Hi Kerr Cole!

First off, you made it nice and easy to sink into the story. You painted the setting and the characters wonderfully. I really like your choice to juxtapose between telling the story from the perspective of the different centuries as it progresses.

That said, I'm thinking the format you've already outlined would fit nicely into a full-fledged novella format. You could create a new book in your portfolio and stick it in there if that sounds like something that makes sense for you, you've already got your chapters prepped.

I maybe would go back through and divide your chapters into clearer paragraphs to chop it up for the reader and make it easier to follow. It would also serve to add some pauses for suspense and foreshadowing purposes. It would also make it easier for you to go back through to edit for grammatical and spelling stuff. I'm no English teacher, so as a rule I don't point out specific grammatical and spelling errors. You're a smart cookie, I'm sure you're perfectly capable of reviewing and editing as you see fit...

I really like your plot, I love your MC, and I like the setting. That's a pretty freakin' solid foundation. I look forward to seeing how (or if) you tweak it if you decide to reformat the body of the work.

*****DISCLAIMER!!!******
All this babble is my opinion and mine alone. Unless someone else has the same opinion, but that's got nothing to do with me. Anyway, the point is please feel free to use the suggestions I've put out if they make sense to you and if you feel like they're helpful. If not feel free to chuck 'em in the bin. Whichever you choose please keep on writing, man!!

-TPB














































































































My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .