of a young adult whose only concern is herself. Now that my life involves 4 other beings, I find myself trying to plan for as much as possible, for the sake of stability. It helps calm my mind to know that I have something up my sleeve just in case something should happen. It's not always foolproof, but I've found that 8 times out of 10, when something goes down, and I have a back up plan to get us through, I'm a lot more calm and rational. I can keep us afloat and keep moving forward, hardly missing a step. I've made an art out of turning full fledged panic into plans A-Z and thensome. The end of childhood for both of my kids is drawing to a close. One is soon to be 11 and in middle school, the other 14 and entering high school. I have been heartily warned that the last 4 years of his public education will go by quite quickly, which I realize is probably true. This means that Journey's 3 years in middle school will fly by as well, and the next thing I know, I'll be looking at a freshman and a senior. This realization has led me to a lot of panicky, restless nights. It has also brought me to other realizations, such as the fact that Maryland is a very expensive place to live. This particular area is very expensive, and where we are right now at this time is the only place that we can really afford here. Truth be told, it was never our intention to be here forever, and if we did stay, we'd literally have to stay in this apartment for the rest of our time. There's really nowhere else to go within this area that we can afford, even if I did get a job, at say, Food Lion or something of the sort. Don and I have talked in semi-deep discussions about making a return to Colorado, after all is said and done. I've cried many times though, thinking that we would be leaving the kids behind, or leaving the kid's only known home behind. I know that the kids are just as sentimental as I am, and I don't want to hurt or crush them. However, we would love to return to where this all began. Last night, the kids and I talked about it all. I know that after Ryan finishes high school, he would like to look into college, like a 4 year university college. He asked if it was possible to go to one in another state, which I explained is completely possible. I did want him to know though, that if he chose a school close to here, we wouldn't leave him here to fend for himself while we moved cross country. Likewise, Journey has told me that she does NOT want to attend a university. She cannot bear the thought of leaving out of our house to attend school in a completely different area. I explained that it's quite simple to take community college courses while staying at home with us, which she was over the moon about. While I am buoyed by the fact that my children are looking to further their educations, I really don't want to leave them behind here. So, we started talking. Ryan said that if he does attend a university in the area, he would be willing to make the move to Colorado with us, if we would let him finish out his fourth year of university to do so. I explained that that wouldn't really be too much to ask, and also told him that if need be, all accredited colleges transfer many credits over, so if we did make that move, he could also attend another university somewhere else as well. We'll see how that all plays out a bit later though. As for Journey, she told me that she'd be willing to wait with us for Ryan to finish out, and that she would like to attend a community college after we've moved. I am quite pleased with this idea, and I love the fact that she's willing to make the move with us. I'll be sad that the kids will be moving away from most of their childhood friends, and I'll be sad that I'm moving away from my girls, but the time is coming, and we must start planning for it now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and brighter by the minute, and I want us all to be prepared for what may come. My heart is so full, knowing that the kids would like to make the move with us. We are such a tight knit family, so close together, and always wanting to be close. I don't want to be far away from my kids. I want them to be at least a state over where I can easily visit them, and help take care of their little ones when it's time, etc. The talk last night helped bring some peace to me, both in the present, and for the future. Instead of fearing what's going to happen to us, I'm more willing to look forward to these next 7 years without as much hesitation. |
| Last year should've hit me harder, as Ryan became a full fledged teenager. However, in the next 4 days, Ryan's going to turn 14, and it differs so much from 13 in so many ways. Firstly, he was still in middle school when 13 hit. It wasn't too big of a change. He was just starting teenagehood, and though it's a big milestone, 14 seems so much bigger, because it means he's off to high school in the fall. Much like middle school, I can't seem to wrap my head around this one very well. I have no choice but to cope with it as it comes. I still find it hard to believe that Journey's going into middle school this coming year as well. 11 still seems so young. There are occasionally times where Ryan shows his teenage-ness, groaning, rolling his eyes, mumbling "Whatever" under his breath, but they are few and far between for now, I'm happy to say. I love him so much, and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. This whole raising a teenager is new to me, I've never done it before. So far, he's making it a little easier on me. We'll see what the household dynamics are going to be like in a couple of years when Ryan's 16 and Journey's 13...should be interesting to say the least. Ryan and his best friend are going to have a hang out session on Thursday in lieu of a birthday party for Ryan, as all his friends that would be guests are going to be gone at that time. I'm glad that his best friend is making time for him though before they head out for the summer. Ryan doesn't get to spend a lot of time with him since they've been going to different schools. I hope Journey gets to spend some time with friends as well. We got to see her good friend Ben the other day, which they were both thrilled about. Those two also don't get to see much of each other because of attending different schools. Hopefully everyone keeps in touch. |
| Today was Ryan's 8th grade promotion. We took Journey out of school today for her to come see it with us and support her brother. We were given a ride by one of Don's soccer parents, which was very nice. I went out and jinxed us on the car we were looking to get-it seems the owner had a change of heart, and decided to keep it. Quite maddening for us, as well as those who continue to give us rides to the things we need to be at, but, luckily, some really great friends have stepped up to help. It was a fantastic ceremony, and I'm proud to say that I didn't cry at all this time! That's not to say I won't cry ever again, or at another ceremony for Ryan-I'm willing to bet I'll cry at his high school graduation...possibly. Not sure yet! I'm almost certain that I'm going to cry at Journey's 5th grade promotion tomorrow, however. I'm bringing the camera and a whole bunch of tissues with me, just to make sure!! I find it neat that this will be the first, last, and only time that Journey and Ryan will ever "graduate" at the same time. Being spaced 3 years apart, when Journey promotes from 8th grade, Ryan will be in 11th grade. When Ryan graduates high school, Journey will be a freshman in high school that year. If Ryan goes the college route and completes his associates, Journey will be in 11th grade. When Journey graduates high school, Ryan will hopefully be in his 3rd year of college, and if Ryan graduates with his bachelors, Journey will have been removed 1 year from high school. Saturday, we have our bridging ceremony for my troop girls. Ten of them are coming back as Cadettes next year, and I cannot be more thrilled about that than I already am. I love these girls so deeply, they mean so much to me. To know that they've been continuing with me since Daisies and Brownies is just amazing to me. One of my girls and I worked together to iron on and sew all of the insignia yesterday. She's been working on her sewing skills, and I am super proud for all the hard work she put in to all those vests yesterday. We did it as a gift to each girl, so that way all her insignia would be placed on correctly. (Heaven knows, there are a few parents in the troop who haven't really looked at the insignia placing form when I hand them to them!) I hope they appreciate all the hard work that she put into it. I know I do! All in all, these last 3 days are all about new beginnings. I'm hopeful to an eventful and fulfilled future. |
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