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THE WHINE & CHEESE COMPANY, INC
Jim Whinnery, Head Whiner
Dear Ms Wanabe,
You know, I shor do hate tu see a letter like this. Bubba, he always say, if you can’t run with the big dawgs, you best stay on the porch. I specially didn’t like what you say that that person be a coward. See, I hit duh wrong button fore I wuz ready to send it. You know that thair button need be put in a diffrent place or maybe a diffrent color. I ain’t fer shur what oughta be done, since me and Bubba ain’t real computer literant, but I’m shor some them smart people can thank up sum way so as I don’t make that mistake again. One time I suggested to duh Mistress about that, but, bless her heart, she is a little muley, rite stubborn just a mite. She didn’t thank much of my new genre called Fishtank Water, either. I don’t thank she lack me vury much. But don’t tell her I said that cause she do hav a long rememory.
Now, Alice, I thank you mite be twisting what I say a mite. Me and Bubba we don’t talk lack other people. Red House is a small town in the deep south and we talk like ghis and lotta folks jest don’t know what we means. Maybe you jest need a lit’le coarse in "Invalid Item" . It’d do wonders for yuh.
But really, I didn’t know you gone blow a gasket, as we say over at Harley's Texaxo filling station. I thot yor story thang was rite good, but I didn’t thank you wuz number one so I make it number 2. It didn’t seem right to drop you all thu way down to number 3. But, if it’ll make you happy I kin go back make you number 1!
And jest to show thair ain’t no hard feelings from me, I’m gonna give you a special deal on our Christmas Gift Pack. You buy a case and I’ll give you a second case at 10% off. “At’s just to show yu that my heart’s in the right place. Now, thur ain’t no need to rush, cause I got plenty in stock. Thank yuh for yor letter and I remain,
Jim Whinnery, Chief Whiner