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Review Requests: ON
1,257 Public Reviews Given
1,498 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of Uncertain Paths  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello debmiller1 Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest.

First Impression: A good approach to a story with conflict and character. At first there is a little hesitation but when the shaman says "I know why you dream of drowning" you have my attention. I liked the approach and the internal conflict within the main character.


Prompt: The prompt for the contest involved music, which was a song that included lyrics this time around. The contest does pose a challenge for some as it's easy to use music for inspiration with writing but can be difficult to interpret that usage for the reader/judge. Still, overall there was a nice attempt and one can see the usage to enough of a degree with a struggle and a sort of fall without using it for the title. The story is more than enough with the prompt to have qualified for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Not many comments I can make in regards to the story. The conflict and character development are strong. You have something interesting here that will capture a reader's attention and make them curious about what is going on. With the technical side, maybe a minor edit or tweaking of some sentences could put things in a stronger fashion but nothing in particular stands out as needing changed. It's just going to be a matter of personal taste if you want to work on it more or keep things just the way they are in the current version.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to enter the official site contest during the music round. We hope you enjoyed the prompt and the challenge of coming up with the entry. The time you took to write and your patience in receiving feedback is greatly appreciated.


*PenB* Keep Writing *PenB*


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Review of Ready to Fall  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Beholden Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest.

First Impression: I like the approach you took here. At times, the using quotes and lyrics from someone else can be a little kitschy or bring up questions, seem at times maybe a tad less original, but there are situations and stories where it works in particular. For your entry, it worked with have the small nods and uses then the story for the reader to appreciate. And while I'm not the biggest fan of the first person narrative, that was definitely the best approach to take here as it gave the story a real voice that can be hard to pull off in writing.


Prompt: The prompt for the contest has its own challenge since music can make for a great prompt but at times interpretation and finding the prompt within for the different readers aren't the easiest. Nice to have the lyrics along with the sound for this round. Your entry did use the prompt in a way that should be easy enough for most to see how it was used. Having the it as part of the title is helpful too though could be switched out for something else to make the story more focused on your creation and a little less tied to the prompt, as an option. Still, overall it's a nice approach and use of the prompt from the contest.


Story Thoughts: With the story, I did like the approach and the character development. It can be a little hard to follow with the different italics and having the parts with the character sort of adding the extra commentary, but not to the point that one can't figure things out. I got where I needed to go with it and since knew about the song prompt could tell when it was the lyrics used. Another (random) reader might struggle a tad but nothing too much to worry about. The voice and character hold through and that's what is important with this particular style and story.

In the end, I liked this approach and the narrative elements used. Nice work.

Final Comments: Overall, you did a good job with using the musical prompt provided to create a story entry on the site. Thank you for taking the time to put together this piece for the site's official contest and for the patience in awaiting the feedback. Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and coming up with the story.

*PenV* Keep Writing *PenV*


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ruwth Author Icon!

Nice to see you keeping up with the writing challenge. I get to review one of your entries in connection with {ritem:2173943. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


First Impression: Fun poetic view of the epic race between the tortoise and the hare. Taking form, rhyme and a well known little tale creates an entertaining poem that different readers will enjoy. It's short and yet dynamic, so works for the contest and as a nice bit of writing for the week.


Contest/Prompt: The contest is fun since it takes a look at the fairy tale into a poetic form. How the write uses fairy tales is up to them and the prompt then comes in through the requirement of a particular form. This round it was a lento form with a beginning and end rhyme requirement for the usual two stanza poem. Your entry will qualify for sure with how it views the tale of the tortoise or the hare within the stanzas that follow the form required.


Form: I do have a couple of comments about how you approach the form: lento. While it does work okay with the way you did the beginning of each line, since they have to all rhyme, I do wonder if there will be a minor issue since technically speaking every line starts with "A". The next words follow the rhyme scheme but since the form lists the very first word of each line is supposed to bring in the rhyme it does seem just a tiny bit off the mark. Many of the lines could have the A removed and it'd still make sense in the poetic style and a couple of them could work fine with a little bit of a rewrite. Something to maybe consider though you could always keep it how you have it now if that's what you really prefer.

The word "ne'er" works fine within the poem. Personally, it does cause a little of a stumble for me as the reader but other people probably won't even notice.

Thanks for adding both information on the source of inspiration (the contest) and the form used at the bottom of the poem. It's great to have that information for any random reader who might not have known about those factors when coming upon the item in your port. It's a nice bit and having it at the bottom helps to keep the information from distracting from the main focus, which is the poem.


Final Thoughts: Overall, you did a nice job. Some things could be worked a little if you felt like playing with the poem but it could stay just as it is if that's how you like the poem. Good luck with the contest and to keep writing for I Write. Have fun and keep writing1




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for entry "Flash of Inspiration" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Reaction: A nice approach to a very short poem. I like the idea behind it and the word that was the prompt because it's something we all relate to as writers. It also gives the reader a flash and has a sound to it, the word spark does. It's fun and overall an enjoyable quick poem.


Contest/Prompt: The contest is fun and easy enough to follow. The rules are simple since it's just write a poem that only has 24 syllables based on a word prompt that has to be included in the poem. While the syllables are limited, there isn't any other form restriction with the writer getting to lay out the words in what ever way they want. The word prompt for the day was a fun one and you do a good job with putting it into a poem.


Form: The form is more of a syllable count with this one due to the contest that inspired the very short poem. From my count, you achieve the goal of the 24 syllables. There are many quick ones with most being the single count but there are the couple of words that add length and help slow the reader down just enough to keep them from going too fast. Yet most stays quick and think that works with the focus and the prompt word.


Favorite Part:
A spark is all I need,
a quick flash of inspiration


Final Thoughts: Overall, I liked this very short poem. The word prompt was a good one and this approach worked well. I know the contest round is a challenge since there are going to be many entries with their different approaches to the prompt in poetic form. Good luck with the contest and with the challenge of I Write as we keep going through the rest of the year.

Keep Writing!


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: It's a nice little poem with form and rhyme that focuses on showing a view based in particular on the title. Easy enough for different readers to appreciate. Though is more of a quick picture and has a little bit of a feeling like it doesn't go anywhere in particular, which can be okay at times when it comes to poetry.


Contest and Prompt: The contest is fairly open. The main difference is that they limit number of entries each round but there isn't a prompt that must be followed. Makes it easy enough then to fit the requirements of a form poem that shows off meter and rhyme with a challenge coming in narrowing the options down in order to create something. Will be a tough one for the judges and in the frame of competition.


Form: The form is a nice choice in providing a way to create rhythm in this poem within the line requirements and the rhyming. It does have a little risk with the repetition at the end of every single line that might detract from the overall feel or make it seem a little monotonous. Some may like that element more than others. The form itself does allow a little freedom since it requires rhyme but allows the poet to pick the scheme for it. It does appear, according to the note with the information about the prompt that you follow what the form requires.


Favorite Part:
Ancient night settles down so fair
Throughout the forest's frosty air.


Final Notes: Overall, nice work in creating the poem. You did a good job with this pleasant bit of poetry.

With the little note at the bottom, I do have a bit of a suggestion. I appreciate that you put information about the form there. It is very helpful because not everyone is going to want to research to find out more information on the form and saves the judge, or anyone who is going to review with a focus on that element, a little time too. Interesting that you put some other rhyme words at the bottom though I don't quite know the reasoning there. However, with the drop note name being the contest, I would have liked to see a little bit of information about the contest being entered or maybe a link. Either that or change the title of the drop note so it reflects what is found within it better.


Good luck with the contest and the continued challenge of taking part in I Write. Keep writing!


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Impression: Interesting. The title caught my attention from the start. Did like the idea behind the poem with where things started in the title. However, I did also get a little lost as I wasn't sure exactly where it was going to go. The references were great though and added a particularly interesting touch that others will appreciate.


Contest/Prompt: The prompt was easy enough for me to tell as I've been watching the contest too. Writer's Cramp is nice since it gives different prompts every day. Don't like one day, wait and the next day it will be something else. It's also helpful since it allows both stories and poems. Since the first line was bolded I assumed that was the prompt though it could also be helpful for random people viewing to have the "prompt" at the bottom of the item. Or not, it's not going to harm not having it with the poem.


Form: The form seems like it's free verse and that is a good choice for the particular poem and contest entry. Think it works well to have the freedom to word things however you want without directions or rules to dictate much.



Favorite Part:
and color invaded the screen
with a yellow brick road to war


Other Notes: Overall, nice work with the creation of the poem for I Write and Writer's Cramp. The references and overall topic were appreciated. However, I did get a little lost and it had a bit of an incomplete feeling. Like it needed to keep going because it didn't quite reach an ending. Each stanza had a purpose, or that was the feeling I got when I was reading the poem. The last line, I wanted to know what it was referencing or the particular purpose, reason for that being the last line but I don't quite get what is going on.



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for entry "Lucifer's Captive" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Impression: Overall, an interesting and dark poem. Definitely not something to read if wanting a happy, shiny moment but well fitting considering the prompt, contest and general approach for the poem. It's on the dark side, a bit sad but also brings across a situation to show the reader for not all is well for everyone.


Contest Entered: Checked out the contest as well since part of I Write involves entering our stories/poems into site contests or challenges each week. The contest requires a more darker approach to poetry and gives quite the range for what it allows but does also include a prompt. This round it's quite the image for a prompt and does so well in giving inspiration for a poem.


Form/Structure: I'm guessing that you're going with free verse with the poem since it doesn't seem like it follows a particular form/structure and nothing else is listed at the bottom of the item. That works out the best because you don't have to follow the regulations that a form might require so you were able to focus on the image prompt.

The only thing for me was some of the sentence structures between the lines felt a little off to me. It wasn't bad and I get the reasoning for the lines but at the same times, the pattern and how the sentences came out had a little offness in my head.

Thanks for posting both the image and the link to the contest. I should do that more too.

Favorite Part:
Strength is siphoned away,
And left behind
Is a broken soul
Too weak to dig himself out;


Other Notes: Overall nice work with creating this poem from the image prompt. It works really well with the haunting image that the contest provided for the round. I can see where you are inspired and appreciated the approach taken. Sometimes things get a little dark and end a little sad, which makes this relate-able.


Good luck with the contest and the weekly challenge of I Write. Keep writing.

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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Jellyfish is in Tenerife! 🌴 Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: Nice approach. The item didn't have the most poetic feel, per se, but it also had a different political topic that was very appreciated. I liked your approach because it did have that element that helped it stand out for me and was something I could still understand in relation to the concern over the political state of affairs.


Prompt: The contest had a simple requirement in that we needed to simply get a poem that had a political focus. The politics part gave plenty of room for interpretation for the writer while also making it easy for the reader/judge to find the influence. The challenge came in finding a way to make the poem stand out among the others that were submitted for the contest.


Form: Free verse was a good choice as you could focus on what you wanted to say without trying to keep things within a strict set of rules. The only downside is to some this may come across as being a bit less poetic. Others will enjoy the free form and freedom it provided with the different line lengths and stanzas. It feels like we are getting to see a thought process that is a little disjointed but that is one I can appreciate.


Favorite Part:
Now take your future with a dose of cuts –

And Brexit for dessert.


Other Notes: Overall, I enjoyed the poem you created for the contest and that you took this approach. It's a bit strange and it has a strong focus that many can appreciate no matter where they are from.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the contest months ago. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and in creating this political poem.



*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*


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for entry "Palm Fronds" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings, Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as part of the challenge for "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window. [E].


Initial Reaction: Nice little haiku focused on something natural with a hint of personal added to the mix. It's quick and to the point considering the prompt, which makes sense with the form required.


Contest/Prompt: I checked out the contest and its prompt in relation to the poem since for the challenge we have to enter contests here on the site with what we write each week. The contest is one for poetry and this time around required a haiku for the type of poem. Based on that, this should do well as it does have what one might expect from a haiku.


Form: This poem does appear to meet the requirements of the form required. Haiku has to follow the lines, count and flow all within the compact form. It is nice that you also did the focus on something within nature, which some people do see as something that should be involved in the particular form.


Favorite Part:
their green summer memories


Other Notes: Nice work overall. I didn't see anything really to note in regards to the technical side of the writing. The information at the bottom in the drop note is a nice touch. You could maybe put a link or some more details on what a haiku requires for those who are unfamiliar with the particular form but it's not necessary. Many who are reading poetry will be familiar enough with the form to not need that detail. Good idea on having the contest in the drop note. I always forget about that in entries but it's something I should consider beyond word counts and prompts. Anyways, nice job with the haiku.

Good luck in the contest and in I Write.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: It was a fun, interesting approach creating a ballad that focused on the small town instead of the general or nationwide political topics while still hitting some of the points that many of us will understand. It is small focused yet wide sweeping at the same time.


Prompt: This time around it was a somewhat simple prompt for the genre focused site contest. The requirement was just to create a political poem, which gave the writer freedom in how they used the prompt while keeping it easy enough for the reader/judge to see the influence/connection. The hardest part with this particular round came in creating something that would stand out among the other political poems.


Rhythm/Rhyme: The poem does follow a rhyme scheme, which helps to give it a bit of rhythm as well. Is part of what takes the reader along through the stanzas from one section to the next. The rhyme isn't to the point of taking over the focus though, as the words and topic still take the attention of the reader more so than the end line rhymes.


Favorite Part:
They sing our song for they know our heart
But they don't know the future is to tear us apart



Other Notes: Nice work overall. I liked the short stanzas in particular with this piece and how they were thought out. The approach of going from the different ones (I, we, him, you) and such made sense. It was clear that you put effort and thought into the creation of the poem in the structure as well as the content.


Thank you for taking the time to enter Journey Through the Genres. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge of coming up with a political poem.



*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review of Same Old Same Old  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings, ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: I liked the approach with a topic that hits the nail on the head in many ways. In my years as an adult, the elections have had that feeling: the same old, same old. You brought about the subject in this poetic form and were able to put the thought across while still creating something that could sound poetic.


Prompt: This time around the Journey through the Genre contest had a simple ask in that the genre had to be politics and the item that of the poetic nature. Having it put that way helped to give the writer freedom in what they produced and made it easy for the judge/reader to find the influence of the prompt. Easy to qualify but the challenge then became creating an item that can stand out among the crowd.


Form: Limerick can be a tough form, in particular when drawing it out to more than one or two stanzas but you did a good job with the form. You managed to follow the expectations of the form with the stanzas and rhyme scheme for the most part. In stanza two, the 'a' rhymes felt a little off due to the second line having the s when the others didn't.


Favorite Part:
With each one it's clear
couldn't be plainer this year
I'd like to give both parties the toe of my boot!


Other Notes: Nice work, overall. It's somewhat specific while having enough of an open nature to be relate-able for many people over a topic that isn't always easy to communicate.

Of course, I like the ending. I could have used a Guinness when I was voting though actually, since I did mine from home I enjoyed a different choice in libations. First time with the mail-in ballot and I'm a fan. It did have a little bit of a stumble in regards to the sound/rhythm of the last line of the poem and I think it's because of the way you had to word the beers but that was needed for the rhyme requirement.

Thank you for taking the time to come up with this poem for the contest. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge the prompt provided.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Dave Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: Nice approach with this entry. It had a rhythm that is noted in the small set of stanzas produced. And the topic, the political while not being too specific brought about a good point that we see all too often, which each election or anything involving matters political.

Also, while not the prettiest image, the item image of the bat works well with getting attention and the focus on the rabid rhetoric. Nice choice there.


Prompt: This time around the Journey through the Genres contest had a rather simple ask for the prompt. The entry had to be a political poem and pretty much anything within that would qualify. This gave the writer a fair amount of freedom while making it easy enough for the reader/judge to find the influence from the prompt. However, the challenge then was how to stand out among all of the other poems.


Form: Thanks for giving information at the bottom of the poem about the form used. However, the link didn't work, which would have been a nice addition if it had provided more information about the form.

I appreciated the use of a form. Nothing against free verse but I also know the effort it takes into following something this specific and the challenge it presents in putting together the topic.


Favorite Part:
we are fed a diet
of deceit and disdain,
instigating riot
in manner quite insane.



Other Notes: It was a good approach to the ask of a political poem. It had a good rhythm and sound to the lines and still put together a point as to the angle taken in relation to the political realm.

Last stanza, there is a slight issue due to the use of the word "politic". I can see why it was chosen due to the requirement for the syllable count. However, it just sounds off.

Overall, nice work and thank you for taking the time to come up with an entry for the site contest. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge of coming up with this for the prompt.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings, Sorji Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
}. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: A different, interesting approach to the prompt in relation to the political elements and in the general formatting of the "poem". This one had a few unique elements that helped to have it catch my attention in comparison to the many others entered.


Prompt: This time around the genre contest had a relatively simple ask since the prompt required a political poem. The politics element is open enough to give the writer many options and it also made it easy enough for the reader/judge to find the use of the prompt. The bit challenge came in finding ways to create a poem that stands out in the crowd.


Form: It does have a little bit of a non-poetic seeming approach with the form having the separate lines. Wondered a bit what might be like not having as much space but in the end think it's probably better of this way even if it gives it less of a poem look. The capitial letters are done in a way that shows intent and purpose, which is appreciated as it could have easily looked random and without point.


Imagery: One fun aspect of this one with the items listed is it gives the reader a fair amount of things to visualize. Each one that gets crossed off causes me to picture the item listed then think about the reasoning for not allowing it. That also helped to make this a fun read.


Favorite Part:
Lorna Doon's Those are Sexist.

Beef Jerky Those aren't Vegetarian.

Freedom from Judgement That's Not how this Works.



Other Notes: Overall, a nice effort and something that is definitely a creative approach to the prompt/contest.

There are a few of them that really made me think. Most I could get the connection from the crossed out parts and the list but some of them I'm still not quite sure about. Like I wasn't quite sure what about Lorna Doone's is sexist, though I think I've only even had those maybe once. Not a common cookie for me growing up. And do people want fluoride in their water? Also not sure if the one for beef jerky should be "those aren't" or "that isn't" since both plural and singular is just called beef jerky.

Finally, the very last line is almost a little too separate from the poem. I sort of wonder if maybe it isn't even needed cause the reader can come to that point in many ways on their own from the rest of the item. Plus the last crossed out one is strong and to the point so could serve as the ending. Just my thoughts on it at least.

Still it was a good approach to the prompt. Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to create a poem for the official contest. We appreciated your entry.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review of Burnt Orange  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings, ridinghhood-p.boutilier Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest Open in new Window. (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: Nice approach with bringing about something specific and how you showcased the disapproval in poetic form. The freedom of topic and from form shows in the item presented along with some very interesting points, methods of wording things to show the reader.


Prompt: This time around the Journey Through the Genres contest had a somewhat simple request. Simply had to produce a political poem. This gave the writer free reign to take it wherever they wanted while also making easy enough for the reader/judge to see the influence of the prompt. The challenge came in creating a political based poem that would stand out among the crowd of other poems.


Form: Free verse gives a certain level of freedom to play with the words and lines however you see fit. It did have a little bit of a form feel to it, in particular with the repeated two lines at the very start and end of the poem. That didn't hinder the poem in any way or provide anything as a boost either, just something I noticed as the reader.


Favorite Part:
We are inhabitants of a fouled, crowded world.
Democracy is burning.
The raw, dark truth
is that politics matters.


Other Notes: Nice touch and effort overall.

One thing you could consider, in particular when focusing on a specific item like "p45" would be to provide some information at the end of the poem for the reader. This is such a wide reaching web site and the platforms/statutes change depending on the election cycle, which can make it difficult for the reader to know exactly what you are referencing. Especially those who are in different countries. You don't need a long detail and if you don't want to distract from the actual poem, you can hide it in a drop note so that the focus is the poem but anyone who wants to know more about the topic can do so.

Thank you for taking the time and putting forth the effort to enter the site contest back in November. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge of creating a political poem.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review of The New Truth  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there, Author Ed Anderson Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.

Initial Reaction: A well put together poem that is in many ways what I would have expected from the prompt, image and title connected to the static item.

I like the image you used for the cover. It works well both in the context of the poem and with catching the interest of a potential reader.


Prompt: For the November round of the official site contest, the requirement was rather simple. You just needed to create a poem that was political in some way and in this regard you succeeded. The item you entered in the contest is a poem that is political in nature, thus qualifies for the contest with meeting the provided prompt. It was easy to find the link too, which helps though for this particular round it wasn't too difficult for any of the judges to see the requirements for entries.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The sonnet gives for a solid rhythm/rhyme scheme. Easy to follow the end rhymes for the different lines and all of them worked without causing any distractions or stalls when they are reading it.


Favorite Part:
Too many tears spilled
These are seeds sown

Actually, my favorite part is the image you used for the cover. That was a great choice that worked well in particular with the subject matter. Will help get reader's attention too so that they will check out the poem when they come upon the item on the site.


Other Notes: Overall, you put forth a nice effort in handling a somewhat touchy subject during this poem creation. Politics has a tough approach in that it can cause some strong reactions as people all have their own opinions on the topic. You put forth yours well in the poetic approach here. You put forth the thoughts in the poetic form.

Punctuation - I'm one who does enjoy the decision to not use punctuation in particular with poetry. Often I've gotten reviews on poems recommending to put it in when it's missing, but think that it works just find without. The only thing to consider is maybe to go either all in and take off the last bit of punctuation if looking for more of a sense of uniformity.

Thank you for taking the time to put forth an entry in the contest. We appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*


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Review of On Capitol Hill  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings, Christopher Roy Denton Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: You put forth a very good point with this poem. Overall, you did a nice job putting a bit of a political twist to poetry. It's interesting, brings up some history and even puts to use vocabulary that can be appreciated by a reader. Some of the flow with the sentence structure and formatting from the form felt a little off for me, but others will have different reactions based on their own reading of the poem.


Prompt: This round, the prompt required a poem that related to politics in some way or fashion. Makes it simple to both follow for the author but also easy for the judge to find. You have a poem and it involves politics, so that makes it work for the contest.


Form: I was not very familiar with the form though I've read some that follow the structure. The use of any form was extra and an added bonus. I am kind of interested as to why this particular form was chosen. There are so many forms available, the question always comes to mind as to whether it was a random pick or had some more purpose behind it.

Judging by the information I found on the form (the link didn't work for me), it does look like you followed it well. This one can be a bit tough because you have to pick particular words that are going to have enough options to fit the rhyme scheme, but also find something to repeat at the last lines.

For me, while the copied line chosen makes sense for the topic and form, something about the flow of the piece felt a little off for me. The last line or two had a feeling of being extra, not quite connected. This is just a general experience with me as the reader, though, and someone else will have a different perspective.

One suggestion I have with the form is to maybe put more information in the item instead of just the link because some might not want to take the effort to search out the rules of the form in order to see how well the poem followed the guidelines. To put it in so that it doesn't distract from the actual poem, I recommend using the dropnote option. That way more information is available on the page for anyone interested but it doesn't take any focus away from the important part, the poem.


Favorite Part:
While Senators scheme with duplicitous skill,
Americans fight for their liberty still,


Other Notes: Nice work in creating a political poem for the official site contest for November. We appreciated the entry and the time you took in order to create it. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the contest, prompt and the product you created.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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Review of Remission List  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Rhyssa Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.

First Impression: Nicely done story that includes an emotional element with character focus while following a prompt. I liked this approach even though there is some aspect of having been done with the topic of the remission list (similar to bucket list and other types). The characters went well with the approach and the emotional element is one that different readers can enjoy.


Prompt: The contest involved a quotation based prompt that required an interpretation while combining a topic into a short story. This time around it was a prompt that focused on the encouragement of exploring/doing something instead of regretting not taking action. Or something along those lines as some interpretation is up to how the writer perceives the paragraphs provided. The story is easy enough for the judges and anyone who is aware of the prompt to see some influence, which meant it qualified for the contest.


Story Thoughts: As stated in the first impression section, I appreciated the approach with this story. It's enjoyable in character and conflict. The characters meld together well and we get to see aspects of their lives enough to show the story within the limits of the word count requirement for the contest.

On the technical side, you did well in the creation of the entry. Nothing stood out or distracted during the reading process. I'm not always a big proponent of first person as I tend to stick with third, but in this case, I think it worked quite well. And the choice in whose point of view to follow was a good choice. Might be interesting to see his side if feeling like having a fun challenge in doing the same story in different perspectives but overall, the way it is written is a good choice.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this story for the site contest months ago. We appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the process of coming up with the story based on the quotation prompt. Well done.


Keep Writing.


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Review of Rainbow's End  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.

First Impression: Not where I expected things to go in the light of the prompt and with where we started, but overall an interesting story. It has a little character and some adventure with a bit of a not quite expected type of ending. I liked the approach taken in this regard and could appreciate things as a reader even within the limited confines of the contest requirements.


Prompt: This round had a quote with potential both in obvious forms and a wide range of ways to interpret the concept provided. General goal is to have some connection to the quote that the judge can find. Your use did well in that regard and thus the story qualified for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Nice approach with the given prompt. It's a developed story line, got some character involved and they do stuff. Don't always see that though is somewhat expected in stories, just hard in some of the lower word counts for some writers. I like where you went with this one even though the ending isn't as happy as I might have liked. In the case of the situation, it was fitting and you worked up to that point well. Granted, I could always want more character, seeing more of the world but let's face it, in these contests we do have to keep the word counts to the limit and you managed to put a decent amount in while putting forth a story that is short.


Final Comments: Nice work overall. On the technical side you did well in the creation of the story. Sure, if you felt like editing, developing sentence structures and the what not to tighten this up a bit you could look at a couple of points. A few adverbs could be cut out or reworded perhaps. Or some of the connections to dialogue known as saidisms (things used instead of said) could be eliminated in place of just either said or keep to more of having actions and things around the dialogue. There are simple things like that, which don't make or break the story so aren't required but things you could do if you decided to work on it a little more. Still, nicely done.

Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and creating this story for the contest. We appreciated your entry.


Keep Writing.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Graham B. Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.


First Impression: Fun approach with the use of heroes and action to create a story inspired by the prompt. Gave something for the judges that was a little out of the norm along with snippets of characters through dialogue to showcase things happening with a quick jump in from the start.


Prompt: The prompt is a different one than some of the other official contests as it's based off using a quotation in order to come up with a story. It had the option of a literal approach while also giving room for interpretation, which made for interesting results. In this case, the prompt can be seen as inspiring the story enough for it to have qualified for the challenge.


Story Thoughts: Overall, this is a fun story with potential. I like the super hero element in particular, which has such a great range for drawing readers in with character and a way to put forward action that isn't always an option. And can start with action, drawing someone in at once.

However, it feels more like a partial view of a story that was stunted due to the contest's word count limits. You had to make some decisions and get the story to the place you want all while keeping it under 2000 words, which is part of the challenge with writing for the officials. However, it also gave the story a limit and slightly disconnected feel. A portion of the action is stunted because some of the details are left out in order to not go over the limit.

And while I like dialogue, in this case, it seems like too much is used compared to other elements. This leaders to many shorter paragraphs and pushes the speed of the story a little too fast so that I ended up feeling like I was missing elements. It throws off the pacing, at least for me. The story overall becomes a little too jumpy and I think that it will get better over time now that you can ignore word count limits (at least have much more room compared to 2k) and really develop things further. Even as a scene, there is room to grow, to write more and beyond that as a complete story you have many options from here.


Final Comments: Thank you for entering the site's official contest and taking the time to come up with the entry based off a quotation prompt. Hope you enjoyed the challenge and the story you created.


Keep Writing.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFi Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.


First Impression: I'm familiar with your writing at this point, which means in some ways have an idea of what I might find within one of the stories entered/written and this was no exception. It showed the strongest aspect I've found with your writing, which is the creation of the world along with the imagination to develop something quite interesting. As for the story, some great things and also some elements that miss the mark for me as the reader but we'll get into that soon enough.


Prompt: A creative and different approach taken to the prompt, which this time around involved the use of inspiration from a quotation focused on the question of taking action instead of letting life pass by or some other interpretation of the inspiring quote. The entry worked enough within that realm with what the character was considering in taking action along with a little difference in not just world but how the character speaks in hesitations within the story. Qualifies for the contest, which is the important factor.


Story Thoughts: As expected and already mentioned, you do a great job in the creation of the different world along with the characters that fit well within those realms. It has potential but also feels limited by the 2000 word count requirements of the contest entered. A few elements in particular stuck out for me so I'll focus the rest of the review on that.

The characters are interesting and it has a straight concept. But I do have to admit that parts of it felt like there was too much dialogue. It was more the characters saying what had "happened" than anything and this made me wish I had the action going on instead of hearing about what at the time seems like in the aftermath.

Oh the dream element... I have to admit the aspect of having a large portion of the story be dream or other methods of not reality ends up bringing with it some disappointment. Aside from the general recommendation to avoid such, I will say it's going to be hard most of the time to pull off the "it was a dream" without causing some disappointment. Most of the time I'm not a fan and there are other readers who will feel the same, though there probably are some who really would enjoy that fact.

I enjoyed the world and some of the elements discussed but like I often find happens I need more, so much more.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this story and entering the official contest for April. We appreciated the entry and hoped you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt.

Keep Writing.


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Review of Pleasure Cruise  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.


First Impression: The title gives a peek of interest and plays off a little with the tension/drama that gets created throughout. Though at first it made me wonder where the cruise element comes in but get the suggestion once I've read the story and see the usage of the prompt as well, which is needed when reading this as the judge. It goes beyond the prompt though too, so others who see the story at random will get a good read without having even known the quotation that worked as inspiration.


Prompt: This round involved a quotation dealing with taking the risk and sailing out of safe harbor for adventures that might exist in other places. At one point I wasn't quite sure where the link would come. There is a bit of ship elements near the end but I do see the main pull from the prompt is more in how the one character tells the other she might regret not doing anything 20 years later. And of course how that gets twisted at the very end. Works enough to qualify for the contest for sure.


Story Thoughts: In general, you did a fair job in the creation of the story for the contest.

On the technical side, when it comes to the feel and flow of the story, I did appreciate that there is a decent balance between longer and shorter paragraphs/sentences. You have dialogue, some description and action involved throughout. I can't quite place the source but over half way through it began to feel a little long for me but then it draws to the bigger problem the character faces near the end. Not a negative thing, just something I noticed as it was a feeling I got as the reader and others will have different experiences when they read the short story.

The end both makes sense and is a little surprising. Like I can see how we got there as it works with the overall approach but at the same time it wasn't so obvious that I knew at the start how it would go. Not a bright ending but had its reasons for cutting things off at that point.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this entry for the quotation inspired official site contest. Hope you enjoyed the challenge and the prompt that was offered.

Keep Writing.


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Review of The Only Way Out  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today in connection with {ritem:} as part of the challenge.

Title:
The title and description are to the point in that one has a way to catch a reader's attention while the d3escription discusses the contests entered along with prompt. It is helpful though at some point, the description could be used to give a little teaser about the story, which probably wouldn't be longer than the actual story since it's micro fiction.


Overall Reaction:
Ahh.. I see what you did there. It was pretty easy to understand the story while still having that little element of surprise. Kind of fun twist to the story about someone hiring a hitman. And quite a good job considering the very minimal word count limit required for the contest entered. That does make it feel a bit abrupt and there are definite limitations to the scene because it had to be so short but it still worked out quite well.


Characters/Story:
Bit of an odd set of characters. We get limited detail on either since it's a bit a micro fiction. The focus is on the conversation and what is about to happen. It does have a little character shown while also having a bit of plot, which is a challenge in general let alone within the limit of micro fiction.

The story works in what you are trying to create. However, I will admit the line near the middle where the character is both worried about guilt in having a hand in someone's death and how it wouldn't last long did cause a slight stall for me. I was already getting where the story was going with who was being hired and who the target might but, so it the guilt, while marginal, came off a little strange. Though I'm sure it's difficult to pick the right wording with that small word count goal.

Don't think the character will make it far if running though. *Wink*

Contest:
I considered this contest as well. It's kinda fun even if the word count limit is way too low for me. Had to listen to the song to get a little context in order to see how this might fare in considering the contest entered. The story does involve reference to money and a form of a hit, so can see influence of prompt. It's a bit of a trippy song, isn't it? Will be interesting to see what the judge thinks when the round ends along with what other people create for the same prompt.


Final Comments:
Nice work in taking the prompt and coming up with this quirky little bit of micro fiction. Good luck in the contest and keep writing!


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Review of Gratitude  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title is simple, straight forward and yet enticing. I like the choice and it made the most sense considering the focus of the poem. At times, I would find it a little too easy of an approach with the title and the first word being the exact same thing but for this one, I think it's the right decision.


Overall Comments:
A very nice approach to the challenge of writing a six line poem that had a particular form but wasn't given an exact topic/prompt to follow. Those can be tricky when writing for a competition because there is so much room for anything. It can be freeing but also very challenging, whether writing a poem or a story.

The topic is pleasant and one that various readers will appreciate. No matter how they come upon the poetic musings presented, they will find a nicely created item to read. Made me wonder what different people would produce if the topic/prompt had been that of gratitude. Interesting to think about.


Form:
Thank you for having a note at the very bottom of the poem. It was good to know even though the poem would have stood on its own without having the reader know the information. I do kinda visual a couplet as having a space between each duo of lines but that probably isn't an actual standard, just something that comes to my mind when I think of a couplet. The extra bit was also interesting but a nice element to provide since the reader has the option to read those details. It is a nice use of the drop-note feature.


Favorite Part:
Gratitude surrounds me like a shawl

This is just a pleasant line and visual. It's a great start to the poem and gave me something to imagine. Made me sort of wish I had a shawl right now in fact. Even with the metaphorical elements since the focus is on gratitude there is much more involved and yet this is just a single line.


Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the contest that you entered with this particular poem. Keep Writing!



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Review of A Donkey's Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Cheri Annemos Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title is quite important in the case of this particular poem. That and the description of the poem in the small section below it help to provide enough details of what the reader should expect before they get to the actual poem. The only downside might be that without the title I wouldn't have known that we are given the point of view from a donkey. Might have been able to guess that it's an animal and consider the options based on context but it wouldn't have been as obvious without the title/item description.


Overall Thoughts:
This is a nice approach and should work well considering the contest that sparked the creation of the poem. Things look quite well on the technical side. The only thing that caught my attention from a slight stumble is the minor difference the last stanza has compared to the other two. It's not an error or anything of that nature, just having a slight difference in the number of sentences caught my attention. The first two stanzas have two sentences while the last stanza has the one so when I got to that part, my mind wanted to keep going with the same pattern of the first. It still has the pause with the comma but my mind wanted a slightly longer one with a period instead but that's just me and how I read it.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhyme at the ends of the lines are easy enough to spot but they don't stand out too much either. It's a nice balance. The only thing may be that in the second stanza the rhyme isn't as strong in comparison, but it's only really noticeable when I look at the poem specifically to consider the rhyme scheme. It's actually not something that stands out during a quick, initial read so others probably won't even notice such.


Favorite Part:
The time passes slowly
accompanied only by her sweet song.


Other Comments:
Good luck to you with the contest that you entered. Hope it goes well and you're having fun with this weekly challenge of writing and entering a contest on the site every single week.

Keep Writing.


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Review of Bliss  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings, Big Red Author Icon. I found your poem and have some thoughts to offer over the poem that you posted here on the site.


General Reaction:
The title in particular caught my attention and drew me to the poem.

I like the subject matter that comes from the title and matching end line in particular. Bliss is a concept that lends itself well to poetry. I do find, however, that while this is a very short poem, I'm left wondering if there could be more. I had a question to where this might go in relation to bliss but didn't get very far within the very short poem.

Still, was a nice, pleasant little read.


Form/Technique:
On the technical side, something you could work on is comma placement. There are some spots where you need to add a space after the comma. And a couple of the lines have the opposite problem where there is a space between the word and the comma that is after it. Just a slight edit can fix that element.

A thought of fresh desire is nothing Ill, - This line I had a struggle with in part because of the last word. With the font of the site, until I copy and pasted it to the review tool it almost looked like three l instead of ill. Is there a reason for the capital letter there? I do see the word choice is in part from the rhyme scheme but could consider other options or maybe it will help to not have the capitalization at least. Something to consider at least.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
There is a noticeable rhyme scheme within this small poem that follows an easy structure of two lines per stanza. Easy enough for any reader to see the having rhyme at the end of each line within the short stanzas without coming off as too forced. A decent job with the approach to the rhyme and rhythm of the poem with room to develop if you decide to work more on the poem in the future.


Favorite Part:
Suspense ,leading up to what may be the end,
Watching ideas break and fall and bend,

- I liked the sounds of these line in particular from the poem and how it developed around the topic of the poem. It is interesting to consider watching ideas and to have them bend or even break.



Overall, nice work with the poem. Thank you for sharing it here on WDC.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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