Wonderful! You have faithfully reproduced all the elements of a good haiku. Your form and structure are good, as is the meaning and the intent of the poem. The syllabic count is a bit off, but it doesn't matter as the poem is lovely.
At the outset, let me say that your form and structure are good. What is missing is the presentation of the seasons by implication. You are telling us that winter is about to recede and spring is about to make its presence felt. You have to show us this, not tell it factually.
I would advise you to read the Poetry newsletter released today. It is edited by Kate - Writing & Reading and tells us what haikus are all about.
Wow. I loved the way the story evolved from a descriptive one to one laden with drama and dialogue! I also liked your short description: in fact , that is what drew me to your item. I am glad I did, for the write-up was really good. It may have some very minor grammatical errors, but all in all, it is an excellent piece of work, with the right amount of drama and suspense. The end, though, wasn't entirely unexpected, since you had already added the genre "supernatural" to the story. Why not remove that genre to increase the suspense about who that man might be?
Permit me to welcome you into the world of WDC. I know I invited you to join, and have not had the time to visit your port until today.
This poem is a sweet attempt at describing what happens during the night. You have shown how the poet slept through it all. Maybe, you could have made the poet wake up somewhere near the end and take it all in, for a magical realisation of the beauty of the night.
The inversions of words that you have done at a couple of places seem to be contrived to get a rhyme. Far be it for me to tell you how to write, but why don't you read and write more on this site to learn the art of writing?
Thank you for creating the two items in your port. Write On!
Hi, man. This is a very good work of verse, and I congratulate you for writing it so well. Your description of Death as an eternal "She" is a completely new viewpoint, as down the ages, Death has always been depicted in the masculine gender. I liked your euphemism of a final kiss that represents death.
I rather felt that her insistence of being the ONLY person to be loved by all humans - was not so believable, but again, that is a refreshing way of looking at the Personified Death.
Congratulations on being featured in the Poetry newsletter. This is a good poem indeed. You have gradually increased the tension and the tempo of the poem, and the result is a beautiful, well-written poem within the ambit of a general, humdrum experience.
I did not follow the acronym "FPL", and will await your input on the same.
Terrific poem. Congratulations on having this featured in the weekly Poetry newsletter! I loved the way you reminded the reader to re-read the poem to discover new nuances and meanings. However, to be honest, at least with your poem, I discovered nothing new on the re-reading
How true! You have, quite literally, hit the nail on the head with this nomination. Your description of Jessie is, by any standard, factual and not at all tainted by your personal relations with her. I commend you on this, and wholly support your action!
Thank you for writing this interesting tale based on the "Twister prompt" of katherine76 and for sharing it with us. The story is probably based on truth, as your telling of it, without any embellishments, sounds so real and at the same time, believable.
Perhaps if we had a few more boxes, we could send more than one request through the same survey-submission. other than that, Madame, this is a perfect way to let members request for more costumicons and merit badges.
Exquisite story! I loved the way you described the annoying friend who prances around in the guy's head and creates problems for him wherever he goes and whatever he does. Your POV was perfect and the narration was good too. Perhaps a bit of spacing between episodes and lines might make this item more readable and easy on the eye.
Great work again, Debbie. I think most reviewers follow the very same scale of ratings, but to put it down like this needs inventive, nay, systematic thinking (something that I, sadly, do not possess ).
I was wondering if you can maybe assign half stars? No, I think not. But no harm in asking, is there?
Again, I commend you for laying down your methodology in black and white (and blue and red and green too, LOL ). Your system of differentiating between comments, criticism or correction and grammar is lovely. I think I will copy it into my reviews too ... that is, if you don't have a copyright over it!
This is a fine activity indeed. I am really amazed to see such a large group of people working together to make new and rising talent noticed among the other members of WDC. In a way, every person who writes is a star in her/his own right. Rising or falling ... that's for the individual to decide.
I have been on WDC since over five years, and I really wish this kind of activity had existed then ... as I am sure I would have received the boost I needed at that point.
Thank you for your hard work and for a very rewarding activity, both for the givers and for the receivers.
Hi. I was just browsing the items list from those online and came upon this one. You are a gifted writer, you know? Your use of an interactive dialogue to display a rare idea of someone climbing and jumping on walls only to do a headstand was really hilarious!
A few suggestions:
He tore his gaze away from it's dispassionate end ... remove the apostrophe from the "it's".
Make "olive skinned" a hyphenated word. So is "back flipped".
Your explanation below the poem has made me rate this at 5.0. I must say that all the comments that you have made in reply to the anonymous reviewer are bang on the dot. They are coherent and sanguine. The poem itself: Although it has a rhyme and a meter, it lacks rhythm and a certain sense of the poetical about it. Your use of exact names like "Saddam Hussain" and "WMD" etc. make this a very dry item to read. However I fully agree with the substance of the poem. Good work!
At the outset, I want to say this: you are too systematic to believe that you are of this world! You have painstakingly removed items from a book, made them into fresh items, linked to all of them in another item that requests readers to rate and review them! Wonderful!
This poem is hard-hitting, and like your other items, it is your credit that you can write so honestly and hit the bull's eye.
Like your critic, I too feel that the use of "bushman" is out of place in this poem.
This is so perfectly rhymed and metered that I am amazed at it. I found that a few ideas did not gel well with the mood of the item. Why would a parting be referred to as a "trust unkept", for example? I did not understand the use of the word "too" in the second stanza.
The reference to Shelley seems a bit abstruse to me. why bring him in unless you wish to point out his prowess at writing love poems? If that be the intention, the reference is fine.
You did a great job of the cramp prompt and spun an easy-going, believable tale. I was a bit miffed since the point-of-view kept shifting from humans to snake and back to humans. This sort of took out the top rating that I would have otherwise given. Your use of the green colour for the entire item was inspirational!
Wonderful. In one word, it sums up your idea and its execution, both. You have written a flawless cramp item, although Writer's cramp permits grammatical errors as well. Congratulations on winning the first prize!
At the outset, let me commend you for the tour-de-force with which you keep churning out socially relevant poems for the man of today, and of tomorrow!
In this poem, you have addressed mankind's folly very aptly. Congratulations on the same. You need to change "you'are" to "you are" or "you're". Other than that, there aren't any mistakes.
Thank you for extending an invitation to read your poems through your invitation item. I find the poem above to be quite romantic and well-written. It has a good rhyme, an okay rhythm and an excellent opening and resolution.
This is a very innovative way to attract reviews from WDC members! Although there are some creations here that date back 4-5 years, I think by far the majority of them are recent. Have you tried advertising this item in the classifieds or plugged it on the plug page?
I am reviewing a few poems, let us see how they are!
! What a nice story on the pirates theme. I hope you win the prize as the story is really humorous. I liked the way you described both the pirates and their antics. However, I personally felt that the story was not strictly following the prompt. Weren't we supposed to write on pirates? And, don't pirates still exist (inthe flesh) in the US Department of Treasury and Internal Revenue??
-drtaher
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). Your system of differentiating between comments, criticism or correction and grammar is lovely. I think I will copy it into my reviews too ... that is, if you don't have a copyright over it!
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