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Random babblings of a confused miniature writer |
| A blog/journal just to babble/dabble in to try to keep my friends up to date on my pitiful existence. |
| Follow up with my chemo doctors yesterday. Ordered me pain pills and a new walker. Doesn't help to get my roommates to lay off and leave me alone. Dr. also ordered me a mouth rinse but forgot to call it in to the pharmacy so now I can't get it until Monday. Everybody is on my back because my pain pill is a narcotic. Give me a break. I'm taking it as prescribed. I am so tired, and the pain pills seem to be causing more pain, not less. i don't want to die but I wouldn't mind checking out of life for a few days. |
| Sorry. They don't have guest wifi where I get chemo and I haven't felt much like writing the past few days. So many stressful things going on that I can't talk about. What I can talk about no one listens anyhow. No one wants to hear about how sick the chemo is making me despite them promising to be sympathetic. I took the day for myself today and hid in my room sleeping. I am not going to let them use me. It is getting ridiculous. I get told that I don't have to walk the dog then get yelled at for not doing it. Not to mention things are getting done that our former tenants got yelled at for. I don't know. I get told it is my house too but when I mention something that's not right I get told that I am just seeing things wrong and I should mind my own business. I feel like I have said too much without really saying anything. I'm going to see my peer support on Thursday and I feel like I can't say anything. I feel like I should be making plans to move on my own but I am so sick I need the companionship. I don't know why I keep a blog. I never have anything to say and most of the time I don't make entries. The only thing I can figure is that it keeps me writing something. |
| I'm scared. My nerves are all on edge. I can't sleep. It feels like all my nerve endings are firing. I'm stiff as a board. Nothing I do is helping. I'm in a cold sweat. I am getting my first round of Chemotherapy today. I just think about it, and I get nauseous. There's nothing left in my stomach anyways. I've had to fast since midnight. As I write this it is 3:15 am. I need to do something, but I don't really want to. I don't know any more for sure if this is a mindfulness activity. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Want to laugh? I just thought of starting the third novel in my series with Darrel and the gang in it. It is definitely laughable as I can't even finish the two I already have in the works. I am truly pitiful. My laptop just told me I needed to put commas in places in this entry. Most of them don't look right. I'm taking my tablet with me to chemo so I might add to this entry while I'm there. |
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