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Review Requests: ON
1,138 Public Reviews Given
1,379 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of Darlene  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This is a good story that used a character pretending to be a fortune teller who experiences a change of pace and struggle from a doubting client. It has a nice approach with the character, showing just enough in the beginning in order to set the scene and give a starting point for Darlene, the point of view character. From there, the reader can follow the journey of having to struggle in the small time circus venue and the use of the crystal ball for the prediction along with what becomes the conflict.


Prompt: The characters and plot for the story work in relation to the contest requirements from the character focused prompt. It was a bit of a challenge this time around since it was more than just using a specific type of character in a story. You had to use the character and add the plot element of fake and real magic in a way that both made sense but also would stand out in competition. Darlene works with her being a fortune teller that uses fake predictions in order to survive and the way the story develops provides the change with the conflict rising to the magic at the end of the story.



Other Notes: Overall, the writing is well done. One minor thing to consider with the look for the reader would be to maybe put the information about the contest and the word count at the end of the story instead of the beginning. While this isn't wrong or incorrect to place it at the top, it may be better to have the focus be the story and anyone who needs the extra details can get to it at the end. Speaking of ending... I'd also recommend removing "the end" at the end of the story because it's not really needed. In fact, while it does give that "this is done" influence for the reader, it actually detracts from the impact of the last line for the story.

The story itself works with the way you have developed the conflict and characters. While I could have used even more information and details, at the same time it's fine in the current length. It can be a challenge to get the balance of description, details, character and action within first person without it becoming forced sounding or going overboard. If you add to this it could bring another layer to the story, if not then this works well already.

Thank you for taking the time to create this story and entering the official contest from August. I hope that it was a fun challenge for you and that you enjoy the story created here.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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77
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: A different approach created with the prompt of character and plot point involving magic, both fake and real. Don't often see the usage of present tense (since past tense is far more common) in a story. While I'm not a fan of the tense as a reader for most stories, it is something that other readers may really appreciate. I like the link with the loss the character has experienced, the source of the stage magic supplies and the way the conflict develops at the end. Everything ties together quite well.


Prompt: The contest did have a couple of specific requirements, even with the focus being character due to the name of the contest. Having the character and plot requirement can be a challenge at times but this round it worked in a way that made it easy for most to interpret in different ways. The story here has both elements that are easy for any reader to find. The main character attempting the sort of stage magic and usage of the wand along with the influence of the other character worked well together. The end (I won't say what for people who read the review first) is a nice touch connecting the other requirement of the prompt. Nicely done.


Other Notes: One minor thing to consider that is the location of the prompt information. While it's not a part of the story, it can be an element that needs work or editing. I say this because right now it's right at the very end of the story and looks like it might be part of it. I would drop it down at least a few spaces to give the reader a reason to pause after the very last line from the main character. Even better would be to use a drop note so the readers don't see the note about the contest and prompt unless they click on the link to drop it down, but just having space would be enough.

The writing is well done within the use of the point of view and tense. I don't see many who use the tense and I do appreciate that consistency, which can be a challenge at times. It is a good story and also see that even a little more development could bring things further. Or perhaps a little edit run, maybe check for pauses and places to put in commas just to make sure everything is set up well for the reader.

Thank you for taking the time to write this story for the site official contest in August. I hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and are happy with the story you created.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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78
Review of A Touch of Magic  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This is a very touching story that you've created with the stage magician using the magic tricks to help children in the hospital. It presented a main character who was easy to follow and showcased empathy while dealing with a difficult situation. The conflict developed in a way that made sense with the touching addition and result brought on from the contest prompt. Nicely written and sentimental story here.


Prompt: The prompt from the official contest was an easy to find concept within this particular story. The requirement included the use of a particular character along with a specific approach to the story. The main character is a stage magician, so someone that uses fake magic and tricks, which is the character part of the prompt. The magic instance at the end is the final piece for the prompt and worked well to create the story.


Other Notes: Overall, you did a good job with the story. It is well written and I didn't notice much that stands out in a distracting way with the story. Only thing really that I could maybe point out is to cut down on a couple of exclamation points. Nothing wrong with them but of punctuation it is one that does better limited in order to give the usage even more impact. But they could also remain in the story if that is what you prefer.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the official site contest in August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt when creating this story.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This took an interesting approach with the "psychic" main character. While I'm not the biggest fan of first person point of view as a reader, it made sense for this story and I could in some ways relate to the main character. I've been in a psychic chatroom online back when msn had chat rooms in the early 2000's and can say even online some that seek out these readings are in part just looking for someone to talk to about their struggles in order to work it out and psychologists cost more money. Can see where things were going and it was believable with how the main character was presented in the story. I also find crystal balls to be way too expensive. And I will say, you created a good twist with the "fake" reader getting her own future read by someone else at the climax of the story.


Prompt: When it comes to the character, can definitely find elements of the prompt since it had to be someone who was either a magician or fortune teller, someone of that nature/"vocation" as the central focus in the story. Near the beginning of the story, I wasn't sure in relation to the prompt because the character is supposed to be fake but near the beginning she has a "true" prediction with the pregnancy creating the character to take the path to use psychic as a way to interact. With this particular prompt, expected more false from the start with the one instance of true magic alone. Not that it made for a bad story or anything, it does work with the character, but in relation to the prompt it did stand out a little for me.


Other Notes: One aspect to consider for the technical side for the story is the paragraph spacing. The beginning was a little difficult to read and get through, which makes it a challenge because you want people to keep reading to get to the interesting character and situation in the second half of the story. The tab in most of the new paragraphs might not be necessary because some of the short sentences look a little odd with the small words hanging at the end on a second line. And having the very first sentence not having the tab makes it look out of place. The beginning needs a little work with which sentences are grouped together in paragraphs and when to separate with space. Extra space between paragraphs to show jumps in time or focus (several, like 4-7 spaces) will help to give readers indication of the change going on during those parts.

Overall, nice work and with a little development, this story could really stand out. Thank you for taking the time to enter the official WDC contest in August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge and the story you have created. Keep having fun and writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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80
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: I did like the approach to the story with the usage of prompt and creative elements used in picking the type of magic to bring into the story. While I have a personal preference for a main point of view character that I can like or have more empathy towards, I can also appreciate the approach you took with this one.


Prompt: The prompt was an easy aspect to interpret in the story with the use of the "fortune teller" main character. Even having it as the title makes the aspect of the character a forefront element for the reader to expect where the focus will remain. Your story fits the bill, using the character and the aspect required for the plot that will be easy for readers to find if they are aware of the prompt that inspired the end result. Those who don't know the prompt can also enjoy the storyline that came from the requirements.


Other Notes: On the technical side, it might be helpful to find a different way to do the inner dialogue so that it doesn't get mixed up with spoken words between characters. When you get to the part in the beginning with her thinking about how the other woman is a sucker and falling for her trick, it reads almost as if she says it out loud with the quotation marks. It's also in italics, which is often used for inner thoughts. I would suggest doing just the italics on her inner thoughts and not use the " marks when it's the main point of view character thinking things that the other characters in the story wouldn't be able to hear.

For an edit, you could consider doing a quick search through the story for words that end in -ly, in particular in the beginning. Nothing wrong with adverbs like that in general, but it does lose a little impact for the language when done often. I would suggest picking the paragraphs that get the most boost from the words and cutting out a few of the others in order to make the writing a little stronger.

Also, while not necessary, you could consider maybe using a different title. While the current one is straightforward and tells the reader what type of character to expect, it isn't the most attention catching. Outside of the contest, for anyone browsing for things to read it will be the title and item description that have to make them interested to click the link in order to read.


Thank you for taking the time to enter the site official contest for August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge and had fun creating the story from a character based prompt.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there.

Considering this review is for a blog post, I'm not sure if it will link to the exact post or be put as a review for the blog overall. If it doesn't show, this review is connected to "I Write Round 3 and WDC Birthday Week" and that makes for a different style of review.

Have to say, while it's a challenge to consider my review, I also enjoy that element of difference. While it's fun to review poems and stories, it's also a nice change of pace to look at something else and give some comments with a different focus.

I have to admit that I've slacked on WDC birthday events for the last 5 years or so. It's such a fun time and a worthy cause for events, yet it always seems to hit at a time when I'm distracted or struggling. It is near my anniversary on the site as well, so one would think I'd take part more but something about end of August and start of September hits odd. This year, I was sick. Last year was busy with work. However, I'm glad to see other people talking about the events and promoting things. I've been on the site almost as long as you but still can appreciate the tips provided with the post here. Thank you.

The discussion of the I Write challenge is also interesting. I haven't taken part in the activity for a while, even though I've always been a fan. I know it can be difficult and to take part more than once a year is very challenging. Well done so far. Even when you scramble (I often do during rounds in previous years) you still can make progress and get things done. I hope you enjoy this time around as well. Good luck to you.
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Review of Free Montana  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. My apologies for the review delay. Life is still busy offline and I'm doing my best to get time on the site for contests/other activities.


First Impression: The title caught my attention from the beginning and it had an interesting approach to an alternative fiction option. It's got the twist that we can relate to with the pandemic but draws back to the past instead of making one out of the current struggles. It has character and story, which will draw people to read it.


Prompt: For this contest, it was somewhat simple because the entry just had to be found within the genre of alternative history. This is both easier and difficult because of the open nature but also made it fun for the judge/readers to see where each writer took their story. In this case, we have a "free state" of Montana. Works for the prompt and set well in regards to judgement for the contest.


Story Thoughts: This was a creative and interesting approach. I am familiar with the state of Montana in general having grown up south of it. We did a vacation one summer there. It's a nice, very big state. The idea of independence of state is interesting too. While most think of Texas or the South, it made sense to consider a state like Montana as one that could go on its own and have a specific climate of situations. I liked the approach and it read much like a story with the characters along with how the dialogue worked.


Final Comments: Nice work overall with this story. Nothing glaring stood out in relation to the technical side of writing. There is a fair amount of stuff involved within the story and I think if you wanted, it is something that could be expanded even further to a longer story. It has potential and I'd be curious to see where things go if you did work on it more in the future.

Thank you again for entering the site's official contest months ago. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the genre and coming up with this Montana story.

Good job and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Graham B. .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. My apologies for the long delay in the review. Between work and everything going on, I've had less time to spend on the site. Thank you for your patience.


First Impression: An interesting approach to the alternate history story that focuses on creating a story that has a fantastical/fictional feel in a way that will draw readers down the page. There are some elements that are different but the way they are spun together helps to develop a story people will enjoy to read.


Prompt: This time around, the journey through the genres involved taking a look at the world of alternative history stories. In some ways the prompt could be seen as easy and other aspects make it a challenge. While this story in particular doesn't have, for me, and obvious connection to a particular point in history, it comes with a style and approach that gives the feel of creating a history.


Story Thoughts: I liked the approach you took with the story. Even though it feels a little dialogue heavy at times, those areas and conversations are obviously important. They help move the reader along while giving information needed. The bits of song are nice touches that pull things together. Even with the different names, it wasn't difficult to get used to things since I often read fantasy or sci-fi. Some readers may struggle at first but they will get over it as they get further into the story. You did a great job in creating a struggle and realistic character, putting a lot into the limited word count for the contest.


Final Comments: Overall, the writing is strong. Nothing stood out in particular to make the reader struggle to read or move along. Nothing hindered or tripped the reading. Even the use of italics makes sense considering the style and approach done for the story. We appreciated the entry for the contest months ago. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and what you were able to create in this story.

Keep Writing!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
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Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Pernell Rogers .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. My apologies for the delay in the review.


First Impression: The title is an attention grabber and brought some interest with the description of the item, getting things off to a good start. The characters stand out in particular. Having strong characters followed the story developed, helps to pull the reader through the story.


Prompt: This time around the genre focus was to create an alternative history story. In some ways it can be seen as an easy prompt because an entire genre is allowed but then you have to find a way to narrow things down in order to create a single story. Some histories are easier to see as alternative, depending on the choice made. For this one, even though my history knowledge is waning, I could see the historical side and go from there as we follow through to the alternative approach taken. Nice work.


Story Thoughts: You have a strong story that focuses on a particular story that came a little unexpected. While not obvious it also was a choice that made a lot of sense considering the prompt. You created a character with interest that will bring the reader through the story with curiosity in wondering where things are going to go from the title until the very ent.


Final Comments: I didn't see anything to note on the technical side. You did a good job writing the story and developing both the characters and plot for the short amount of word count allowed. We appreciated the entry months ago for the official site contest. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and coming up with the story.

Have fun and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Espero .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for {ritem:}. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre focused prompt. Sorry for the delay in this review.


First Impression: I had a good connection to the prompt and the possible situation from the beginning of the story with the title. From there, we get a character who is in our time but then we get to see something of the past with the chance that a change could be made. Even though my history knowledge has become quite lacking over the years I could still understand where things were going and didn't mind the dream aspect.


Prompt: This time around the genre contest gave the challenge for the writer to create an alternate history story. The genre contest can be fun since just having to fit within a genre gives lots of options for creativity in stories or poems. That open aspect can also be a challenge in picking what to write and it has to be done in a way the readers/judges can see without having to stretch too hard to fit it within the expectations. With this particular entry, the connection starts off from the title and continues from there making things easy for the judge to tell how the story fits within the prompt for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Interesting approach with the story. The "dream" or character sleeps and goes into a different world/the past isn't as surprising but it's also done really well in your story. A big factor in making a somewhat used or known concept is in the execution. For this one, the way you create the show the character in the beginning and end are what help to make your approach to the story work. I could have used even more but the contest does have word count limits.


Final Comments: The story was easy to read over in general and nothing in particular stood out in regards to the technical side of writing. You took a nice approach in how you created characters, built a conflict and showed a story within a limited framework of a short story. Nice work.

Thank you for taking the time and entering the official site contest. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge the prompt provided.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Aurthor .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt.

First Impression: This entry had a strong story feel with how it is written. The way it reads gives that almost fictional feel but we still can also see the history with the choice of main point of view character for most of the story. There is a good sense of both character and conflict, which will interest random readers on the site.


Prompt: For this contest it is somewhat simple since the requirement only specifies the genre and that allows many possibilities for what you can create in a story. This time around, the challenge came in writing an alternate history. That does have its own challenges. You never know what the reader will know on the history side and there has to be some connection in order to see what makes it alternate. The approach you took was easy to see with where you took the story and the end. Nice work in putting everything together.


Story Thoughts: This is a strong story with a known, historical figure at the center. We get the character along with a strong sense of conflict with the situation found on this second journey. Things don't go quite as well as one might first think when coming up to a story involving Columbus.


Final Comments: You did a good job in the creation of this story. There was thought and creativity that went into this story, which is evident for the reader. Nothing stands out or trips things up on the technical side. Nice work.

Only suggestion I have that doesn't really affect the impact of the story or the rating is where you place the word count. We appreciate having it available as the judge but most of the time, readers won't be as interested. You want them to get to the story since that is what they click on the item for in the long run. I'd suggest putting word counts at the bottom of items. You can include things like prompts if you want to people know what inspired the story. If you don't want them standing out at the bottom there are options like creating a drop down so only those interested in extra details will have the option to click on it. Something for you to consider.

Thank you for taking the time to come up with this story and entering it in the official site contest for November taking us on a journey through the genres. We hope you enjoyed the challenge with the contest and coming up with this entry.

Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of Taken Out  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Sumojo .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. We hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the alternate history prompt.


First Impression: It has an interesting approach to the way the story was created with a focus on character dynamics that can help draw a reader in along with the little niche element of the overall story. For me, it was a little confusing at times and there are some heavy dialogue parts that make it feel confined for the contest word count limit but perhaps there could be expansions since the contest has ended.


Prompt: For this contest it tends to be somewhat simple since it can be any story that fits within the required genre. Some are a little easier to see than others but it gives a wide range of options for creating something to enter. Since the story was deemed viable for the contest, that means you managed to use the prompt in a way for your story. Though, to be honest, as the judge and reader, I wasn't sure what history part was involved. Then again, I don't know a lot about KFC to know what is history and what is an altered form of such.


Story Thoughts: I wasn't sure what to expect considering the known inspiration from the contest and the title of the story. As I already stated, there is some aspects of the story that I don't quite understand as the reader. It has potential with the dynamics of the characters along with the way you pace things though it does get a little jumpy with having so many different sections and breaks in the very limited space the contest allows. Perhaps it needs more than the 2,000 word limit, which is okay since most of mine end up that way too. I like the voice you managed to show with the characters and it just depends on what you want to do with the story as to how it could go in the future.



Final Comments: Nice work with the story creation and bringing out the dynamics of the characters. You did get some pacing and other thoughts put into the dynamics are evident when reading through the story a few different times.

One thing you could maybe consider is how you space the different sections of the story. While I do appreciate having something that divides each section, when it comes to the use of emoticons or little images, it feels a little too distracting from the story. While the chickens make sense considering the story and the ending, it can be distracting for readers. Can be kind of cute online but not something you'd want to submit to publishers with them involved if ever considering that as an option with minimal exceptions to that general rule/thought.

Still, nice work in the creation of the story having the dynamics and pacing to draw the reader down to explore the story that you've created. Thank you for taking the time to create this story and enter it in the site contest based on a prompt of creating an alternate history store. We appreciated the entry.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Dance  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Sorji .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of creating an alternative history story.


First Impression: An interesting story with a good focus on the dynamics between the two characters, using a somewhat familiar conflict with an alternative aspect that brings about the genre of the prompt. While a little heavy on the dialogue, the aspects of character along with the situation presented make it something readers will enjoy checking out.


Prompt: This time around, for journey through the genres, you had to create a story that fit in the alternative history genre. We had to see some elements of history but have something be very different about it. Some genres are a little easier to tell than others. For your story, you took an interesting approach because it wasn't necessarily an obvious point or historical moment, but it really showed an alternative world based on a sort of big history aspect with a little question of evolution with man taking over to try and design something. You put in character and conflict around that alteration, which really helped it stand out in relation to the contest.


Story Thoughts: The story was appealing, in particular with how you created the characters giving them dynamics and responses that really brought out the conflict aspect. There was a real element to how the characters interacted with each other along with the familiar, yet different situation they found themselves in. This helped make it all work well together.


Final Comments: Overall, you did a good job with the writing of the story. There wasn't much that stood out when reading the story a few different times.

One aspect on the technical side that you could consider in rewrites or edits is a certain choice in punctuation. Not to say that you've done anything wrong, in particular, but it's something to consider that could add some strength to the story. For me, I find that the exclamation mark is one of the few options for punctuation that needs to be used in spare amounts. The issue with using it so often, the desired impact looses some of its oomph. If you trim out some of them, then it will let the ones that you keep within the story to have a bigger impact.

Nice work with the story. Thank you for taking the time to come up with this based on the alternate history prompt for the site contest. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed writing it.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Mara ♣ McBain .

This review is very delayed and from the many months ago round of "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest. My apologies for taking so long in sending the feedback and hope you still enjoy the piece you created months ago. Somehow the review got lost in the background of life with flu season (I work in pharmacy) and the holidays. This was a great job on the story and again, sorry that this is a very late review.


First Impression: Nicely done effort in the creation of this story. Even with the round not having as many entries compared to others in the past, it is easy enough to see why the story placed well. The character is interesting to follow and the sections provided to the reader had a depth that many will appreciate whether they are aware of the music source of inspiration or not.


Prompt: The prompt from the contest months ago was based on music that included lyrics. Music is a good prompt in that it's easy to use music in order to create a story. It can be a challenge for the reader at times to see the inspiration within the story. Overall, this round with the particular song worked out well in giving the readers and judges easy enough of a time in finding the prompt usage. This story worked in that regard. The title has a reference to the song but it also works in focus on the story as it's very fitting and the general plot showcases enough to understand the use fo the prompt for the inspiration.


Story Thoughts: I liked the story. The character had depth and the emotion is easy to interpret within the piece through the sections of story provided. With the focus being on the change in her life, it's one that many readers will be able to appreciate and understand. We can see a little of what brought the character to this point and the focus on how things have changed as she made the move in leaving things behind in her life. The story does well in showcasing how the character has gone about the situation showcased in the title with enough buildup while still keeping to a very limited word count.

The image is extra at the start of the story but in this case, I liked the visual added to the story.


Final Comments: Again, thank you for taking the time to create this entry for the contest. It wasn't the most active of months/rounds and the music contest does give a different type of challenge. I know it can be a difficult task to get that story even though music inspires writing on a regular basis. I appreciated the story and enjoyed the entry even if it took me months to get this pieced together in order to tell you. Congratulations on placing second.

*PenB* Keep Writing

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90
90
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFi .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest.


First Impression: An interesting approach with the usage of the prompt and how the characters were showcased in the different segments of the story. The tag game in the beginning brings the reader into the situation, introduces the characters and makes a for a good start. I liked the approach for the most part though it jumped around a little bit with the different segments that cause a little stall each time when reading through.


Prompt: The time around there was the music prompt that included the instrumental and lyrics from which people could draw inspiration. The title itself got some attention from writers along with particular lines. It can be a challenge at times with the music prompts since they are easy for writers to use for inspiration but not always easy for others to see that inspiration as outside readers. This entry worked enough for the judges to tell that the prompt had a connection within the story to qualify for the contest.


Story Thoughts: I like the idea behind the story and where you were going, or at least the parts I was able to interpret. Have to admit that I wouldn't have known that it was six different characters if it wasn't listed in the item description. The struggle with this many characters for the official contest comes in part with the short word count limit. It can be hard to get much when having to bounce from one to the next though you did a good job with the different sections of the story as a method for guiding the reader between the characters.

I had a little struggle distinguishing the different characters and for the particular story length, might have worked out a little better cutting it down to a couple less people as the focus. Or you can expand now that the contest is over to allow each set a little more paper time in order to be able to help set them apart more. Either way can work, depends on what you want to do with the story now that the contest is over.

Final Comments: Overall, you did a nice job in the story creation. Thank you for taking the time to create the story for the site's official contest based off the music prompt and for the patience in waiting for feedback. We appreciate the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge.


*PenB* Keep Writing *PenB*

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91
91
Review of Uncertain Paths  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello debmiller1 .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest.

First Impression: A good approach to a story with conflict and character. At first there is a little hesitation but when the shaman says "I know why you dream of drowning" you have my attention. I liked the approach and the internal conflict within the main character.


Prompt: The prompt for the contest involved music, which was a song that included lyrics this time around. The contest does pose a challenge for some as it's easy to use music for inspiration with writing but can be difficult to interpret that usage for the reader/judge. Still, overall there was a nice attempt and one can see the usage to enough of a degree with a struggle and a sort of fall without using it for the title. The story is more than enough with the prompt to have qualified for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Not many comments I can make in regards to the story. The conflict and character development are strong. You have something interesting here that will capture a reader's attention and make them curious about what is going on. With the technical side, maybe a minor edit or tweaking of some sentences could put things in a stronger fashion but nothing in particular stands out as needing changed. It's just going to be a matter of personal taste if you want to work on it more or keep things just the way they are in the current version.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to enter the official site contest during the music round. We hope you enjoyed the prompt and the challenge of coming up with the entry. The time you took to write and your patience in receiving feedback is greatly appreciated.


*PenB* Keep Writing *PenB*


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92
92
Review of Ready to Fall  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Beholden .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest.

First Impression: I like the approach you took here. At times, the using quotes and lyrics from someone else can be a little kitschy or bring up questions, seem at times maybe a tad less original, but there are situations and stories where it works in particular. For your entry, it worked with have the small nods and uses then the story for the reader to appreciate. And while I'm not the biggest fan of the first person narrative, that was definitely the best approach to take here as it gave the story a real voice that can be hard to pull off in writing.


Prompt: The prompt for the contest has its own challenge since music can make for a great prompt but at times interpretation and finding the prompt within for the different readers aren't the easiest. Nice to have the lyrics along with the sound for this round. Your entry did use the prompt in a way that should be easy enough for most to see how it was used. Having the it as part of the title is helpful too though could be switched out for something else to make the story more focused on your creation and a little less tied to the prompt, as an option. Still, overall it's a nice approach and use of the prompt from the contest.


Story Thoughts: With the story, I did like the approach and the character development. It can be a little hard to follow with the different italics and having the parts with the character sort of adding the extra commentary, but not to the point that one can't figure things out. I got where I needed to go with it and since knew about the song prompt could tell when it was the lyrics used. Another (random) reader might struggle a tad but nothing too much to worry about. The voice and character hold through and that's what is important with this particular style and story.

In the end, I liked this approach and the narrative elements used. Nice work.

Final Comments: Overall, you did a good job with using the musical prompt provided to create a story entry on the site. Thank you for taking the time to put together this piece for the site's official contest and for the patience in awaiting the feedback. Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and coming up with the story.

*PenV* Keep Writing *PenV*


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93
93
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ruwth !

Nice to see you keeping up with the writing challenge. I get to review one of your entries in connection with {ritem:2173943. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


First Impression: Fun poetic view of the epic race between the tortoise and the hare. Taking form, rhyme and a well known little tale creates an entertaining poem that different readers will enjoy. It's short and yet dynamic, so works for the contest and as a nice bit of writing for the week.


Contest/Prompt: The contest is fun since it takes a look at the fairy tale into a poetic form. How the write uses fairy tales is up to them and the prompt then comes in through the requirement of a particular form. This round it was a lento form with a beginning and end rhyme requirement for the usual two stanza poem. Your entry will qualify for sure with how it views the tale of the tortoise or the hare within the stanzas that follow the form required.


Form: I do have a couple of comments about how you approach the form: lento. While it does work okay with the way you did the beginning of each line, since they have to all rhyme, I do wonder if there will be a minor issue since technically speaking every line starts with "A". The next words follow the rhyme scheme but since the form lists the very first word of each line is supposed to bring in the rhyme it does seem just a tiny bit off the mark. Many of the lines could have the A removed and it'd still make sense in the poetic style and a couple of them could work fine with a little bit of a rewrite. Something to maybe consider though you could always keep it how you have it now if that's what you really prefer.

The word "ne'er" works fine within the poem. Personally, it does cause a little of a stumble for me as the reader but other people probably won't even notice.

Thanks for adding both information on the source of inspiration (the contest) and the form used at the bottom of the poem. It's great to have that information for any random reader who might not have known about those factors when coming upon the item in your port. It's a nice bit and having it at the bottom helps to keep the information from distracting from the main focus, which is the poem.


Final Thoughts: Overall, you did a nice job. Some things could be worked a little if you felt like playing with the poem but it could stay just as it is if that's how you like the poem. Good luck with the contest and to keep writing for I Write. Have fun and keep writing1




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94
94
for entry "Flash of Inspiration" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Reaction: A nice approach to a very short poem. I like the idea behind it and the word that was the prompt because it's something we all relate to as writers. It also gives the reader a flash and has a sound to it, the word spark does. It's fun and overall an enjoyable quick poem.


Contest/Prompt: The contest is fun and easy enough to follow. The rules are simple since it's just write a poem that only has 24 syllables based on a word prompt that has to be included in the poem. While the syllables are limited, there isn't any other form restriction with the writer getting to lay out the words in what ever way they want. The word prompt for the day was a fun one and you do a good job with putting it into a poem.


Form: The form is more of a syllable count with this one due to the contest that inspired the very short poem. From my count, you achieve the goal of the 24 syllables. There are many quick ones with most being the single count but there are the couple of words that add length and help slow the reader down just enough to keep them from going too fast. Yet most stays quick and think that works with the focus and the prompt word.


Favorite Part:
A spark is all I need,
a quick flash of inspiration


Final Thoughts: Overall, I liked this very short poem. The word prompt was a good one and this approach worked well. I know the contest round is a challenge since there are going to be many entries with their different approaches to the prompt in poetic form. Good luck with the contest and with the challenge of I Write as we keep going through the rest of the year.

Keep Writing!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: It's a nice little poem with form and rhyme that focuses on showing a view based in particular on the title. Easy enough for different readers to appreciate. Though is more of a quick picture and has a little bit of a feeling like it doesn't go anywhere in particular, which can be okay at times when it comes to poetry.


Contest and Prompt: The contest is fairly open. The main difference is that they limit number of entries each round but there isn't a prompt that must be followed. Makes it easy enough then to fit the requirements of a form poem that shows off meter and rhyme with a challenge coming in narrowing the options down in order to create something. Will be a tough one for the judges and in the frame of competition.


Form: The form is a nice choice in providing a way to create rhythm in this poem within the line requirements and the rhyming. It does have a little risk with the repetition at the end of every single line that might detract from the overall feel or make it seem a little monotonous. Some may like that element more than others. The form itself does allow a little freedom since it requires rhyme but allows the poet to pick the scheme for it. It does appear, according to the note with the information about the prompt that you follow what the form requires.


Favorite Part:
Ancient night settles down so fair
Throughout the forest's frosty air.


Final Notes: Overall, nice work in creating the poem. You did a good job with this pleasant bit of poetry.

With the little note at the bottom, I do have a bit of a suggestion. I appreciate that you put information about the form there. It is very helpful because not everyone is going to want to research to find out more information on the form and saves the judge, or anyone who is going to review with a focus on that element, a little time too. Interesting that you put some other rhyme words at the bottom though I don't quite know the reasoning there. However, with the drop note name being the contest, I would have liked to see a little bit of information about the contest being entered or maybe a link. Either that or change the title of the drop note so it reflects what is found within it better.


Good luck with the contest and the continued challenge of taking part in I Write. Keep writing!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ♥Hooves♥

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Impression: Interesting. The title caught my attention from the start. Did like the idea behind the poem with where things started in the title. However, I did also get a little lost as I wasn't sure exactly where it was going to go. The references were great though and added a particularly interesting touch that others will appreciate.


Contest/Prompt: The prompt was easy enough for me to tell as I've been watching the contest too. Writer's Cramp is nice since it gives different prompts every day. Don't like one day, wait and the next day it will be something else. It's also helpful since it allows both stories and poems. Since the first line was bolded I assumed that was the prompt though it could also be helpful for random people viewing to have the "prompt" at the bottom of the item. Or not, it's not going to harm not having it with the poem.


Form: The form seems like it's free verse and that is a good choice for the particular poem and contest entry. Think it works well to have the freedom to word things however you want without directions or rules to dictate much.



Favorite Part:
and color invaded the screen
with a yellow brick road to war


Other Notes: Overall, nice work with the creation of the poem for I Write and Writer's Cramp. The references and overall topic were appreciated. However, I did get a little lost and it had a bit of an incomplete feeling. Like it needed to keep going because it didn't quite reach an ending. Each stanza had a purpose, or that was the feeling I got when I was reading the poem. The last line, I wanted to know what it was referencing or the particular purpose, reason for that being the last line but I don't quite get what is going on.



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97
97
for entry "Lucifer's Captive" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Impression: Overall, an interesting and dark poem. Definitely not something to read if wanting a happy, shiny moment but well fitting considering the prompt, contest and general approach for the poem. It's on the dark side, a bit sad but also brings across a situation to show the reader for not all is well for everyone.


Contest Entered: Checked out the contest as well since part of I Write involves entering our stories/poems into site contests or challenges each week. The contest requires a more darker approach to poetry and gives quite the range for what it allows but does also include a prompt. This round it's quite the image for a prompt and does so well in giving inspiration for a poem.


Form/Structure: I'm guessing that you're going with free verse with the poem since it doesn't seem like it follows a particular form/structure and nothing else is listed at the bottom of the item. That works out the best because you don't have to follow the regulations that a form might require so you were able to focus on the image prompt.

The only thing for me was some of the sentence structures between the lines felt a little off to me. It wasn't bad and I get the reasoning for the lines but at the same times, the pattern and how the sentences came out had a little offness in my head.

Thanks for posting both the image and the link to the contest. I should do that more too.

Favorite Part:
Strength is siphoned away,
And left behind
Is a broken soul
Too weak to dig himself out;


Other Notes: Overall nice work with creating this poem from the image prompt. It works really well with the haunting image that the contest provided for the round. I can see where you are inspired and appreciated the approach taken. Sometimes things get a little dark and end a little sad, which makes this relate-able.


Good luck with the contest and the weekly challenge of I Write. Keep writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Jellyfish in Albania! 🌞 . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support
. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: Nice approach. The item didn't have the most poetic feel, per se, but it also had a different political topic that was very appreciated. I liked your approach because it did have that element that helped it stand out for me and was something I could still understand in relation to the concern over the political state of affairs.


Prompt: The contest had a simple requirement in that we needed to simply get a poem that had a political focus. The politics part gave plenty of room for interpretation for the writer while also making it easy for the reader/judge to find the influence. The challenge came in finding a way to make the poem stand out among the others that were submitted for the contest.


Form: Free verse was a good choice as you could focus on what you wanted to say without trying to keep things within a strict set of rules. The only downside is to some this may come across as being a bit less poetic. Others will enjoy the free form and freedom it provided with the different line lengths and stanzas. It feels like we are getting to see a thought process that is a little disjointed but that is one I can appreciate.


Favorite Part:
Now take your future with a dose of cuts –

And Brexit for dessert.


Other Notes: Overall, I enjoyed the poem you created for the contest and that you took this approach. It's a bit strange and it has a strong focus that many can appreciate no matter where they are from.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the contest months ago. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and in creating this political poem.



*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
for entry "Palm Fronds" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings, Prosperous Snow celebrating . I am reviewing your poem today as part of the challenge for "I Write in 2019"  [E].


Initial Reaction: Nice little haiku focused on something natural with a hint of personal added to the mix. It's quick and to the point considering the prompt, which makes sense with the form required.


Contest/Prompt: I checked out the contest and its prompt in relation to the poem since for the challenge we have to enter contests here on the site with what we write each week. The contest is one for poetry and this time around required a haiku for the type of poem. Based on that, this should do well as it does have what one might expect from a haiku.


Form: This poem does appear to meet the requirements of the form required. Haiku has to follow the lines, count and flow all within the compact form. It is nice that you also did the focus on something within nature, which some people do see as something that should be involved in the particular form.


Favorite Part:
their green summer memories


Other Notes: Nice work overall. I didn't see anything really to note in regards to the technical side of the writing. The information at the bottom in the drop note is a nice touch. You could maybe put a link or some more details on what a haiku requires for those who are unfamiliar with the particular form but it's not necessary. Many who are reading poetry will be familiar enough with the form to not need that detail. Good idea on having the contest in the drop note. I always forget about that in entries but it's something I should consider beyond word counts and prompts. Anyways, nice job with the haiku.

Good luck in the contest and in I Write.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, ♫~ Kenword~♫ . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: It was a fun, interesting approach creating a ballad that focused on the small town instead of the general or nationwide political topics while still hitting some of the points that many of us will understand. It is small focused yet wide sweeping at the same time.


Prompt: This time around it was a somewhat simple prompt for the genre focused site contest. The requirement was just to create a political poem, which gave the writer freedom in how they used the prompt while keeping it easy enough for the reader/judge to see the influence/connection. The hardest part with this particular round came in creating something that would stand out among the other political poems.


Rhythm/Rhyme: The poem does follow a rhyme scheme, which helps to give it a bit of rhythm as well. Is part of what takes the reader along through the stanzas from one section to the next. The rhyme isn't to the point of taking over the focus though, as the words and topic still take the attention of the reader more so than the end line rhymes.


Favorite Part:
They sing our song for they know our heart
But they don't know the future is to tear us apart



Other Notes: Nice work overall. I liked the short stanzas in particular with this piece and how they were thought out. The approach of going from the different ones (I, we, him, you) and such made sense. It was clear that you put effort and thought into the creation of the poem in the structure as well as the content.


Thank you for taking the time to enter Journey Through the Genres. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge of coming up with a political poem.



*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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