%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 21:15 Ever since I was a mad anime fangirl and I came across the Bleach character soundtracks, the idea of character songs has fascinated me. Particularly, of course, as a writer. I thought if you're going to go to the extent of writing a song for a character, you need to know that character pretty well, right? In truth, no, not really. At least one of the songs from Bleach, as far as I can remember, was just made up of random lines of dialogue from one character to another, just sung. I guess there was some meaning there, but still...dialogue. Anyway, here I go! Just the first verse today: Raven in my hand is darker than night Dripping wet in the pale moonlight As I cut down every foe coming at me Leaving behind rivers of blood for all to see. I'm trying to learn how to read music, although I don't think I'm doing very well. I have no aspirations in pursuing anything music-related - I just like singing and writing songs that hold meaning to me and singing them, for myself - so there's no urgency and I'd do better with a tutor, but I can't afford lessons and I don't personally know anyone who's into music that much. Anyway, some changes for the song: Raven in my hand, darker than night Dripping wet in the pale moonlight Cutting down every foe coming at me Leaving rivers of blood for all to see. Not much change there. My problems with this piece begin a few verses along. I've changed them so many times and in my head, I get mixed up between the different versions. I can't believe it's taken me nearly forty minutes to write a ten minute blog entry. I've been putting this off all day, would you believe? As if ten mins of writing whatever comes to mind is such a monumental task! 21:54 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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