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 |  A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
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Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
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[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
Artist: Sufjan Stevens Song: Chicago [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  Prompt: How has your idea of lockdown/quarantine changed since the beginning of this month?"JAFBG" Prompt: Tell us your worst fears in regards to the current situation and the consequences thereof.I realized today that the same people who said in 2016 that we should vote Trump in "just to see what happens" are the same people who are now saying that we should lift Covid-19 restrictions "just to see what happens." Where did all these kamikazes come from?? We don't have to try out everything just to see what happens. We have these things called science and statistical modeling that help us determine what will happen in a given scenario before we choose that scenario. And then we can actually use those findings to make informed decisions. That’s just a random thought that came to me today and I thought it was appropo for this prompt. Quarantine begins. I’ve actually been in lockdown longer than the average person in the US probably. I’m sitting at 7 weeks right now of only going to the grocery store 3 times a month. Nothing else. I wanted to self-isolate in the beginning. I had been quietly monitoring the spread of this virus since the beginning of January. When I heard Trump say that only 15 people in the US had it and that number would soon be zero, I thought, Oh man, we’re fucked. This was on February 9th. I was monitoring the spread in other countries as well. I remember watching Italy and watching the cases popping up in my own city. My coworkers had me convinced that I was losing it. They would tell me, “Well, we’re not Italy. That’s not going to happen to the US.” They has me convinced for a while too. I was sitting at my desk during the first week of March thinking, Get it together, Charlie, don’t let your OCD do this to you. You’re still new here. You’re overanalyzing things. It’s just the OCD. Well... fuck that and fuck those people who gaslighted me into questioning what was right in front of my eyes. I walked out of work soon after that day and called my boss and begged him to let me start working from home. I was like, “If I’m wrong, I’ll accept that, but let me make that choice for myself.” And he apprehensively said okay. A week and a half later, everyone at the office was working from home. The first few weeks. I was doing really well the first few weeks of quarantine. I felt much safer at home and could actually focus on my work for the first time in a while. I was feeling lucky to have my job and to be able to easily work remotely without disrupting the work flow of my department. People quickly saw how responsive and hardworking I was at home, and suddenly everyone seemed okay with it. Right after, everyone else followed suit anyway and the fact that I was the first person to make a scene about it kind of faded away. I was almost happy during these weeks too because I got so much time back in my day without having to wake up early to commute or deal with the 5 o’clock traffic. I easily found 3 more hours in my day to sleep and relax. I was more productive than I’d ever been in the office, and people noticed. I’ve gotten several comments from people asking how I possibly finished something so quickly or did something so thoroughly in the allotted time. During this time, all my friends and family also switched to working remotely, so my mind relaxed a lot. I allowed myself the freedom to push the news away a little bit and that was really the best thing for my mental health at the time. Now that I felt safe and felt secure that my loved ones were safe, I didn’t really need to glue myself to it 24/7, so this was the most peaceful few weeks I had in a long time. Beginning of April. End of March/beginning of April is when cases really started spiking exponentially in the US and of course my unease crept back in then. The economic impact became more evident when we saw so many job layoffs and unemployment claims coming in. There were so many people who were ill but were refused testing. There were a lot of medical staff working without proper PPE, people dying alone, etc. Kind of hard to live in your little bubble and just be happy that you’re chill when all these horrible things are happening. The state restrictions kept getting extended, as they should, but it started kind of becoming more evident that this might be a long-term thing. When I initially requested to work from home, I was asking for the immediate time being without even thinking about the future weeks/months/years. I was still mentally doing okay-ish, still thankful for what I have and just wishing I could help everyone else. But being in the house with my thoughts for weeks was definitely starting to wear on my mind. Second half of April - AKA now. That brings us to the past couple weeks. They’ve certainly been rough. Somehow April has gone both quickly and excruciatingly slowly. Work is still going well, but somewhere in the month my anxiety came fully roaring back. Full on nighttime panic attacks, lack of sleep, racing heart, random aches and pains, asthma attacks, etc. have wrecked my schedule and my peace of mind. The push for states to reopen has increased my anxiety tenfold. While I can clearly do my job from home, I worry that my company will force everyone back into the office the second some of the restrictions are lifted. Going to the grocery store is extremely stressful and seeing random citizens in medical masks to pick up milk feels surreal and nearly caused me to dissociate. While I understand the push to reopen due to economic needs, the fact that it has become a partisan issue actually sickens me. Seeing people break social distancing mandates to protest state lockdowns while holding Trump 2020 signs and waving rebel flags tells you everything you need to know about the state of the US right now. I’ll leave most of the political ranting to lizco252isback (  ), but I honestly don’t know how this country is going to fare in the impending recession. I’ve seen multiple Trump 2024 bumper stickers, signs, and online posts. If we don’t get him out this year, we could very well see a dictatorship in a few years here. His supporters are a cult. Not a single person has been able to coherently explain to me why they support him.I have family members who are well-educated telling me that Bill Gates created the virus, that Trump is joking when he says something absolutely insane (because joking during a worldwide pandemic that is killing hundreds of thousands of people is reasonable), and that it’s a violation of their human rights to say they can’t go get their nails done at the salon. As with my boss on Covid-19, I will happily be wrong on this topic. However, with your quarantine time, I implore you to sink your teeth into some research on the rise of previous dictators and tell me that you see no similarities. Rabid supporters who believe their chosen one can do no wrong? Supporters who will believe their chosen one’s words over any contrary evidence? Supporters who believe they are serving a greater moral good that thus negates any action that ever could have been deemed immoral? An impending or active severe economic downturn that causes those supporters to double down? Hey, didn’t we see one of those before that led to something heinous? I don’t know what the answer is to opening the economy back up. I don’t know when that should happen. I don’t believe that just doing it will result in the majority of people re-entering society. We also don’t know if this will create further spread of the virus. There will be much more job loss and despair either way. But I do know for certain that I will not be listening to anyone who suggests in any way that potentially injecting disinfectant into patients could cure the virus. Whether he was joking or not, and we all know he wasn’t. We’re doing that thing where we pretend he was joking because even Trump supporters know how incredibly unintelligent that statement was. It quite frankly sounds like something my niece would have suggested as a possible solution when she was seven. The fact that they think saying that he was joking is even remotely better- during the middle of a fucking pandemic, is astonishingly horrifying. I don’t know where we’ll be after this is all said and done. There are so many unknowns at this point and it’s pretty scary. If I was crying In the van, with my friend It was for freedom From myself and from the land |
Artist: Bright Eyes Song: Nothing Gets Crossed Out [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] "JAFBG" Prompt: Screw gratitude. List all the things that you're NOT grateful for right now.I'll preface this rant by saying that I have a lot to be grateful for right now. However, I'm still going to complain as I please, so, what's up.  Here's my list of things I am NOT grateful for right now:Like a pendulum. I cannot deal with the fucking back and forth on shit right now. Like, "Hey, maybe we should open shit up!" "Wait, maybe we shouldn't!" "Maybe we'll be back at work in mid-May." "Maybe we'll still be working from home in August." Fucking hell. It's so agitating to me that companies that are perfectly capable of telework are even waffling on this issue. I've been working 50 hours a week from home and I've been way more productive than I ever was at the office, cuz guess what? I don't have people distracting me all day by showing up in my office to talk about sports or some shit. And yet, even my manager and coworkers are regularly 'evaluating' whether we should stop teleworking. Why the fuck would we? What is the urgency? We're still fully operational. No one has been laid off or furloughed. Like, we're fucking chill so maybe just chill? Not to mention all the states that are going back and forth on whether to open up or when. I get that it's a big decision. It's an important decision. But in my opinion, if your daily growth rate of cases is still increasing, why are you even discussing it like it's reasonable to open up? I mean, I know why, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. I'm basically an expert. To go along with the above, you have all the people who just do not fucking get it. I took a ton of economics courses at university and I'm still limited in economic knowledge. But what I will say is that rushing to open up is not going to help the economy. I heard a coworker say gem the other day: "If we don't open the economy up soon, there isn't going to be an economy to open up!" First of all, what? There's always going to be an economy, it could just be in a depression, in which case it will eventually cycle out. But that's pedantic. What I mean to say is that: A) Just because you say "Okay, the economy is now open!" that doesn't actually mean anything. There are an absolute boatload of people who are not going to run out to restaurants and shopping centers when the lockdowns lift. People are scared. So, yes, it's great that they think they're going to save the economy by allowing people to get a haircut, but we still have to see how that plays out. Everyone I've talked to has told me they won't be rushing out to do things that aren't necessary. B) Even if people DO rush out to do non-essential activities, there's no saying that in two weeks or a month those areas won't be absolutely swamped with the virus. In which case the hospital system will become overloaded, lockdowns will have to be re-instituted, and there will be a huge loss of life. Ostensibly, the result of that would be further economic collapse. Then when the lockdowns lift again, people are even more terrified to go out, and guess what? Even more economic collapse. So, nope, not grateful for these 'experts' and the same goes for the "We should all just go out and get it at the same time so it will be over faster!" crowd. Loud neighbors. Oh man, what a terrible time to have obnoxious neighbors. My downstairs neighbors are fucking terrible people and here's why. They absolutely blare dupstep music, like, con frecuencia. I was on a conference call and someone on the call was like, "Um, are you listening to music?" Well, fuck me, Debra, I'm not trying to be. I've asked them multiple times even before the pandemic to turn their music down because it's shaking my floors and walls. I even almost got into a fight with the dude back in January. It bothers Kira a lot more than me generally speaking, but now that I'm home 24/7 and I'm trying to work, it's even more aggravating. I also happen to be a petty little bitch so I've been waking them up at six o'clock every morning by accidentally dropping shit on the ground and exercising. Perfect time for jumping jacks, right?  They said that I keep waking them up when they're trying to sleep. Bummer, bro!Social media and the 24/7 news cycle. I don't pay attention to social media, unfortunately, I live in a society. Family members and friends are fucking constantly sending me stupid shit they saw on social media or unreputable news sites. I don't know how many fucking times I've been like, "Oh, hey, that's bullshit and here's the unbiased evidence from 2 fucking seconds of googling. And then they're just like, "Oh, I thought it was real." Based on what??? You thought it was real because someone on Twitter whose profile picture is a potato in sunglasses posted it? Why the fuck would you think that's a legit source of news? Just today my ma sent me a link to some sketchy-ass site that said the virus will be killed by 75 degree fahrenheit temperatures. I immediately looked at the site and it had like some super weird Russian propaganda and a bunch of other false news claims on it. When I pointed that out she said the same thing everyone says, "Oh, I didn't see that. I thought it was real." GUYSSSSSSS, fucking read something other than the headlines or one-liners while scrolling through stupid shit on your phone. Dig in even just a tiny amount. It will do you so much good in filtering out complete and utter trash. Not everything is about the virus. And at last, the final thing I'm not grateful for at all right now. The fact that everyone is using this virus as an excuse for fucking everything. For example, I and many other people I know, have attempted to get healthcare and support for chronic conditions that are pre-existing to this virus and been totally brushed off. I had a telehealth call with my doctor earlier this week because their office is closed. I told him that my asthma doesn't seem to be under control very well right now and I'd like to know what my options for treatment are at this point. He said, and I'm quoting, "Maybe you're just stressed out and anxious because we're hearing that a lot now with the virus." My dude... I have fucking ASTHMA. You are the person who diagnosed me. I'm asking about treatment for the condition you diagnosed me with, and you're brushing it off by saying maybe I'm anxious? My breathing is balls right now. Wanna help me take care of that as my doctor? I've heard the same from several friends and family members who have made attempts to get treatment for various things. We can't just spend the next however long until we get a vaccine brushing off healthcare for other medical ailments. That's a fucking problem. The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts My head is a carousel of pictures The spinning never stops |
Artist: Bright Eyes Song: Poison Oak [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] #SaferAtHome "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Which items in your home have a story of how they came to be there.Well... I've had a highly unproductive few days. I lost 80% of my weekend because I was taking pills and sleeping. Which is annoying because I have work all week now. I actually fell asleep "at work" today. AKA I fell asleep on my couch and slept most of the afternoon. I really need to get my shit together for the rest of the week. It's hard to get motivated right now. I need to get out of the house or exercise or something. I haven't really been going outside because my seasonal allergies and allergic asthma have been terrible. I can't really breathe properly and that's even worse if I try to go for a walk or something. Just keep telling myself I'm doing the best I can even though I could probably do better. But anyway, about shit in my house... I’m very deliberate in what I buy for my place. We don’t have a lot of space and I have a minimalistic style. I absolutely can’t stand clutter of any sort. I go out of my way to make sure everything is the same color scheme and just clean. What I’m saying is, I’m probably the worst person for this prompt. Anything in my house is there by design and was just bought because it fit my aesthetic and what I needed. I move fairly frequently too and I get rid of anything I don’t absolutely need when moving.I guess I do have some books that I just happened upon while digging through secondhand shops while on trips. I have a really cool copy of Wuthering Heights. It’s a limited edition copy. It doesn’t sell for much, only around $80, but my brother got it for a quarter at a thrift shop so that’s pretty cool. I also stumbled upon an entire box of R.L. Stine books that I was in love with as a kid. I got the whole collection for like $7 which is a really good price because they don’t actually sell that cheap even though they’re not collectors books or anything. If I ever buy a house I’m going to have a dedicated office/library and then I’ll get a lot more physical books. For now, they’re too difficult to move so I just have a small bookshelf. The sound of loneliness makes me happier |
Artist: The Story So Far Song: Clairvoyant [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] #SaferAtHome "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What will you never take for granted again once we are no longer quarantined?That's a loaded question because my first thought probably isn't even applicable. When I read the prompt I thought: Just feeling safe/normal being around large groups of people. But then I realized that's not going to happen. I mean, if the quarantine was lifted right now, would you run to a sold out concert? I sure as fuck wouldn't. I mean, I'd love to be able to go to a busy place and have things feel normal, but when is that even going to be possible? And it's not just ourselves we have to worry about- it's everyone around us. Even if I'm okay with getting this illness, am I cool with being the one passing it around and killing people? Of course not. I don't know when the quarantine will be over, but the effects of it are likely going to be longer term. I mean, at the very least until we get a vaccine which will be a year or two or who knows how long. So really, when the quarantine does lift, I'm still not going to feel safe or normal being around large groups of people. But I do have diagnosed OCD that revolves around things like contamination. So who knows, maybe everyone else will be good to go. Here are some things I can look forward to and not take for granted once the quarantine lifts:  Seeing the people I care about. It's getting really long now that I haven't seen my friends and family. It'll still be several more weeks at least. I have a nephew that was born just the week before the shelter in place order started. I won't get to meet him for the first time until he's a couple months old at least. I'm lucky to be in lockdown with Kira because I care about her more than anyone, but it still sucks to not see my friends I was seeing every weekend before this. I won't take that for granted soon. Essential workers. I don't take these people for granted to begin with, but these medical staff, cleaning staff, grocery workers, delivery drivers, etc. are so clearly the backbone of our society. We desperately need these people and we need to treat them like we need them. Receiving healthcare. Imagine being able to use the health insurance we spend hundreds of dollars on per month. Like, I totally get it, the system is swamped. I'm not saying they should see patients for routine things during the pandemic. All I'm saying is that it will be really nice when I can call my doctor and be like, "Hey, my breathing is being shitty." And he can be like, "Oh hey, come in and let me listen to your lungs." Freedom to go places. I was thinking earlier that I need to get a new computer chair because mine's busted. But then I was like, oh right, pandemic, never mind. I dunno how many times I've done that in the past month. Once this is all over it will be really nice to be able to just say, "Oh hey, I need to run out and get this thing" without it being this huge life or death deal like do I really need to step out of the house. Do I really need to subject myself to people and them to me? Normal grocery shopping. It's just the worst right now. Lines to get into the stores, tons of stock outs, trying to stay 6 feet away from people in these tiny aisles, face masks and gloves littering the parking lots. It's like the biggest reminder right now that we're in the middle of a pandemic and every week or two when we have to go to the grocery store it's just anxiety-inducing. Then for several days after all I can think about is how I'm waiting for us to show symptoms because we surely picked the virus up or the whole apartment is contaminated now because the packages were brought inside. I can't wait to just go to the grocery store at night like I normally do and have it be empty and fully stocked. No news = Good news. Can you imagine when we look at the news and they're just talking about some basic irrelevant bullshit? Like, I know there are things happening in the world other than the virus, but that's all I've heard about for weeks. It'll be nice when we turn on the news and the top story is like, I dunno, the president wore a tan suit. Remember those days? This is your life, there's no way to run from it The doubt in your brain, or the pain in your stomach |
Artist: The Wonder Years Song: Local Man Ruins Everything [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] #SaferAtHome "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What is the most ridiculous thing about what's happening this month?I don't know if it's the most ridiculous thing, but the wildest thing to me is that people are literally waiting in lines to get into the grocery store... in April. It's something I couldn't even fathom a month ago. Lines wrapped around the building for, like, eggs. That's just something you never expect to see. So that's my short answer to the prompt. But there are other ridiculous things about this month, don't worry... Election who? I know I've been avoiding the news, but am I the only one who hasn't heard a single word about the presidential election in weeks? Aren't we supposed to have our 2020 Dem candidate announced in June? I know there's a pandemic and all, but how convenient for Trump that no one is even mentioning that he could be gone at this time next year. Who's essential? Anyone else notice that a metric fuckton of people are now "essential" employees? I saw the Baskin Robbins mascot that stands on the corner with a sign and waves people to the drive-thru is an essential employee. They really gave employers a lot of leverage there. GameStop tried to say they're an essential employer. You can't trust companies to do the right thing. That's one of the only guarantees in life. But I'm bored.I totally feel for everyone stuck at home for weeks on end. I'm not personally bored, but I'm still working from home all day throughout the week. It's shitty, lonely, and makes you anxious af. And with that being said, it's not an excuse to refuse to stay at home if you're not an "essential" employee. We're all in the same boat here. It's super ridiculous to see people refusing to social distance because it's too boring. And it's a slap in the face to those who aren't able to stay at home right now. Out of Stock! The last ridiculous thing about April that I'll talk about is how ill-equipped the US is to manufacture goods. You would think that the "greatest" country ever would manage to produce or acquire PPE within a month, but nope. And that's not to mention all the things that our supermarket supply chains can't manage. Every store in the city that I've been to has been out of cleaning wipes, bleach, vinegar, baking soda, rubbing alcohol, etc. for like a month now. It's annoying that they're like, "Hey, disinfect your groceries when you get home." And we're like, "Hey, with what?" Now they're telling us to wear masks after swearing up and down for months that the general population shouldn't be wearing them unless they're sick. And again, what masks? They want us to make our own using materials we have at home. Interesting. We went from, "An N95 mask won't do anything protect citizens" to "Hey, ya'll got like an old sock to shove in your mouth?"  Expect me standing tall, back against the wall |
Artist: XTC Song: Dear God [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] "JAFBG" Prompt: What well-meaning platitudes are riling you up?Strap in, buds. There's a laundry list of things that suck about a pandemic. Can we address the fucking pointless platitudes? Here's a list of things I've heard in the past 3 weeks: "Don't be upset that your college commencement is cancelled. You should just feel lucky you're not sick." "Everything is in God's hands, just give yourself over to Him and you'll find peace." "Everything could be a lot worse, why are kids upset about their prom being cancelled?" "Everyone is going through something right now. We can't focus on ourselves." "Of course people can't get care for chronic conditions right now- there's a fucking pandemic!" "Who cares if they have to spend their birthday alone? It comes around every year."Just shut the fuck up, man. You're not helping anyone. People are allowed to be upset. Telling them that they shouldn't feel upset is fucking bullshit. Seniors in high school are allowed to be upset that they're not going to get a prom or graduation. People in my graduating class who worked their dicks off for years are allowed to be upset that they're not going to get a college commencement or graduation celebration. People who have to be alone on their birthday or can't celebrate their loved ones' birthdays are allowed to be upset. People with chronic health conditions are allowed to be stressed out/concerned that they can't get proper treatment for their existing conditions. And for the love of all that is holy, stop with the fucking religious platitudes. Unless you know that the person you're talking to is just as religious (and of the same religion as you), you're not fucking helping. You're making it worse. "God will take care of you!" I don't fucking believe in god. There are millions of us who don't believe in this bullshit. You telling me that your god is taking care of everything is the equivalent of me telling you that my cat is going to take care of everything. Except, you know, my cat actually exists.  It's way too much. Hundreds of thousands of people are going to die from this. How dare people walk around like, "It's God's will for you and the people you love to die right now.  " Just stop. Do you want me and a bunch of other people walking around telling you to pray to Hygieia, the greek goddess of health, so that the pandemic will stop? Would that be enjoyable for you? Would that make you feel better about everything? No, it wouldn't. Because it fucking means nothing to you. Hey, religious people, did you know that you can communicate with others without bringing religion up incessantly? You can actually have conversations where you don't invoke the word of your god. It's possible. You can be religious/spiritual without pushing it onto other people by spinning every fucking conversation to revolve around your faith. You should try it occasionally. Above all, everyone needs to just let people be upset. Let people be worried, concerned, agitated, frustrated, scared, anxious, disappointed, etc... It actually isn't your job to swoop in with pointless platitudes to tell them that what they're feeling is wrong. If you're upset because you're not being productive, that's okay. If you're upset because you can't visit the people you love, that's okay. If you're upset because you're out of a job or in financial distress, that's okay. If you're upset because you're missing out on seminal life events, that's okay. If you're upset because you don't want to be alone on your birthday, that's okay. If you're upset because you're worried about your pre-existing health conditions, that's okay. If you're upset because you had a good gym routine before this, that's okay. If you're upset because you have an "essential" job, that's okay. If you're upset because you can't get the things you need from the store, that's okay. If you're upset because you're lonely or getting cabin fever, that's okay. If you're upset because you want everything to go back to normal, that's okay.  If you're upset because there's a fucking pandemic, THAT'S OKAY.  Don't let anyone tell you that you're being selfish, narcissistic, or otherwise a dick for being upset about your own shit. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to hand over what little control you have left to their religious figurehead because it would make them feel better if you did. Don't let anyone tell you that things could be worse so your feelings are inappropriate. Your feelings are completely fucking valid. If you want to inflate a few balloons, make an instant cake, and throw yourself a fucking quarantine pity party - fucking go for it! You deserve the freedom to express that you're having a bad fucking day without being shrugged off with platitudes or turned on to any fucking religion. It's completely normal and rational. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost Is just somebody's unholy hoax And if you're up there you'll perceive That my heart's here upon my sleeve If there's one thing I don't believe in It's you Dear God |
Artist: Bright Eyes Song: Easy / Lucky / Free [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** #SaferAtHome "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: You get to pick three people- living or dead- to be quarantined with. But...in order to pass time, you have to play Monopoly. Who wins? Who cheats? Who cries? Who flips the table, sending pieces flying everywhere? You choose the players and how they see the game through its finish.I'm already quarantined with two people and I dunno if we'd make it out of a game of Monopoly right now. I mean, the plus side is that we might actually have time to finish a game of Monopoly, but it's just not worth it.I've been essentially quarantined (minus going to the grocery store twice) for over 3 weeks now. Here's what I know for certain... You DON'T want to be quarantined with people you don't know. I can pick any three people, but how do I know that Charles Bukowski doesn't have a bunch of annoying fucking habits that are going to drive me nuts within 2 hours? It's Bukowski, so that's almost a given. Bad choice. What I'm getting at though is that it would suck to meet someone for the first time in quarantine... and then be stuck with them for the rest of who knows how long. If I had to pick though, I'd pick a writer, a musician, and a painter.I could be writing buds with the writer, listen to the musician play, and learn a thing or two from the painter. I think I'd go with Franz Kafka for the writer because I can't even imagine what he could whip up about our current nightmare. Reality is already Kafkaesque so it's not even really a stretch. For the musician I'd go for Conor Oberst because I think he's ridiculously talented and I also feel like we'd get along okay-ish for some reason. Either that or the combined moodiness would cause the other two to toss us off the balcony. And then the artist... Dalí? Surrealist af. Everything is surreal already, so again, it just feels appropriate. This would be such a fucked up mix. I kind of love it.  Now, who would win at Monopoly... That's a good question. Monopoly came out after Kafka died so, I mean, he could probably pick it up pretty easily but I feel like I've already got a leg up on him. I have a feeling that Salvador Dalí could play some mad Monopoly. I have no idea why, but he might just do something confusing to outwit the rest of us. So I'd have to crown Dalí the reigning champion of Quarantine Monopoly.  As for who throws a tantrum, cheats, cries, flips the table... Obviously - that would be me. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I've got some friends I barely see But we're all planning to meet We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves All together for eternity |
Artist: Counting Crows Song: Colorblind [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** #SaferAtHome "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: April 1 is supposed to be April Fool's Day. Since we're all #SaferAtHome, it's a bit harder to prank people. What are some things you can do remotely to somebody for a good laugh?Hopefully someone can come up with something funny today. I just, yeah... no words. My mental health isn't holding up well. I've had a series of what I'd call mini episodes in the past week, which probably explains why my mental health group here is now closed. I've been trying super hard to stay positive, despite everything that's going on. As soon as I recognized that I was having issues I tried to contact my doctor's office, but they're pretty much closed at this point and haven't actually gotten back in touch with me.There's a lot going on. I know general care like that isn't a priority right now. What I'm experiencing isn't unique in any way. Everyone is going through a lot right now... a lot of anxiety and stress. I haven't been able to get any work done the past couple days because my OCD has been so bad. I go in and out of nightmares all night. If I'm not fighting intrusive thoughts, I'm doing compulsions to ease them. It's time-consuming and relentlessly exhausting. I don't see an end in sight for this. Even after things start to go back to 'normal' they're not going to be normal. I can't imagine ever eating at a restaurant or going to a crowded place again. Those things were difficult for me before this. Now that there's a literal global pandemic... yeah, I dunno. Anyway, have I made you laugh yet? Sorry, it's hard to think of funny things. I mean, there's no shortage of memes and parody songs floating around. But I'm honestly burnt out on it. I can't even really go on the internet anymore. I haven't watched the news in days. I try not to read or see anything because I can feel my mind slipping away. I had to tell my family to stop messaging me with updates. I don't need to know the death toll every day. And, in all fairness, I never liked April Fool's Day, even pre-pandemic. I always think of it as that holiday where you can't trust what's going on.  I spent the past several years in school where we'd get repeated April Fool's Pranks about pop quizzes, huge assignments, or whatever else the professor could pull out. "Oh, you guys didn't know there was an exam today?"Even worse when you have no idea what the date is so it's totally unexpected. Thanks for the prompt though! Now I'll know to look out for this with my coworkers. If anyone says anything remotely shocking, I'll accuse them of pranking me. Speaking of, I actually thought today was Thursday somehow. My coworker said we'll spend the next two days working on something and I was like, ugh, that sucks that we have to work Saturday. He said I'm going to come out of my apartment someday like a caveman blocking the sun with my hand.But mostly I've just been distracting myself as much as humanly possible. I've never watched so many movies or played so many video games before. I have movies on all day when I'm working. Then I go straight from that to playing a video game or reading a book or watching more movies. I try not to give myself a single minute of freedom or time to think. Kira came out into the living room yesterday and she was like, "Um... are you watching a movie, listening to music, working, and playing Animal Crossing right now?" Yes, yes I am.  I know, I still haven't answered the prompt. My thoughts? It might not be the best time to trick people right now. I mean, I can't think of anything you could call and say to someone and then be like "HA, just kidding" that would be appropriate right now. That being said, if you're using Microsoft Teams right now while working remotely like a lot of us are, you can use filters and turn yourself into a potato during your April Fool's meeting. I am colorblind Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside |
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