The names Scoobert Doo. People call me Scooby. I’m a Private Eye in Coolsville. The biggest shithole in the United States of America.
People say I’m more dog than man but that’s because I’m vicious, hungry and can sniff out trouble like no one else.
I’ve put the worst of the worst behind bars. Thieves, killers, rapists, Klansman, and even crazy punks who dress up like ghouls and monsters.
Life ain’t easy but I got some medicine. My own special custom cookies made of gingerbread, cinnamon, marijuana, and cocaine. I call them Scooby Snacks. I’ve also got a big ass appetite I can put away more sandwiches and pizzas than twenty stoners combined.
But it’s not just me alone. I got friends in love places. Four six inch tall meddling kids I keep in my pocket. I use em for when I need em. Sometimes they help me solve a case or sometimes they just give me entertainment.
These little Lilliputian scamps I found one day after some psychopath shot a shrink Ray at their van. The Ray gun broke but I broke the punk’s neck. With nowhere to go, I picked up the van and took the four tinies with me and I’ve had em ever since. Let me introduce em.
Fred thinks he’s the alpha male with his muscles, blonde hair and movie star looks. Also thinks he’s a touch guy even though he’d get killed by a hamster in a one on one. Little man syndrome for sure. He is good for leading the rest of the tinies on a task but sometimes he thinks his little dick is bigger than it is so sometimes I need to remind him who’s really in charge.
Then we got Daphne. Hot little number. Long orange hair, great ass, long legs, always rocking purple. God she’s six inches of sexy. I’ve definitely had my way with her my fair share of times. Sometimes she’s flirty, sometimes she’s pouty but she’s always DTF. That’s probably why Fred gets so pissed at me because he’s only gotten the occasional blowjob from little Daphne.
Velma is something too. Smartest of the bunch. Very crafty. She’s the most help with mysteries. She actually knows what she’s talking about during investigations. She’s hot too but more in a geeky girl next door kinda way, she’s got short brown hair, wears an orange turtleneck and a sexy pair of glasses. Jinkies, she’s a handful in the sack but intelligent to. With crime scenes and during sex, Velma knows how to get into tight spaces.
Finally we got Shaggy. My real friend. My little buddy is a bit of a stoner and for a motherfucker who’s 6 inches tall, he’s got an appetite that matches mine. Usually when I get my weed, I’ll roll him some tiny blunts or give him Scooby Snax crumbs.
Most days are just me in my office eating, smoking, or fucking around with my tinies. Like I said I carry those four shorties in my trench coat pocket all the time. Never know when you’re gonna need them. Especially in this line of work.
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