%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 10:02 I have an interview for counselling placement today. My second one ever, and the first one wasn't great so I'm a bit worried. I haven't been to very many interviews. I think my job applications were always a little too...underwhelming. My CV is certainly underwhelming, although I've not changed it in years since I haven't applied anywhere in years. But anyway, the interview today isn't a paid job so my CV is irrelevant. It's for a place offering counselling for the bereaved. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with that if I do get the placement, since I'm too sensitive. I see a vulnerable child and I start crying. Hell, once while I was watching one of the Karate Kid movies, when the girl lets her caged bird go, the music swelled and the girl was clearly upset as her bird flew away and...yeah. I cried. The people coming for counselling might end up counselling me! Anywho, on with the less-than-thrilling task of sorting this song out. Raven's voice in my head grows stronger, Even in peace, I seek the rush of power, Let's hunt together, it says, Out in the night, like old times, you and I Partners to the end, until you give in and die So Raven is a sort of sentient weapon. Basically a soul trapped inside a sword. Once a new owner comes into possession of it, it starts gradually taking over and it wants nothing more than to kill people. Certain people, in particular. Raven's voice in my head is getting stronger, Even at rest, I feel the rush of power. Let's spill some more blood like old times, it says, Don't give up the blade now, it says, don't refrain, Because we're partners to the end, until you die. I want to end the verse with "break", as a sort of more explosive, poisonous sound that betrays Raven's true feelings on the matter. He gets a body at last! But I seem to veer more towards tunes that are stretched out and fade out gently, and "die" is perfect for that. In any case, I think I liked the old one better. 10:21 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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