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| Been thinking about some of the resolutions I haven't managed to keep. My aunt is a psychoanalyst and some conversations with her, and with a healer helped me analyse it. |
Dear Reader,
I've been resolving to get more tidy around the home for years now, and somehow it hasn't happened. It's a promise I make to myself and then go on, habitually, to break.
Well, conversations with a healer and with my aunt helped me understand myself better -- and I wondered if, at a time when everyone is promising to keep their New Year's resolutions, I could share some of their insights with my readers.
To start with, let's ask ourselves why we need to make resolutions.
It's because we aren't already doing something which we think we ought to be doing. If we were already doing it, we wouldn't need to make a resolution - and if we didn't think it necessary, it wouldn't come up anyway.
So then we break it down.
1. Necessary
What is necessary, and why?
In my case, I've been telling myself that cleaning the house is necessary because then I can invite people over.
This is the main reason - everything else is fine. I'm managing living myself and my work with the way the house is now.
But -- I'm not actually yearning to have people over. I like my space and my solitude, and when I meet people I go over to their place or meet at a café. I'm happy that way, and they understand. A handful of friends do drop in here occasionally, too.
So the necessity of the resolution is from the outside-in.
It isn't actually necessary to me, I'm telling myself it is and I don't believe myself.
In order to make the necessity inside-out, I must find something that I really want and that needs to be my reward for cleaning up.
Actually, I could use more table space to write on, or to arrange the stuff I take for my library activities sessions at school.
Now the reward for cleaning up becomes more real to me.
I need to start with that. "If I clean this table, I'll have it to write on." Focus only on that area and on that reward.
Once I do that, the task becomes more manageable and I get instant gratification. This then hopefully makes me see the benefit of tidying up in itself and I can progress.
So - the necessity has to be from the inside, at least to start with.
2. Not currently doing
There must be dozens of things that are necessary that you are currently doing and don't need to make resolutions about.
Why then, do you need to make a resolution about that particular thing?
Most likely because there is some aspect of it that is blocking you. In the case of me cleaning my house, it is that I get sentimentally attached to inanimate objects and find it hard to throw them away. With both my parents gone and some of the stuff being theirs, it'll be even harder to let it go.
My aunt put it quite simply. "If it's scary to let stuff go, don't let it go. Cleaning up doesn't necessarily mean throwing away."
She suggested I start by getting big cartons, labeling them and sorting my stuff into them. At least that gets the stuff off the floor and off the furniture and into one room. Nothing needs to be thrown away. I guess when I actually start with that perspective, I may be able to throw some stuff away, but I need to give myself permission to keep it all in order to be able to start the task.
So - I need to find what is stopping me and address that, work around it if necessary, to progress.
I hope that at this time in 2026, I'll be saying I actually invited people over!
Thanks for listening and have a creative year! 
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Thank you for the responses to "Do we miss reality or imagination?"
I understand what you're saying. After my divorce, I moved back home to live with my widowed father. He told people he was taking care of me, but it didn't take long before it was obvious who was doing the caretaking. I do miss him. I still live in his house, and sometimes I think he's still here. I remember the bad with the good. He was a good man with a short temper, and dementia set in the last few years of his life. As for divorce, I had a very bad marriage. It started good, but he changed after saying "I do" and the situation became intolerable. I have very few fond memories of that. Sometime my ex is in my dreams and they are always uncomfortable and I tell myself when I wake up now, that he is dead now and can't bother me anymore. (He died after I moved out of town.) -- Pumpkin in a New Year 
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Spiritual: December 31, 2025 Issue [#13508]
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